A day in the life of Mama Metro (metrogirl)

[metrogirl]

Sleep was awful last night, I tossed and turned for most of it. I remember waking up at 1am and had a really hard time sleeping after that. I realized my shoulders and arms are super sore from the workout at the gym yesterday.

 

I broke my cell phone yesterday. I heard it vibrating on the counter, reached for it and fell out of my hands onto the floor breaking part of it. It still works but another good drop and it's going to come completely apart. I had just been talking with friends about how I'm the only person on the planet probably still using a flip phone, no data....nothing. LOL I had been thinking about getting a smart phone but wasn't really sure if I wanted to make that leap yet.

 

Jesse told me to pick out the phone I want and he would buy it for me but I don't feel comfortable going that route. He hasn't been working as much lately due to feeling tired and I know until he gets his sick time on the books in March, whenever he takes a day off he's doing so without pay. I think I will just get my own phone. I don't need to add to any financial stress he may have. He's says he's okay and has plenty of money stashed away but he could be saying that so I don't worry about him.

[metrogirl]

I just had the yummiest shrimp salad for lunch. My coworker told me yesterday she was bringing the stuff in to make it. It was some cilantro lime shrimp and she just put it over some spring mix and brought in a bottle of low cal italian dressing.

 

Now I just need to get off my duff and go walking on my break. Meh.....maybe

[metrogirl]

Nice workout at the gym yesterday. I did 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of abs, legs, and butt. Spent a little time with Jesse after the gym and then headed home to cook dinner and get my stuff ready for work.

 

I have been back on day shift a month now. I'm sleeping much better than before, I have more energy. I pack my breakfast and lunch everyday and brew coffee here in my office. I'm saving so much money, life feels good at the moment.

 

Appointment with the GI today and then getting a flu shot. I think after, I will head to the mall and use some gift cards I have. I haven't really treated myself to much of anything lately so this will be a nice change.

 

I'm getting my grandsons tomorrow through Sunday. We are expecting lovely weather this weekend so now I just need to figure out where I want to take them. I'm thinking the beach, hang out down by the pier and have some lunch, maybe a walk on the shore.

[redrose85]

Jesse told me to pick out the phone I want and he would buy it for me but I don't feel comfortable going that route. He hasn't been working as much lately due to feeling tired and I know until he gets his sick time on the books in March, whenever he takes a day off he's doing so without pay. I think I will just get my own phone. I don't need to add to any financial stress he may have. He's says he's okay and has plenty of money stashed away but he could be saying that so I don't worry about him.

 

You should let him. It's his way of "paying you back" for all of the help and support and love you've shown him when he needs it most. Unless I am completely wrong, but I don't think I am.

[OptomisticGirl]

Good to here you are back in the gym mama.

 

I envy your good weather - it's rained since Monday and they are calling for snow/ice tonight.

[metrogirl]

Jesse told me to pick out the phone I want and he would buy it for me but I don't feel comfortable going that route. He hasn't been working as much lately due to feeling tired and I know until he gets his sick time on the books in March, whenever he takes a day off he's doing so without pay. I think I will just get my own phone. I don't need to add to any financial stress he may have. He's says he's okay and has plenty of money stashed away but he could be saying that so I don't worry about him.

 

You should let him. It's his way of "paying you back" for all of the help and support and love you've shown him when he needs it most. Unless I am completely wrong, but I don't think I am.

 

 

I know he wants to do something nice for me but really all he has to do is just love me, that is plenty. I do what I do for him because I love him and I would probably do it for anyone that I care about. I suppose if he keeps hounding me then I may let him.

[metrogirl]

My daughter went to Vegas and I have the boys this weekend. For a little while the girls were here too and I discovered that Jade has resorted to screaming when she is mad. (she got mad at her brother for and screamed) and I thought my ear drums were gonna blow. I honestly never knew that a deaf kid's screams were so ear piercing.

 

The girls are spending the weekend with their dad and I have the boys. I really need to get some stuff done around the house but these boys are a handful today. Whew...

[metrogirl]

We drove all over town yesterday, the boys and I. We must have went to 4 or 5 stores before they decided they wanted a game for their DS's. Didn't get too much done around the house although I did clip a lot of coupons. I still have stacks and stacks of inserts (mostly for trading) but I'm too tired to even attempt any trades at the moment.

 

Went to sleep pretty early last night (before 9) and woke up at 11:55pm, went back to sleep and up again at 1am. Haven't been back to sleep since and I had to work today. I already have a pot of coffee brewing in the office and I think the look on my face says it all......stay out of my office. I'm really so irritable at the moment. For some reason when Jesse asked me if I could pick up something to eat for him on the way home from work, I had this overwhelming urge to kick him in the shin. Ugh.....I need a nap.

[metrogirl]

My grandson was moaning last night in his sleep. I suspected something was up because he was tossing and turning and just sounded uncomfortable. He woke up early this morning while I was getting ready for work and said his throat felt dry and wanted water. My mom called right now and said he is throwing up. Sigh.....I guess I will have to stop at the store to pick up some lysol before heading home. They are going back to their house today and I will disenfect everything.

