PoopyBear Posted May 25, 2010 Author Share Posted May 25, 2010 So you messaged him, and you txtd him and now you might call him?!..I don't think you should, I think you should now leave it up to him. He may have been stressed and busy but he was online and could've easily sent a quick msg back to say he couldn't make it, or called - doesn't take a minute really. I did call him he said he went home after the friends last night, lay down and fell asleep. He said he didn't see my message online because he turned the computer off at the wall at 2am. He didn't get my text yet because he said he had just walked in from work and hadn't even looked at his personal phone yet. I'm working a long shift tomorrow and he said, "I will call you tomorrow afternoon and see where you're at, we'll probably catch up tomorrow evening". I wonder why I'm not expecting him to call?? And I promise I will not call him again if he doesn't call me tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orchidrose Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 You need to stop hounding him with calls and texts. I understand being concerned or upset because you didn't hear from him, but your behavior is only going to push him away. It sounds like he really is busy and he needs his own time to get things done. Let him have that time. Let him miss you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bar35 Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Gotta go with AnEff here. Lay back, lay way back. I have a friend who freaks out on people when they don't behave as she hopes and it is sounding like you are really revving yourself up. For me it is like going through withdrawal when I don't hear from the person who I am interested in, I only share that because I suspect that is what it is like for you. Panic that we are not going to get our fix from that person. Breathe girl, breathe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 He's not busy, he's just not interested. And this is not your issue, as you call it. so don't beat yourself up. He came on very strong to you in the beginning and gave you reason to think he was interested. You were not overly-clingy (at first). With a man who really cared, you wouldn't be feeling this way. 1 minute. That's how long it wouldn've taken him to shoot you an email or IM when you saw him on-line (after he was supposed to call you). It's been what....2 days? Run, don't walk....from this guy. He will only hurt you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 These stories are so predictable. Guy stands girl up. Girl grovels. Guy doesn't care. Yup...^^^^^^^^^ or girl makes excuses for guy that he is "just busy". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinziGirl Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 I did call him he said he went home after the friends last night, lay down and fell asleep. He said he didn't see my message online because he turned the computer off at the wall at 2am. He didn't get my text yet because he said he had just walked in from work and hadn't even looked at his personal phone yet. I'm working a long shift tomorrow and he said, "I will call you tomorrow afternoon and see where you're at, we'll probably catch up tomorrow evening". I wonder why I'm not expecting him to call?? And I promise I will not call him again if he doesn't call me tomorrow. The guy is not interested in you as a girlfriend. Maybe he is only interested in you as a friend. Here is how it would look like if he is indeed interested in you: He will keep checking his phone, emails, IM, ...etc... to see if you have left a message or if you have called. You would do the same to with someone whom you are interested, yes? So what made you think he is a different human being when he is interested in you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpottiOtti Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 I have to agree with effigy and bar35 here - definitely don't contact him again. If he is really busy and has a good excuse for his behavior (which I sort of think is unlikely), you are making him feel hounded and there is nothing more annoying when you've got stuff going on. If he isn't that into you for whatever reason, you're telling him with your behavior that if he wants to keep you on the side in case he doesn't find someone else, that would be okay with you. By continuing to contact him you send him the signal that you are okay with his behavior. And you're not, so don't put up with it. I know dating sucks and it's so discouraging when you think someone is going to pan out and then they don't, but it really has only been four dates. Chalk it up to experience and move on. And do yourself a favor and don't wonder why he said this and did that, etc. You'll drive yourself crazy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 I agree with spotti and ane and bar. Either he is genuinely busy or he is uninterested. Either way I would back off and let him contact you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Let us know if he follows through. I agree with the other posters. He doesn't sound interested and it's not your fault or your problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MsBliss Posted May 25, 2010 Share Posted May 25, 2010 Guuuuh!!! I JUST got done with a situation like this!! out of experience - you sure he's not "diddling" someone else?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 After only 4 dates i think it is entirely possible he is dating others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoopyBear Posted May 26, 2010 Author Share Posted May 26, 2010 He said he hasn't dated for at least a year or more because he's so busy with work. I just got home from work and he hasn't rang yet, he will still be at work. However much I want him to call, I'm not expecting to hear from him this evening. I won't call him again, I can't to me it's just dumb to call him anymore. I don't think he's that interested either. There was a guy I met for one date who called me everyday afterwards for over a week, I didn't call him at all because I wasn't interested in him at all. I DO think about how I act when I'm interested and when I'm not interested, I guess it's just harder to cope with it when someone is doing it to you right? I will let you guys know if he calls and what happens next.. although we all know what is going to happen right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoopyBear Posted May 26, 2010 Author Share Posted May 26, 2010 No phone call.... At least I expected it this time.. Doesn't make me feel any better. I feel like banging my head against the wall.