jaygirl Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I am just wondering. I left my ex, because he said he didnt see any future for me and him. I tried doing NC, cldnt really cope, so now its kind of LC and NIC. However, i realise a pattern. Every two days, my ex tries to send a message to find out how i am doing or suggest he wants to see me to drop off a gift, or generally to say hi, which i often reply with monosylabbles, and once i reply, he doesnt reply again, he is absolutely silent till another two or three days. I am just wondering. what's with the pattern? is it guilt? or he is trying to know where i am? or he is just missing the familiarity? Just wondering Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 He is trying to keep you on a string..wants to make sure you don't forget him...it is his ego boost. Attention-seeking behaviour. He likes the notion that you still want him and he wants to keep it that way by constantly giving you reminders of him. It is a game. He doesn't see you in his future but he still wants to keep you around just because it suits him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uncomfynumb Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I think I have to agree with CAD. What is your reasoning behind LC and NIC whatever that is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BriarRose Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I am just wondering. I left my ex, because he said he didnt see any future for me and him. I tried doing NC, cldnt really cope, so now its kind of LC and NIC. However, i realise a pattern. Every two days, my ex tries to send a message to find out how i am doing or suggest he wants to see me to drop off a gift, or generally to say hi, which i often reply with monosylabbles, and once i reply, he doesnt reply again, he is absolutely silent till another two or three days. I am just wondering. what's with the pattern? is it guilt? or he is trying to know where i am? or he is just missing the familiarity? Just wondering The last guy I dated did the SAME thing! Over and over, every time! CAD is right. He just wants to make sure you are still open and available, but has no desire to get back together. A back-up plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavenderdove Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Because he is treating his connection to you like a little drug fix. It is really hard to separate from someone you have been attached to, so for a while, many do this kind of contact... The tension starts to build where you feel anxious being alone without the person, until you can't stand it, then send a text or call. Then once the contact is made, the fear of being alone recedes since you made the contact, then when the fear recedes, the anger/recognition of of the breakup returns, you've had your fix for a while, and can go about your business. So it is like drug seeking behavior... once you get the fix and aren't craving, you don't need it til the tension builds again and another fix is needed. This will diminish with time, as each of you gets more used to being without the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
uncomfynumb Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 Because he is treating his connection to you like a little drug fix. It is really hard to separate from someone you have been attached to, so for a while, many do this kind of contact... The tension starts to build where you feel anxious being alone without the person, until you can't stand it, then send a text or call. Then once the contact is made, the fear of being alone recedes since you made the contact, then when the fear recedes, the anger/recognition of of the breakup returns, you've had your fix for a while, and can go about your business. So it is like drug seeking behavior... once you get the fix and aren't craving, you don't need it til the tension builds again and another fix is needed. This will diminish with time, as each of you gets more used to being without the other. This is in the book as well jaygirl. That is why I posted on the eight week challenge absolutely NO CONTACT. Dr. Allen explains that if a man can get a fix from you, he can stay away longer. I've broken NC several times but I'm not really 100% certain that I want my ex back anymore. That makes me a little sad actually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaygirl Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 @uncomfynumb, LC and NIC(not initiating contact) was started because i tried NC and wasnt strong enough and was thinking i would take baby steps, and later go full NC. So all this while, i dont initiate contact till he does, and i reply. but i noticed that once i reply, he goes off for about two or three days. I think you guys are right about the drug fix. I think i should send him a mail not to contact me unless he is ready for commitment. what do you think? give me an example of a mail i should send? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shessofly Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 just don't respond to his texts and/or block him if you don't think you're strong enough. he doesn't need to know your plan. just my opinion of course. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
incaangelique Posted March 13, 2010 Share Posted March 13, 2010 I have a hard time not responding back to texts as well. His texts saying that he miss me are meaningless if I am honest with myself. If he really missed me he would ask me to come back. He doesn't miss me enough to do that, soooo . . . trying again. Day 3. If I make it through today, tomorrow will be day 4, woo hoo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaygirl Posted March 13, 2010 Author Share Posted March 13, 2010 So he just came for this nights dose again. Sent me another Hi Jaygirl, hows the weekend going? Seems he is getting hooked to his dope........its shifted from 72 hrs to 48, now 24........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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