diamond78 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Digger11- you're right, he has lied and I feel completely betrayed, I spose it all boils down to the fact that I don't know if I can confront him because i'm scared of what he will say. Sometimes people rather live in a lie than face the truth... but guess what? even after hearing the truth, you may suffer for awhile but you will survive through it all. I have suffered far worse than you with a man that I love and I survived. At the time, I thought I wouldn't...but I did. The human body can sustain far more trauma than we realize. It is built to survive. You are not strong now because you don't believe you are a strong person. Now is the perfect time to believe you are a strong woman. You will have to be strong...not for him or for your relationship, but for yourself. Sometimes we don't realize our own strength...You said you came out of 7 years of depression, so the strength is there. Use it. A truly good man respects a woman who stands up for herself...You have a right to feel what you're feeling and to confront this situation and hold him accountable for his actions. I have faith that you will, now you just have to have faith in yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tate Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 At the moment yes I really am afraid of him not being with me, I fell like I'm losing it even before anything has been brought up with him. I literally feel like I a going to lose control and I've tried so hard o change my life around so I never went back to how I was before. I am scared I will go back to hurting myself and feeling so low that nothing mattered. I spose that because I have come off my tablets, stopped smoking, pretty much stopped drinking, I feel like I have no safety net, I don't know what I will do if I don't have him. I really am sorry that you are all having to keep pounding this into me, and I wish I could be strong enough to tell him where to go, but I want to hear him out, just incase there is the smallest chance that I'm wrong. Or maybe it is that I want to see if I can deal with it if it was just a couple of emails and that nothing will ever come of it. I do deserve to have a man love me completely, because I give myself completely to him, but I spose we all harbour little thoughts about exes. I know I'm really trying to justify all this, but I don't know how else to cope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence44 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Tate, what you did was bad, yes, but you have to forgive yourself for it. Do not let him make this about your snooping. Apologize for it, but let it go after that. Getting you to feel awful about that will probably be his defense tactic. Don't fall for it. Don't let him make it all about you. I think the fact that he changed his password since you spoke with him tells us all that he knows he's guilty. What he did was very wrong and very disrespectful to you and to your relationship. Honestly, I think you should just break up with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cadence44 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 just incase there is the smallest chance that I'm wrong. Tate, I know that you're panicking right now, but I don't understand how you can be wrong in this situation. It was right there, in black and white. I'd hate for you to buy his lame explanations and end up eventually getting left by him. You are worth so much more than this. Your safety net is you. This guy is not your life, but it seems that you've given that importance to him over time. He isn't your life, you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tate Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 i really appreciate all of you helping me out. I need to think long and hard about this, I know what I am supposed to do in order to be a healthy strong woman, but i need a bit of time to try and sort all of this out in my head. i can't just finish this. Is there anyway I can save this thread so I can look back on it does anyone know? I don't want to lose all the important comments, and i don't have a printer...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightLily Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Your post above is exactly why you need to end it. My ex serisouly did everything he could to keep me in his mess and I lost weight rapidly during it and kept having to hear new versions of the truth and more lies. I kept get broken down more and more and more until he, like a coward, told me some new truths (that were lies) over a webcam and I swallowed 4 sleeping pills because I was so distressed I couldn't even cope. He then watched me vomit in my sleep and guess what... kept lying! He KEPT dragging me through the mud and I eventually got really confused what was up and down. If you want to keep your sanity you need to get away from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 You need to go for a walk, or a run, or something physical. You need to find some place to volunteer at, so you can help people and help yourself learn to like yourself. You need to set some boundaries on what you'll accept from a man; give him ONE chance - tell him you know he's been contacting his ex, and you'll give him this one chance to come clean and commit to you, or else you'll move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightLily Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 No don't even give him one chance. Sorry but I know your type (takes one to know one), and one chance is going to turn into ten. He has proven multiple times now you shouldn't trust him because he is not trustworthy. You already gave him his chance. He blew it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tate Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 Thankyou, all of you. i've saved some bits of this thread and I hope I do the right thing. Knowing you are all behind me helps alot. I hope to speak to you soon with good news.xxxxxxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
diamond78 Posted June 2, 2010 Share Posted June 2, 2010 Thankyou, all of you. i've saved some bits of this thread and I hope I do the right thing. Knowing you are all behind me helps alot. I hope to speak to you soon with good news.xxxxxxx Good Luck tate! Oh, if you click on "User CP" you will see that you are automatically subscribed to this thread and you can easily see if someone new has posted on it because it will appear right under where it says "New Subscribed Threads" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tate Posted June 2, 2010 Author Share Posted June 2, 2010 Thankyou Diamond, I will.xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
digger11 Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 don't forget to update us love! all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 I just wanted to add my experience. I stayed with this type of guy for three years. He was contacting exes and telling random girls loving things but would always deny it, even when I presented evidence. He would just look at me blankly and I finally just became crazy. Honestly. Crazy. I couldn't tell what was lie and what was truth because I wanted to trust him. I lived in total misery for a couple years when I should have grown a pair and told him where to stick his never ending line of trashy myspace girls. Don't go through this for him or any other man. You're smart. You know what is right. I wish you luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
honexx Posted June 3, 2010 Share Posted June 3, 2010 Its blessing in disguise that you found something that you know its a cheat act behinD your back. You better confront you bf and talk about this. If i am in your situation, I will really upset me and my trust is already broken into pieces Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arcadefire Posted June 4, 2010 Share Posted June 4, 2010 Please do not feel guilty for "breaking his trust". If he hadn't broken your trust in the first place, time and time again, sending such hurtful messages to his ex behind your back... I wonder which is the worse crime committed? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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