my boyfriend....advice?

[Annamieka]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 months, we get along so great and have so much fun together, but over a month ago i moved to a different state for year 12, he wanted to move with me but has to finish school first, so he is going to move in with me in november.

 

This sounds great and i cant wait, but having not seen him in over a month, lately things have been really hard, he has been getting very jealous of any mention of another guy or if i hang out with friends after school and pretty much forcing me to have a completely anti-social life until he moves here.

 

He also has been getting like TO attached and crying all the time because he misses me, he cries about it way more then i do, i mean i miss him like crazy and i want to spend my life with him, i just don't cry much about it.

 

So we have been struggling for about a month. I have been on holiday the last 2 weeks and i thought we were going pretty good the last couple days, and then today...we had a tiny argument and i wasn't replying to his messages because i was busy and wasnt going out of my way to text him because of the argument, he then texts me and tells me he is going to kill himself because he misses me to much and he said bye i love you but life is to much for me. Obviously i freak out and call him, i'm crying on the phone trying to tell him not to do it and he says he only said it to get me to reply, i was sooooo upset, i couldnt believe he would scare me like that just to get me to reply, i couldnt stop crying because i was still in shock and my stupid dad sees me and calls my boyfriend and tells him to leave me alone and not contact me, dad then told me not to contact him until we get home from our holiday.

 

A hour or two later i get a call from mum saying he has been on the phone and is so upset and unstable emotionally and she tells me i should break up with him because he is unstable.

 

I bloody hate it when my parents get involved in something like this which is completely my business and i cant talk to my boyfriend until i get back from my holiday and i'm so scared of loosing him because i love him. But my parents said they might take a stand and not let me see him what should i do?

 

also someone told me by the way he is acting, he is clearly cheating on me, is that right?

 

thanks

[Jd1983]

I think this is just too much for him to handle.

 

Are you able to handle a long distance relationship together? It takes two parties to make it work and it's not easy.

 

Also, I don't think he's cheating on you. Not by the thread that I read.

[alli]

My ex was like this. Things were fine when I lived close to him & spent most of my time at his house, but he got VERY possessive, jealous & needy when I moved accross the state (about a 2 1/2 hour drive) for school. It was getting absolutely ridiculous!! I wasn't allowed to "talk to guys" (I'm in the military, kind of hard NOT to since almost everyone in the military is a guy!!) He demanded talking on the phone several hours each day, we would actually get in a fight about what time to get off the phone (I wanted to get ready for bed!!) Then telling me what clothes I could wear, & that I shouldn't wear makeup because girls only wear makeup to get a guy & since I had him, I obviously was only wearing makeup to attract more guys.

 

I couldn't take it anymore. I dumped his ass, and I'm glad I did. One of the few decisions I have never, even once, second-guessed.

 

With your bf, I wouldn't necessarily say he is cheating. Sometimes, people become suspicious of their SO because they themselves are the ones that are cheating, but that doesn't really sound like the reason your bf is being so jealous & suspicious. I think it is that he is insecure. It is not your job to fix him.

 

I'm sure it's annoying that your parents are trying to fix this for you, but you should know I think they are right. This guy is not treating you right. Heck, what kind of person tells their SO they are going to kill themselves just to get them to return a PHONE CALL?? Oh, by the way, my ex said he would kill himself when I dumped him. He never did. Either way, I can't control his actions from that point & I'm not about to be blackmailed into staying with someone.

 

Really, your parents should have let you handle this yourself. They basically did what you should have done yourself. Maybe you aren't ready to see this guy isn't good for you & they should have let you resolve it on your own time.

 

I highly recommend delaying moving in with him for a while. November is still a ways off so this may be resolved by then, but at the very least, don't live in the same house with him if he moves to your town. You should also know, his needy, possessive & jealous insecurities will probably just continue to get worse. He may even start to say bad things about your friends & family in an effort to get you to cut off contact with them. It sounds like you don't want to break up with him, so me telling you to do that will probably not resolve anything. At the very least, keep an eye on this, keep a level head & don't let him control you too much.

[DN]

Under what circumstances are you mentioning other guys to him?