Jaymer Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 Maybe 'blackmailed' isn't exactly the right term, but here's the situation: My girlfriend (let's call her Amy) is going through an intensive training course that's required for the job she's hoping for. At the end of the course, there's an exam that very very few people pass. It's nearing the end of the course, she's generally considered to be the top trainee, and the head instructor really likes her. Too much, in fact. He has now told her in private that she'll probably need a little extra training to pass the exam, and she should also do something to relieve her stress, so it doesn't affect her performance on the exam. He offered to help her with both, with private lessons at his apartment and the best stress remedy he knows: sex. He said if she accepts his offer, she's sure to pass the exam. If she doesn't.... he can't guarantee anything. How can she get out of this without sacrificing her chances of passing the exam? Taking the exam with a different instructor doesn't seem to be an option. Also, we don't live in a country with a very developed legal system for sexual harassment. Even if we did, resorting to legal action would be a mess I'm sure she'd rather avoid. Any ideas? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hannah_k Posted April 21, 2010 Share Posted April 21, 2010 That's really tough. Is there any way she can report him? That's outrageous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mercurial Girl Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 ick...I would probably switch instructors and start from the bottom all over again if it's what I had to do to get away from that instructor. I don't know how else she could get out of this predicament if you cannot take legal action against him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauxly Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 This makes my blood boil! Because you live in a country with no legal recourse in the event of sexual harassment I don't have much advice for you. Except to make sure that she does NOT go through with it. There is no exam or job on the planet worth selling yourself out like that. But I do want to take a moment to remind those of us in the USA how awesome it is that we have these protections now. I remember being very young and naive in the workforce before the Clarence Thomas hullabaloo sparked the laws that now protect us. I also remember having to tolerate being hit on, having to fight off potential bosses, trying to reject their advances in a way that wouldn't get me fired. It was horrible. And I also remember how much of a fuss was made over the laws. You would have thought the world was coming to an end. Thank god they passed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Does she have any witnesses? If I was her I would not go near him ever again alone and I would report him if I could. Tell her to stay the heck away from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mauxly Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Does she have any witnesses? If I was her I would not go near him ever again alone and I would report him if I could. Tell her to stay the heck away from him. I second this. If he is willing to try to blackmail her, he might be willing to force her. He obviously feels that there will be no consequences for his actions. Oh, and apologies for high jacking this a bit to rant. Uncool...I just got carried away. I wish you had some way to make him lose his job. That is sick. Is there ANYTHING you can do? Even if it is a hassle, someone has to start fighting back sometime don’t you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Day_Walker Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 That is classic quid pro quo sexual harassment and the only thing to do would be to report it to his superiors, since a lawsuit isnt possible. I think that at a minimum she can request that he take no part in the grading process because she believes there to be some impropriety on his part. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonasWaingaro Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Does she have any witnesses? If I was her I would not go near him ever again alone and I would report him if I could. Tell her to stay the heck away from him. ^^report him if she can and stay way way away from him. If there's no legal option I'd personally go talk to this clown. No, not a great solution and probably trouble waiting to happen but man this kinda stuff makes me furious. Maybe go public with it, via the press. I dunno, toughie when there are few laws to help out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FathomFear Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Do you mind me asking what country you're in? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaymer Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 Yeah, I suggested recording a conversation with her cell phone and then going to his superiors with it if she fails the exam. But she thinks they would side with the instructor. That's hard for me to believe (I'm American), but we live in a pretty patriarchal society, so maybe she's right. I'm sure she wants to avoid this kind of confrontation at all costs, anyway. She said taking the exam with someone else isn't an option either, unless he gets fired I guess. He's the head instructor for the whole area. Anybody that wants this job, anywhere in the country, has to take the exam with him if their hometown is in his area. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alli Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 My first advice was going to be to report him immediately. If she waited, it could appear that she was only making it up because she was upset about not passing. However, I think that could possibly ruin any chance she has of passing, no matter how well she does on the exam. I think she should try to be friendly & not act weird toward him until she gets the results of her exam back. If she is still nice to him but turns him down because say, "my bf would certainly find out" or something to make it seem like she simply can't, and not because she's completely disgusted at the suggestion.. she MIGHT still have the ability to pass on her own merit. If she starts acting weird toward him, keeping her distance like he has a disease, he will probably fail her on purpose. I would report him only after taking the exam & getting the results. Sure, if she fails it might make it seem like she's just doing it because she's upset about failing, but like you said there's not much legal recourse anyway. The only thing that will get this guy is if multiple women report him for doing this on completely separate occassions and it occurs to someone higher than him that "hey, maybe this guy isn't doing a very good job & could get us in trouble". I'm sure he's done it before & will do it again. It's too bad he's in a position to do this, but for the sake of all the work she's done & any shot she has at this career, I'd just wait it out to report him. In all honesty, her report alone will probably not do much. But it could start or add to a track record he has that will probably bite him in the end! