Question about Eharmony...

[obs]

I've been using eharmony since earlier this year and really can't complain. I get enough matches sent to keep me busy. I've dated 5 people from there so far with a recent relationship going very well so far. You can specify an age range, among many things, and put a high priority on that to limit matches outside of it. The only real problem I could see would be living in a rural area. I live near a large city so this isn't a problem for me.

[Shallow]

I still don't trust it.

 

I'm so all over the place that I doubt they'd be able to come up with anyone who'd be into me, or vice versa.

 

However, I guess it couldn't hurt, since I very rarely meet anyone anyway . . . once a year if I'm lucky. There's even an eHarmony commercial on the tele as I'm typing. Maybe it's a sign.

[LAYAAN]

I was on EH for I guess a little more than a year or so.

1) Just like any other dating site, its about photos.

Don't forget that EH is still an online dating site and is a market, believe it or not. Men and women tend to act like kids left loose in a candy store.

 

2) When I kept my photos hidden (available only after we have shared 1st set of Qs), that is really the time I had men actually read my profile.

 

3) Geographical area plays a huge factor in getting a decent number of matches. When I was on EH, my choices of states were CA, AZ, NV. I got only 2 matches from LA area, most of the matches were from northern CA. Most of them were not willing to get to know someone in southern CA for a romantic relationship. They felt they could get choices in their own region.

 

4) Those who think that EH is one of the more serious sites, think again.

- I have had a few men on EH ask me sex-related Qs during 1st set of short answer Qs itself.

- I have also had a few men on EH tell me that they are really looking for a female friend only (without meeting me).

 

5) Those who think that EH really uses some criteria to match people, think again.

- I was matched with some women on EH and I never remember mentioning anywhere that I'm bisexual or gay.

- All Indian men that I met through EH, asked me finance-related Qs in 1st date itself. I thought that I was getting these Qs because I was fishing for love in arranged marriage market which is more accelerated, traditional, and more business-like way to getting married. I joined EH hoping to avoid this, hoping to connect with people that believed in love, respect, and companionship, and were not so much focused on how much money I made. I had a rude awakening.

- Some readers here who know a little bit about Indian culture may be able to understand this - Some Indian men on EH even asked me, "I don't believe in matching horoscopes, but my mom does, so can you send me your horoscope? I can proceed to talking with you only after horoscopes match."

It was very frustrating for me to see Indian men in the US treat a "serious dating" service like an "arranged marriage" service. In my opinion, its not appropriate to apply rules from arranged marriage route to dating route.

 

6) Reasons why I didn't renew my account.

- When I was on EH, I was more interested in going for Indian men. My experience with them was discouraging. I figured, if I'm going to get the same nonsense, I might as well stay in the "arranged marriage market" where such business-like approach is justifiable in the interest of time.

- Also, I realized something about myself during this time - I really wasn't comfortable going outside my caste to marry a man raised in India. I have my own reasons for it which I'll not share here. ENA readers are mostly non-Indian and I will need to explain a few things in detail before they get what I'm saying.

- I went on a date with only one non-Indian man through EH. But when some men asked me sex-related Qs, I realized that I would be more comfortable dating a non-Indian man through referral by a common friend or so. Then I don't need to explain my views on sex to them. Also someone else can vouch that the guy is truly single and available to date which is not possible in online dating.

[Fudgie]

did you change the age range of your desired man to the default made by eharmony? for example, if you are 24, eharmony will typically match you up with men 22-31. but you can change those preferences.

 

I believe I did. I was also very specific on guys without kids/not wanting kids too. But yet I still got matched up!

 

Like I said, I think eHarmony can work for lots of people...but if you're like me with specific preferences, you may prefer to search yourself.

[Puddincup]

I found eHarmony to be frustrating for the same reason as the OP. I haven't been on there for quite some time but as I recall, I wasn't happy with any of the matches they gave me. Also they did not pay any attention to my requirements and would send me much older guys who lives very far away from me, two things I didn't want.

 

HOWEVER, I have heard some great stories of people being matched on eHarmony so I guess it is different for everybody. But yeah, the lack of searching was frustrating to me.

[obs]

I really think you guys have your preferences messed up. I've never gotten a match outside my distance, age range, or ones that had kids in the last 5 months unless they were flexible matches (most weren't). And even then it was still pretty close.

