petite Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 That's great, very happy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 20, 2014 Author Share Posted March 20, 2014 I got the keys last night. It's official, I have an address. I'm feeling really blessed right now, the whole experience is just surreal to me. I think I need to get pinched. lol I noticed that I'm still feeling anxiety though so I think I might just have to see a therapist soon because something is going on and I want to deal with whatever it is before it gets out of hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted March 20, 2014 Share Posted March 20, 2014 Ohh that's awesome, so happy you're getting the keys! Yay! As far as a therapist, I think that would be a good idea especially since you've been through So much! It is always good to have an unbiased person listen to what is going on and try to help sort whatever might be the issue. Hugs Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 23, 2014 Author Share Posted March 23, 2014 I definitely think a therapist is in order. Between the move, going back to work, and Jesse's change in mental status since the doctors switched his anti rejection meds, I really feel like I'm coming unglued. We were blessed, he's experienced no nasty ill side effects from the various meds that he is on. I was expecting something at least one but nope, he did really really well on them. Then the doctor decided to switch one of the meds because he was worried about Jesse's sugars. He said the new medicine would help keep his sugar on target. Well with that new medicine came a whole different Jesse. He's just lashes out for any little thing and it's taking a toll on me, on us. We actually had this discussion prior to the switching of medicine. I said to him that one of the known side effects are mood swings and I wanted to know how we can work through them together but I wasn't expecting really anything to come of it since he had done so well with all the other meds. I should be glad I'm moving, I think I need a break from him for a little bit. It sucks because I love him so much but the new medicine is the devil and it's affecting the way I feel about him overall. It shouldn't because I know it's not his fault, but who knows maybe the ugly side of him is resurfacing IDK. He has an appointment on Tuesday again with the transplant team, I'm going to talk to them about his erratic mood swings and see if maybe they can switch him back to his old medicine or give him something to calm down or hell, they can give me something to calm me down. That would work too. Moving stuff out yesterday, I reinjured my herniated disc in my back. I'm sitting on work with a heating pad on my lower back and I just took something for pain. I would have called out sick but the company paid out all my sick time to me when I was off for six weeks so I only have 1 personal day and 3 vacation days left. BLAHHHHH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 It def couldn't hurt to talk someone. You have been through SO much this year (the transplant and everything leading up to that, finding a new place, now moving).. I would be shocked if you didn't need to talk to someone Mama. Just rest up as much as you can with that back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 23, 2014 Share Posted March 23, 2014 I can't imagine the pain of having a kidney removed. And then your body is 'rearranging' itself back there to fill in the empty space. Makes sense why you are hurting. Ugh. I am really sorry. I am sorry Jesse is being a pain, but at least you know it's the meds that are altering his mood. I know how that feels to be on the medication that changes your mood and there's not much you can do about it. hang in there. and yes, therapy sounds good. and really, there's nothing wrong with you, you've been through so much in a short time. between the transplant and then suddenly being told you had to move - i mean, that's a lot for anyone to deal with, period. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 I woke up from a horrible nightmare this morning. It was one of those horrific night terrors where you wake up in a total panic, in tears because it felt so incredibly real. I know it probably stemmed from a conversation I had with my son last night about the new living arrangements. He's isn't happy with the set up, isn't happy that he ended up with a smaller room. I don't think it was too much a big deal until he took his girlfriend to see the house and I know she probably voiced her displeasure in the situation and he tends to feed off of her. If she doesn't like something, he doesn't like it. So we were texting and he was saying how he rather be homeless than live with his sister etc. In my mind, I was like "wow". Here I am trying to help everyone, literally everyone forsaking my own happiness just so everyone else is ok. I wasn't blessed with a traditional family, my parents were dysfunctional at best. My father drank a lot a and lost many jobs, often drinking away the rent money so we were forced to move frequently. My mother hardly ever worked, solely relying on my dad. They never married, never bought a home, he didn't even have any kind of insurance when he died so the only thing I inherited was my mother and the problems that came with her. The hoarding, the animals, the mental stuff and her chain smoking. So here I am trying to find a place where everyone can be happy, where my grandchildren will have a safe environment, where my mother can have her stupid cats and a place to smoke outside. In the meantime, I'm hearing from close friends that Jesse did in fact want to start a life with me and was looking forward to moving in with me (not sure whether I believe it or not) but it doesn't really matter at this point because I don't think there is a man out there that would ever want to be involved with me while I have such a heavy involvement in my children's lives. The fact is, so many people depend on me and I feel like I have to do what it takes to make everyone