renaissancewoman101 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 MG, congrats on your son's wedding plans. Weddings can be a real pain. My brother just got engaged to his gf in May. They are planning a big wedding (my parents want one so they can invite all the relatives), and seeing how much things cost and what his fiance is freaking out over, is making me happy that Im not planning to get married anytime in the near future. Simple weddings are the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 ^^ I agree Renny. The first time I got married, I was in Vegas at a little chapel. If I were to have ever married again, I would have wanted a small simple no frills wedding. I don't think I could handle anything grand or spectacular. I'm such a simple person by nature, anything over the top would probably send me into a complete meltdown. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 My youngest son has been applying for jobs everywhere. He's even applied for a few jobs here in my company since that is the industry he is studying in school. Someone here just told Jesse that his sister got hired for one of the positions. She has no experience in the trade and she's now got a job. My son who has been in school and done internships in this field couldn't get a job here or anywhere else for that matter probably because he doesn't have any work experience. I'm not even going to tell him, he'll be crushed. He's been looking for work, any work to no avail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted August 6, 2013 Share Posted August 6, 2013 Can he do an internship at your company so he can get "experience"??? A lot of times, companies will hire their "interns" if they excel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 Can he do an internship at your company so he can get "experience"??? A lot of times, companies will hire their "interns" if they excel. The only internships here are office admins. His field is diesel technology and his current internship is at a repair facility for big rig trucks. His goal at first was to be a bus mechanic but after getting a taste of big rigs he's showing interest there and possibly checking into the ship yards since he's seen the size of the engines ships use. He gets little side jobs working on peoples cars but it's not steady enough to make any kind of money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 6, 2013 Author Share Posted August 6, 2013 I think I feel another lump in my breast. There is really no point in working myself up over it right now becuase I know I need to wait for my period to come and go so I can see if it disappears. It doesn't help that the transplant hospital has halted everything until they have a chance to review my previous mammogram images against the one I just had. Jesse says it's probably just procedure but in my head I'm thinking if my previous mammogram was clear and if this one is clear, what is there to compare? My doctor said I have naturally lumpy breasts and he's right. That is why I always hated doing self exams because I could never tell what was a lump and what was fat tissue. I successfully found a legitimate lump 2 years ago when I had that marathon period and the lump (actually 2 lumps) turned out to be cysts and if what I am feeling is indeed a lump then it's probably a cyst again but the whole issue with the transplant hospital insisting on the previous images is kind of stressing me out now. I wonder if my being extra hormonal the last couple of months has anything to do with my feeling extra tired lately? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 The communication between departments at the hospital seems to be flawed. A lady from imaging called me to tell me that they hadn't received the pics from my previous mammo and wanted to set me up with an appointment to get yet another mammogram and I told her that I had dropped off the pics yesterday. So I guess she's hunting them down and will get back to me eventually. Now I am little more worried because why on earth would they need to do another mammogram simply because my previous results weren't available to view? Sigh..... I came home from work and just decided to make dinner. Prepared some rib tips in chile verde. It came out really spicy, I didn't think it would be so hot. I haven't done anything else here at the house, Im kinda just in a funk. Just saw a video from a young model, she's 25 and she's a plus sized model. She just announced that she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Such a young girl with such an uphill battle to fight. I should probably refrain from watching videos like that right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 7, 2013 Author Share Posted August 7, 2013 Jesse visited with my daughter and the kids last night before work and my grandson gave him a note to give to me. "Nana, I love you so much and I miss you a lot. I'm about to cry" Well Matthew usually spends weekends with me and during summer break I alternate children so he does spend a lot of time with me. When it was time to switch children, he went back home but started acting out. My daughter said that he was being rude and acting like a bully to the younger kids and would not listen so she told him that he would be unable to spend time at my house since he couldn't behave. It's hard, I miss him and clearly I would love for him to be with me but he is punished at the moment and I have to respect that. The note made me cry in front of my coworkers. I'm such an emotional sap, I swear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 "Nana, I love you so much and I miss you a lot. I'm about to cry" Awww. I would cry too. Some things just go straight to the heart! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 I spent the day with Matthew last week. I picked him up at 11am and we hung out for the entire day. We did some grocery shopping, had lunch (he wanted mexican food) and then we did some back to school shopping. He had already prepared a list of supplies that he wanted so we hit Walgreens and did our thing. Went back home and just hung out, watched Jumanji and then I took him home. He wasn't too happy that he didn't get to spend the night but I told him he should be thankful that we at least got to spend the day together. He's going to the public pool today but didn't have any swimming trunks so I had my son buy a pair for him last night and I surprised him on my lunch break and took them to his house. He was happy, I was happy....it fun surprising him. I'm still waiting to hear back from the transplant hospital. I have left voicemails so there isn't much more I can do but wait. I'm beyond frustrated but I guess everything happens for a reason so I'll just try to keep my faith that everything will work out when it is supposed to. I'm making dinner tonite, can't wait to get