metrogirl Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 I really should have taken today off from work. It didn't occur to me until I was already here that since tomorrow is the holiday, there are no bus inspections for tomorrow so I really have no work to do. I'm literally sitting here getting paid to do nothing. LOL Not that I mind but my time could have been better spent getting the food ready for the family bbq tomorrow. Jesse wants to rent a jumper for the kids tomorrow. I didn't really think it was a good idea because Im worried something was going to happen to it with people setting off fireworks but he's taking responsibility for it and he wants his grandbabies to have the most fun sooooo...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 He's a good man Metro!! Happy holidays to you guys for tomorrow!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 3, 2013 Author Share Posted July 3, 2013 Thank you Vic. It's going to be a wild day I'm sure. I have rowdy neighbors and they have lots of illegal fireworks. They've been blowing them up all week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted July 3, 2013 Share Posted July 3, 2013 Thank you Vic. It's going to be a wild day I'm sure. I have rowdy neighbors and they have lots of illegal fireworks. They've been blowing them up all week. Lol! We had somebody setting off illegal fireworks the other day too. It was Canada Day on Monday so people were setting off fireworks all weekend. There are no fireworks or fires of any kind allowed on the base. But people were shooting them off anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 5, 2013 Author Share Posted July 5, 2013 Well the disc in my back is screwed up again. I feel like I'm dying, I have no meds, my doctor obviously isn't working today. I cooked for my family's bbq but I haven't been outside with them. Im spending my time inside on a heating pad, it's like 100 degrees here. This is just a really screwed up way to feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted July 5, 2013 Share Posted July 5, 2013 Well the disc in my back is screwed up again. I feel like I'm dying, I have no meds, my doctor obviously isn't working today. I cooked for my family's bbq but I haven't been outside with them. Im spending my time inside on a heating pad, it's like 100 degrees here. This is just a really screwed up way to feel. Oh no!!! Sorry to hear that! Hope you feel better soon!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 7, 2013 Author Share Posted July 7, 2013 I ended up icing my back later in the day and that seemed to help a little. I was a little more mobile the next day but certain movements really made my disc feel like it was just going to fall out. I'm back at work today, nice quiet Sunday morning. No coupons in the Sunday paper because of the holiday so I guess I will actually do some real work. Go figure. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 8, 2013 Author Share Posted July 8, 2013 So yesterday Jesse took my car home because I didn't want him riding the bus. (His car is still in the shop). When I went to pick up my car, I noticed he was parked really really close to a flower bed that is encased in bricks. I jokingly said "babe, if you park any closer to that flower bed, my car will be in it" and he replies "I think I hit it". You think you hit it? Yeah, I hit it. I didn't really care, my car is already banged up from everyone else hitting it. He made such a big deal out of it yesterday. He called to apologize and later when I picked up him to come for a visit he finally saw the damage first hand and kept apoligizing over and over and telling me how he feels guilty. He's working himself up for no reason and I don't know how else to tell him to just get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 9, 2013 Author Share Posted July 9, 2013 OMG, I'm in so much pain. My back is killing me. It was hurting enough yesterday, well this morning it's like 5 times worse. I'm stuck at work with no car (my son has his internship today) plus it looks like I'm staying over a couple of hours until a relief comes in this afternoon. I should have just stayed home, I could have been in bed on the heating pad. Tomorrow I'm going to see if I can get a same day appointment with my doctor and drive to LA so he can inject my back with an anti-imflammitory. It doesn't take the pain away but it will help relieve some of the pressure from the disc protrusion. Right now as I type this, it feels like someone is slicing the back of my leg from the butt cheek to the foot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 10, 2013 Author Share Posted July 10, 2013 Somewhat better this morning, I'm a little more mobile. Still can't do stairs which is a problem because my office is in a trailer and you have to walk up 5 steps to get into my office. I didn't even bother showering at home this morning since my shower in upstairs, there was no way I was going to make it up there. LOL I just used some dry shampoo on my hair and washed up downstairs. I have an appointment today after work to get an anti-imflammitory shot in my back and hopefully that will help relieve some of the pressure. I brought my Bengay and heating pad today. Looking forward to Friday. I'm going to work OT that day and then after work I'm taking all of the grandbabies to see Despicable (sp) Me 2. I'm even taking the step grand babies so there will be 8 kids. LOL Wasn't about to do that one alone so my daughter is going too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 When I did my clinicals for the transplant stuff, one of the questions the social worker asked me was how will I cope with being home bound and resting while recuperating since I'm usually on the move and never really still. I told her I thought I would be okay, I mean who doesn't want to be taken care of every now and then? So today when I met with my doctor for my back, he started writing out a note for work. I told him I didn't need one, I was still working. Needless to say he wasn't pleased with the fact that I continued to work while in pain and sometimes unable to walk. He was less than thrilled that I wouldn't agree to take time off. He said if I was going to keep working that the least I could do was come home from work and just rest. Lay on my back, let others take care of me. Blah blah. Ok well I don't like it. It's been a couple of hours and I feel like I am going stir crazy. I keep thinking, I