lionquack Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Thanks for your posts Annie and Hermes. I feel crap as hell right now and your right it hurts allot. I went through something similar to this last year but this is way more intense. I always seem to fall for the wrong women. This is what always gets me down. However, she has not tried to initiate contact yet which I am happy about as at this stage I would crack. I have some busy evenings planned for the next few days and a busy BH weekend which should keep my mind off her.....hopefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I did it....I did not sleep well at all last night as I have been thinking this is well overdue but its because of my selfishness that i have not been able to do this. I called her this morning and told her we cant carry on like this anymore whilst she is married as it is not fair and wrong. I went onto to say if she is to become single then there is a chance for us but she must try to work on her marriage first. She was very very upset. I feel numb and sedated from this. However,I think it will be a little easier now then the last 3 times we have tried to break up as we cant go running to each other as easily as she is in another country. God I hope I have done the right thing. You've done the right thing and you can only keep your head up and stay strong. Even if something were to happen between you two and her possibly leaving her husband, you two will still be going through a rough roller coaster ride emotionally. Unless she was already divorced and had all custody arrangements in place, it was just bad timing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I did not think you would go through with it. I was wrong. Well done. You have made mistakes but there is much to be learned from all of this for both of you. This can be a very dangerous time. You need to keep NC as she will try to drag you back. Perhaps this will be the catalyst for her and her husband to become closer and more loving and provide a wonderful home for their child. I hope so. Staying busy and even going out with friends will help. For this to stick you must draw some lines in the sand and not cross them no matter what. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildchild1 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 I did it....I did not sleep well at all last night as I have been thinking this is well overdue but its because of my selfishness that i have not been able to do this. I called her this morning and told her we cant carry on like this anymore whilst she is married as it is not fair and wrong. I went onto to say if she is to become single then there is a chance for us but she must try to work on her marriage first. She was very very upset. I feel numb and sedated from this. However,I think it will be a little easier now then the last 3 times we have tried to break up as we cant go running to each other as easily as she is in another country. God I hope I have done the right thing. You did the right thing. Only thing I like to point out is that you left a window open for a future. Even though it was inadvertent, she may well see that as a sign to either leave her husband all together for you, or to halfheartedly try to work on the marriage, and then leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie123 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 do you know what helped me?.....google 'how to get over an ex'...so many tips and advice come up and stories of other people who are going through it, it really helps. go to gym, helps release endorphins which are happy hormones your doing good by keeping busy, it will keep your mind of her. i also bought some self help books about relationships and getting over them, read them late at night when your really going to miss her. always keep your mind occupied and focused on getting over her. also the child it's only 3, but will sense something is up and your right she needs to give the marriage a go if it doesn't work then separate. i think the child is the most vulnerable, you've kind of given him a second chance too...that should make you feel good. get a list of happy movies and when your feeling down or you think time is going extra slow, watch one...i do rate 'the hangover'....such a mad and funny film. i never thought i'd get through it......time heals...cliche..but it does. annie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Its late (1am) I got back from my busy evening half an hour ago and my thoughts have turned to her. She has consumed me and dont think I will sleep much again tonite. We are both currently NC for 14 hours now. I am wondering if she is thinking about me as much as I am thinking of her.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidehop Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I'm sure she is but her mind must be overwhelmed with her ex's situation and of course her children. That's a lot to work with when you have a family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arcadefire Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 I am so proud that you summoned your courage and told her that this situation is not healthy at all. Her reaction, anger, was not because she loves you - it is because she finally realized she lost her control over you. You need to continue to be strong. I know that it is so hard to break things off with someone (been in that situation, believe me), and the best thing to do is to just try to erase things that will remind you of her. Emails, phone numbers, texts, pictures, etc. You need to go complete cold turkey, like stopping a cigarette addiction. As much as you want to, do not contact her. Stay firm to your convictions so she may no longer be able to manipulate you. You may feel like she still is, but she does not need to know that she still is. Stay strong. I know you can, and you know you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Its too early to say you are proud of me. Unfortunately I broke NC after just 17 hours. She text asking how I am this morning? I did not respond so she called me. I did not respond. Then she called again and the feeling of yearning to speak with her overwhelmed me. We spoke and she told me she misses me and loves me blah blah blah. Additional and more importantly she told me her family and her husband have all sat together and discussed the situation. She told me she has confessed we have have slept together as well as telling her husband she is in love with me. Her husband has asked her if it is finished between them and she thinks he will not be able to trust her ever again now. We did not speak long but I told her if she can save her marriage she must try do so IF THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTS and also what I told her yesterday still stands. I feel better she called as I have been thinking whether she is missing me as much as I do her. I really don't think she is manipulating me and feels she has a control over me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Stay NC until she is divorced! You will be the man she left her family for and everytime something isn't going right it will turn to you. "I left him for you and now this is happening" I can just hear it now. Divorce can take some time so live your life while she ends hers with her husband. I think when you get what you think you wanted you may just find that it isn't as perfect as you had hoped. Trusting her not to cheat on you may seep into your thoughts one day when she is late getting home or doesn't answer her phone right away. Be prepared. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted April 1, 2010 Author Share Posted April 1, 2010 I have gone NC again and intend to stick with it now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 It won't be easy but if you are serious you can. Your best bet is to use those women getting skills you talked about earlier. Go out and meet a few new SINGLE women and venture out some. It will show you the reality of a real relationship. Block her number and email address. If you don't get the messages you won't have to deal with them. