Deleting ex's best friend today from FB...need advice on how to do it respectfully

[Live-N-Learn]

Chiming in because I can't believe this went to 5 whole pages.

 

When my ex broke up with me, he immediately defriended me and all my friends. The thing is, NOT one person was offended. In fact, it was sort of expected without the need for any explanation. One of my friends messaged me on FB and said, "Looks like I'm a casualty of you guys' breakup, because he defriended me too! LOL".

 

Sorry, but Tina's first response was weird. I took it as common knowledge that when a breakup occurs and exes start defriending each other, it naturally follows that some mutual friends will defriended as well. I guess it all depends on the maturity of some people.

 

LOL, yeah I don't know how it went 5 pages either. I hear ya bout Tina, what's the big deal! I woild expect to be deleted if I was in her spot. She overreacated. Funny thing is that she is 42 years old and shoud know how it works. I was just trying to show respect.

 

Whatever, not my issue how she recieves it.

[uj2004]

Definitely would not have contacted her, and to get to the stage of working out different ways of telling her, and asking for advice on each, you know you need to fix yourself up. Not to mention it will get back to your ex, and she will know you are thinking about her. Just because you deleted her and her friend, it doesn't make you look good at all - the more negative you are about an ex (particularly actions she is aware of), the less you are over them.

 

Take it from someone who feels not much better than day 1, 15 months on. Whatever you have to do, you need to get this girl out of your head. I was worried that if I didn't get over my ex reasonably quickly, that she would become ingrained in my mindset, and that I wouldn't be able to move on. That has happened. How do you move on from something you obsess over every day for more than a year?

 

Every time she contacts me, I go back to square one too. I allow it all to happen, no one's fault but mine.

 

Don't become me. Get yourself off here for a few months, and do whatever it is you need to do to get her off your mind. The longer it takes, the harder it's gonna be to climb back up from hell.

[Live-N-Learn]

Your really scaring the crap out of me! Everything you are saying is hitting home with me. Now I feel like total dirt for reaching out and deleting both of them and letting them know I am still effected by her. She will probobly hate me since it took me 4 months after the breakup and 7 weeks into NC to delete them.

 

I probobly look pathetic now for deleting them. I now feel like I am back at square one.

 

Maybe I do need to get off this site for a few months and try to heal.

[uj2004]

Dont be harsh on yourself mate, not my intention at all.

 

Yes, you probably are at square one, because in some ways deleting them is a public procedure, she knows you did it, and you told the friend you did it to her.

 

Don't lose faith, you have made it 7 weeks without her. No calls, emails, no seeing her. You are making progress in the physical sense of not being around her. That's good.

 

Can I put it this way... when I eventually did go and see my ex in January, after being in NC in terms of seeing her since mid February 2009, I had no feelings for her at all. I spent nearly 50 mins with the girl and felt NOTHING.

 

So just like me, while you may feel like you are not healing whilst still thinking of them, you are. But yes, we both need to dig deep to let the person out of our thoughts.

 

PS. Don't ever feel weak or bad for loving someone; the person who left is the one who should feel that way.

[Live-N-Learn]

Can I put it this way... when I eventually did go and see my ex in January, after being in NC in terms of seeing her since mid February 2009, I had no feelings for her at all. I spent nearly 50 mins with the girl and felt NOTHING.

 

So just like me, while you may feel like you are not healing whilst still thinking of them, you are. But yes, we both need to dig deep to let the person out of our thoughts.

 

How did you get to the point where you felt nothing? How did you stop obsessing about someone that you obviously had deep feelings for?

 

I really am trying to let go. Many people on this site told me I needed to delete her because her updates were killing me and I could not stop from looking at them at least once every few days. They said it was slowing my progress and healing knowing what was going on in her life. I agreed and finally pulled the trigger for myserf not to make a point or send any message to her. Same with her friend, my ex comments on her status all the time and I did not want to see those ever again.

 

Additionally, I deleted every text, voicemail, email, picture that I had of her. I put some stuff in a box in the closet and out of site. I was told this is what you need to do to move on. I hope I did the right thing. I think I did.

[uj2004]

Never stopped obsessing, but only the memories. I never cared for what she was up to in present day. Sadly, when she sent the facebook request last week, I got to find out about everything she had been up to. It was not too bad actually, they don't seem to be a very loving couple like her and I were.

 

You saw and commented on my threads last week; I was pretty excited at the thought of what her contact meant, and it was the first time since we went NC in March '09 that the contact was sustained, and not one off.

 

Then she disappeared again, just like that.

 

So I know where you are, because in a very small way I am back there. Heck, I have had more recent contact with me ex than you.

 

Here is the key. If you can, delete any possible way she has of ever contacting you again. Delete your email account if possible, change your phone number, all of it. I still won't delete my email address she knows, even though its with a provider and I can do it with a click.

 

I gave her my phone number in January, and so that's how she contacted me 2 weeks ago. If I were smart, that number would die today. I am not strong enough to cut all ways of her contacting me, and every time I swear she won't contact me ever again, I am proved wrong.

