metrogirl Posted November 14, 2010 Author Share Posted November 14, 2010 I wish I could say I felt better today about it all but I do. Yesterday, I thought he and I were going to be able to discuss it further, but the conversation turned into a shouting match and then he became even more livid that I decided to go out to dinner with my best friend as oppsosed to eating with him somewhere. Somehow eating out with him when we can't get along didn't seem like the best idea. My sadness with the whole situation became very apparent to my friend when I ate myself into oblivion and then had the nerve to order dessert. I NEVER order dessert. My friend is so good at listening to the situation and offering sound advice. He said that my bf and I have to really sit down and my bf needs to be completely upfront and honest about his 'friendship's' with these women and if they are really just friends then there should be no need for secrecy as the secrecy is what is making me more suspicious. I think the only good thing that came out of last night was I ate so much, I felt genuinely sick and I don't want to feel that way again, so hopefully that will be the end of my binge eating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 15, 2010 Author Share Posted November 15, 2010 ^^ My bad, I wanted to say I wish I could say I feel better but I DON'T. I guess I shouldn't type so fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 I'm sorry MG. I know how that doubt can cause you to go crazy, it did in my previous relationship. I hope you guys can talk it out or at least through it. He def. needs to set boundaries with this woman. If a colleague of CS's was calling him whenever she felt like it or if there was a problem, it would bother me. That is what her HUSBAND is for, not your boyfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted November 15, 2010 Share Posted November 15, 2010 Metro, you are beautiful and give so much of yourself that I think he doesn't even deserve you. Get healthier for yourself, not for him. You're doing a fantastic job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
live.laugh.luv Posted November 17, 2010 Share Posted November 17, 2010 Just read your journal. You are beautiful inside and out and you are strong lady. Bottom line MG, I heart you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 18, 2010 Author Share Posted November 18, 2010 I have purposely neglected this journal for a few days only because I really don't have any idea what to say right now. I feel bad for not acknowledging all the wonderful people here that have supported me from day one. Please know that your kind words and sentiment really mean so much to me. It's amazing how people that I will likely never meet can still affect me and make me feel so good. I'm not in a good place right now but I am trying. I am going to aim for the gym on Saturday and see if I can get back into my routine at least to keep my sanity. I remember working out really helped to release a lot of the anger and frustration I was feeling. I need to do something because I honestly can't continue feeling this way. I fear that I will slip into that wicked depression that I have come to know previously. The issues with the boyfriend are still unresolved. I know it's easy to say "leave him" but like so many other people here that post on our wonderful forum, it's not that simple. I don't know what I want right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 I'm sorry you are still feeling down. I did noticed you mentioned that going to the gym helps you to release anger and frustration. That is one new tool you have that you did not have in the past, when fighting depression. So you will not slip back. You are armed with what you need to be a step ahead of it. Getting to the gym is the hardest part but once you can force yourself to get there you will ulimately feel better. Hang in there!!!!! The issues with the boyfriend are still unresolved. I know it's easy to say "leave him" but like so many other people here that post on our wonderful forum, it's not that simple. I don't know what I want right now. That's ok. I just means you have not reached your breaking point regarding this relationship. It's ok not to know what to do. You do know what is best for you and what your limits are. I'm sure if things get worse you will eventually remove him from your life, but you have hope that they will get better. It's ok not to want to give up on this situation yet. Just don't let thing continue the same way. Let your wants and needs be known to him and if he still can't meet them then you will need to make a decision about your own happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 21, 2010 Author Share Posted November 21, 2010 The last few days have been ok I guess. Not arguing with him but I really don't want to talk to him right now either. I rush to get off the phone as much as I can. He asked if I could take a day off tomorrow so we can spend some time together (we need quality time, his words) and I declined and then I started thinking about it more and it dawned on me that other than going to Vegas, he never really asks me to take a day off so we can have quality time, that usually only comes after one of our intense blowouts. Sure we would spend time together, usually at his house eating or watching tv or going out for lunch here and there but not this so called 'quality day'. Whatever. I've been keeping busy with meal planning for Thanksgiving and trying to get my house somewhat organized. I'm not anticipating a large gathering or anything but there might be some people coming that my daughter invited. There is a family that my daughter has met a few times, their young child is in my grandson's preschool class. I guess they don't have the money or relatives near by to celebrate Thanksgiving so my daughter invited them to join us. They have 5 children and I am providing a jumper for the kids that day so we thought it would be a nice outlet for them. My daughter said that the lady is apprehensive to join us because of the number of children she has. I would hate to see the kids not have a holiday dinner so I do hope they at least stop by to play then I can coax them into eating. Hopefully no one else shows up, there are other people that like to pop over to our house when they know we are doing something and they usually show up with empty stomachs and nothing else. At least bring something, drinks or a side dish. It just seems so rude to show up and not bring anything. I don't know maybe it's just me. I still haven't made it back to the gym. I look at my gym bag everyday and think well tomorrow might be the day but tomorrow comes and goes and still no trips to the gym. Sigh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
