OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I always go into the baby section of WalMart. I tell myself it's to buy stuff for my niece and nephew--which I do do--but it's really so I can just have something babish and buy it to stem my baby fever, ha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 HAHA... Well thankfully I don't have baby fever anymore, I haven't had that in quite some time but I understand what you are saying. LOL I think if anything I am getting marriage fever. Not that I am expecting it to happen anytime soon, but I wouldn't mind if he wanted it too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I don't think there is anything wrong with that. How long have you guys been together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 6 years next month although we were seperated for 8 months a couple years ago. I've been married once, he has never been married. He never wanted marriage even with the ex, they were common law for 20 something years. He has always viewed marriage as the woman will just come in and take half of everything he has. I'm hoping that by now he can see that I am not the money hungry woman that his friends' ex wives are. I don't care about his money, never have. I guess if it is meant to be, it will be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I think he most def. sees that you aren't. You are sticking by him during one of the roughest times in his life. Tell him it's just as easy for the man to take half of what the woman has, haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 28, 2011 Author Share Posted January 28, 2011 Well the only thing I have is a whole bunch of grandbabies and I don't think he would want half of them. LOL Is it wrong that should he die, I don't want to be the grieving girlfriend? I would rather be the grieving wife if that makes sense. I don't think I ever saw myself as someone's girlfriend in my 40's. This is probably something that I am just over thinking. Don't mind me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I mean, LTRs have the same committment as married couples but there is just something about being married that people take you more seriously, Idk. It's how our society works. And it shouldn't be that way most def and it's not even about how society views you... marriage makes you feel more secure for some reason. I'd feel the same way if CS and I were in your position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 28, 2011 Share Posted January 28, 2011 My bf and I are not married, don't live together, and are seen by our friends and family as having the most committed, stable, relationship of all of us! Since we have been together, 11 years, most of our friends and family have all been married multiple times. You don't need to be married to be taken seriously at all! But, if marriage makes you feel better, then go for it. I work in a family law office, that and one divorce has turned me off to marriage for life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 Is this seriously happening to me again? Last night, I started getting that sore throat again. I couldn't really sleep last night because it was hurting. I took a couple of Tylenol PM's last night hoping that would help but it didn't. If I do end up getting sick again, this will be the 3rd time in a month, maybe a little over a month. A lot of people I know said they are experiencing the same thing, they get sick and it runs it's course, they get well for a very short period of time and then they are sick again. Took two of the grandbabies with me shopping yesterday. Usually they are easy enough to handle but yesterday Jade was just a little pill and would not listen to me. I couldn't shop comfortably so I cut my time short at the outlets. I was able to get a new workout outfit from the Reebok store. Their workout gear was 50% off the lowest ticket price and then I had a 15% coupon. I walked out of that store with 2 football shirts and a workout outfit all for 26.00 dollars! Went to another shopping center just to browse around but it was getting late, I was tired so I just cut it short and went home. I need to go back to that shopping center though sometime this week. I was in Ross and they had some really nice clothes and I need to find something to wear to a concert that I am going to with the boyfriend next month. It is a love jams concert, an early Valentine's celebration for us. I am not a dress up kind of girl, I am most comfortable in jeans and a tshirt and some sneakers but I do want to look nice that evening so I am going to hopefully find something that looks nice. I have no idea what I am going to do for shoes. I haven't worn heels in 5 years and my attempt to walk in a pair of heeled boots last week didn't go so well. My ankles felt like they were gonna snap and I resembled a trotting horse. I need practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 I hope yo udon't end up having what I have.....it all sounds very familiar. Getting sick, feeling fine, sore throat again....the ear hurting But the turning point for me was when it all moved into my lungs and I heard rattling when I breathed and started coughing up really gross stuff ( sorry to be graphic) if that starts to happen to you go back to the doc. All Pnemonia starts off as a common virus or bacterial infection but once it settles into your lungs it can become pnemonia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 That is what makes me nervous. I still have that lingering cough from a few weeks ago. Not a bad cough but it just doesn't want to go away and then with the sore throat popping up again last night, it scares me really. The sore throat is usually an indicator that I am going to be sick. Very rarely have I had a sore throat and not been sick after. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted January 29, 2011 Share Posted January 29, 2011 What happened to me right before it got worse was the sore throat came back with a vengence, and at first it was a very dry sore throat (different from the lingering annoying cough I had) which caused me to cough and wretch to the point of my eyes tearing- then it moved into my lungs within 2 days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 29, 2011 Author Share Posted January 29, 2011 What happened to me right before it got worse was the sore throat came back with a vengence, and at first it was a very dry sore throat (different from the lingering annoying cough I had) which caused me to cough and wretch to the point of my eyes tearing- then it moved into my lungs within 2 days. Oh dear! Well I am going to keep an eye on it and if I have to, I will get it checked. I can't afford to be sick right now. Do you think the cold weather made it worse for you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 I definitely think being stuck inside due to all the snow and not being active made it worse. I was also stir crazy and stressed from being stuck inside- and stress is never good for the immune system. That might have ultimately been what pushed me into pnemonia-phase. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 Drinking some alka seltzer cold medicine, it tastes so nasty. I will drink anything at this point just to give me some relief so I can sleep. I had a long heart to heart with my best friend earlier. He knows me so well and it doesn't take him long to really get me to open up and talk about the stuff that is bothering me even if I don't feel like talking about it. He suggested I start seeing a therapist to talk about everything that I am dealing with from the never ending medical issues that my boyfriend has to the unresolved feelings I have from when he was having an emotional affair. At least that is what I percieved it to be although he has vehemently (sp) denied it was anything more than a friendship. I never really had a chance to deal with everything and learn to forgive because it was right after that he was diagnosed with the first of his medical conditions. I know I had talked about a girl that he was talking to and texting, she is a coworker but works in a different department and was introduced by a mutual friend of theirs. (this is not the girl that he had the emotional affair with) . I can admit that I have never seen anything inappropriate between their texts but still felt really uncomfortable with it all. I know those are my own insecurites that I need to deal with and I also know that never working through my feelings of his previous emotional affair has caused me to suffer. I suppose one could argue and say "Metro, you have a man that is dealing with multiple life threatening illnesses, would he really be that stupid to go there"? and the sane logical Metro would say "No way" but the insecure hurt Metro wonders if he would/could throw caution to the wind and do it again? So because I teeter back and forth with my thoughts and feelings, I think my friend is right and I should probably just see a therapist to help me gain some control back because some days I really feel like I am going crazy. I worry about his health, our future, will he be alive tomorrow and other days I sit at work and I see that girl and I turn into this really angry person and I don't even know if I have a right to be angry with her or him or myself. I'm sorry if this sounds like I am rambling, I am really just typing as fast as I can while thinking aloud. Maybe looking at it later will help me to gain some insight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 I understand those angry days well. I don't really have a right to feel angry so I know how you feel. I do think that you should pursue therapy though. Your posts are full of what you are doing for others, how much OT you work, etc.. I worry about you sometimes. Remember to take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 I understand those angry days well. I don't really have a right to feel angry so I know how you feel. I do think that you should pursue therapy though. Your posts are full of what you are doing for others, how much OT you work, etc.. I worry about you sometimes. Remember to take care of yourself. You know, my best friend said the exact same thing to me. He asked me "when do you get your time to do what you have to for you"? I wish I knew the answer to that question. I can admit that I am usually on overdrive and always trying to be the one that does everything. I don't know how to change that because anything else feels un-natural to me. Even when I do get away from the house I find myself calling to check on the grandbabies, to make sure someone has walked the dog. I think that is where the therapist can help me. I don't want to call it detaching but I do need to do things differently, I know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 You do because if you don't, you are not going to be healthy when you're older. You need to sit back, eat cake, read a good book, etc... Working OT is not a necessity in life either Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 In this economy, I never turn down OT. There will always be someone who wants the hours and it might as well be me. I am getting promotions while others are getting their hours cut. Yeah, I take the OT. You know, if you bury yourself in your work, the other people in your life are going to have to take up the slack. Once they get used to taking care of themselves, you can quite the OT and have some quality Me Time for a change. Your bf had an emotional affair? Why are you standing by him then? I feel for him because of his health problems, but would he have been there for you if the roles were reversed? Can you say he would with 100% confidence? You are a giver. Not a bad thing, but to be mentally healthy, you have to learn give to yourself first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted January 30, 2011 Share Posted January 30, 2011 I'm like you MG, I give and give to others but I rarely take for myself. I use to be really bad at it (one reason I stayed with my cheating ex for 4 years) and I still do it today but I'm learning sometimes I can't help everyone or anyone BUT myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 30, 2011 Author Share Posted January 30, 2011 I have always been a hard worker and ever since my first day of working OT twenty years ago, I have always worked it when it comes up. Like thejigsup said, other people in my company are being laid off and I am fortunate enough to get the hours, I'm going to take them. It's not everyday but when it does come up and I usually on it. My working crazy hours usually starts in June until about November and then it dies down again. I don't know what prompted me to stay after find out about the EA. Some days I call myself crazy, other days I think I made the right decision even though I know I am struggling with it all now. I guess what matters more to me right now is that he is sick. I love him and want him to be okay. Yes I am a giver, always have been. In all areas of my life, I have been a giver and most certainly a caretaker. I don't know life any other way. I am going to start looking for some therapists in my area. I think it would help if I was able to really sit down with someone and get all this off my chest and find constructive ways to deal with this crazy life of mine. You all have been greatly insightful and I do appreciate each of you taking the time to respond to this rambling journal. I look forward to the day when my posts are filled with happy stuff again. I'm working on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 I'm thankful for the quiet day at work. I needed a quiet place to calm my brain and just think things through. So far so good, no one is bothering me and no one needs anything. I get to file some dirty maintenance cards. Oh yay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted January 31, 2011 Author Share Posted January 31, 2011 I'm calling my EAP tomorrow to get started with the counseling. They will be able to provide me with some leads on therapists in my area that accept the insurance that I have through my job, plus the first 3 visits are free if you go through the EAP. I really think this is what I need. I have no desire to go back on anti-depressants. I just want to talk all this out and hopefully figure out how to cope with everything that I have to deal with, from the sick boyfriend to dealing with the home stresses that are manifesting now. It would be really easy for me to slip back into that deep depression I was in before and I don't ever want to be there again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetpea03 Posted January 31, 2011 Share Posted January 31, 2011 I hope the therapy works well for you! It's good to catch yourself before you start heading down that slippery slope. I know I never want to be depressed like I had been before ever again. Not a good place to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted February 1, 2011 Author Share Posted February 1, 2011 I'm really bad about checking my personal email and sometimes can go a month without checking it. So today I was cleaning out my inbox and see an email from an old friend that had found me on facebook last year. The email was from his wife saying please stop talking to my husband. WOW... I started to respond but then I thought, no what is the point? I was thinking I should just defriend him on facebook but he may not even know that his wife sent that and could be left wondering I just de-friended him. We were best buds in elementary school, probably like the 4th and 5th grades. His mom and my mom always visited with each other. We hadn't been in contact for well over 20 years when he found me on facebook. Certainly nothing sexual in nature, my god we were what, 10 11 years old? LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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