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted April 2, 2010 Share Posted April 2, 2010 I agree entirely with LostandHurt. Particularly about getting out and meeting other women, and about blocking communication. Hermes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted April 2, 2010 Author Share Posted April 2, 2010 Gonna try tonight....doubt it will work though. I have been struggling today. Cant stop thinking about her.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie123 Posted April 3, 2010 Share Posted April 3, 2010 hey it's hard...no one said life was easy....i think you've not really decided what you want thats why you end up breaking no contact...you'll only succeed if you are true to yourself... annie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted April 4, 2010 Author Share Posted April 4, 2010 Im still struggling. Other women are pale in comparison She has been NC for 4 days now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted April 5, 2010 Author Share Posted April 5, 2010 I wish there was drug to help with this pain. bad times...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermes Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 Sorry to hear that Lionquack. All you can do is try to occupy your time as best you can, keep your mind busy, and it will slowly get a bit easier. Hermes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenda222 Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 I just think it's wrong. Take it from someone who was cheated on ok. My son is hurting all the time that me and his dad are not together. He is sitting there with his other woman he cheated on me for and not realizing how he hurt is son. Who is suffering, me and his son. I still love him. I hurt and suffer all the time, his son hurts and cries all the time. I didnt ask to be cheated on. This child is deprived of what I grew up with, being in the home with both your parents, because this man chose to cheat. So who gets hurt, you don't, she doesnt, her husband does and the child. If you want to be a part of that feel free, but remember what goes around comes around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 Hermes, Thank you for your continued support. Brenda222, I am so sorry to hear of your suffering and believe me I feel very bad and wish I had never got involved. I feel I am in too deep to walk away from this now. We spoke for an hour yesterday. I insitigated. She promised herself she would not speak with me again as she told she knew if she spoke with me again it would make her weak. She is trying hard to think about what SHE wants to do and what is BEST for her child. Its pointing towards staying with her husband but she told me she could never be happy with him again. I have offered her security and a life a love and a guarantee her child will have a strong relationship with his biological father. I have thought long and hard and dont want any other women apart from her. She is too special for me to let her go. She told me to wait for her as she needs to make a decision in a week as she is due back to work. her husband has told her its best if she doe snot return to the UK because of me. This all sounds selfish...I understand this as her husband has told her he is willing to forgive her infidelity but I think she knows her marriage is over. being with me has just secured that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I have offered her security and a life a love and a guarantee her child will have a strong relationship with his biological father. No offense, but I don't think either one of you are thinking about anyone but yourselves. This child will never be the same again. I feel so sorry for the father and son. They deserve so much better than what you and her are doing them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostandhurt Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Well I had hoped you would do the right thing but I had a feeling all along you would continue to help ruin a family. My ex is living with what you are about to live with. She lives a lie everyday. People ask them where did you meet? How long have you two been dating? and on and on. They can't tell the truth so they lie to everyone. My ex dreads the day my son finds out what she has done. He is 10 now and is figuring out more and more all the time. Her child will find out one day and probably hate you for it. His mother will certainly never be the same in his eyes as well. Relationships are hard enough without this kind of start. Perhaps this is best for the husband because she is far to selfish for such a good man. From single to homewrecker to ready made disfunctional family in a matter of months. I know we all on here wish the best to the children that suffer from selfish adults. Lost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionquack Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 It makes me sad to hear these comments....because as an outsider you can all see clearly. I guess I am blinded by love and my only focus seems to have her at any expense. You are right it is selfish but she is no longer is in love with her husband. Should she stay with him for the sake of their child and be unhappy herself? She told me she tried for a week but was lieing to herself and him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sanesoul Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 It makes me sad to hear these comments....because as an outsider you can all see clearly. I guess I am blinded by love and my only focus seems to have her at any expense. You are right it is selfish but she is no longer is in love with her husband. Should she stay with him for the sake of their child and be unhappy herself? She told me she tried for a week but was lieing to herself and him. You need to step back from this and stop thinking about you and her. You want her, and don't care who gets hurt in the process. She is doing the same thing. It's one thing to leave because you are unhappy. It's quite another to leave for another man you've shared your bed with. She will do the same thing to you as she is doing to her poor husband. You will be hurt by this, but I don't think that bothers you at all. As long as you get what you want right now, damn the consequences. I'm not trying to be rude, I just can't believe that you are so willing to help her destroy her family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FarthestEdge Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 She told me she tried for a week but was lieing to herself and him. a week? one week? ONE WEEK?!?!?! Seriously? So let me get this straight.. Her son's entire future hangs in the balance and the best 'effort' she can put in is 'one week'? She spent nine months growing him inside her body and yet she can't put him first and try to salvage her marriage for more than a stinkin' week? A week where she's got you professing your love and promising sunshine & rainbows? Oh she's not trying...she's putting in time to make it LOOK like she's trying. And you are encouraging her. It takes months/years to recover from infidelity. So you're going to let her give up 'everything' for you (including a husband who loves her enough, that he's prepared to work past her infidelity), and you're going to let her rip her childs stability apart because you think you'll be happy and so you offer "a guarantee her child will have a strong relationship with his biological father."?!?! Really? How big of you...I notice how you are already diminishing his role to one of biology.... Do you see what you are saying? Do you even KNOW her child? How can you be so cavalier about saying you are prepared to build a blended family with a child you don't even really know? A child that most likely, is going to HATE you for destroying his family and trying to replace his father. Trying to save her marriage means ending your relationship.period. NOT NC for 17 hours until you can't take it anymore... If that's all it takes DH and I have gone NC hundreds of times.... It means marriage therapy, individual therapy.. committing to do what she can to make it work...Not giving her poor husband a week to present a better offer than the fantasy you have put before her. Do the right thing. Don't be the person she threw her child under the bus for.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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