Thinking of him OUT lOUD!

[tristesse]

Hey,

It's been almost a month (in 6 days) since my ex has left our 4 years relationship…. It's been almost a month that I am going crazy ! He left the country and din't come back… he's sticking to his decision to sty there with his family…hasn't contact….

I miss him so much… does he think of me too ? Does he miss me too ? Will he ever call ? does he wonder about me too ? Oh he said he loved me but he had no choice but to do this ! I am so sad…I am missing him so much…. Tomorrow it's his university graduation day and he won't even be there….. Oh I am so sad !

[Alabama]

It can be hard to lose the one you love, especially after you've been with them for so long...but I am sure you will have other moments of great happiness! Cheer up! Life can only get better now, right? As long as he is still in your heart, and you care for him, then you'll be able to love him...and you'll be able to move on...and if you ever need too...I suggest refelct on the good times you had...because at least you had happiness with him...and least for a little while...and some happiness, is better than, no happiness at all.

[tristesse]

I do all thta... But will he ever call me? does he think of me? oh I am so helpless...I wnat him back! I wnat him to come back home.....

I wnatto cry and die some days!

[craigblitz]

Yes he will call you.... I guarantee it!!!! Does he think of you....Unless he is part of the Borg and has no emotion of course he does think of you. I know he is, and I think you know he is too. You are still going through the ups and downs and this might be a while, but you you sacked up the last time he called and should not look back from that. You stood up and told him what was right. You have done nothing, he has just uped and left you and all his friends, oblications, everything. You can not see it the forrest from the trees right now, but I have talked with you a couple of times and you are SOOOOOO much better than that you know you are. Use this forum to vent scream yell what have you. I hate saying this... god I hate it, but time hun, that is what is needed.

 

Many Hugs and thoughts are with you!!!!!

[tristesse]

you're right as always..... I am so bad! I don't know what I would have done without your help- I would have looked like an idiot a 100000000 times!

Thank you fr keeping me strong! I bought a new book today " Women that love too much" It seems like it's a problem.....some kind of disorder....So maybe that will help me Some days I 'm still in denial and I think to my self that he's only on vacation still and coming back soon.... and when I think like this, the world becomes a wonderful place again, and that's when I feel good. But when I realize his gone I hate him and hate him.... hate him for leaving me behind and hate him for who he is now. But then again... you're right I have my ups and downs. I got mad at him when he called because I was still so furious, when I talked to him, I was fuming again and because a part of me still think I'm in this relationship, I allowed myself to get mad and fought with him, without thinking that "wow… this may be the last time you ever talk to him" and I think it's mostly because it was So unexpected and so unreal. But then now when I look back at the conversation, he wasn't even willing to come back still, he was just telling me he loved me and he didn't even ask me to move there or anything… it was just his weakmoment. Today I 've heard from his father again. He talked to him, and apparently his doing great and that he's happy he made this decision now and felling so much better. He told him it has been hard but now he feels good. Specially that his little brother is graduating from high school and he's there for it means the whole world to him and he's so happy that he's included in their lives and that means more than anything else to him.

I AM choked every minute of every day! It so unreal….. it feels like suddenly the whole world has turned around. And I am so emotional about my sister's wedding at the same time. I hate him because instead of being happy I get sad and I must pretend that I am FINE…. I can't let this ruin everything.

I have become obsessed with him … most of my conversations begin with his name….. I have become so obsessed that I can barely function normally.

People tell me to find myself, but I know already who I am… I didn't lose my sense of myself or my self esteem …. In fact I still know what I want in life and where I'm heading to…And he helped me become who I am today. Because of him I am such a greater person, he thought me how to enjoy life, he showed me love and affection and above all friendship and now I lost my best friend, my lover in the worst way possible.

My life is going but the only piece missing is HIM! I am so empty because of missing him so much. Time will heal people tell me that all the time… But I wonder if time will make me finally realize this is happening! His whole life was here….. it's so unreal

It's really unreal what's happening and it's a very unique situation I must admit it!

It's like I 've been living a nightmare for 25 days….. 25 LONG days and nights… 25 days and nights since I got this horrible call… this unexpected call… Have you seen the movie "21 Grams" How the lady finds out she lost her kids and husband just all of a sudden… well this is how I think I felt…. "One call" – One call, and every thing parted away…. Our dreams, our lives together… every thing promised and shared….

Oh I am so pathetic I think even people in this Forum must be tired of hearing me!

[Mun]

It's ok to mourn Tristesse. I cry with you. I know how it feels where you are at right now. And No I'm not tired of hearing it yet, better you tell us on this Forum than call him up and tell him. Don't leave your sadness inside it must come out so that you can heal. You don't know what will come tomorrow, none of us, but it wont get better without it getting worst first. ( you hit bottom and have to come up)