BellaDonna Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 What about the 1-800-SUICIDE line? (The one I linked to above was the 1-800-TALK line) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IphigeniaSaysHi Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Well instead of giving up maybe this is your time to be alone and do some serious reflecting. You can learn a lot about yourself when you're single. You said you can only be happy when you are with someone... Were you happy as a child? I doubt you've been in a relationship since birth. This is so true, Raistlin, please consider it. I recently had the bottom fall out of my stupid life but I'm happier than I've been in a long time because I'm just working on sorting out my problems. I hope the best for you, I've always thought good of you on ena. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProtestTheHero Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 You say that the only way you can be happy is when you have someone in your life to make you happy, but the ironic thing is that this mindset will end up preventing you from enjoying the very thing that you want. No woman (or man, it isn't gender specific) wants to be with someone who views them as their sole reason for happiness, joy, and a desire for life. Why? That burden is too great for anyone to comfortably carry and in the end it becomes too much and they'll resent you for it. If relationships are your reason for carrying on, you are far better off trying to figure out how to approach them in a healthy way so that you can enjoy one that has the potential to last. The only way you can do this is to have supplemental things going on that you enjoy and that take up your time. It is very rare and unusual for someone to not have hobbies, so I'm sure there are plenty of things that you like to do, it's just that they seem meaningless in comparison to the void that your ex has been filling for you. I have had similar feelings...it wasn't because of an ex or a relationships, it was more of a general unhappiness with the direction my life was going and how I perceived that people reacted to me. You can't make someone your sole reason for carrying on. You just can't do it...most relationships fail. That means anytime you go exclusive, chances are you'll breakup rather than last forever, so that means every break up means that you are not just losing your gf but your main motivation for carrying on. You can't do that. Relationships are way too fickle. People change way too easily. You can't put yourself in a situation where one sentence from a girl turns your world upside down. People are everywhere. Women are everywhere. The opportunities are endless, it's just a matter of whether or not you want your life to end over a girl. I'm sure some small amount of pride in you finds this repulsive, so listen to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raistlin Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 PTH: I get what you're saying there, and I've already come to realize it. I'm just very, very embarrassed to reach out for help because it's admitting to myself that something is wrong. Not to mention, everyone around me says they wont look down on me but I feel as if they will. I cling to someone, they run, and then I "don't understand" why. I've never been one to give anything space... just most things I've had passion for in the past don't live and breathe. Damnit. I hate my life right now. 4.5 hours until work and I am NOT looking forward to going. Leaving work will be hard because I will be back here, with no one to talk to. I prefer the constant of communication, but I don't have any online friends anymore (that I communicate with; most who've posted here ARE my friends [or at least I respect them enough]). I did call a prevention hotline earlier and I asked about resources for therapy. I haven't found anything yet that would be in my budget right now, but I am due for a raise next week so that may change, depending on my raise. I want help. I want to try, at least. If it doesn't work... well, I tried and will know that when I do decide to end my life at that point, that there was nothing else I could do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellFrost666 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 The first time I ever made a appointment to talk to a shrink I felt like I was admitting defeat. I can understand those embarrassed kind of feelings... But you have a problem. If you had the flu would you be embarrassed about going to the doctor? If anyone looks down on you, then it's out of ignorance. They don't really understand. I am glad to see you posting here today though. I wondered about you today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 I did call a prevention hotline earlier and I asked about resources for therapy. I haven't found anything yet that would be in my budget right now, but I am due for a raise next week so that may change, depending on my raise. I want help. I want to try, at least. I am very happy to hear that and I know that it must have been hard to make the call. I hope you get the raise! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raistlin Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 I've been through both ends of the spectrum, and I'm scared and alone throughout it all. I just want it to end, one way or another. If I try and succeed, I might find the happiness I feel I deserve. If not... well, I tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raistlin Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 So much is wrong with me. As a person, I'm not likable. As a man, I'm very weak. As for my personality, I'm very selfish and controlling. I feel like a child trapped in an adult body, with no soul as I find no enjoyment in 99% of things in life, especially without others. I can say I have fun when I'm involved with someone, or I've been single for a long time (8 months or more) and I've been able to do more than drown myself in a pool of self pity... but other than that, no. I don't enjoy life like most people do. And I feel completely worthless at almost all times, in or out of a relationship... unless "she" (whoever I'm with) is providing a large or constant ego booster. I WANT to enjoy life. I just don't know how. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HellFrost666 Posted March 12, 2010 Share Posted March 12, 2010 Do you think it's these feelings now that make you "weak"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raistlin Posted March 12, 2010 Author Share Posted March 12, 2010 No. I am a weak man in general. I am unable to do what I KNOW is the right choice, if I think it will be the harder one. Honestly, I knew my gf was wrong for me for quite some time, but I lied to myself in order to not have to go through this. In the long run, I made it harder because I put more effort into it and ended up convincing myself of something other than the truth. I can't commit to a career path because I'm afraid of choosing wrong. I cling onto almost anyone that gives me attention because I constantly feel so alone. I beg for forgiveness from my gf's, even when I did nothing wrong... just to make things right again. I am not a man by any means, except in age. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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