could go to Target and grab some stuff. I could be doing laundry. I could be visiting Jesse but no the doctor wants me resting and I it sucks. Now I really do wonder what it's going to be like post op. I dont like people waiting on me, I don't like relying on people for anything. I like to get up and go and right now I can't and I won't be able to after the transplant either. How does one go from a very busy body to a home body? Sigh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 11, 2013 Author Share Posted July 11, 2013 Still hurting. The shot didn't really help as much as I had hoped. It did relieve some pressure and definitely helped me to sleep better but I'm really sore again this morning. At least I was able to get upstairs this morning to take a shower for work. Going to take it easy today, no running around. My son has my car so that helps to keep me at home. I think I will order some take out for the kids and just be a couch potato today. The guys at work are bbq'ing today. This is our celebratory bbq for passing CHP inspection in May. They have the grills set up right outside my office and the smell is amazing. They even have a deep fryer set up out there, frying fish for tacos. Certainly a great day to be at work. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 The call came this afternoon, I thought my heart was going to stop when I saw the number on the caller ID. The transplant nurse said my test results looked great and she was waiting for the imaging department to forward the results of my mammogram. She said she's not expecting to see anything on the mammogram and the review board has approved me as Jesse's kidney donor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 He and I still haven't really talked about everything yesterday. He sounded so business like, I wish he were a little more expressive with his feelings. I want to talk, I want to know how he feels. I guess I just wanted or needed some kind of emotion from him. He wasn't here when I got into the office this morning. He texted me in middle of the night and said he was leaving work early to go home, not feeling bad just feeling overly tired. I'm working OT today, probably not the smartest thing to do with my back the way it is but I really want to get some things out of the way before I go out on medical leave. I actually have a lot of OT scheduled this month and the first two days in August. I'm going to try and work as much as I can until it's time to go out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 I am so glad you were approved. Look after that back!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Could it be he's just being business like to try to detach himself from the situation? Like he sees everything you are doing for him and although minimal, I know, there are risks with any surgery and he's just trying to detach emotions from it? Although I can see why you would want some emotion from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 maybe make a list of all of your favourite low-key things to do? Get a bunch of books to read, puzzles, games on your phone, movies..heck, do the grandma thing and do some cross-stitching or knitting. I am also horrible at sitting still (unless I am online) so I can understand your angst! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 19, 2013 Author Share Posted July 19, 2013 Hi girls...thanks for the words of encouragement and the advice for keeping busy while resting. The back is still a mess. I went to the specialist yesterday, he wants me to get another MRI to see if there is any change since the last MRI. I have been in pain now since July 3rd. Some days are better than others but I haven't had a pain free day. He asked me what I've been taking for the pain. I told him I have muscle relaxers and Tylenol with Codeine. He asked me if I wanted stronger meds, start with Vicodin and maybe go up to something else. I told him no. He seemed really surprised that I'm dealing with this pain with little to no meds but the codeine isn't really doing anything and I don't like how the muscle relaxers make me feel. I don't want to be that girl hopped up on pills so I'm just using them to help take the edge off but I won't take them throughout the day. He said there is no right or wrong way finding relief for the pain. I use a heating pad, ice packs, really strong stinky chinese oil, patches and whatever else I can find. He said just keep doing what I am doing until we have more info from the MRI. If it's not any worse then he will send me to physical therapy and if it is worse then maybe discuss cortizone shots and or surgery. Blah.... We're experiencing another hold up at the transplant center. They called me to say that although all my tests were good they still hadn't recieved anything from the imaging department and that's because they want my first mammogram films from 2 years ago to compare with the new films. This makes me nervous because if there isn't anything on the films, why compare them to previous years? So I had to fax a medical release for the cd to be sent to the transplant center. I have no clue how long that will take and this only holds up his pending procedures and surgeries. So frustrating. Naturally because of the back pain I have been in, I've been super stressed and emotional. The weight is starting to creep back up, not a lot but a couple of pounds. I'm an emotional eater so I've been eating, I can't work out and it's a vicious cycle I'm in. I really just need all of this to be over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 A bad day for my back. I was doing well at work, I think it started getting hinky when I took my mom grocery shopping. I didn't bend or squat or anything, I think it's just from being on my feet and not resting. There was a Ross where the market was so I went to look for a dress for a jazz concert that he and I have tickets too this Sunday. I actually found a dress, one I really like and it only took two tries. LOL Dare I say, I feel pretty in it. Jesse had called me, he said he was having severe pain in his legs and wasn't going to go into work tonite, could i please rub his legs out. So I spent the better part of an hour and a half rubbing his legs from the knee down front and back and the feet top and bottom. I guess he was feeling better but that is when my back really starting flipping out. I had to leave to go home and take some meds. It's 315am and Im still awake