[newwave]

I really think you guys have your preferences messed up. I've never gotten a match outside my distance, age range, or ones that had kids in the last 5 months unless they were flexible matches (most weren't). And even then it was still pretty close.

 

That sounds much better than Match. I know there I stated I wanted a never married guy without kids and the majority of the guys who responded had kids. I just don't want guys with kids contacting me because I have zero interest in dating a guy with kids, rather they are children or grown.

[Baily]

The more lines you put out there ... the more chances you get....

 

POF...good

OKCupid...good

Match...OK

Eharmony...girls I met were too serious ...wanted a ring quick and fast.

[Shallow]

OKCupid...good

 

I don't think anyone goes on dates from OKCupid. People just seem to be there to take the quizzes and such.

 

Then again, I'm easily frustrated, and only tried it for a week or two.

[newwave]

I don't think anyone goes on dates from OKCupid. People just seem to be there to take the quizzes and such.

 

Then again, I'm easily frustrated, and only tried it for a week or two.

 

I got frustrated too because it seemed ever worse than Plenty of Fish. Page after page of desperate guys looking for sex or for a partner without much to give in return.

[newwave]

The more lines you put out there ... the more chances you get....

 

POF...good

OKCupid...good

Match...OK

Eharmony...girls I met were too serious ...wanted a ring quick and fast.

 

When you say they wanted a ring fast, how fast do you mean? I understand say a year (or even 6 months) of dating. A month? no way. I know speaking from my experience, older women don't want to wait years for a guy to commit to marriage.

[Shallow]

I got frustrated too because it seemed ever worse than Plenty of Fish. Page after page of desperate guys looking for sex or for a partner without much to give in return.

I like that though, less competition for someone like me who actually might give a damn.

 

However, it never quite works out that way . . . as the women wind up going on dates with these jags anyway, then complaining later and giving up.

[annie24]

nah, i never went on a date with any of the guys on OKcupid. they didn't seem serious at all. i did however, go on the dates with the guys from eharmony or match, the guys who seemed to be interested enough to ask me on a date and asked me questions about myself.

[BriarRose]

I found EH to be the best on-line site back when I did on-line dating. The thing that is key is don't do it for more than a few weeks. There are people on there for literally years (Match, POF, etc). From what I can gather, the people that meet their SO's on line have done so within their first few weeks of joining.

 

It's not for everyone and not everyone will meet someone on-line. If you do it for more than a few weeks (2-3 months), you may get burnt out and start feeling badly about yourself.

[LAYAAN]

I found EH to be the best on-line site back when I did on-line dating. The thing that is key is don't do it for more than a few weeks. There are people on there for literally years (Match, POF, etc). From what I can gather, the people that meet their SO's on line have done so within their first few weeks of joining.

It's not for everyone and not everyone will meet someone on-line. If you do it for more than a few weeks (2-3 months), you may get burnt out and start feeling badly about yourself.

Are you serious? Its unrealistic to expect to meet someone for a long-term relationship within a quarter of a year on a dating site. Even EH suggests to be there for at least a year. I had no luck within 1st quarter. Its only when I changed my photos is when men started approaching me.

I completely get the burned out part though. Last 2 months of my stay on EH. I didn't even bother to log on. I was that tired and frustrated with the system.

[Shallow]

Are you serious? Its unrealistic to expect to meet someone for a long-term relationship within a quarter of a year on a dating site. Even EH suggests to be there for at least a year.

 

Of course they're going to tell you that, they want your money.

 

Granted, the chances of you meeting that special someone in that time (or any time frame for that matter) is slim, three months should be a good gauge on whether it's worth it to continue. Even if you got a few decent dates out of it in that time, it might be worth it, depending on how that compares to you doing on your own.

[BriarRose]

Are you serious? Its unrealistic to expect to meet someone for a long-term relationship within a quarter of a year on a dating site. Even EH suggests to be there for at least a year. I had no luck within 1st quarter. Its only when I changed my photos is when men started approaching me.

I completely get the burned out part though. Last 2 months of my stay on EH. I didn't even bother to log on. I was that tired and frustrated with the system.

Yeah, I'm serious. I did it long enough to know. And you might want to ask yourself why you think it is that EH wants you on there for at least a year. You seem fairly bright - figure it out.

[BriarRose]

Of course they're going to tell you that, they want your money.

