tacotac Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 I always wanted sex and most of the time initiated it with my bf, but I felt kinda bad inside a lot about it, because I would feel I am giving him the impression that all I want is sex all the time. Sometimes I would end up apologizing to him. Other times he would say he likes me initiating the sex. I wish he would do it a bit more, or sometimes it even ends up being a mutual thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser_Soze Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Hmm... so is this about sharing an experience with her, or about her validating what you wish to believe about yourself? Probably a mix of the two, I wager. It's definitely a mix. It sucks to admit but it's the truth. I do enjoy an ego stroke every now and then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaiser_Soze Posted May 10, 2010 Author Share Posted May 10, 2010 Has she got any reason to be resentful? Does she mind being at home with the kids? Would she prefer to work? If she was working before maybe it affects her self esteem being at home.. We had some time this weekend to really bond like we never have before. We laid in bed and talked for nearly 4 hours. Neither of us got defensive or frustrated. There wasn't a moment where I wanted to be doing anything but listen. For the first time I felt like I actually heard her. Her complaints were completely legitimate. All this time I felt like I was the one being short changed in this relationship. When in reality I was not being the man I should have been. The crazy part about it is she never brought it up or called me on it unless I complained about something first. The fact of the matter is I have been making her feel unappreciated. I never entertained the idea that she could feel that way. I always felt like my hard work superseded what ever she was dealing with at home. I always felt like she was the lucky one. I provided for my family, she didn't have to work, she lived in a big beautiful house, drove a nice car and was able to be there with our son to watch him grow. I felt like the one who was sacrificing. The fact is all of that means nothing to someone who doesn't feel loved. I usually pride myself on being empathetic and really attuned to others feelings. I could never imagine that these problems could be so prevalent in our relationship and I would not have a clue. It was a huge eye opener for me. I felt completely awakened, it was really weird and intense. After that conversation I felt closer to her than any sexual experience had ever made me feel. I feel totally and completely loved and accepted. It's still going to take some work on my part but I have what I have been looking for, an answer, the truth was in the mirror the entire time. Crazy how things work out... Thank you everyone for your responses and thoughts, I really appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Rashomon Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 Amazing! So glad to hear you had this conversation--sounds like it was a truly beautiful experience that can potentially lead to more satisfying, soulful sex and mutual appreciation. Yay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredofvampires Posted May 10, 2010 Share Posted May 10, 2010 How wonderful! I was actually thinking of returning to your thread to make the comment that it seems the communication between you is not what it should be, with both of you contributing to it. I was thinking about how earlier in the thread, you seemed to be internally musing, "I wonder if she doesn't feel appreciated" -- and I wanted to say, it sounds like you have an intuitive, gut instinct about something. Throughout this thread, it seems you've been kind of suspecting there's a "piece" of this you are missing, in her own experience. And I was going to post again on the thread, saying, you know, if you are WONDERING "does my partner feel xyz?" the very best thing you can do for your relationship is to ASK them if they feel this way. Your own intuition (since you are empathetic) goes a long way if you plug into it. To find a time and a way to open the door for them to spill their heart. The heart of communication is asking the hard questions about how they've been feeling and then just listening, and putting yourself in their shoes. Love is the reason to be in a relationship; but open communication is the engine. So this is a real lesson about how to deal with conflicts in the future, too, with her. (Guessing, second-guessing and assuming things rather than just asking and listening can be replaced by the skills you successfully employed here.) But I didn't have to suggest it because you did just exactly that! Bravo, sir, on really bravely stepping up to the plate. THAT is what makes a man. (How refreshing, with all you hear about on this board!) This is such a good development towards the intimacy and passion you seek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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