renaissancewoman101 Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 Hey MG, that's nice of you and your daughter to invite people over who might be less fortunate than you, to partake of Tday dinner with you. You guys have a good heart. In time, you will go back to the gym. I have the utmost faith in you. Sometimes we get tired of the gym and stop going for a while. Everybody goes through that. The only reason I don't stop going is that I have training and that motivates me to go (esp since I am spending $$$ to do this). I might not be able to work out this Tues, since I think I pulled a muscle in my right arm. My trainer had me doing a bunch of pull ups and pushups on Thurs and my upper right arm was very sore yesterday and even MORE sore today (to the point that I can't extend out my arm fully and it hurts when I flex it). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 I didn't bother with a membership this time around. Instead, I am taking a bootcamp class on Weds nights, abs, butt, and thighs on Saturday mornings, and a circuit class on Sunday mornings. It provides variety, there are people to hold me accountable, and it's just plain fun a lot of the time. Maybe try working a couple of classes into your routine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 22, 2010 Author Share Posted November 22, 2010 I didn't bother with a membership this time around. Instead, I am taking a bootcamp class on Weds nights, abs, butt, and thighs on Saturday mornings, and a circuit class on Sunday mornings. It provides variety, there are people to hold me accountable, and it's just plain fun a lot of the time. Maybe try working a couple of classes into your routine? I don't even have a routine anymore, I'm such a mess. There is more that I should go into but right now I don't have time because I am getting ready to get off work. Everyone has been great trying to boost my spirits though and I thank you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 *****hugs****** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted November 22, 2010 Share Posted November 22, 2010 There is a family that my daughter has met a few times, their young child is in my grandson's preschool class. I guess they don't have the money or relatives near by to celebrate Thanksgiving so my daughter invited them to join us. They have 5 children and I am providing a jumper for the kids that day so we thought it would be a nice outlet for them. My daughter said that the lady is apprehensive to join us because of the number of children she has. I would hate to see the kids not have a holiday dinner so I do hope they at least stop by to play then I can coax them into eating. You are such a sweetheart! Don't get down about the gym. A few more missed days won't kill you. Just focus on enjoying your Thanksgiving. I'll be having pie that day- I hope you do too! (I'm not trying to be a bad influence but it's ok to ENJOY a treat on a holiday!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 that is the sweetest thing MG. You have such a great heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 23, 2010 Author Share Posted November 23, 2010 Fruedian slips, what are you thoughts on those? Boyfriend mistakenly says the name of a girl that he had an innappropiate friendship (emotional) with. (Erika) He was trying to explain something that happened here at work with a girl named Jessica but instead he let Erika slip out. For the record, it's not the first time it has happened, it's actually the 3rd time in almost a year. With everything that we have been going through these last few weeks the last thing I wanted to hear was her name. I'm mad and he says I am overreacting and I need to stop. I think she is still on his mind at the very least but for all I know they could very well be talking again. Most recently, he has been talking to a another woman that works at this location but in a different department. Calls and texts, back and forth between the two of them. I don't know of anything inappropriate at this point other than he kept this one a secret. I have told him before I don't care who he befriends but if it is only a friend, why hide it? He would not be okay if the tables were turned. Given that there are trust issues now because of the whole Erika saga, I believe he needs to be honest with me regarding other females that he is talking to. The last thing I wanted is to have another situation come up. This is where we are not meeting eye to eye. He said he isn't going to stop talking to her because he isn't doing anything wrong. Fair enough, but don't expect me to be okay with this right now. So that is where we are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted November 23, 2010 Share Posted November 23, 2010 I'm sorry MG. As for the name calling, my best friend's ex husband use to slip and call her his 1st wives name. Yeah, it pissed my best friend off. Not saying you aren't over reacting because if CS and I were having trouble and he said the name of someone we were having trouble with yeah, I'd be mad. Do you feel he respects you MG? Reading your post I just kept flashing back to my relationship with my ex: he cheated on me twice and every time something bothered me he refused to change his way because he said nothing was going on. It doesn't sound like he respects you, all you are asking is to know of the people he befriends, and it's like he can't understand that in hiding it, he's only making the situation worse. I totally would not be okay with CS acting that way, I can understand why you are in the mindset you are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 25, 2010 Author Share Posted November 25, 2010 I think I might be closer to getting back to the gym. I'm seeing the ugly changes in my body, my face is so chubby and I can honestly say that I don't like it. I haven't told you guys this but I think part of the reason I was boycotting the gym was because I thought if I just stopped going, I would balloon back up and then he would just be turned off and not want to fight for me anymore. Crazy right?? Well welcome to my crazy thinking and I see now how that is just an overall bad idea for many many reasons. 