Lady Rashomon Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 I've been wondering about this a lot lately, especially as I've been experiencing a lot of transitions that will most likely result in me being single after eight years of being in a serious relationship. For starters, depression is something that runs in my family, and while I've definitely blossomed as an adult, I've also found escaping from the influence of a very stifling, fear-filled childhood extremely challenging. I often place limitations on myself without realizing it, because it's an unconscious defense mechanism. The idea of having to, in some ways, start my life all over again without the support of a partner is terrifying, but it is also making me question what it takes to be a happy person and if this ordeal might give me a chance to redefine my life on my own terms. What are some of the crucial components it takes to be joyful? I don't mean that I expect to have a life that's all puppies and roses, but I also know that I have brought an unconscionable amount of needless suffering upon myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easyguy Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Surround yourself with positive, good people. Friends have had the biggest impact on my life during these past couple of years. HUGE. Birds of a feather flock together. Having something that you are passionate about that gives purpose to your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 For me it's doing something I love and that is very challenging. Having community. Making things. Being healthy in my body. I think that is all it takes to make me happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H20 Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 Someone to love. Something to be passionate about..and something to look forward to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shes2smart Posted May 12, 2010 Share Posted May 12, 2010 I've found practicing the fine art of Acceptance goes a long way. Acceptance is the simple (but not always easy) act of acknowledging what IS, and dealing with what is, as it is, in this moment --- not the way we think it should be, or want it to be, or used to be, or wish it was. This is also called "playing the hand you were dealt to the best of your abililty." Bonus points if you can embrace what IS and find the positives in it, focus on those, and move on from there. I've been dealing with chronic endogenous depression (the kind that doesn't have an outside cause, but is just there) since I was a teenager. When I've gone into a major depressive episode, I have used medication (along with therapy), but I don't take anti-depressants regularly. I've had a lot of therapy. I've seen people with similar backgrounds to mine use their "condition" as an excuse to stay miserable and stuck, but I refuse to be one of them. And I can't tell you what makes a difference between me and, say, the gal I met when I was in the hospital for eating disorders in my 20s who decided to put her energies toward getting on SSI disability instead of getting her life together. Along with the genetic tendency toward depression, I got a very healthy dose of stubbornness, and I've always kind of thought that was my salvation in a way. I refuse to let a little whacked brain chemistry and a f'd up family history beat me and suck the joy out of life, y'know? Dealing with fear...well...it's something you get better at as you do it. Particulary when it starts to dawn on you that most of the things you fear don't happen. They're 100% products of an overactive imagination. And the things you feared that did come to pass...when you look back, you realize you found a way through them. At least that's what I've noticed. I also read somewhere that on a physiological level, "fear" and "excitement" are the same. It is how we choose to interpret those biological signals that leave us exhilarated (like going up the first hill on a rollercoaster) or a cringing basket case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medtec Posted May 13, 2010 Share Posted May 13, 2010 i think most women that break up with their fiance would be depressed...but i'm truly not! i only say this because i'm happier than i was ever before. i think the key is knowing yourself and accepting everything about you. also have goals, positive people(these should be people that accept you and don't put you down). my ex always put me down and that's why i'm not upset he is not in my life anymore. i set goals for every week, whether its at work or working out. i take care of myself, look my best and try to understand others. i also have several hobbies. whenever i'm feeling discouraged or depressed i literally say 5 things i'm grateful for in my life. i think that pretty much sums it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
treeclimb Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 A couple of years ago I read a couple of books on 'living alone'. Although I'm not currently living alone, I might be in the future. I would recommend you do the same. Being single (although I suppose whether you have kids or not makes a difference, is an opportunity for self development. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Not only to love yourself but equally love others including strangers. Jesus...Mother Teresa...Ghandi...I think they were all very happy people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shhh Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 can you be strong for yourself? when i hear quotes like these, i'm inspired. i try to envision what sort of life they have, what sort of experiences they've learnt to reach this state of mind. "We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think" - Buddha "Embrace your dreams...if you want to be a hero, you need to have dreams" "I am whole, perfect, strong, powerful, loving, harmonious and happy" - Charles F. Hannel "May Beauty be before me, may Beauty be behind me, may Beauty be above me, may Beauty be below me and may Beauty.... be all around me" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sighh Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Love yourself. Be Happy about everything you have. Surround yourself with friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Rashomon Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 These are all incredibly inspiring. I think for me, there are a lot of things I can actively do to take control of my life and be happy: 1) Be physically active. 2) Spend time with friends and surround myself with positive influences. 3) Be creative. 4) Be grateful and acknowledge all the wonderful things that I do have in my life. 5) Engage in some spiritual practice, such as prayer/meditation. 6) Help other people in need. 7) Walk through my life with a smile and an aura of lightness (this really does make a huge difference). 8) Spend time by myself and take myself out for dates that would normally require another person. Thanks for all the suggestions--I'm already starting to feel a sea change! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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