Time2Shine Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Hey guys. Well today friends of mine have told me that they have noticed some significant changes in my ex. My ex who used to be a kind, loving and modest person has now apparently become an arrogant, show-offish b***ch. Traits which she has assuredly gained from her non-serious w/e you want to call him. In truth hearing this made me really sad for the fact that the person I loved....may truly be gone for good. Not just in the sense of gone from my life but gone from the world. This new person is just the outer shell of my former love filled with nothing but crap. I no longer mourn my relationship but mourn the loss of a great person in my life. Its has been many months since the end of my relationship and I guess the end of the person I once knew. Since no one has seen any positive changes and only negative changes within my ex. Should I completely forget about this person for good? I mean I held on to the idea that there was a 10% chance she would come back as a better person for the relationship. Now I feel it may be 0% chance of reconciliation. I mean would I really want to go back to something worse then what I had before? Also with her having changed drastically...could she possibly change back? Seems impossible to me in truth. I feel cheated honestly. I worked so hard to make alot of positive changes in my life. I've become more responsible, hardworking and fit. I've lost 30lbs and have gotten a great job. I'm learning tango, running marathons and training for a tri-athlon. This was all in the last couple of months....why is it that all my ex has managed to do was go in reverse? why is that she has become a horrible person and sees no repercussions from it. Its almost as if she is being rewarded for becoming a worse person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twogun Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 She's obviously going through some major things in her life. AKA you should find someone better. I'm sorry for this situation, but perhaps it's to lead you in the right direction as far as a future partner. Ages? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time2Shine Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 she is 27 and im 23. Everyone has been telling me that she has become really fake. I guess I should give more info. What had transpired is that after our breakup she immediately went after a mutual friend's ex. Which everyone is now pissed at her for. So no one really talks to her or tries to be good friends with her any longer. Everyone has pretty much lost all their trust in her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Since no one has seen any positive changes and only negative changes within my ex. Should I completely forget about this person for good? I was in your spot at one point, until I found through a mutual friend that my ex was going to marry the married man she played mistress with after I left her. If that doesn't say "negative changes" I don't know what does, but bouncing back from that ain't exactly a realistic expectation. As someone else here said: "AKA move on". And enjoy the fireworks that ensue on her end. Because there WILL. BE. Fireworks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twogun Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 And remember, she's not your liability. She's a grown woman who is choosing to be that kind of person. It doesn't reflect on you. You're not responsible for playing hero to try and make her into the person she once was. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RecalX Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Simply put, she changed for the worst... would a reconcilation be in your best interest as in your perspective "she changed for the worst"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LonelyPast Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I think I understand where you're coming from. It's the thought that somebody who embodied so many positive traits in your eyes could become corrupted so quickly and throw it all away for temporary passion and self-indulgence. It's the sorrow of seeing evil triumph over good. It's a gut-wrenching, soul-hardening, faith-crushing experience. Despite your efforts to move on it incites a brooding hatred, misogyny, and distrust. It's not so much that you can't trust her anymore, but that you can't trust any women now that you've seen such an unexpected transformation... And it really really sucks. I'm sorry. Aside from the obvious (keep your distance and let her learn on her own) the only advice I can offer is to look for partners who value self-awareness. People who are willing to admit to their own faults, learn from their mistakes, and ask for help when they need it tend to be a lot more grounded and stable in their lives and relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minou Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Hold on. Everyone's pissed at her for going after someone's ex after you broke up and those are the opinions you are trusting? How objective are they? Sounds like they have already judged her. They may be showing how they feel and she may be acting a bit defensive by trying to detach and act tough, coming off as arrogant. A person really does not change that much in 2 months. A kind, loving, modest person just doesn't change so drastically that quickly unless they have been through a major, life threatening trauma. Sorry, I don't agree with any of this & I find it rather shallow to believe others this way. Maybe you want to justify being apart from her and this view is helping you let go. It's great you've made positive changes in your life, but I don't think this judgment is fair to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Time2Shine Posted June 3, 2010 Author Share Posted June 3, 2010 well...she went after this guy after only one week. The problem was that she knew how much our friend liked him and rather then ask if it were ok with her, because she still had feelings for him to which she was privy too, she just hid it from the public until weeks later when everyone found out what they were doing and they were being seen all over town. it hasn't been just 2 months. its been like 6 - 7 months since this has all transpired and rather then try to fix it with her friends, by apologizing, which she hasn't. She says that she didn't have to ask anyone for permission and admits no fault. Everyone lost their trust in her because she didn't act like a friend. She was selfish and rather than ask she didn't because she knew what the answer would have been. Also this guy was actually still hanging around me but never told me about it either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FootofGod Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 People act really stupid when they want something. I don't think she's dead to the world, but you might as well treat it that way. She's going to wake up and know who she is and look at how she got where she did and question it. She always has the choice to go forwards or backwards, and it looks like they're both happy being heartless to get with eachother. Let them be. If she was a nice, smart person, she'll see what she did and... probably have to live with the regret at this point. It's hard to get trust back with someone who would at a whim sacrifice so much, do such things without thinking or caring, and only realize the mistake later. It's like they're almost awayre, like "I know I'm going to pay for this later, but I don't care as long as I get what I want right now." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puckdog27 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Hey guys. My ex who used to be a kind, loving and modest person has now apparently become an arrogant, show-offish b***ch. Traits which she has assuredly gained from her non-serious w/e you want to call him. Traits aren't gained from others, they are within us. Others can influence our behavior, but traits are within and were always there, hers were most likely just masked. At 23, she is coming of age as an adult, and the inner traits may be rearing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewulv Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 holy ****!...........haha....this is very similar to my ex.......apparently, after she broke up with me, she started to change for the worse......lying about herself, saying she does/has things which she doesn't. basically attention/approval seeking behavior (also...everyone knows she lies, but no one will say anything to her...and she is also becoming quite annoying too apparently....). She too, is interested in another guy. Now I actually believe she started liking him while we were still together, for they work at the same place... unfortunately for her, he doesn't have any feelings for her (one of his best friends told me, saying "she is waaaayyy not his type..."). So lies, attention seeking, liking a guy who doesn't like her...add it all up, and it looks like a recipe for disaster. I honestly believe that once everything comes full circle......her life will fall apart. She'll realize that everyone who she thought was a good friend, didn't care enough to call her on her lies, the guy she now likes doesn't have any feelings for her, and hopefully........she'll then realize how much i loved her... I really believe that she is going to try to come back in the near future, but I've finally brought myself to let go. I've stopped checking her facebook and stuff like that...I've given up the hope of getting back together. Everything. I've started to move on for real. It has sort of happened to me before. Girl leaves for someone "better", comes back months later, begging/crying saying it was "the biggest mistake of their life", only to find I have lost all feelings for her. I found it odd at times.....how similar these two girls were too.... So if history really does repeat itself.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GenoGeno Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Sounds like my ex, she was the most loving, caring person I had ever met in my life and turned into a cold hearted Biiiiiiiii tch. Ain't losing much now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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