Want her back.....

[want her back]

So my girlfriend and I started dating at the age of 18, we have been dating nearly 6 1/2 years. We always talked about marriage and our future plans....well time went on and I didn't ask her to marry her...we both graduated from college and she was expected the question but was hurt day after day that I didn't ask her to marry...the reason I didn't ask was because we were both being selfish. We both only cared about what we each wanted...I wanted her care and love that she always gave to me, and she only wanted me to buy her a ring. I was going to buy her a ring anyways, but we both continued to be selfish, I kept my feelings inside while she cried and nagged me about a ring. Well she began to push me away, and in the process allowed herself to become friends with another guy..never before in our relationship had she ever talked to another guy but now she began to do so...

 

She told me about it, my feelings inside that I had kept inside came pouring out, I was angry, sad, hurt from the past, but the one feeling that came out that dominated my feelings was my love for her, I still had that love I always felt for her. I truly feel like we are meant for each other, but she is so mad at me that it had to come to this (her making a new friend) that she doesn't think my love is sincere. She wants a little space, I just want to go back in time so I can share with her my feelings and fix our past. We both still love each other very much and care about each other a ton. It has only been a few days since she requested her space...I wrote her a nice letter telling her how much I love her but also that I respect her requests as long as they make her happy.

 

I want more than anythign to get her back..I know she doesn't want to date others just wants some space to try to forgive herself for her actions and try to get over the fact our relationship had to come to an extreme in order for me to share my true feelings. I want to win her back..but I don't want to beg to her...I want to talk to her...but I don't feel loved by her anymore. What do I do? Do I ignore her? Do I play hard to get with her back? Do I continue to express my love to her? She claims that it is unhealthy for us to "start over" right now...but how long should I wait? How long does a girl need space? I want her to miss me, I want her to love me again, but I don't want to force it out of her and I don't want to force her to be with me. I want to let her come back to me...because I think if she leaves and comes back then I have her. What do I do, do I ignore her phone calls? Do I completely stop calling her? Should I leave town and visit my family? What makes matters worse is I'm on summer break from school, so I don't have a lot to do. I just want to know if I should stop reaching out to her? Or if I should just limit how much I reach out to her...right now I feel like I'm standing in a hole reaching out for her and she is just dumping dirt on top of me...I don't want to beg for her attention...what do I do?

[DopeStar]

Link in sig, check it out...

[sinnerboy]

hi,

 

well if she needs time give it to her. use that time away from her to think about your relationship. also use that time to concetrate on yourself, if she really loves you she'll be back. you should also have a honest talk with her if you guys are planning to get married. i think that if you really love somebody and want to spent the rest of your life with them, ring should not be an issue, but from your story it looked like that is the only thing she cared about.

 

 

good luck

[saltwatergirl]

I think it is interesting that your strong desire to be with her and make it work came about after learning about the possibility of another guy. You might want to explore that a little further.

 

In the meantime, you have expressed your feelings and your desire to get back together and make it work, which is good. I have a different perspective here. Sometimes a girl needs a guy to show a little effort and pursue a little bit, particularly if he has recently been acting all uninterested and being standoffish/noncommittal. So continue to give your attention, you have something to prove and you won't do that by sitting there doing nothing. One of 2 things will happen, she will either ask you to stop calling, or you will win her back. Both of which are better than the limbo you are in now.

 

Either way, learn from your mistakes and minimize the game playing in the future.

 

Good luck,

Salt

[want her back]

Salt -

While it is strange my love comes out after the threat of someone else, but I have always felt this way for her...I knew a while back that I needed to express myself at some point, but she kept distancing herself from me to the point it made me depressed and its hard to be glowing and share your love with someone when your depressed (being selfish). Since this incident, I am fully expressive again, and I don't see myself so concerned about some other guy, more trying to fix what I should have fixed a long time ago, and also just truly expressing my feelings for her.

 

So I have written her a couple notes, a poem, and we have talked a bit in person. She is still slightly upset at me for not being there in the past, and she is upset for herself for doing what she did. And now she is saying things to me like "Just let me miss you", and "your not giving me a chance to miss you". So at this point I'm thinking I should just wait for her...I think she knows how I feel. So I'm going to give it a weekend of not calling her, although I will answer if she calls me, and then next week if I haven't heard from her I was thinking about sending her flowers at work (something I have never done but should have in the past). What do you think? I'm trying to surprise her with things that I never did in the past just so she sees how deeply in love with her I am, and just so she knows how much she means to me. Do you think flowers in a few days to her work is a good idea?

 

In response to previous replies, I tend to agree with Salt, our relationship was one in which in time of trouble one person always "chased" after the other. I don't think playing hard to get is the right thing especially when I was the one neglecting her in the past. I am trying to chase after her, and show her how much she means, but at the same time shouldn't I repsect her request for space? She has told me that she could never get mad at me for calling her or visiting her...which makes me think I don't think she would ever tell me to stop calling her. But I do want her to miss me. She is 100% my best friend, and more than anything else I just want my best friend back!

[saltwatergirl]

Well did you send the flowers?

 

I think it would be a great idea. But it is only my opinion, since you have neglected her in the past it would say something to me if you were to show that you have realized that by doing something about it now.

 

It may or may not be what she would want, but I can't see where it would hurt, can you?

 

Salt

[want her back]

I didnt send flower still kind of in limbo.

 

I didn't contact her for about 5 days, she then called me yesterday...I invited her our for a night this weekend of fun. I told her no talks, no pouting, just her and I having fun together. She said "well talk about it later" and she was saying stuff like "I didn't know how to call you" and "I feel like I don't deserve to be calling you".

 

At the advice of her friends, when she called, I sounded upbeat, busy, and like I was doing well on my own two feet. She sounded upset on the phone, and didn't really express much feelings other than asking why I never did certain things or listened in the past.

 

I'm still torn on my next move, obviously she will call me something this week, but I'm torn as to whether I should call her or not. I have all these things I wish to say to her, but I'm trying to respect her request for space. She did thank me for that, and her friends keep telling me how much respect they have for me for not contacting her as they know how hard it really is.

 

So I'm torn. Do I pursue her to make up for neglecting in teh past, send her flowers at work, a love poem in email, or something like this? Or do I wait around for her to come back to me?

 

I see where flowers could make her day at work, and I see where it could possibly upset her as well "Why didn't you do this in the past", and perhaps some people like to maintain private lives, and if she gets flowers at work, co-workers might probe her about her personal life something she doesn't need now.

 

So I'm getting mixed thoughts, I have talked each day to either her friends, her mom, or my mom, expressing my love for her and asking what to do. Nobody says there is one right answer, some say go with your heart, others say give her space and let her come to you, and others don't have a suggestion.

 

What would you do? Send something sweet (email, note, flower, teddy bear) if so do I send it to her house, drop it off at her house, send it to her work etc.?

Or would you give her the space to let her decide for herself...but going this route she may forget how much she means to me.

 

I really just need to know what she wants.....if she wants me to leave her alone, if she wants me to prove to her my love through actions not words, or what.

[saltwatergirl]

You know her better than anyone. You should be able to think really hard, and come up with what SHE would want you to do. Because as you already know, we "shouldn't have to tell you" LOL.

 

Personally, I would be thrilled with a demonstration and your attempt to make up after realizing the error of your ways. But, you aren't dating me.

 

Salt