 

Granted, the chances of you meeting that special someone in that time (or any time frame for that matter) is slim, three months should be a good gauge on whether it's worth it to continue. Even if you got a few decent dates out of it in that time, it might be worth it, depending on how that compares to you doing on your own.

Exactly! I mean, come on. If you're on it for 6 months, it's not working for you.

[annie24]

i would get burned out after 2 months of online dating and found it helpful to take a month break before going back on it. i know some people who wound up marrying the first person they met online, but i think most of us have to go through a lot more profiles to get there....

[newwave]

Like I said in another thread, I did the online dating for awhile (I think it was 6 months or so) and while I had a few dates, nothing serious happened. I did get many responses, but I didn't actually talk to many. Why I'm not sure because a few guys seemed like great choices. When I first did it (early 2000's or so) seemed like great guys but at that point I don't think I knew what I wanted. When I did it a few years later, many of the guys didn't seem like they wanted a serious relationship. I have a feeling that I'm probably not the best type to meet someone online because I've developed feelings for some guys long after I started dating. On the other hand I might try it again because there are some good guys on dating sites, I just have to wade through the files of divorced men and guys looking for sex. Personally, I'd feel better meeting a guy in person through someone (or through a singles group) because then you know what they look like (and in the case of knowing someone, you can find out about them through the mutual person). However, at least with online dating, I have a better chance of finding what I actually want (a 40something never married, no kid guy who wants a relationship, and yes they are out there).

[LAYAAN]

Yeah, I'm serious. I did it long enough to know. And you might want to ask yourself why you think it is that EH wants you on there for at least a year. You seem fairly bright - figure it out.

No, I get the burning out part. I do get it. I also get that EH is trying to talk me into buying more months to stay on EH. Fine, but still, here is what I think.

Lets assume, you buy the subscription say for 3 months initially. You start meeting guys. You get responses and say within first few weeks itself, you click with someone. So, you continue dating that person and put a hold on getting more matches, etc. Like shallow says, first 3 months in a relationship is really the beginning phase. A relationship is not established, so if it works out good, if it doesn't then, what are you going to do? Buy the subscription again? You can't say that the system isn't working for you... you did meet someone who could keep your interest at least for a few months and vice-versa. The system is working for you, right? That's the reason why I bought a year of subscription. I thought if I reach the BF/GF stage with someone there, I'll take my profile off.

I can honestly say that I wasted my money because I got the same nonsense that I got in arranged marriage market, but mine is a different story. I thought others might have had a better luck.

Now, if you are just not getting quality matches within a month or so of signing up, then I understand what you are saying. There is no reason to buy subscription for a year. With me, that wasn't the story. I still got a few matches within a few months, just were not good enough. When I changed my photos, I got more matches, but nothing quality material.

[newwave]

I know someone who did the three month subscription (can't remember if it was eHarmony or not), met a great guy, then cancelled their account. T problem is right after their membership expire, so did the relationship. The first three months really shouldn't be a time to be serious because things can and do happen. Of course it can happen anytime, but seems 3 months is common.

 

However, I did hear from friends of mine that if you have a year long membership to any site that you aren't doing it right. They told me this when I told them I never got a serious from online dating.

[BriarRose]

But in your example, in those first 3 months you hit it off with someone. In that respect, it's working for you - even if you guys stop seeing each other. I was referring to people who are on there for months and months and nothing develops. It's not working for them, for whatever reason - looks, demographics, something in their profile, who knows....

[obs]

First 3 months pretty much nothing happened for me with online dating. Once I got the hang of it, improved my profile, pictures, online communication skills, etc it started working much better.

[LAYAAN]

But in your example, in those first 3 months you hit it off with someone. In that respect, it's working for you - even if you guys stop seeing each other. I was referring to people who are on there for months and months and nothing develops. It's not working for them, for whatever reason - looks, demographics, something in their profile, who knows....

Yes, I agree. My advice to everyone who wants to try online dating is go prepared. By that I mean, don't join while you are trying to move to a new city, while you are too focused on career, finding a job, finishing school, trying to lose weight to look thinner etc. I would say wait, complete what you are doing, achieve what you want to achieve and then join. Read a few articles, get advice from people who have done online dating to understand how to be effective, to make most out of your dollar. Within a quarter if things are not showing up, please leave. There is no point in hoping that things would somehow just turn up.