and I took a muscle relaxer, a pain pill (narcotic) and my sleeping pill. Haven't slept yet and I still feel shock waves of pain shooting down my butt cheek into my leg. I have a puppy here at the house. My daughter said she found him on the sidewalk, wanted to know if I could pleasee take him because she didnt want him going to the pound. She knows that I have been toying with the idea of a new dog but wasn't sure if I was ready emotionally. So I decide to baby sit the little guy just to see how it goes and I don't think Im ready. Sigh.....it's a long story. I'll explain in the next post, Im too tired to type it all out. I really need to get some sleep somehow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 20, 2013 Author Share Posted July 20, 2013 Shouldn't I feel some sort of excitement towards the dog? He's cute, playful, maybe a little too playful. LOL I've had dogs throughout the years, I thought maybe I would feel the attraction if you will. I play with him, I hold him and let him give me stinky puppy breath kisses but I'm not feeling it and I don't know if it's because I'm guarded and not sure if I'm really ready to have a dog yet (it's only been a little over a year since I lost Marco) or if he maybe he's just not the right dog for me. I woke up to him by my feet. He wanted to wrestle a bit, so we did. I got dressed and took him outside and instinctively he pooped. He's really good about using the potty outside although there were a couple of accidents in the middle of the night and as cute as he is and as much as I thought I was ready, I just feel blank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Day 3, back is feeling good. I'm walking normal and zero pain. Thank goodness, I didn't know how much more I could take of that. So while I celebrate my pain free days, Jesse has suffered a minor setback. Well hopefully it's minor, we'll know more on Friday when we see the kidney doctor. He was having severe pain in his elbow, just out of the blue. He hadn't injured it and hadn't been at work for several days so it wasn't from over use. I took him to the Urgent Care yesterday and after some blood tests they determind he has Gout. The medicine they use to treat it can't be taken by someone with kidney failure so his only option was to get narcotic pain medicine. The doctor said that it's likely it will travel to other parts of his body like his ankles or knees or even his big toe. So far he doesn't have any pain in those areas, just the elbow. All of this was after a call from Cedars yesterday when they said the transplant process is in full swing, they wanted him to get a TB test done yesterday. They were very insistent it had to be done yesterday. The lady said she was sending the referral for him to see the surgeon for the chest cath. If he wasn't stressed out before, he is now. He's made a bucket list if you will, of all these things we have to do prior to his transplant because he has this overwhelming fear that he is going to die on the operating table. He has booked 2 concerts for us and a trip to Vegas all within a 2 week period. He's looking for other things for us to do and now suddenly he wants to spend every second with me. Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with him but he's so incredibly clingy right now. He has an appointment today at 3pm to sign his retirement papers. He's not actually retiring but entering some program where the company pays into his pension instead of him paying into it. This is only available to employees that have completed 23 years of service. He insisting I go with him. I took today off from work because I was tired and had a headache from being at the hospital last night. I was hoping to just relax at home, I've been on the go for the past several days now but no he wants me to go so we can spend time together and have lunch after. (his words) It's really like a rollercoaster of emotions for the both of us. I have my days when Im super emotional but I just want to be left alone. He clings to me but doesn't really talk to me about whats going on. I'm really praying this transplant happens quick. I need him to see that everything is going to be fine and he freaked out for nothing. On a more positive note, now that my back is feeling better I'm going to venture back into the gym for some light exercise and see how I fair. Miss the gym so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 24, 2013 Author Share Posted July 24, 2013 He signed me as the survivor of the retirement plan. I get his pension should he pass away. I kept telling him I didn't want his money, I have never wanted his money. The whole thing made me feel akward at best. I told him he should have left everything to his son the way he all the insurance policies. He said I deserve it. I don't deserve anything, I didn't find a cure for cancer for Pete's sake. Too many emotions for me to deal with today. Later, my grandchildren went home. Basically, we swap kids. I had the two older ones for a week, they went back home and now I have 1 child here. Will pick up another tomorrow after work. I cried when they left. Jesse looked confused, my mother looked confused. I felt confused. I should be happy, one was coming to stay. I love them all so much, I wish I could have them all the time. They are my baby munchkins. Sigh.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 24, 2013 Author Share Posted July 24, 2013 Insomnia is so cruel. I think I went to sleep somewhere around 9pm and woke up at 12:25am. It's 2:16 in the morning, I am wide awake and my alarm is set to go off at 4am. It's going to be a very long day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted July 24, 2013 Author Share Posted July 24, 2013 Thank goodness it's almost time to get out of here. I have to go grocery shopping and will probably go to Target today for the summer clearance. The ladies in my coupon group have been scoring killer deals on a variety of stuff at Target. The signs displayed are for 70% off but a majority of the stuff is ringing up at 90% off and with coupons for some of the stuff, the ladies are getting it for free or pennies on the dollar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think him signing over the retirement thing to you is just his way of trying to say thank you. Do not sell yourself short here Mama, you are doing an amazing thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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