out of here so I can go to the store to pick up a couple of things. Collard greens, turkey meatloaf, and homemade mashed taters. Oh god, I can't wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Dinner was a hit. It came out really well and I was probably more excited because I ran out of meatloaf seasoning, drove to food 4 less to get some and came accross some coupons that the girls in a coupon group I'm in were talking about. Can't wait to see the deals for these items in the upcoming weeks. Oh I forgot to mention, I put a deep freezer on layaway! All the couponing I do, sometimes I have to pass up on some of the frozen food deals because I didn't have a lot of space. That will be remidied with my new freezer. I've also been finding some killer meat deals so I want to be able to stock up as much as I can and this also gives me a chance to get even more so I can donate to my daughter or other families that may not have food. Feeling blessed right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 The transplant hospital called me, the imaging department compared the pics from my mammo in 2011 to the most recent one and "noticed there are changes". (her words). She said I would be contacted for another mammo appointment. How do I keep a positive attitude about this? I'm terrified now, more so becuase I feel like our dream of him finally getting his kidney is going to blow up in our face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangletsbang Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I know it's easy to panic and breakdown but please, try not to. My grandma is in her 80s. Last year she had her mammo done, a week later they called wanting to do another one because there were some 'changes'...they saw a shadow on it that was caused by MOLE. They obviously have to be very cautious but i'm just curious why the transplant hospital is telling you there's changes and not your doctor who ordered the mammogram..? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 I know it's easy to panic and breakdown but please, try not to. My grandma is in her 80s. Last year she had her mammo done, a week later they called wanting to do another one because there were some 'changes'...they saw a shadow on it that was caused by MOLE. They obviously have to be very cautious but i'm just curious why the transplant hospital is telling you there's changes and not your doctor who ordered the mammogram..? The mammo was ordered by the transplant center, it was part of the clinicals I had to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangletsbang Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Oh, gotcha. -___- my bad. Did you have a mammo done last year or was your last one in 2011? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 The first one ever was 2011 and it was good, nothing concerning on it. Then I did the one in June for the clinicals and I was given clearance for the transplant pending the results of the mammo which the coordinator wasn't expecting anything bad. There was a delay because they wanted the 2011 pics to compare so I had to get them and send them and wait for them to compare the images. That is why the nurse called me today, to tell me that I need another mammo. I'm really trying to stay positive and hoping it's just another cyst. I feel something in the right breast, same area where I had 2 cysts previously. I was waiting for my cycle to end to recheck and yeah it's still there. I'm going to call my doctor and ask him if there was anything on my recent lab work that would indicate that something might be going on. I have a headache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dangletsbang Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'm sorry, met. I'm sure since you have a history of cysts in that area, it's the same thing. Keep your head up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 I agree with Dang, I'm sure it's nothing major, they are just crossing all their T's and I's to make sure you are 100% helathy to do this. Just remember you'll laugh about all these little hang ups when years from now you and Jessie are relaxing at a Seahawk's game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 I agree with Dang, I'm sure it's nothing major, they are just crossing all their T's and I's to make sure you are 100% helathy to do this. Just remember you'll laugh about all these little hang ups when years from now you and Jessie are relaxing at a Seahawk's game. And with this, I literally just started crying at my desk. I want to believe this, I'm desperately trying to stay positive but I catch myself thinking of the worst, fast forwarding in my crazy head that one day I will have to tell my grandchildren that I'm leaving. The thought makes me sick, like to the point I feel like I'm going to have a full on panic attack. The hospital called yesterday when I got home from work. They scheduled my mammogram for this Friday at 7:40am. I asked her if she could read the doctors notes for my own peace of mind. The nurse says "the doctor wants to re-evaluate the right side because of some changes". I do feel a lump, it doesn't feel hard. It actually feels like the cyst that I had previously, almost near the site of the previous cyst and I waited for my period to end to see if it would go away but it's still there. My fear comes from knowing that I'm older now, these things happen. I would like to think that since my mother and grandmother never had breast cancer that I will be okay. What they both had were very early menopause, my mother at 39 years old stopped menstruating. The surgeon that drained my breast cysts told me that something is wrong with me hormonally but without endless tests, they couldn't say exactly what. I fear that all this hormonal stuff will lead to the big C. But thank you OG and Dang for your kind words and for the pep talk. It's hard to remain focused on the positive when so much is at stake. It's not just my health, it's Jesse's life as well. We have come so far and waited so long, wer'e so close yet it feels like a million days away. I just don't want our dream crushed. I want him to have his kidney, I want my new life with him. I want to take time off from work and travel with him and do these things that as a couple we should have done early on in our relationship but didn't. I really appreciate everyone here really that has stuck with me all these years. It's funny how I have never met any of you yet our years here, I feel like I know all of you. Ok I better stop because it's hard to type when I'm crying. Hugs to all my girls......