 

I hate when the babies get sick. Knock on wood, I haven't had a bad cold or flu in 2 years. Trying to keep it that way.

[metrogirl]

I love my grandchildren dearly but I will be so glad when he goes home today with his mom. His moaning last night woke me up at 2am. There is something about looking at the clock at 2am and realizing you still have 2 more hours before the alarm goes off but knowing you aren't going to be able to sleep anymore. Booooo

 

Took the day off yesterday to take Jesse to his monthly kidney appointment. All the labs look good, the only issue is trying to control his blood pressure and the doctor told him he has to lose weight. We'll see how that goes.

 

I'm sitting at work and I really don't feel like working. I don't know what it is, I just can't find my mojo. The supervisor came in and saw the same stack of paperwork on my desk and just started laughing. He knows......he knows me so well. I'm just sitting here like a lump on a log, trying to figure out where I am going to find the energy to do all this paperwork.

 

I need a nap.

[metrogirl]

Lesson of the day........If you are obsessed with true crime books and stories like I am don't walk in the park at night. LOL I'm going to share this here too since only a couple of people here are friends with me on facebook and heard about it last night.

 

After dropping off some dinner at Jesse's yesterday, I wanted to get my walking done at the lake so I head out there about 4:45 pm. The sun is going down but there is still light out so I'm thinking no worries. I'm walking and I have to pee really bad so I sprint into the bathroom and I'm doing everything in lightening speed because I have read enough true crime books to know that women get assaulted in park bathrooms all the time. So in the midst of trying to pee at record speed, I drop my pedometer (didn't even notice until a short time later). Wash up and head out to finish my walk. I start seeing signs posted stating that the local electric company has certain walking trails closed off for transformer work.

 

I get to my exit trail and it's closed. So I take a look around and I'm not too familiar with the other side of the lake but I could walk around that side and still get to my car only I see there are no people on that side except for a man on a bike that I just know is a serial rapist. LOL So now it's dark, I'm probably about 2- 2.5 miles away from my car and I have to trek back through the park, the way I came in and I'm really moving. I was thinking, my chubby thighs are gonna start a fire because I was going so quick. Every jogger than came up from behind me, I would turn around and look at them as they passed because I wasn't about to get grabbed from behind. Now that I think about it, why on earth do joggers wear all black? Now I'm pracitically sprinting and all I can think of is they are going to find a floater in the lake tomorrow morning.

 

Telling the story to my son, he laughed and said he liked how I just assumed the man on the bike enjoying a leisurely ride through the park is a serial rapist. I said "son, all the books I have read the rapist always makes a quick getaway on a bike". He probably thinks his momma is nuts. That's okay, at least I made it out in one piece and I will never go walking when the sun is setting in that park again. LOL

[OptomisticGirl]

I would have done the same thing! For real. I love true crime shows but they really make you hyper vigilant! You just never know nowadays.

[metrogirl]

I would have done the same thing! For real. I love true crime shows but they really make you hyper vigilant! You just never know nowadays.

 

Sure does because I think I was doing all the right things. Looking back, scanning the areas ahead paying careful attention to trees. LMAO I thought, man if someone grabs me we are gonna end up tumbling into the lake, the water and is cold and gross from duck and goose poop and I will probably get a bacterial infection in my eyes. It's really the most random things that pop into my blonde head. LMAO

[metrogirl]

Yesterday was my first impromptu kickboxing lesson. One of the mechanics I work with is a trained boxer/kickboxer. He used to teach the sport as well. He's going to work with me on Mondays/Tuesdays as our schedule permits. We have a gym here at work....a bike, 3 treadmills, elipitcal, and various weight benches for arms, abs, and legs and there is a punching bag. Yesterday he had me doing squats with a bar which I'm really feeling today. Just call me spaghetti legs, stairs are kicking my ass today. lol

 

Jesse and I are heading to Vegas this weekend for Superbowl. Looking forward to getting away and just relaxing.

[OptomisticGirl]

I really need to do squats but I don't want to feel the pain the next day.

 

Yay for Vegas! Who are you routing for Mama?

[metrogirl]

I really need to do squats but I don't want to feel the pain the next day.

 

Yay for Vegas! Who are you routing for Mama?

 

Well I can't root for my division rivals so Baltimore Ravens it is. I actually like watching the Ravens play and I want to see Ray Lewis go out like a boss.

[OptomisticGirl]

You know why i'm excited for Super Bowl? Papa john's is running this special for Papa Rewards members were you vote for heads or tails (like you guess which end of the coin will land when the ref flips it I guess?) and if you vote right you get a free pizza. That's the extent my knowledge goes for this super bowl, lol

[metrogirl]

You know why i'm excited for Super Bowl? Papa john's is running this special for Papa Rewards members were you vote for heads or tails (like you guess which end of the coin will land when the ref flips it I guess?) and if you vote right you get a free pizza. That's the extent my knowledge goes for this super bowl, lol

 

LMAO.....hey free pizza is nothing to balk at. I would totally take a guess and try to get a free pizza too.