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 No phone call.... At least I expected it this time.. Doesn't make me feel any better. I feel like banging my head against the wall.. I really don't think this was your fault. It happens, doesn't mean you did anything wrong - after all, you wouldn't have felt the need to contact him had he called like he said he was going to. I would have taken his "haven't dated for a year because I was busy" comment as a red flag, anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoopyBear Posted May 26, 2010 Author Share Posted May 26, 2010 The worst part of all this is the fact that he's starting work this weekend for the same org I work for. It's operated by a close friend of mine. I mean for goodness sake! If he doesn't like me in that way, don't be a freakin ass about it. We could walk away as friends. There may be times we will have to work together whats going to happen then? The not dating for a year didn't bother me because while I was studying I didn't date, I was too busy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted May 26, 2010 Share Posted May 26, 2010 We could walk away as friends. There may be times we will have to work together whats going to happen then? If you want to walk away as friends, then when you see him at work, be friendly, cordial and professional. Take the lead and be his friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoopyBear Posted May 26, 2010 Author Share Posted May 26, 2010 I want to call him right now and say, "Hey, if you're not interested just say so and stop being an ass!" Last Friday we were chatting about stuff and sex came into the conversation, I said, "I'm not comfortable chatting about that at the moment", he said, "What? Are we 15?". Now he's acting like a 15 year old!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
savignon Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 I want to call him right now and say, "Hey, if you're not interested just say so and stop being an ass!" This is so interesting b/c my girlfriend and I talk about this all the time. She would prefer to hear from a guy that he's not interested while I feel that if a guy called me a week later to say "hey, by the way I'm not interested", I would be like, "you don't think I'm smart enough to have figured that out by you not calling me??" She prefers to hear from them and wants them to man-up in that respect as you suggest. Maybe he thinks more like myself and is like, "She'll figure it out...I don't have to rub it in" I feel like it's almost mean to get in touch with a new love interest just to reject them ...maybe he feels the same and is trying to be kind. Just another perspective. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He couldn't be all that bad if you liked him, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoopyBear Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 He's not a bad person, it shows in the job he does, his actions and how he speaks. And I do believe he's being honest when he says he hasn't been in a relationship etc. And I don't believe he is seeing other people. I do have the tendency to blame myself, was it something I did or said? Was it the way I acted? I do like to know where they are at, like to be told so there is an ending. I don't like the limbo of having to figure it out for myself. What if he is just busy and I think it's over? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 I also don't think he needs to call you and 'break up' with you after 4 dates. I don't think he is being immature, just probably not so interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoopyBear Posted May 27, 2010 Author Share Posted May 27, 2010 yeah thats a fair comment Annie24. I guess only I know what was said and done in those 4 dates and are comments I choose not to put in a thread for everyone to read. He didn't feel like calling me and he didn't call so I'm just going to call him because I feel like it. I can't see what the difference is. If he was just a new friend I'd met, I'd call if I wanted to without all this nonsense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted May 27, 2010 Share Posted May 27, 2010 What about you pride? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PoopyBear Posted May 28, 2010 Author Share Posted May 28, 2010 I guess I'm wasn't thinking about pride. I wanted to hear from him and tried to get his attention by being annoying and calling him. Although IF he liked me enough, the phone calls wouldnt have been a problem. I'm still thinking maybe I was too hasty, maybe he was in a meeting. However if that were the case and he didn't want it to end he had the power to call or text me and he hasn't. Then I started thinking, I ended it in the text I sent so why would he call? Omg I drive myself mad with these thoughts! Ultimately I know I will not hear or see him again because if he was interested, even slightly, I'd have heard from him by now. Thanks Batya! I do take some of this on board! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamt Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 He's just not that into you. Focus your efforts and thoughts on yourself and doing things you enjoy. Someone else will come along when you least expect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
obs Posted May 28, 2010 Share Posted May 28, 2010 Pretty much every woman I've stopped seeing after a few dates has done this exact same thing (breaking communication). I really don't understand the need of a break up call if you were only dating. Seems like you're just being confrontational and creating drama for no reason at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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