bedrocks Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Bedrocks, this is contained in her first post Totally missed it, thanks avman. This is a pattern of abuse with no remorse on his part. There are serious problems here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Speranza Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Again Russ, I don't dispute that but - we have context here. The context is that this has happened before. Whatever she did or didn't do, physically hurting her is simply unacceptable. And even if it wasn't deliberate, I would expect someone to be horrified they had injured someone, not dismissive of the injury. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
avman Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Again Russ, I don't dispute that but - we have context here. The context is that this has happened before. Whatever she did or didn't do, physically hurting her is simply unacceptable. And even if it wasn't deliberate, I would expect someone to be horrified they had injured someone, not dismissive of the injury. I agree with this. If this were a case of horseplay gone too far I would expect him to be shocked and apologetic once her wrist was injured. Lots of "Oh gosh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Are you ok?". But that's not what is happening here. Also it is apparently not the first time he's injured her which is making me believe there is a serious problem brewing here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Talking to him, or letting some time go by will not solve this. By staying with him, you're basically telling him that it's ok to abuse you, and it will continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 It doesn't seem abusive to me. Maybe he's just showing his authority? And, what kind of authority would this be called? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Theblueman123 Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 And, what kind of authority would this be called? Natural order or things but let's only talk about OP's issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Abuse of any kind only escalates. Before you ever go back to him if you do and I would hope that you don't, he should get some kind of anger management therapy. NO ONE deserves to be man handled. I am sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azilynn Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Wow reminds me of my ex who shoved me into a window sill when I as trying to go past him and not be backed into a corner. He called that self defense too. When I hadn't even touched him except putting my arms out in front of me to keep him away from me. After pushing me around constantly blaming me. Asking me why I made him put his hands on me in a violent manner. Twisted my wrists, sat on me,....to many things to put here. To make a long story short. Drop the loser. Save yourself the grief. You deserve better. It could get worse. Have some self respect. Don't let him do this to you. It is abuse and you shouldn't have to take it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 He got extremely infuriated and grabbed my wrist and twisted it. it is also not the first time he's done this He says that i was nagging too much and that it doesnt look like it hurt me. He says its normal for him to react that way becuase it was self defense. I wanted to talk to him about it but he said he was too mad, so he grabbed my purse and keys and LITERALLY pushed me out the door. He blames me for everything and tells me that i am mental he never ever takes blame for any of our arguments. His response was "I just dont understand why you act so crazy." These are all red flags for abuse. It will only get worse. Run, don't walk, away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted March 23, 2010 Share Posted March 23, 2010 Russ, you have valid points, but the more important issues are (1) his past with hitting from his parents, (2) his history of such things with her, and (3) his total inability to accept any of the responsibility and, in fact, a concerted effort (more than once) to turn it around on her. That last thing is the biggest flag of an abuser - to convince you that you deserved it or that it wasn't wrong. That is why it's a bad situation. Not that he 'just' grabbed her wrist - that it's part of a bigger picture. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lilsmc Posted March 24, 2010 Author Share Posted March 24, 2010 wow. Thank you so much for all your responses! I have read them all and they are extremely helpful. I made it clear to him that i do not appreciate being treated that way and being pushed around. He has asked me to move in with him twice already. I am very glad i decided not to because everytime we get into an argument he tells me to get out. He will literally grab my purse and keys and toss it out the door. Stupid me, I always refuse to go cuz i feel that it wont fix any of our issues. That is also one thing that upsets me. EVERYTIMe we are at his house, it seems to me that he feels like he has total control of any situation. ""I want you to get the FKKK out because this is my house, therefore i have jurisdication of who stays or who goes, and if you dont leave, i can call the cops and they will escort you out" He constantly does this when we argue..and it makes me feel uncomfortable coming to his house. I just told him how unconfortable that makes me feel, and his response was "i cant believe you are still looking for a fight"" Just last week, i was SOO deeply in love with this guy as everything was going so perfectly well between us, but after this happened on sunday, i feel completely different. Not that i love him less, but it just the fact that it gets me SO mad i let him treat me this way and let my self integrity feel so low... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnera Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 Hon, he doesn't love you.. He gains self-esteem through controlling and manipulating you. He THINKS he loves you, because the emotion he feels about you is so powerful. But if you read some books about abuse, you'll see him over and over and over and over and over again. Because everything he does is JUST like every other abuser. The smartest thing you can do is LEARN about abusers, and about people who get sucked up into abusers' lives (that's you). Patricia Evans' books are amazing. Also, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men, by Bancroft. PLEASE do some reading before you ever talk to him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taikero Posted March 24, 2010 Share Posted March 24, 2010 That is also one thing that upsets me. EVERYTIMe we are at his house, it seems to me that he feels like he has total control of any situation. ""I want you to get the FKKK out because this is my house, therefore i have jurisdication of who stays or who goes, and if you dont leave, i can call the cops and they will escort you out" He constantly does this when we argue..and it makes me feel uncomfortable coming to his house. I just told him how unconfortable that makes me feel, and his response was "i cant believe you are still looking for a fight"" Now see, stuff like this is clearly manipulative and controlling. It would be in your best interest to leave him as quickly as possible. He's not good for you or to you, and you've basically admitted to being scared of him. Doesn't sound like any sort of healthy relationship to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMM Posted March 26, 2010 Share Posted March 26, 2010 Its very common for abusive people to try to make their partners believe that they overreact to everything or that they are the crazy ones. My fiance (we are separated for now and in counseling) used to always do that to me. Also if you dont get hurt when someone slaps, pushes, or gets physical with you in any way doesnt mean its not abuse because it is. This is where I was really confused for a long time. Is this the first time that you were actually bruised from him? If you can you should talk to either a close friend or a counselor. I think just telling someone whats been going on will completely validate the fact that you are not the one thats crazy. Oh yeah and definitely dont move in with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akazie Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 He abuses you constantly, nice is over with now he will domainate you forever. Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TN-Walker Posted March 27, 2010 Share Posted March 27, 2010 He has asked me to move in with him twice already. I am very glad i decided not to because everytime we get into an argument he tells me to get out. He will literally grab my purse and keys and toss it out the door. . I think if anyone did this to me, I'd quietly pick up my purse and my keys, walk out, and never look back. And I actually did exactly that, though it took me 3 years of emotional and physical abuse to do it. I stayed way too long. Sweetie, get out now while you can. He won't change, and you don't deserve this kind of treatment. It's not going to get any better. It'll only get worse. Believe me, I lived it. I know. I'm now so emotionally damaged that I may never trust anyone enough to have a normal relationship again. Don't let that happen to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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