Anyone wish they'd never met them?

[J1969]

Just a thought.

 

Nearly three years, so many amazing memories with her. But, nearly one year later, thinking about the pain I've suffered (and probably still suffering), I cant help but think that nothing, absolutely NOTHING, no good memories, no amount of intimacy, love, companionship.....nothing is worth what I've went through.

 

Anyone else feel the same? Im having trouble with the whole ''its an experience I'll learn from in later life'' kinda thing.....

 

WOW, this is exactly how i have felt for the past month and a half! My girlfriend / common-law wife and I were together for 4 and a half years. The first few years were amazing, and i had never done so much and been treated so well by a woman. But after moving in together and having a child [plus bringing kids from previous marriages], things started to change a bit and she made plans [unbeknowist to me] and up and left in February. I have been either severely depressed and angry since then. I still love her like crazy, but she has tried her best to keep her distance and show no emotion, even tho we see each other at least every few days to pick up or drop off our son. It hurts to see her and it feels like crap missing her. It cheeses me that she's left [once she got a new job and apartment in place] and is looking beautiful and chipper everytime i see her [part of me thinks she's keeping up her guard]. Anyway, throughout this, as much as it hurts i have often felt my life would be better off right now if i'd never met her! I got over my first marriage in a different way and after a hostile period, have remained friends with my first Ex, but this woman and relationship were far different and i love[d] her on a different level.

[d_lilah]

@Iakasot - you speak the truth, I immersed myself absolutely in the relationship. I don't think I'd do that to such an extent again, so I have learned that, definitely.

 

@d_lilah - Sorry to hear about your loss. I also experienced the death of someone close to me recently, and it was a harrowing and painful time for me. I almost my contacted my ex, for some reason I felt like she would be the only person who could make me feel better.

 

But, I didn't. And looking back, I'm so glad I didn't!

 

I almost contacted him, too! Even after everything, how he treated me, the things he has said and didn't say...he was still the first person I thought of. The only thing that stopped me was knowing that, even if I did, he wouldn't care, and probably wouldn't even reply. It hurts, but I know I did the right thing in not doing it. I am my own person, now. Relying on him for support isn't an option.

 

Also, on the point that you wouldn't immerse yourself in a relationship like that again, I don't think its fair to say that. In the future, whether it in a months time or five years time, and you meet someone who makes you happy and that you really love, restricting yourself will only make the relationship tense and it won't work. The fact you are not willing to give yourself to someone else and only hold on to what once was will just cause you more pain.

 

You never forget your first love, but it's the fact that we can stand up and love again that shows what kind of person we really are.

[natureleddy]

Perhaps you're right. I think what I said probably came out wrong! What I mean, is not that I wont commit to someone in the way that I did with my ex - I'll just try not to ignore everything else in the world at the same time. Not a compromise, but become better all round.

 

I'm glad you got through it without contacting him. I think it speaks volumes to be able to go through something as painful as a bereavement, and not rely on your ex. I felt much better about myself for not doing it, stronger, and more secure with myself as a person. I hope you might have got something similar out of it, despite it being a difficult time.

[d_lilah]

I did feel stronger, a lot stronger, but the main thing that came from it was the final realisation that he wasn't the person I thought he was. I just hate that it took something like that for me to finally see the truth and begin to move on. Oh, how many tears I could have saved had I just found out sooner!

 

The fact that you went through bereavement yourself, and stayed strong, shows that perhaps you aren't as 'attached' to her as you thought you were. I don't doubt that the pain you are feeling is real, memories and times like that are difficult to forget, but it shows that you have moved on, and are continuing to do so.

 

It might be taking a while, but you are getting there.

[natureleddy]

I hope so. And I hope everyone else on here is as well. These forums are so good, I find that most problems in life are easier to deal with if you know you're not the only person suffering.

 

Also, the number of people on here who have had EXACTLY the same experience as me is incredible, its really is kinda humbling. Thank you all!

[BU191433]

The 2 or 3 weeks before breaking up with him, I often thought I wished I had never met him. Now that it is almost 5 weeks post breakup, I'm not sure, sometimes I'm glad I met him, sometimes I wish I never had.

[natureleddy]

Its hard! I go through phases of being thankful for the good times I experienced, and phases of hating the fact that someone I loved very much has caused me so much pain. Its a cruel cycle to slip into.