imthewife Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 ben married over 10 yrs and my husband left me & had a 6 month affair last year. he broke up with the OW in october & came back home. she & i began talking & has become a very special friend to me. my husband doesnt know because he wont allow it. can i get someones opinion on that one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I wouldn't trust the motives of someone who had an affair with your husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 I wouldn't trust the motives of someone who had an affair with your husband. even if its ben 6 mo since they were together? even if she lives w a new guy now? even if she never speaks to me of my husband & dont want me to speak of him either? she is very very remorseful & has desperately apologized for her actions with him. even with that too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I agree, I would not be friends with her either. There are plenty of people you can be friends with, why choose someone who had an affair with your husband? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I'm friends with the current wife of my ex-husband, and also with the previous partner of an ex-fella (we got to know each other after I'd left him - it was very affirming to find that our experiences of him were identical); so I know alliances can be formed between people who might seem unlikely candidates. However, your husband left HER? Did she get in touch with you or vice-versa? Does she still have feelings for him? Is there any chance of an ulterior motive here? Your post raises many more questions than it actually poses! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellFrost666 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 Six months isn't a very long time... You haven't even had to time work through this with him yet. She might be trying to win your trust for some more vindictive reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 I'm friends with the current wife of my ex-husband, and also with the previous partner of an ex-fella (we got to know each other after I'd left him - it was very affirming to find that our experiences of him were identical); so I know alliances can be formed between people who might seem unlikely candidates. However, your husband left HER? Did she get in touch with you or vice-versa? Does she still have feelings for him? Is there any chance of an ulterior motive here? Your post raises many more questions than it actually poses! yes he left her. i was getting horrid emails so i txted her and asked was she involved with that & we started talking. she has no feelings for him whatsoever. i DONT THINK shes tryin to win him here. she hasnt mentioned him, being interested in him & dont comment if I MYSELF mentions him. also she has moved in with another guy since. she is not a threat to me at all. not from her point or my husbands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 11, 2010 Author Share Posted April 11, 2010 Six months isn't a very long time... You haven't even had to time work through this with him yet. She might be trying to win your trust for some more vindictive reason. thank you for the reply...ur right. its hard and im STILL WORKING THRU IT. gotta feelin ill b workin thru if for a few yrs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jd1983 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 If you're still working on it, then it's best that you not remain friends with her. You may be reminded of the affair that your husband once had with her. Maybe not now, but due time I'm sure curiosity will get the best of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 ben married over 10 yrs and my husband left me & had a 6 month affair last year. he broke up with the OW in october & came back home. she & i began talking & has become a very special friend to me. my husband doesnt know because he wont allow it. can i get someones opinion on that one? Your husband "won't allow it"? Hahaha. Sorry to be flippant, but that's so absurd on so many levels. Your husband has no say in this at all. He should be too busy begging for your forgiveness to worry about telling you who you can and can't talk to. And if your husband hates it? Good. Then it sounds like he has a fitting punishment that doesn't really injure anyone or anything except your husband's bruised ego and shattered pride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 as they say- keep your friends close and your enemies closer! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greywolf Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 I don't think your husband should have any say in who you can be friends with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted April 11, 2010 Share Posted April 11, 2010 He broke up with her in October and within 6 months she is already living with a new guy...wow, she moves fast! Honestly, I wouldn't trust this woman at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 I would think that you'd have more to lose than to gain, by being friends with this woman. How do you know for sure that she won't try to get involved with your husband again? Look at her past history, even though she has a boyfriend right now, what's to say that history won't repeat itself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bella20 Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 So you forgave the man who betrayed you, you are letting him control you, and you are becoming friends with the woman who had an affair with your husband? Say that outloud please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 I don't think your husband should have any say in who you can be friends with. thank u for ur reply. i feel the same way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 He broke up with her in October and within 6 months she is already living with a new guy...wow, she moves fast! Honestly, I wouldn't trust this woman at all. yea. my husband broke up with her in october and she moved in with the new guy in january Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 I would think that you'd have more to lose than to gain, by being friends with this woman. How do you know for sure that she won't try to get involved with your husband again? Look at her past history, even though she has a boyfriend right now, what's to say that history won't repeat itself? wow..great advice! thank you.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 So you forgave the man who betrayed you, you are letting him control you, and you are becoming friends with the woman who had an affair with your husband? Say that outloud please. yep. wow..that about says it all!!! thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 as they say- keep your friends close and your enemies closer! whoa! good one! thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 I agree, I would not be friends with her either. There are plenty of people you can be friends with, why choose someone who had an affair with your husband? people have said i wanna b her friend so i can get to know her, see how she ticks so i can be like that and my husband will like me that way. sorta try to c wat he saw n her so i can b that way.. i wonder myself? idk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 I wouldn't be able to get over the fact that my husband's parts were inside her. It's all I'd think about every time I talked to her or see her. Not for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustyschackelf Posted April 12, 2010 Share Posted April 12, 2010 Did she know your husband was married? or was he lying to her to? because if she didn't know and got rid of him as soon as she found out, then she really can't be faulted. But on the other hand if she did know and saw him anyway that is a different story, even if she has apologized for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 I wouldn't be able to get over the fact that my husband's parts were inside her. It's all I'd think about every time I talked to her or see her. Not for me. my thoughts exactly....thank you for ur reply Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imthewife Posted April 12, 2010 Author Share Posted April 12, 2010 Did she know your husband was married? or was he lying to her to? because if she didn't know and got rid of him as soon as she found out, then she really can't be faulted. But on the other hand if she did know and saw him anyway that is a different story, even if she has apologized for it. yes he told her he was married and she chose to continue seeing him and sleeping with him. she has apologized and feels really bad about it. she wanted love so she gave sex. now she has nothing. i AM however reconsidering our friendship due to all the wonderful opinions of you all. thank you so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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