Correct me if i'm wrong but.

[emma j]

well, its all over. our relationship that is. finito. Now quite sure how i'm feeling right now. it happened last night and i felt a big sense of relief but i woke up this morning to a txt confirming it all. i wil give a proper update of what happened later. Still have an exam tomorrow that i need to focus on. Now quite sure what to be doing now.

 

edit: ok so i said that i would update this to let you's know what happened.

 

i went out last night to see my brother. he was visiting the city i go to college in with his band so i went to say hi. I was only planning on staying a tiny bit but ended up staying much longer.I had a few drinks and felt this sudden rush of anger just build up in me. i am not an angry person, nor am i an aggressive person but my ex (wow ok, that felt strange) brought that not nice side of me out.

 

i think that subconsiusly what happened was provoked by me and started and instigated by me. Maybe deep down i did really want it to happen and be over with. This is how it went.

 

me don't understand at all how no matter what your just able to not talk to me. You are extremely extremely hurting me by doing this. please please don't reply becuase the anxiety of waiting for it is to much. I love you but your killing me.

 

Him nothing to say to you other than to your face

 

Me: still..... your hurting me. does that even matter.

 

me: i'm still your girlfriend who you say you love. you can't just ignore me like this.

 

me: and regardless of who you think is to blame ifnoring me just isn't on ... Now i'bve told you that what your doing is really hurting me. So please stop. Jesus even if its a simple hi.

 

him nothing to say to you. simple as. i refuse to force myself to talk to ou just cause its upsetting you. now please stop txting me. maybe now you' see just how strongly i feel about this. i will never back down or give or dance around your feelings. i'm looking at me now not us. so go away.

 

me: so go away. wow loud and clear... you have lost me for good now. you won't ever hear from me again. i'm so sorry that you have no compassion, consideratio, understanding or empathy in you that makes you so inconsiderate. i truly mean that. good bye ...

 

(then i turned my phone of for all of ten mins - i was furious at him)

 

him lets get this straight are you breaking up with me

 

him: that to me is a break up so good bye ( wow didn't take him much to be ok with it)

 

me: i'm sick of running after someone who has no shred of moral conscience. if you actually loved me you'd have sorted this by now. This is al al al your fault. from the very start. dumping me 4 hours before an exam. what kind of decent person does that to someone they love. who. then talks to them so so horrible and abusively thn doesn't even say sorry. you all for you feelings but this means your rules your termsand the hell with me. if you at the very very beginning actually took your own values to listen then you would have done the same for me and realised how wrong you took me up. my first txt has nothing to do with poxy kisses r i love yous'. but you where gone past the point of a tiny amount of understanding. You refused to look at anything else but your thoughts and i get that, your head can't let you but i'm you f-ing gf. you should take my bloody side and not constanly make me feel worthless. I am not ending this. I am not like you . . . I don't throw in the towel at every chance when i love someone. I actually think of your feelings like a fool. don't you worry when i get home well have this out. but really don't expect the outcome to go well with you the way you are. i'm truly sick of yur behaviour and your head. if you where a man and had balls you'd get help and not take it out on me. me the person who loves you the most. so so unfair. i'll let you know when i'm home. bye.

 

him relationship is very very much over. bye

 

Me it is. well your going to have to do the breaking up. cos i'm not (see here even still i haven't the guts to do it)

 

him: gladly

 

me thats it we're finished.

 

him: no. right now no. we're not. a soon as ican look into your eyes nd tell you i'm done with you den we're over. now i'm going to bed. stop talk to me please.

 

me hold on you just broke up with me then too it back so you can look at me while you do it. if thats the case don't expect me toturn up. if you say no its cos you wanna work on it. so i'd like to know.

 

me just brke up with me and you can't take it back so you can do it to my face how mean. i won't bother you again.

 

me: i'll presume that we're done. you can't take somethign like htat back cos you wanna say it to my face. maybe itsall for hte best. i love you and always will. i'll organise to get your stuff to you. bye.

 

( i realise that i go on wit my txting but he just pushes me when he just doesn't reply).

 

this morning

 

him: right look i am very sorry that your being hurt its not something i want. but we have come to an end of our reltionship. we do not and never ill work and yes i do love you and will for a very long time but its time to accept that things just aren't ever gonne be the way we want or deserve. We're both at fault for this so i'm not blaming you. i hope you can understand why i'm doing this. i have to go now. bye

 

 

So that was it. i haven't replied back to him, nor do i plan to. at the moment i'm very much angry. i've taken all of his photos and put a sissors to them and am contempletely putting a sissors to his t-shirt which i slept in. i'm so so angry tht he's made it out like, i need to do this. its not working for me and how we both deserve more. go and ........ so i wrote this out to make myself see things logically.

 

"I put up with his behaviour. I put up with him breaking up with me nearly every second week sometimes every week. I put up with his language and his verbal abuse, I put up with ex gf’s trying to contact him, I put up with being accused constanly of “other blokes like going to the gym because obviously theres someone there I wanna see, going to the library because obviously there’s someone there I wanna see, not getting a second job not making new friends because that would change things and he wanted everything to stay just the same, just how he liked it. I stopped talking to both my brother and a very very close friend for him and he HE has the check to end it stating that its not working and neither of us are getting what we deserve. No no no you must be mistaken. Your getting treated like a king. All your own way, your terms your rules your getting everything you deserve, me all I’m getting is hurt and abuse and anxiety from someone who one week wants babies with me and the next week has no motivation to want to speak to me. Your NOT my soul mate, your no the one and you certainly certainly do NOT know how to love someone properly.Now just f** off out of my life and do NOT ever contact me again in any way shape or form. I wanted to marry you and grow old with you. I’ve wasted 3 years on you and your pethic excuse, your wanting a serious relationship with me yet not wanting to meet any of my friends, not wanting to come to family occasions, not inviting me out anywhere with you and your friends and not wanting to go out with me to a flippin pub on our own cos you didn’t want to and only wud if your friends where there. Get a life"

 

so thats that. i'm gonna move to the breaking up board now and get on with my life.