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 L and I have obviously never had to deal with what you and Jessie are going through on the physical level but I can completely understand the trying to stay positive and just wanting to have something over and done with so you can start your life with someone. I thought I was going to go mad during those 9 months of waiting in the first stage for our visa and even the last 3 months weren't a cake walk. It was endless days of checking my email a thousand times or calling and harassing USCIS, and doing both of those things I knew wouldn't get the ball rolling any faster but it's all I could do. That and wander about the worst case scenario. There were times during the first 9 months I had even started planning for a denial to come in and what we would need to do for me to move there, how much it would cost, etc. You have to give someone else control to make one of the most important decisions of your life with the person you love and they don't even know you. They don't know how long you have wanted this, how long you have worked toward this. It's very draining. But the Universe always has a reason for everything. At the time I was cussing USCIS for making us wait 9 months for the first stage but we just found out that was a blessing in disguise. Because we had to wait so long for the first stage they pretty much sailed us straight through the last 2 stages. So while some people got approved for the first stage before we did (even though they sent their applications after we did) they are now stuck in the second and third stages, and we now sit with a week before he arrives. I really do think it's just another cyst - not only for Jessie to get the transplant but for your own personal health as well. And we are always here when you need us. Hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 Jesse had his appointment with his kidney doctor today. Actually during these appointments he meets with the social worker, the renal dietcian and a nurse, in addition of course to the doctor. High fives were all around, Jesse's numbers looked really really good. His phosphorus was the lowest it has ever been, his calcium went up and his protein intake is so so. We've been working on that, giving him lots and lots of extra protein during the day since he loses so much from the kidney failure and dialysis. He's doing very well and that makes me really happy. He told the doctor about the mammogram thing, the doctor told him to tell me not to worry that it's likely nothing and that it's good they are being so thorough because if there was something and we had already transplanted, it could cause major complications for Jess. I get all that, just very nervous right now. At least my love is doing well, I can't ask for much more than that. Now Im off to take my babies to the park. They need to get out of the house for a while, they need to burn off some energy and I need some fresh air. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 Took the babies to the park yesterday, I was determined to take a nap at the park so I brought my son with us to keep on eye on the kids so I could nap in the sun. I actually fell asleep and slept for a little bit before my grandson woke me up asking if there was a restroom there. Sigh.... It was nice laying in the sun though, I need to do that more often. It was really relaxing. I'm still not sleeping well, I went to sleep about 9pm last night, woke up at 12:15am and 3:30 am, then again at 4:20 when my alarm went off. All that waking up makes me super tired, I don't feel rested at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 20, 2013 Author Share Posted August 20, 2013 So the mammogram and ultrasound showed nothing dreadful other than a boob with many cysts which is good because at least they didn't detect any cancer but I still need to find out why I have so many. The one cyst is somewhat big, at least to me it is so I will make an appointment with my doctor soon to have it taken care of. To be honest, I'm really tired of doctors and appointments and medical offices and hospitals. I just want to steer clear of them for awhile if I can. All I can do now is wait until the transplant team meets again to see if I will finally be accepted to donate. This is the only thing holding us up. I pray, I pray a lot actually and it's really in God's hands so I just wait. Hopefully I will hear something one way or another from them this week. I would like to think so anyway. In the meantime, I'm burying myself in work. I have a lot of OT to do the next couple of weeks and a weekend trip to Vegas the 2nd weekend in September for football with Jesse. We also have a couple of concerts we are going to before the trip. He's been finding stuff for us to do, minor stuff where we can still spend time together and have fun but not travel since he doesn't like traveling while he is on dialysis. Vegas is the exception. LOL He would go to Vegas every weekend if he could. Finally did some walking last night at the lake. Had a decent pace going and stopped at the equipment for a bit to work on arms and legs. A little sore this morning but it's all good. Hoping to get to the gym today after work. I have two of boys at my house, I need to take them home and still tend to dinner. I think I can squeeze everything into my day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted August 20, 2013 Share Posted August 20, 2013 I am constantly thinking of you guys Mama and keeping every finger and toe I have crossed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted August 21, 2013 Author Share Posted August 21, 2013 After the last few phone calls from the nurse, I can typically tell what kind of call it's going to be by her tone and I knew today's call wasn't a good one when I didn't hear the chipper in her voice. She called to let me know that the team reviewed everything and they aren't comfortable with what's going on with my breast. They want me to go back to my doctor and get re-evaluated, get the cyst drained. Ok Im fine with getting them drained but I don't know how much more testing they can possibly do. I already had top of the line mammograms done, ultrasounds done. I dont see what else I can possibly have done or that they can do for me. They want clearance from my doctor, but their doctors are top notch so I don't see what difference it's going to make. I think I already know that the surgery is going to be a no go. I cried after that phone call, I was sobbing in my living room and I couldn't tell my family why. I feel almost ashamed, stupid I know. I'm dealing with a wide array of emotions right now. Im angry, Im sad.....I'm really tired. I have been poked and prodded and tested from my head to my toes. I have spent countless hours in and out of various hospitals and doctors offices and the end result is this. This event will likely trigger the biggest depression I have ever experienced and it's going to affect my relationship I'm sure. Im already trying to find a way out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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