[dangletsbang]

OMG, now i'm excited about the super bowl too.

[OptomisticGirl]

I might have voted heads on my account and tails on L's. either way OG is having free pizza lol

[metrogirl]

I might have voted heads on my account and tails on L's. either way OG is having free pizza lol

 

HAHAHA......that is awesome. I like your style.

[metrogirl]

I'm back....not that I left or anything. I just hadn't been keeping up with the journal but this morning I realized I needed a place to just write and get all my feelings out there.

 

I finally faxed all the transplant related paperwork to the hospital, I did this on Monday so I'm assuming it will take a little time before they get back to me whether they are going to accept me and start the testing process or not. I've already lost some weight and continue to do what Ihave to do to lose another 14lbs which is where I will need to be should the transplant take place. I can work with that.

 

Jesse in the meantime has been having various setbacks which has taken a toll on his mental state of mind. He's been really exhausted which is normal when you are on dialysis. We can't seem to keep his hemoglobin up despite giving him weekly injections of Epo. He had been complaining of severe leg cramps and the doctor thought it was from the dialysis but yesterday he finally sent Jesse to the hospital to get an emergency ultrasound done on the legs to look for blood clots. I don't know the results of the ultrasound as of yet. He also informed Jesse that his current dialysis doesn't seem to be as effective as previous. His kidney function has rapidly declined in the last few months and he isn't producing much urine anymore.

 

He said if his numbers continue to decline next month that Jesse may have to start Hemodialysis. This is where it becomes a huge problem. Jesse did 4 weeks of Hemo before starting Peritoneal dialysis and those 4 weeks were horrible for him. He hated the needles (they actually resemble nails) and his arm would be badly bruised and it always hurt. He would feel sick during dialyis treament or very weak right after. He was miserable and swore he would never go back on Hemo. PD has been very easy for him, he dialyzes at home while he is asleep. There are no needles, just connects bags to a catheter in his stomach.

 

So now that the possibilty of his having to go back on Hemo has come up, he said he won't do it. PERIOD. I said "then that means you will die" and he said he rather die than to go through that again. I don't believe he was speaking out of anger or fear, he was very serious. It didn't really sink in until last night that he is just okay with death as a means to avoid Hemo essentially just leaving me heartbroken.

 

I know he's tired, he tells me that all the time. He's tired of being sick, tired of suffering. I don't want him to suffer and I don't want to say goodbye either.

 

Right now all we can hope for is a quick transplant. I pray everyday that the hospital calls me and tells me I need to start the testing. Everytime my phone rings, I think this is it but it hasn't happened yet.

[metrogirl]

The transplant center did call me yesterday. She said she was submitting the paperwork through for financial clearance, just a formality really and then we will begin the needed steps to get this transplant going. We talked a little about my weight and I told her that my numbers were done from the last time I weighed in there so she was pleased about that and said based on the original numbers she thought I only needed to lose a total of 10 lbs, someone else there had said 15-20 so I'll just continue to aim high. She said the very last part of the process is the clinicals but they won't start those until I am at the transplant required weight.

 

I feel like a ton of bricks has been lifted off of me. Shortly after my conversation with her, someone else from the transplant hospital called Jesse and said he has to go next week for labs. They will be checking his antibodies, since we are doing an ABO incompatable transplant. They expect him to undergo about 4 weeks of plasmapherisis treatments so that his chances of accepting my kidney are better.

 

I think all of this information yesterday put him in a little better mood, or maybe it's because the severity of his illness has finally set it, he wanted to go out and shoot hoops as his form of exercise and it was absolutely wonderful watching him move around. The doctors have been saying it forever, get out there and do something. Walk......lift weights......do something that gets your heart pumping and yesterday was the 2nd day that he's been out with me exercising of some sort but he has also been walking on his lunch break at work. So proud of him, I wish he would have done all of this early on, maybe we wouldn't be dealing with all this heavy stuff right now but I guess part of life is going through the rough times. We can only get stronger from here.

[metrogirl]

Financial was approved and I start the basic testing next week. Since the transplant center isn't exactly next door to my house, they are sending me a urine container this week. I have to do a 24 hour urine collection and drop it off at their lab and then give blood. He actually has to give blood as well as they are checking his antibodies so we'll be giving blood together.

 

We're making progress. Yay.......go team Jesse.

[metrogirl]

Finally had a night of full sleep. Doesn't usually happen that way, I somehow wake up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom and more times than not, have a hard time going back to sleep. Last night was different though, I slept like a baby and only woke up because the alarm went off.

 

Jesse has an appointment today to get a stress test done. Transplant hospital requires the patients to have one done every year. I have an appointment to donate blood tomorrow but since I have to go to the transplant center to give blood this week, I decided to cancel my appointment. I don't want my test results to show low blood count, they might think it's something medically related as opposed to a simple blood donation so I will just reschedule next week sometime.