my boyfriend is TOO fair!

[Cognitive_Canine]

I agree with your boyfriend that men and women should be completely equal.

 

But, anyone hell bent on equality is rather unattractive.

 

Example = My boyfriend and I went out to eat last week and it was pouring raining. I drove, I paid for my food, I made the reservation for the restaurant. Did I bring any of this up as a 'look at how equal we are!" show? No, I didn't. But, on the way out, my boyfriend suggested that he run for the car and drive it up. It was a great and little gesture that meant a lot to me. I wasn't assuming he would do this for me, he just decided all on his own. He didn't do it because he was a man, he did it to be nice. And, frankly, doing things like this makes him feel better about himself too.

 

If he had scoffed at the idea of doing this, that would be unattractive. If a woman assumes that things are 'a man's job' and that a woman should be treated special, that's unattractive.

 

Earlier this week, I bought him a small gift to help him with his job. He didn't ask. He suggested he needed it and I got it for him out of the blue.

 

We don't do these things because of gender roles but because we are partners. If a partner objected to doing me favours or going out of their way to make me special because it's 'old fashioned', I'd be majorly turned off.

 

I'm not saying the OP's boyfriend is doing that but he may be. Freaking out because women in engineering school got special help made me think that he might be a little too concerned about equality.

[aloevera]

I agree guys, great points and great advice, it i'll take it all in consideration!

[Gilroy]

If he had scoffed at the idea of doing this, that would be unattractive. If a woman assumes that things are 'a man's job' and that a woman should be treated special, that's unattractive.

 

I agree with this 100%

 

Great post Cognitive_Canine!

[Maverick44]

I was trying to find a way to say essentially the same thing. I think you hit it right on the head.

 

Maverick

[geekgirl4]

Cognitive_Canine is right. And I also think your boyfriend is a bit too preoccupied with equality. The whole cake thing was weird too. I would have just shared it with my partner, rather than splitting it in half or in equal proportions according to body size. Or if I thought my partner would enjoy it more than me, I would just tell him to eat the whole darn thing.

[Cognitive_Canine]

My boyfriend eats most of my food anyway. Splitting cake according to body size is really nickel and dime-ing it. Were you rationing to the food by metabolism because you were stranded out in the wilderness?

 

In my opinion half should be "close enough" and trusting that what you give and what you receive in a relationship will all even out in the end without having to keep track of the score.

[Scott12]

My boyfriend eats most of my food anyway. Splitting cake according to body size is really nickel and dime-ing it. Were you rationing to the food by metabolism because you were stranded out in the wilderness?

 

In my opinion half should be "close enough" and trusting that what you give and what you receive in a relationship will all even out in the end without having to keep track of the score.

 

I'm glad you pointed that out because I think it got looked over in everyone's rush to stamp out the flames of chauvanism. Her boyfriend's behavior, especially with the cake, is rather odd. Not to mention his comment about the engineering scholarship. It isn't as if she took his place. OP, take the advice you were given, but keep an eye on him too.

 

Scott

[Unknown1607307972]

Take it out of the "men vs. women" arena and speak in terms of "Me and you".

I feel special when...

I fee valued when...

I would love it if you (took me to dinner more often/planned special things for us)

It's not about men and women...it's about how you feel in the relationship and how you'd like to be treated so that you're more likely to stick around longer!

 

I completley agree. I love to be made to feel special, and in return I do what I can to make my boyfriend feel special too. Guys need love just as much as girls do. I think the OP's boyfriend should show some gestures of affection, and then she should of course show them back to him so it's fair both ways.

 

My boyfriend and I do things to make eachother happy. He looks after me, makes me feel special and makes me feel safe. In return, I do the same for him. He may be the more romantic one out of the two of us, but it still matters for me to show I care too in various ways.

 

However there are flickrs of chauvanism in the OP's boyfriend's behaviour. I don't expect special treatment as a girl but for a guy to take more food "because I am a man and I eat more" would majorly get to me.

[Cognitive_Canine]

OP, I was thinking about your issue this morning (I'm creepy like that) and I realized that I completely overlooked something....

 

You changed colleges and programs because of what your boyfriend said? Or am I reading that wrong?

[Kumatora]

And as for the sex part, I can't have sex before marriage because my religion says if I do I will burn in the fiery pitts of hell.

Well... damn, I'm guess I'm going there because I gave my virginity up to a man who proposed to me before going to fight in Iraq... and later we didn't end up marrying. *#&$, I'm screwed for life according to religion.

 

I'm not encouraging you to give it up, but I think abstinence for religious purposes ONLY is just foolish. You should wait for sex for the right reasons.

 

Sorry for being off topic.