HouseKitten Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I hope you aren't planning on having any children. It sounds like you don't like them much. That's okay, some people don't, but they shouldn't be having them, either. I like kids just fine, but there's always going to be a clash with how other people feel it's acceptable to raise them or where it's acceptable to take them. There's a time and a place for having kids around, and if some distant relative was happy to let their screaming child run amok through an adult event, that'd annoy the hell out of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 I hope you aren't planning on having any children. It sounds like you don't like them much. That's okay, some people don't, but they shouldn't be having them, either. I guess I can see where you might get that impression... But I don't think excluding kids from a wedding or certain other events means she doesn't like kids. People just put a lot of effort and $$ into planning certain events & kids can be very disruptive. Besides, even if she didn't like kids in general, it's MUCH different when they're you own Cause truly, the problem here is the parents. If the parents bothered to teach & mind the children properly, we wouldn't have half these problems! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I guess I can see where you might get that impression... But I don't think excluding kids from a wedding or certain other events means she doesn't like kids. People just put a lot of effort and $$ into planning certain events & kids can be very disruptive. Besides, even if she didn't like kids in general, it's MUCH different when they're you own Cause truly, the problem here is the parents. If the parents bothered to teach & mind the children properly, we wouldn't have half these problems! Not if the child is under two - do you really think you'll be able to "discipline" your one year old from not crawling around or making loud sounds/crying? I agree that adults only events are fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I guess I can see where you might get that impression... But I don't think excluding kids from a wedding or certain other events means she doesn't like kids. People just put a lot of effort and $$ into planning certain events & kids can be very disruptive. Besides, even if she didn't like kids in general, it's MUCH different when they're you own Cause truly, the problem here is the parents. If the parents bothered to teach & mind the children properly, we wouldn't have half these problems! A lot of people who not have kids think everything is a matter of "discipline" and not a matter of what is possible for a child at the developmental age for that particular child. I laugh my backside off really. Cause I had people who are not parents tell me how kids work and then they have kids their kids are not going to do this that and the other. I secretly smile and think ....hm ya OK you wait and see. And sure enough when they have kids their kid is doing the exact same things mine did and everyone else's did.Like Batya said trying to have a 2 year old sit quietly in a chair all prim and proper is not gonna happen. They are capable of that maybe for a few minutes. Children are not little mini adults. I am not saying I do not believe in discipline and that kids should not behave but a lot of people who are not parents have pretty unrealistic expectations of kids because they do not have any. Saying all that people do have a right to say who is at their event. I hope they take it well when they are told their child is not welcomed at someone else's event. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I also think some people go too far with what they expect at their own event - almost like they are puppeteers and want to control what their guests wear, where they sit, when they dance. That's all well and good but sometimes that compromises the guests' enjoyment. I also think that if an adult brings a child to an event, the adult should remove the child if the child is being disruptive (or at a restaurant) Now that I'm a parent I have lower expectations of anything going smoothly in public, even though we have an "easy" happy baby so I would probably laugh if a 2 year old knocked over a centerpiece at an event of mine, but would be embarassed/feel badly if it was someone else's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 I also think some people go too far with what they expect at their own event - almost like they are puppeteers and want to control what their guests wear, where they sit, when they dance. That's all well and good but sometimes that compromises the guests' enjoyment. I also think that if an adult brings a child to an event, the adult should remove the child if the child is being disruptive (or at a restaurant) Now that I'm a parent I have lower expectations of anything going smoothly in public, even though we have an "easy" happy baby so I would probably laugh if a 2 year old knocked over a centerpiece at an event of mine, but would be embarassed/feel badly if it was someone else's. This too. Is perfection the goal or is happiness the goal? Believe me NO ONE remebers the "perfection" of an event. They care if they had a good time and if they felt welcomed and loved. My wedding do I remember the details? Nope, nor do I care. I hope though the people that came felt they were truly welcome. Make people the focus and you will have true happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Not if the child is under two - do you really think you'll be able to "discipline" your one year old from not crawling around or making loud sounds/crying? I agree that adults only events are fine. Agreed. To clarify when I say "kids" or "children" I am usually thinking of little ones over 3yrs of age. Anyone under that age, I usually refer to (maybe mistakenly) as babies or toddlers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Even 3 year olds depending are not going to sit like a doll for a few hours. Some girls might sit for a bit. I have not yet seen a boy that is going to sit there calm and do squat. It is just unrealistic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jengh Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Most of my friends have kids (they're all older than me, 29-32) and I have NEVER seen a kid turn up with them at cocktail parties. I think your friends that choose to bring their kids to them are being absolutely ridiculous. I don't have a kid nor do I plan on having one so I don't know what's going through their heads and what logic they're using here but I think it's really inappropriate. I would feel so awkward trying to enjoy an adult