tmp110314 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 metrogirl Let me start out by saying that I've been following your post for a while now and admire how you keep so positive most of the time with all that you have going on in your life. You've shown me that you are a very strong woman with a lot of passion and caring. I wish more people could see your example which is, in my opinion, a model for the rest of us. It was hard to read your post knowing the hurt that you feel over the living situation that is imminent with Jesse. I do have a couple of questions if I may ask. Was there anything said by Jesse or your daughter about not needing you around to do the things that you have been doing for Jesse? How far from you is the new place going to be? Why did your daughter want to have this living arrangement? It is interesting that Jesse is comfortable enough to enter into this arrangement with your daughter. It's almost as if he is a step-father that loves his step-children enough to want to be around them. I realize the situation is more complex than that. I echo petite's question above regarding this arrangement to be made with you and your family that lives with you. Is it possible for you to get this arrangement versus your daughter? I apologize if I'm being too nosy here. EDIT: I was typing this when you were posting your last post. I didn't see your post in time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 The optimist side of me thinks that they are trying to make things easier for you, and that it makes sense that your daughter is around all the time and she can help. The pessimist side says that he has been fighting a larger commitment with you for a long time now, and this is exhibit A. If he wants to be with people and be in a home where he can be taken care of, etc... then his first thought should have been of the two of you living together. Just my two cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Your kind words are very sweet although I don't see myself as any different from the rest of you folks. I'm just a mother, grandmother, girlfriend that wants everyone to feel happy and loved. No there was nothing mentioned about him not needing me. It's just how I feel I guess. I mean I prepare his special foods (renal diet foods), I make sure his meds are all in order and once a week I wash his work uniforms. I don't think he could ever say he doesn't need me but the truth is I feel like once he's in his new living situation he won't need me. The arrangement also benefits my daughter and her children. Currently she lives in a small house (kind of rundown) with a backyard of dirt and neighbors that are not very good people. The new places offers a huge backyard (grassy) for the kids to play comfortably outside without neighbor children bothering them. It's still very close to where we are all now, there would be no change in distance. I could have went in with my daughter and found an even bigger place but I didn't neccesarily want to live as one big family unit again. Don't get me wrong, I was crushed when my daughter and kids moved out, I even remember talking about it here how I was dealing with empty nest syndrome but I came to appreciate a quiet house and just having me time. It would also be feasable for me to find a place for just my mom and son if that was the last option but I also know they find comfort in being around me. That's me, just wanting to make sure everyone is happy but interestingly enough I seem to be the only unhappy one here. Last night I couldn't sleep and I kept thinking about him and his dialysis and will he have access to a restroom near his room because he has to run a drain line from him to the restroom for when he is dialyzing. I kept asking myself, "did anyone think about the simple stuff like that"? I'm the one that worries about things like that. When we travel to Vegas, we stay in one hotel because of the way the room is set up, he can still sleep and dialyze and the drain line convienently reaches the bathroom so there are no issues. I guess my insecurities or whatever they are clearly show on my face this morning because a few people have approached me at work. So I guess for now the best thing for me to do is bury myself in work and deal with everything later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I think Jesse will still need you even at the new house, if that's what they do. Your daughter has her own kids and just can't take care of him like you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp110314 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I really think that Jesse will always need you. From what I've read here, no one would give him the same care as you have. He is a very blessed man to have you in his life. I see a bonus here. While you are at Jesse's, you'll be able to see your daughter and grandchildren. My grandchildren live about 600 miles from me and it's no easy task to see them. You all are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Everything is complicated at the moment. Jesse backed out of the deal before I even had a chance to talk to him. My daughter isn't speaking to me because according to her it's my fault that he backed out and in her words "the kids are going to be devestated". Nice... She knows that I go into a tizzy anytime I think something is bothering my grandbabies, so she essentially put the biggest guilt trip on me and I have been so upset since yesterday, I hardly have an appetite and when I do eat, I end up with horrible stomach issues. Ive been crying since yesterday. I was awake most of the night just thinking about everything. I've been tired, I guess feeling unappreciated by him, by my daughter, by everyone really. I've been down but really trying to keep myself together because I didn't want to fall into that horrible depressive state that Ive been in years previous but the more I thought about it, the more I think it's best that I just keep to myself for awhile. I don't want to be around people that seemingly only need me or want me when they want something. My so called friends didn't seem to notice that I was feeling down. I just want to be alone with my thoughts and my sadness. I had my appointment today for the breast biopsy. Jesse didn't even remember and not one person even called or texted me. I have never ever felt more alone than I feel at this moment. So I'm just disconnecting from them for the time being until I can get myself together mentally. I doubt they would even notice my disconnect anyway. Now I guess I will lay down and ice my boob. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Oh met, I am sending you the biggest hugs ever! It's not your fault that he backed out. You never even got to talk to him about it. It sounds like your daughter has some growing to do. You are NOT alone. Keep in mind that you are the type of person who gives and gives, and others may not realize that sometimes you need to take a little too. It's not that they don't care or that they're being selfish, it's that they probably think it's how you prefer it...just to be left alone. Do you turn down help often? How did your appointment go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luminousone Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Awww, Metro! So sorry they forgot. I have been following your posts and I have been routing for you! Hope the biopsy went well. You have been so amazing, taking care of others. It is time that others take care of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Hugsssssss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Awwwww honey. I think everybody's tired, especially you. HUGS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Awww, Metro! So sorry they forgot. I have been following your posts and I have been routing for you! Hope the biopsy went well. You have been so amazing, taking care of others. It is time that others take care of you. Yes ma'am, it is! It is your turn. When you(anyone) fall into the role of taking care of others and putting your needs on the backburner, they act like a deer in headlights when you finally need to lean on them, it's unfamiliar territory and not necessarily an indication of how they care for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Well said, cheet. Sad but true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Just know you aren't alone Mama. We may not all be there in person but you will always have us to lean on. You do so much for everyone, I think it's very unfair for any of them to lay a guilt trip on you about anything. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangletsbang Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 After everything you've done and do for your family and Jesse...you're the LAST person who should feel guilty. I'm sorry, met. You shouldn't be treated that way at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Hugs to you. Sorry to hear about your problems with your daughter and Jesse. You do A LOT for them and you have no reason to feel guilty. In fact your daughter should feel bad for putting a guilt trip on you. I hope you are ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 You guys are really terrific, I want you all to know that. I'm pretty sure that's why many of us have stayed so long here on the forum because of the family feel it has. I can't say I'm any better today. I had texted my daughter early in the morning to tell her that I was working OT today and I would pick up the kids when I get off work at 10 tonite. No response.... so a few hours later I call her and the phone rang twice and then it went to voicemail. Naturally I was instantly heated and I guess she figured out really quick that acting like that with me probably wasn't the best idea so she called me right away and she had an attitude but I really didn't care. All I wanted was confirmation my grandchildren would be ready when I got there. So tonite I will have my babies and they are all I really need right now. Honestly if it weren't for them, I would have cut and run a long time ago. They are what keeps me going and when I'm at my very worst, I think about how shattered their lives would be if I weren't here and I have to keep going for them. The rest of the group, I'm leaving alone for right now. For my own sanity anyway. The appointment was ok I guess. I was blessed with a really good doctor that was extremely thorough and wanted to stick me the least amount of times so with the ultrasound as his guide he used a primary needle that he left in my breast and essentially maneuvered it around to drain the biggest cysts which were the problematic ones. He didn't want to go for the small ones. The fluids were sent to the lab for testing. I'm bruised but feel fine otherwise. Not quite sure what happens from here. I presume if the tests are negative for anything then the report will be sent to my doctors and then I can forward it to the transplant hospital. They can do with it what they like, I'm honestly tired of this rollercoaster ride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Do you babysit them lots? Especially after OT, that is a feat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp110314 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 A big hug to you from Virginia. You are in my prayers!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Do you babysit them lots? Especially after OT, that is a feat. I take them on the weekends, they would live with me if they could. Sometimes I take four of them (the youngest has terrible separation anxiety and freaks out if he is away from his mom) but usually it's two at a time. I don't mind having them in the least, they are generally very well behaved at my house. Our weekends together usually consist of lunches out or a movie or someplace fun. If I have money then we squeeze in as much as we can and if it's a broke weekend then we just go to the park or stay in and watch movies on netflix. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 You have the biggest heart and are such a warm, caring woman. Everyone is so lucky to have you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I know what I wanted to add, well just tad of good news anyway. For some reason I decided to check Craigslist for jobs for my son. It was kinda weird because I hadn't been on Craigslist for quite some time but out of the blue had the desire to look at jobs. So I see a listing for a place that is at the corner of where we live. My son calls, he's invited to go the next day for an interview and following that he was asked to come in today so they could see him in action. My son is a mechanic, currently finishing his last semester as in diesel technology. He had an unpaid internship where he worked on a fleet of big rig trucks. This job is working for Pennzoil doing your basic lube jobs but at least it's a job. He was there for about 4 hours today and they said he would be hearing back from the owner so hopefully he'll get the job because he needs one and it would be good for him to have actual work experience on his resume. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp110314 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Has your son checked at any of the big truck stops that have repair services? They are usually always hiring. There are also large maintenance facilities close to a lot of the truck stops that are independent of the truck stops Then there are the OC's (Operating Centers) for trucking companies. For example, Schneider National has an OC in Fontana, CA with a repair shop for their trucks. Most of the OC's I was at have shops doing 'soup to nuts' on the trucks and trailers. There are also the driver training facilities associated with the large trucking companies that keep a fleet of trucks solely to train new drivers and these are trucks with a few miles on them and require more maintenance to keep them in a safe condition to train in. My son-in-law worked for Red Star Express which had maintenance facilities for their trucks. He loved the job there, however, he had a work related injury that prevented him from returning to that line of work. I also Googled 'Diesel Mechanic Jobs in Southern California' and there tons of potential choices. Does the school that you son attends not have assistance in job placement? That's great that he may have this job to tide him over until he finds a job in what he was trained for. I offer this with the best of intentions. I hope it is of some value. Best of luck to him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 DJohn....thank you for the info. Yes his school does have job placement. Actually they place a lot of their graduating students in my company as bus mechanics. His current instructor was one of my master mechanics here where I work and the chair of the dept at his school was formerly one of my bus mechanics. The chair knows he is my son, his current instructor does not. He was only applying for the various jobs to get a head start in the job hunt. I think he and I talked about the truck stop places but I'm not sure if there are any near us. I'll have him check into that again. One thing is for sure, he will be an asset wherever he ends up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tmp110314 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Awesome. He sounds like a go getter like his mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted October 13, 2013 Author Share Posted October 13, 2013 Good day with my loves. Took them to souplantation for lunch. Jade had two cups of baked potato soup and added white and green onion to it. Then she ate some salad and fruit. We came home to watch a movie. Her mom didn't send her with her hearing aids so the TV and kindle have been extremely loud. My mood today was upbeat. They were what I needed. I know tmw when I take them back home I'm going to be in that sad funk again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.