 

If your ex ever does contact you, its likely to hurt. It never comes to anything good, I have done the 2nd go round with my ex, and it ended within 2 months.

 

To really let go, probably need to look at us and them in the broader sense. They are nothing. Really, they are skin and bones, like about 3 billion other women. As are we, like 3 billion other men. They are a mere memory, and a painful one at that, in the totality of their existence in our lives. They need to stay a memory, not a present day thought.

 

I still go past places and it reminds me of her. I still have memories come to mind that I didn't ask for, they just come to me. I don't know how to get rid of that.

 

The only thing that has worked so far, was a new girl. It sadly lasted a week and she thought I was coming on too strong, so make sure you don't make that error with the next one, its easy to do when you are coming off a break up. But for the 3 weeks that girl was in the picture (2 after the final date), I didn't think of my ex.

 

I am certain I am over her as soon as someone comes along, I just cant find the next one. I think total healing requires a new love, and if you have spent enough time alone, thinking about your ex still does not mean you are not ready to take the final step.

[uncomfynumb]

Scott,

 

Don't beat yourself up, it's done. And don't worry about what anyone thinks, you don't know what they think just keep focusing and use thought stopping when you start analyzing things.

[Live-N-Learn]

Scott,

 

Don't beat yourself up, it's done. And don't worry about what anyone thinks, you don't know what they think just keep focusing and use thought stopping when you start analyzing things.

 

Yeah, I'm doing OK now. Truthfully I knew that deleting them would bring up some emotions but I felt that in the long run this was the best thing to do since her updates were not helping me heal. You are also correct that I do not have any idea what reason they will associate with why I deleted them. I wish I would have done it right away after the breakup but I did not. It took me 4 months and we were on good terms when I went NC. So I guess that has probobly changed as well. I hope I do not run into her it may now be really uncomfortable.

 

1. care too much too see her life

2. don't care about her at all

3. have a new girl and don't want them to see it

4. mad at her or don't like her

5. moved on

 

I now need to stop thinking about it and start practicing thought stopping as you have suggested. It sucks that I care too much still and wonder how the ex will take me deleting her.

[Live-N-Learn]

I can't believe how much I want to now send my ex an email letting her know why I deleted her and her friend! This sucks. Here is what I want to say. I really am sorry that I can not let this go out of my head yet. Please don't get frustrated with me.

 

"Hey ex I don't know if you noticed yet, but I deleted you and Tina from FB. I do not want you to think I am being insensitive or mean, it’s just something I needed to do to move on. I wish you the best"

 

Is this really so bad to send? Won't she think and respect me more if I do it verses just leaving it as it is now? I deleted her yesterday and her friend today.

[annie24]

i wouldn't send it to your ex as it is none of her business.

[Live-N-Learn]

I will not send anything to my ex and I will try to stop caring what she thinks. The truth is she dumped me, strung me along for 3 months psuedo dating post break up and continued to lie to me about why she really broke up with me. She tore my heart open with all her mixed signals, going out with me dancing , driinking , kissing and so forth.

 

I will never forget the last weekend we were together before going NC 7 weeks ago. She went out with me both Friday and Saturday night dancing , making out and treating me like her bf the whole night then not coming home with me. Then we went to the zoo Monday and she friendzoned me, wouldn't even hold my hand and did not even try to explain why she was being so distant. It killed me and I have not talked to her since.

 

I should really be angry with her and want nothing to do with her. Why do I still care? What is wrong with me? I am sure she thinks I am pissed off at her and that is why I deleted her and her friend. O well, I should be. It just may look pathetic in her eyes since I did not do it until week 7 of NC. Who knows. Man I need to stop caring.

[FootofGod]

I only left a message for my ex's mom because she loved me and we were on good terms. Just simply saying "please don't take this the wrong way, I just need to distance myself from this and that unfortunately includes family and friends. And social network sites are awful for breakups."

 

She said she understood and told me to keep in contact from time to time. Don't have much intention - what's the point? I like her mom and she likes me, but I think that's weird for an ex to be still talking to their mom and going NC on me. Maybe they'll both miss me some day and she'll be slapping her daughter in the head for letting the one satisfactory man in her life go (her words, not mine. Okay, mine, too).

[Live-N-Learn]

I only left a message for my ex's mom because she loved me and we were on good terms. Just simply saying "please don't take this the wrong way, I just need to distance myself from this and that unfortunately includes family and friends. And social network sites are awful for breakups."

 

She said she understood and told me to keep in contact from time to time. Don't have much intention - what's the point? I like her mom and she likes me, but I think that's weird for an ex to be still talking to their mom and going NC on me. Maybe they'll both miss me some day and she'll be slapping her daughter in the head for letting the one satisfactory man in her life go (her words, not mine. Okay, mine, too).

 

I hear ya, I hate social networking sites now! I felt that my ex's friend and I were also on good terms and wanted to be respectful. Not really sure how she took it... doesn't really matter at this point at least I did what I felt was right in my heart.

 

As for the ex, I needed to delete her even if it was so long after the bu. It was stopping my ability to heal. Now I need to let it be done and move on. It really does not matter any longer what either of them think of me. It will not change anything.