1. Should I find myself officially single, I think I would be too self conscious to ever want to date again. 2. My health is taking a beating, my legs hurt and I am always so tired. When I sit for long periods of time, I feel the pain getting up. 3. I really don't want to have diabetes and high blood pressure and god only knows what else because I just stopped taking care of myself. So I told my son I just want to get past Thanksgiving and we can make a fresh start at the gym on Saturday. I'm hoping and praying that I can get back on track and stay there. Whatever issues I have with the bf are still going to be there whether I am taking care of myself or not. I suppose if I could find a way to not feel so much anger towards him it would make things easier for me. For today, I don't want to dwell on any anger, I want to be spend the day with family and friends and let them know that I am thankful that God has blessed me by keeping them in my life. I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 So I told my son I just want to get past Thanksgiving and we can make a fresh start at the gym on Saturday. I'm hoping and praying that I can get back on track and stay there You will. Hang in there. I hope you had a great Thanksgiving!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 MG, don't hope and pray that you will, KNOW that you will. I know that it seems like the whole world is falling apart when a relationship is in trouble, and it's okay to let things slide a bit. Don't be too hard on yourself. You're the best friend you'll ever have! Go kick some a$$! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 26, 2010 Author Share Posted November 26, 2010 You guys are all so sweet to me. I hope you all know how much I appreciate each and everyone of you and all your support. Thanksgiving went about as well as I could expect. The kids, all 20 something of them had a wonderful time in the jumper. The adults enjoyed the big screen outside with football all day. I ended up feeding two extra families instead of the one that I had initially planned. My next door neighbors little girls were already at my house playing in the jumper so when it was time to feed the kids, naturally I served them as well. A little later I see their mom outside and I asked her if she would like a plate, so her and her husband sat down with us and enjoyed some food, then their teenage boys came outside and I told them to help themselves. The other family (my daughter's friend) finally showed up and they ate. There was still an insane amount of food so I had my neighbors take some food to go and that is when she told me that she was grateful for this because she still doesn't have a stove. I had no clue. So all in all, a lot of people ate and I still have food left over! I'm so tired today. I slept 8 straight hours, probably a result of taking some alka seltzer cold medicine and my ambien. I'm catching a cold, I can tell my body is trying to fight it off but I think I am losing the battle. LOL So I decided to come into work for 4 hours to cover someone that wanted to leave early. Getting paid time and a half so it's quick and easy money. Nice quiet day, nothing much going on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted November 26, 2010 Share Posted November 26, 2010 WOW - what an action-packed Thanksgiving. It sounds like your house is the place to be!!! I would want to jump in the jumper!!!! lol If I had one of those bad boys I would never need the gym again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 27, 2010 Author Share Posted November 27, 2010 I jumped in it for a few minutes and not only did my bladder feel like it was going to fall out, I got so dizzy. LOL I came out of the jumper staggering like I was drunk and quickly made a bee line for my restroom. I was telling my daughter that I want to get another jumper for Christmas Day. I'm not going to do all that cooking again though. I thinking tamales, rice and beans for Christmas. (tamales not made by me lol). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted November 27, 2010 Author Share Posted November 27, 2010 Even with cold medicine and an Ambien, I could not sleep last night. I just couldn't get comfortable and the noise from the heater was driving me nuts but I didn't the guts to turn it off because it was cold last night, so needless to say, I am tired today. Thankfully it's been a quiet day here at work. I have been looking online to see if there are any stores worth visiting today but I am not finding anything that is catching my eye. I'm thinking about heading to West Hollywood today. There is a store out there called The Bodhi Tree and I went a few weeks ago with my best friend. I placed a special order for some incense and body oil that they had run out of and they called me last night to let me know my order was in. and since my favorite sushi place is only a few blocks from there I figure I could kill two birds with one stone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BellaDonna Posted November 27, 2010 Share Posted November 27, 2010 Go for it!!! You deserve some of your favorite things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sherryberrypie Posted November 28, 2010 Share Posted November 28, 2010 I hope you had a great day surrounding yourself with your favourite things Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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