event with kids ripping around. Ugh. Definitely start putting "Adults Only" on invitations. As for the parents making special requests (milk, dryer, food)--they have a lot of nerve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 I see your point & I did not clarify before that the children I've been discussing are are all between 3 & 6 yrs of age. I don't expect anyone to be able to control the actions of babies/toddlers. The solution there is to simply not take an infant to a formal ceremony, the movies ect... And I'm not saying that a parent is capable of keeping a 3 yr. old from ever having a tantrum. But there are many things that are within a parents control. Say... not keep a child at a party 3 hrs. past their bed time... not allowing them to wear/use heelies in someone else's home... or not allowing them to pull all the books off the shelf. And also to quote Batya, if all else fails, I believe a good parent has the responsibility of removing the child from the situation. Whether that means taking them home or a few mins. down time in the car ect. In many situations I have encountered parents who could control the situation but don't because they don't want to be inconvenienced. In those instances, I feel the fault lies with the parent and not the child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 I also think some people go too far with what they expect at their own event - almost like they are puppeteers and want to control what their guests wear, where they sit, when they dance. That's all well and good but sometimes that compromises the guests' enjoyment. I also think that if an adult brings a child to an event, the adult should remove the child if the child is being disruptive (or at a restaurant) Now that I'm a parent I have lower expectations of anything going smoothly in public, even though we have an "easy" happy baby so I would probably laugh if a 2 year old knocked over a centerpiece at an event of mine, but would be embarassed/feel badly if it was someone else's. Haha! I guess there are some real control freaks out there! Personally I don't care where people sit or what they wear, I just don't want my couch peed on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Even 3 year olds depending are not going to sit like a doll for a few hours. Some girls might sit for a bit. I have not yet seen a boy that is going to sit there calm and do squat. It is just unrealistic. Right... as I said in another post, I don't expect the children to sit unmoving for long periods of time. I do expect their parents to keep them from screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing food, & using my dog as a jungle gym! If you can't get your kid to listen it's your responsibility to take them home or not bring them in the first place. Ultimately, this comes down to acknowledging that different activities are suitable for different age groups and making a judgement call. Just like you wouldn't allow a 14 yr. old into a strip club... perhaps a cocktail party or formal evening wedding is not the place for a 5 yr. old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarmiteCrumpet Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Right... as I said in another post, I don't expect the children to sit unmoving for long periods of time. I do expect their parents to keep them from screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing food, & using my dog as a jungle gym! If you can't get your kid to listen it's your responsibility to take them home or not bring them in the first place. Ultimately, this comes down to acknowledging that different activities are suitable for different age groups and making a judgement call. Just like you wouldn't allow a 14 yr. old into a strip club... perhaps a cocktail party or formal evening wedding is not the place for a 5 yr. old. Yep. Your kids, your responsibility. Not up to everyone else to accommodate your life choices. And yes, I have kids and I walked my walk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Right... as I said in another post, I don't expect the children to sit unmoving for long periods of time. I do expect their parents to keep them from screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing food, & using my dog as a jungle gym! If you can't get your kid to listen it's your responsibility to take them home or not bring them in the first place. Ultimately, this comes down to acknowledging that different activities are suitable for different age groups and making a judgement call. Just like you wouldn't allow a 14 yr. old into a strip club... perhaps a cocktail party or formal evening wedding is not the place for a 5 yr. old. Oh for sure..... I agree with you. I never took my son to anyone one's house where he was not welcomed or it was not appropriate and still don't. I always respect what someone wants at their house. 99.9% of the time though I just do not go because my first responsibility is to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 28, 2010 Author Share Posted March 28, 2010 Oh for sure..... I agree with you. I never took my son to anyone one's house where he was not welcomed or it was not appropriate and still don't. I always respect what someone wants at their house. 99.9% of the time though I just do not go because my first responsibility is to him. Which makes perfect sense. I guess a few of our friends just weren't ready to give up the party life when they had baby. Not that they don't deserve to have fun... but as you've said, occasionally baby has to come first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 28, 2010 Share Posted March 28, 2010 Which makes perfect sense. I guess a few of our friends just weren't ready to give up the party life when they had baby. Not that they don't deserve to have fun... but as you've said, occasionally baby has to come first. Well more than ocassionally. They are responsible for a child's life 100%. If you can not get a sitter...oh well your backside is at home when the person hosting wants adult time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 Well more than ocassionally. They are responsible for a child's life 100%. If you can not get a sitter...oh well your backside is at home when the person hosting wants adult time. True they are always responsible for baby but I was thinking chances are, the cocktail parties probably only arise occasionally! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 True they are always responsible for baby but I was thinking chances are, the cocktail parties probably only arise occasionally! yes.....I do not mean to keep busting your chops all the time....lol.