Fallen out of love

[Lady Rashomon]

If you read my old posts, you'll know that I have been trying to work things out with my husband for several months now. I'm 30--we've been together 8 years, married for 2.5...and I have desperately been trying to make things better between us after a very stupid decision to have an affair (which was very short-lived). I believe in staying in for the long haul and that any good thing is worth working through. We have a very good rapport, but things are so lackluster in the passion/chemistry department--which is something I've felt for years and years. It's not one of those things where the spark went out recently; in examining our relationship (not from just a retrospective look but from old journals I wrote in), the spark was NEVER there. Something else that is making me feel frustrated is that, in his zeal to have no closed doors between us anymore, he has demanded full access to my journals and interior life. I understand that after what I did, the open book policy makes sense, but I feel both suffocated and deeply distressed when I look at the reality of our situation: a good, friendly relationship with lots of love but zero chemistry or a really deep emotional connection.

 

I know that saying that you've fallen out of love seems like a lame excuse to split with somebody--but how long can you take steps towards saving a marriage (we've done couples counseling, spend more time together, etc.) before you realize that it's just not in the books?

[lkm370]

most divorced people i know told me that they realized their marriage was over when you start enjoying time away from your SO, the fact u had an affair to be honest tells me its over, i think both of u would be happier in the long run divorcing

[fLuiD]

Without love, there is no marriage that can survive.

[Lady Rashomon]

I just wish I could make myself feel something...but there is nothing.