 

I obviously still care too much about how my ex feels about me. If she can not understand why I deleted her than she really is a piece of work. She should totally understand.

[lady_deer]

I can't believe how much I want to now send my ex an email letting her know why I deleted her and her friend! This sucks. Here is what I want to say. I really am sorry that I can not let this go out of my head yet. Please don't get frustrated with me.

 

"Hey ex I don't know if you noticed yet, but I deleted you and Tina from FB. I do not want you to think I am being insensitive or mean, it’s just something I needed to do to move on. I wish you the best"

 

Is this really so bad to send? Won't she think and respect me more if I do it verses just leaving it as it is now? I deleted her yesterday and her friend today.

 

 

Firstly, regarding your earlier post where you mentioned looking pathetic to them because you took the time to be considerate of her friend. I disagree. Is this about how you look to her or about doing what you need to do to move on while still being mature about your actions.

 

While it is true that you do not owe them explanations because it should be obvious why you did what you did, I see nothing wrong with what you did for her friend. In fact, I commend you. Even if she might think its weird which I sincerely doubt she does unless she lives in a bubble and is completely unaware of what transpired between you and your ex.

 

Regarding sending a message to your ex I dont think that is necessary at all. While her friend might be clueless Im sure she will know exactly why. You do what you have to do to heal. No explanations needed.

[Live-N-Learn]

Ya know what is kinda cool is that through this process over the last couple of days of deleting my ex and her friend I have come to a new realization. Maybe even a breakthrough!

 

I am actually only have feelings of anger, disgust and revolt for me ex as I think of all the things she did to me the past 4 months. She really is not a friend at all or a person that I want to talk to. I am starting to feel as if she really does not deserve me and I want nothinig to do with her.

 

If she walked up to me right now I would not smile. I would ask her what she wants in not so friendly tone. No matter what she said the next words out of my mouth would clearly be You Are Not My Friend... If she continued to try to interact I would either dismiss myself or tell her if she wanted to confess and apologise for everything that happened, then maybe we can talk. If not, please go away.

 

Is anger the next step in the healing process to indiffernce? I hope I am making progress and this is not a step in the wrong direction.

 

I can tell you the way I am feeling right now, feels a lot better than pining after her wanting her back. Maybe I am finally seeing the situation for what it really is and it pisses me off the way she treated me post breakup...

[Live-N-Learn]

Lady, thank you sooooo much for your words. You really helped me feel better tonight. I feel exactly as you have written. I feel damn good about myself for doing what was right and beiing mature at the same time. If you read my post above I believe this whole experience has helped me reach the next level of healing, and that is awesome!!!! I am not hurting for the first time in 4 months!!!! I hope it lasts...

[Live-N-Learn]

The ex text me last night at 10:30pm, it's not a drunk text and here is what she said.

 

ex: I know I am not supposed to text you but I am just very concerned about you. Are you OK?

 

Funny how this works. I have a breakthrough yesterday and the same day she text me! I'm pretty sure this is in response to me deleting her from FB Tuesday.

 

I have been NC 7 weeks and she broke it on week 3 with the drunk text telling me she f..king misses me, then had her friend send me a text telling me she only meant she missed hanging out with me and having fun. Now this one 30 days later.

 

I assume I do not respond and realize this is about her not me. She really doesn't care about me. She has broken my heart for the past 4 months and now for the first time since the bu she is reaching out to tell me she is concerned that I am OK? I'm not buying it.

[uncomfynumb]

I assume I do not respond and realize this is about her not me. She really doesn't care about me. She has broken my heart for the past 4 months and now for the first time since the bu she is reaching out to tell me she is concerned that I am OK? I'm not buying it.

 

Don't buy it. She is concerned that you might actually not be somewhere pining away for her, that you are moving on to a better woman that won't lie to you or try and deceive you.

 

Want to do something really powerful? Block her number from your phone.

[uncomfynumb]

Have you blocked her yet?

BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER!

 

I triple dog dare you!

[Live-N-Learn]

Have you blocked her yet?

BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER! BLOCK HER!

 

I triple dog dare you!

 

How do I block someone on my phone? I have a blackberry. Already deleted and blocked her and her friend on FB

[uncomfynumb]

How do I block someone on my phone? I have a blackberry. Already deleted and blocked her and her friend on FB

 

Call your phone carrier or log on your web to see how to do it.

[hater13]

i doubt she'd care if you deleted her, to tell the truth

[Etoile]

i doubt she'd care if you deleted her, to tell the truth

 

She may care or she may not but if Scott blocks her he will never receive anymore of her texts/calls. He will never have to worry or concern himself with what she is thinking. Ignorance is bliss!

[uncomfynumb]

She may care or she may not but if Scott blocks her he will never receive anymore of her texts/calls. He will never have to worry or concern himself with what she is thinking. Ignorance is bliss!

 

Exactly. Whether she cares or not is irrelevant.

[abigheart]

Kinda relevant question but would it be bad to ask my closest best friends (about 6 of em) to delete my ex? They haven't yet, and of course, I haven't either but I've been contemplating deactivating my facebook...and I don't want him to see pictures of me if my friends upload any.