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 29, 2010 Author Share Posted March 29, 2010 yes.....I do not mean to keep busting your chops all the time....lol.... Haha! That's ok. I actually think we're pretty much on the same page! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Which makes perfect sense. I guess a few of our friends just weren't ready to give up the party life when they had baby. Not that they don't deserve to have fun... but as you've said, occasionally baby has to come first. People who are willing to get a babysitter or have family who can help can - gasp - go to a cocktail party without their child - no need to give that up. I so far have chosen to give that up (other than about 3 times the past year when my husband stayed home with the baby so I could go out at night) because I am not yet comfortable with having a babysitter and we don't have family here to watch him, but I never felt I needed to be ready to never go out at night again because I had a baby. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 People who are willing to get a babysitter or have family who can help can - gasp - go to a cocktail party without their child - no need to give that up. I so far have chosen to give that up (other than about 3 times the past year when my husband stayed home with the baby so I could go out at night) because I am not yet comfortable with having a babysitter and we don't have family here to watch him, but I never felt I needed to be ready to never go out at night again because I had a baby. Yes, I was never comfortable with the babysitter idea, and I only allow certain family members to babysit. I did not think I "had" to give up going out. I wanted to spend as much time with my son as I could because one day they get their own life and they go. Not to mention with his difficulties that I did not realise were autism at the time made it difficult for him to be left with others. He would scream incessantly when left with anyone but my mother. And I do not mean for like half hour but for hours on end. Even if we went to visit family when he was a toddler and his other grandparents would go to even touch him he would put his arms and legs around me and scream NO NO NO NO.....just mommy just mommy and he would have this horrified look on his face that anyone else was going to touch him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Well yes, that is very true- I never felt like it was a real sacrifice not to go out at night much if ever anymore - I had had more than my share of night time adventures, fun, excitment, those looong nightime conversations that are always a little different than during the daytime, etc. Once in a blue moon when a favorite movie comes out and I can't just go to see it right away I wish I could but as you know there's no time to dwell on that as a full time mom (just like with any other full time, demanding, unpredictable, all consuming, job, except you get to add in the irresistably cute and lovable boss). Kudos to you for being there for your son! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 Well yes, that is very true- I never felt like it was a real sacrifice not to go out at night much if ever anymore - I had had more than my share of night time adventures, fun, excitment, those looong nightime conversations that are always a little different than during the daytime, etc. Once in a blue moon when a favorite movie comes out and I can't just go to see it right away I wish I could but as you know there's no time to dwell on that as a full time mom (just like with any other full time, demanding, unpredictable, all consuming, job, except you get to add in the irresistably cute and lovable boss). Kudos to you for being there for your son! TY.....it is hard though.sigh...because he does not to this day look for any kind of comfort anywhere else than me. Even when me and his dad took him to a movie this weekend he would still ask me.....mom what is happening this minute....when EXACTLY are we going to be doing this...(hewants to know to the exact minute something is going to take place even if it is not within a person's control Even when my mom has him after school the days I work he watches the clock she says and if I am one second later than I said I would be he is asking her incessantly..."where is my mom....where is my mom, call my mom, she missed her time .....nana where is my mom" and that is painful because he is almost 13 now and he should not really care if I am a few minutes late, but the way his brain works he can not let the time factor go. Plus with people he is not REALLY close to and that means my mom or his dad he withdraws pretty much and goes to be alone and this is even with other family members. At my grandfather's 90th birthday he retreated to hide in a bedroom because of all the people. There is no way I can just leave him with a sitter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted March 29, 2010 Share Posted March 29, 2010 I understand - a close friend has a son (now 20) who has Asperger's so there is a degree of that. It's stories like yours that should bring home to people that they have to be ready for the unexpected and unpredictable in the way of sacrifices and daily life to be even somewhat "ready" to be a parent. To the OP - I think the problem here is not that you want an adult - only even - perfectly reasonable - but the tone in some of your posts goes beyond annoyance with the parents/children involved and borders on disdain and a little hostility which personally I don't think is called for. Even if a child comes uninvited and you don't want to have an awkward confrontation about that child remaining there, and your couch gets peed on, there are worse things. At least you got to see your friends in person, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eggplant47 Posted March 30, 2010 Author Share Posted March 30, 2010 Hahahahahaha! Absolutely no offense intended, but I can't believe you got distain or hostility! I don't feel distain or dislike for anyone, it's just some of the things they do as parents absolutely boggle my mind! I have never and would never kick the kiddo out once they'd arrived, nor have I ever said any of these things to our guests because I would not want to hurt their feelings. I speak very, very bluntly here because of the privacy the forum provides. As I said in my original post, I am simply considering printing "adults only please" on the bottom of future invites. Not just for the benefit of my couch, but because I believe it's best for the children & only fair to other guests who pay sitters so they can get an evening out amoung adults. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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