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaymer Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 Do you mind me asking what country you're in? I'd rather not say, but it's a relatively small, Muslim country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blackey Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 That is a tough one, im really pissed for you and im pissed that there is not much that you can do legally. Id i were in a similar situation, i would either beat the crap out of this guy, or not because it would make her fail... OR i would make him think that your girlfriend has HPV or HIV or something, just draw some herpis on her lips and make him notice it and when he asks "what is it on your lips" so she will be like "ohhh its just herpis that i got from my boyfriend, but it is ok it is pretty small, especially down there" , after this i dont think that the guy gonna bother her again sorry for being rude in a way, i just tried to be creative Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JonasWaingaro Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 I'd rather not say, but it's a relatively small, Muslim country. Well sounds like she just needs to not be alone with him. Take the test and hope he uses that line to score women but gives a fair grade. Sure sounds like he plays this game a lot. There's a reason the pass rate is low I guess, and this sounds like it. Very sad stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaymer Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 No mentioning STDs because the instructor knows her father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunny1607307996 Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Should she tell her father? Would he help at all? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaymer Posted April 22, 2010 Author Share Posted April 22, 2010 Should she tell her father? Would he help at all? She said he would overreact and turn it into a huge mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 This guy is a sexual predator. I am pretty sure he has done this before. She should go to her father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 She said he would overreact and turn it into a huge mess. It is NOT over reacting. Men like that pee me off!! He is a pig and needs to be ratted out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Tell her to tell her father, and to ask her father to go WITH her to tell this jerk's BOSS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Dark Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Sounds more like very few pass the test because very few have sex with him.....or as he calls it, relieve stress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Interesting how you described this situation in such a patient manner. I don't care what country I live in, if I were in your shoes (especially your girlfriend's shoes) I'd notify this nonsense to senior management. I'm sure there is someone at this place who is a superior to the instructor. Heck I wouldn't have patience for this idiocy. I would suggest to your girlfriend to wire herself up and have him sing this song again so you can get it on tape. Then either "blackmail" back or hand the recording over to senior management/ authorities so that they can discipline this tool. With evidence like this they would have no choice but to fire him and she may even bea able to press charges for sexual harrasment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 Interesting how you described this situation in such a patient manner. I don't care what country I live in, if I were in your shoes (especially your girlfriend's shoes) I'd notify this nonsense to senior management. I'm sure there is someone at this place who is a superior to the instructor. Heck I wouldn't have patience for this idiocy. I would suggest to your girlfriend to wire herself up and have him sing this song again so you can get it on tape. Then either "blackmail" back or hand the recording over to senior management/ authorities so that they can discipline this tool. With evidence like this they would have no choice but to fire him and she may even bea able to press charges for sexual harrasment. I totally agree with you, but it is hard when the person lives in a country where women mean nothing and are " property" of the father and then "property" of a husband and women have no rights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OntheWire Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 I understand the difficulty of this situation, being in a country where "women's rights" can be a somewhat foreign concept. I'm sure there's a strong chance the powers that be are just as corrupt as the offender. If there is no higher authority you can talk to, and I imagine there's not, then you're going to have to make some radical decisions. I'm not sure what the repercussions are if your gf does not keep this job, but if they're severe then perhaps you should look into a way to get yourself and her out of the country. Is she a citizen of the country? If so, can you marry her to get her out? Do you have anything that you think could be used as leverage against the offending boss? I understand that could be a very delicate line, being that you're not a citizen of that country, so I wouldn't suggest it unless something specific and profound comes to your mind. But it's something to explore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptainNapalm Posted April 22, 2010 Share Posted April 22, 2010 I totally agree with you, but it is hard when the person lives in a country where women mean nothing and are " property" of the father and then "property" of a husband and women have no rights. Okay well then he should tell his girlfriend to tell this idiot that she would love to have sex with him but he should know that she has a few STD's so if he's cool with that no problem. He wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole then. Genital warts, vaginitis, and herpes are a good combination to mention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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