Grieving over childhood pets

[Double J]

My sister and her husband left her cat with my mom and I before leaving town for a cruise two days ago. For some reason, I found myself getting sad/nostalgic this morning. My cat of 11 years disappeared unexpectedly in December 2008, and my eldest cat was found dead of natural causes in spring of 2005.

 

I have been tasked with feeding the cat, tending to his litter box, etc. Perhaps I am remembering what it feels like to care for a cat -- the feeling that comes with knowing he/she is waiting for you to get home. My mom and I have been feeding a couple of strays that linger outside our home for years now; we've grown attached to them, but not at the level we would a cat we can call our own. My mom doesn't want them inside the house (health reasons, new furniture, etc.)

 

I am also nostalgic over other cats that wandered the neighborhood throughout my childhood years, including those that belonged to my aunt, who happens to live right accross the street.

 

Is it normal to feel this way? Is it OK to sometimes wish you could go back in time? I know that life goes on and things change, but sometimes it's difficult to accept that.

[BellaDonna]

I adore cats and I have lost several over the years. At any given moment I could cry while thinking about any of them if I think too much.

 

They were all gentle and comforting presences in my life. They had their own personalities, and provided many laughs.

 

I lost 3 total. One that lived to be only 6 from heart problems, one that died at age 17, and one that died at age 20. I still miss all 3 of them dearly. Sometimes I will be having a dream and one will walk by in it, or I have a dream just about the cat. I like to think they are visiting me when that happens.

 

I currently have one cat right now, and I dread the day I lose her.

 

No matter what I always have to have a cat- even though I know it ultimately means loss. It just doesn't feel like home to me without a cat around.

[Shortpants]

I think it's perfectly normal to remember past pets and be sad. I actually had a horrible nightmare about past pets that I had to give away due to circumstances beyond my control, I figured it was my guilt over not being able to be with them for life. I lost my male cat to feline diabetes many years ago ans still get teary when thinking about him or looking at pictures. I still have his sister, she is coming up on 20 years old, and I dread the day she passes, it will tear my heart out. Humans tend to become very attached to pets, they are part of our families, we have memories involving our cats, dogs or other pets, it's only natural to feel the way you do.

[hers]

You are normal for feeling this way. Grief never fully goes away, I think, no matter if it's a parent, a pet, a neighbor, a friend. Everyone grieves in their own way for a period of time unknown to them. The best thing you can do is let yourself grieve.

 

My dog died of cancer in october. It took her very fast. It's by far the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and I'm still grieving her. She was my favorite thing in the world, the thing I loved most. A month after she died, I took care of a friend's dog (who was the same breed of mine) while he was out of town. I kept wanting to call that dog by my dog's name, and I even became a little resentful of the dog b/c she wasn't mine. I figured out it was too early for me to have a new dog in my life when I wasn't even really fully grieveing the loss of Leeluu. After my friend picked his dog up, I cried for about 2 days straight b/c I was so angry that my dog was gone.

 

It's been 7 months now, and I still miss her like she died yesterday. Sometimes I'll catch myself telling her it's time for bed, like I used to. I've even started volunteering with other animals to have some sort of pet in my life. Yesterday was my first day of volunteering and I came home a little sad b/c I couldn't take one home and b/c I miss Leeluu still so much. I miss having that pet to take care of, the one to come home to, the one who's so happy to see you that she can't hold still. I miss that so much.

 

I'm getting carried away. I do that sometimes when I start talking about her. It helps me though, so I appreciate your letting me get that out.

 

But my point is that we will always grieve and we'll always miss them. And that's ok. You just have to let yourself wehn you think you need to.

[browneyedgirl36]

I echo hersmudders' post 100%. I lost my beautiful, much-beloved kitty in September, after a very long battle with cancer. I was fortunate in that she lived a long and mostly healthy life for nearly 18 months after her diagnosis, and when she went downhill, it was very quick. I mourn her every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her at least once, sometimes several times. Sometimes, while doing the most banal of things --blow-drying my hair, washing dishes -- I will start to cry, and sometimes, even weep like my heart is breaking.

 

I still tear up when I think of my two childhood cats who died within 3 weeks of each other -- one that should have been put to sleep long before (my parents dropped the ball on that one, which still bothers me) and the other that was, tragically, hit by a car only three weeks after the first one passed. My parents' current cat, which I got for them a few months after the deaths of the other two, is nearly 19, and her time is definitely limited. I am sad just thinking about her impending death, and sometimes I tear up over that too.

 

Many people love animals and feel connected to them. For some of us, though, the connection is so strong, the love so great, that we mourn the loss of a favorite animal (even if it isn't our own pet) as if we have lost a best friend or a human loved one, and sometimes that grief is very intense and prolonged. For me, pets -- particularly cats -- are the embodiment of pure love -- unconditional, without limits, joyful, enriching. Pets love us no matter who we are, what we look like, what problems/issues we have what other people think of us. While they are alive, they are there for us always. I have said this many times before: The pets I have had in my life -- particularly my last cat -- have taught me so much about love, and what I have learned from them has enriched my relationships with my human loved ones.

 

I have finally gotten to the point where I can talk about my recently-deceased cat without crying, but sometimes, when I am alone, rivers of tears flow (I always cry when I write about her, and I am doing so now). I dream of her a few times a month (I just did last night, in fact), and in every dream, she is fat, happy, and cancer-free. I like to think these dreams are her little way of saying, "I am OK now. Don't feel sad for me anymore." But, I will, for a long time. Shortly, I will be getting another cat, and while I am excited at the prospect of a new furry friend, my recently-departed one will never be replaced.

 

In short -- what you're feeling is totally normal. You obviously love animals. That is a good thing!

[jengh]

I think what you're feeling is very normal. A lot of people form extremely deep attachments to their pets, especially those they've had growing up; the pets who were there when they started school, who were there for their first sleepover, their first kiss, graduating high school and going off to college, graduating college. I liken it to losing a best friend. Some people call me overdramatic but I love my animals more than I love a lot of PEOPLE so the loss for me is tremendous.

 

A month ago, my beautiful blue-point Siamese Minka died at age 18. I got her when I was 5 years old, she was MY cat. I took care of her, fed her, played with her, tried to bathe her for her entire life. We had a very special bond and I'm starting to cry as I write this because I miss her so very much. My mom called on a Friday and told me Minka stopped eating, she thought her kidneys might be failing but she would see what she could do. Saturday and Sunday, she was doing better and eating canned food and drinking water. Monday, 8am, I get another call. My mom told me it was time. Monday, 10am, she was gone... just like that. I was 4 hours away and couldn't make it home in time. I miss her every second of every day, I dream about her, I keep thinking I hear her, I see her out of the corner of my eye. She was definitely more than "just a cat", she was my confidant and I will love her and miss her and grieve for her forever.