else happy even if that means my own happiness takes a back burner. So naturally I'm bothered that my son is unhappy. I kind of got the feeling awhile ago that he wanted to be on his own anyway. He confirmed this when we spoke the other day. He said he has been saving up to get a place of his own but was worried that I would be upset and asked if I could afford the new house without him. I've never collected a dime from him since he started working in November, so money was never an issue. I don't even know what I am trying to say here. I guess just that I'm sad that somehow I have let someone else down no matter how hard I try to make everyone happy. I Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I am so sorry mama. Hugs. We can never make everyone happy. It is time for you to make yourself happy. If your son doesn't want to live with his sister then maybe it's time for him to jump the nest and go live with his girlfriend somewhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Darling I am so sorry you're feeling down. Please know that before you can make them happy or try to make them happy you have to be healthy and happy. You're such a strong and hardworking person and in my opinion you haven't let anyone down. If your son wants to move out maybe that's the right thing for him, he is an adult and can make his own decisions. You're a great mother, you do so much for everyone. As far as Jesse is concerned, he knew your situation he could have voiced things to you, and tried to work on things with you maybe finding a big place with space for everyone - that is if he was willing to live with everyone around. Your situation is unique, and whoever is in your life must know this, you can't just discard these people - your family as if they were nothing. There is nothing wrong with having a heavy involvement in your children's lives, as long as you're all okay with that and it seems that you guys have each others back regardless of any bickering or regular issues that might come up. It happens in all families. Stay strong darling, Baby and I are sending you some hugs and positive energy your way. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OptomisticGirl Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 I wish I could give you a million hugs right now Mama. You do so much for your family and without a thought for yourself... I hope they realise the jewel they have in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 25, 2014 Author Share Posted March 25, 2014 Honestly I would be fine if he moved out, I actually expected it of him anyway. He's a responsible young man with a good head on his shoulders. I guess I'm hurt because I feel like his unhappiness will create conflict with us and he and I have always been very close. He's changed a lot since he's been dating his girlfriend. He and his sister talk but if his girlfriend is there, he won't say a word to his sister because he knows they don't like each other. If she doesn't like something, he doesn't like it and everything pretty much has to be her way. Now when I took him to see the house the other day, he wasn't exactly thrilled with his room but we did talk about how we can make it all work and I thought we were good but I guess sometime after that, he took her to see the house and she likely voiced some negativity and now this is where we are with him saying he rather be homeless and he doesn't feel that it's everyone's house, only hers. (my daughters). Sigh... I want him to be happy in whatever he does, whether he chooses to stay with me or go on his own. I have to wonder though how he thinks he'll be able to afford living on his own. I found out recently that her phone was disconnected, it was on her mom's plan and mom got mad at something and cut her daughters phone off. I asked my son if she is going to get her phone connected again and he said she can't afford it. She lives at home, she works part time as a teacher and does part time nanny work as well as going to school. She doesn't have to pay rent at home so I'm not sure how she couldn't afford a phone and that leaves me to wonder how he really thinks their living together is a good idea. Not that I'm against it, but I feel like he would probably be footing the entire thing. It's actually cheaper for him to just suck it up and live with us in a small room that he doesn't like while she finishes school and is able to save some money so they can start their life together on the right foot. I mean I'm not entirely thrilled with the idea of living with everyone either, I know it's going to be noisy at times and probably chaotic but I also know that my grandbabies love when I am around, they are at their happiest. This isn't how I envisioned my life but I'm doing what I'm doing for family, they are all that is left. No extended family, no uncles or cousins or distant relatives. It's me, my children and my grandchildren and my mother. That is all we have, that is all there is. That saddens me too, come to think of it. I'm saddened that I'm in a relationship with a man that has a large family yet it seems everyone in that family thinks I'm the devil and so no one has anything to do with me. Not even a thank you for saving their loved one's life. I don't know that I expected anything from them but I was sort of hoping that my gesture of love would help them see that I'm not a bad person. I think part of me just really wanted to feel wanted, like I belonged somewhere. Whoa......I just realized, I'm letting it out here like I should be doing in a therapists office. Yikes, apparently everything is bothering me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 25, 2014 Share Posted March 25, 2014 Hugs. I'm sorry that jesse's family doesn't see what a tremendous person you are. You haveore class than all of them combined. And your son is definitely old enough to move out, maybe this will be a good thing for him. Hugs. Hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 26, 2014 Author Share Posted March 26, 2014 Jesse picked me up from work yesterday. I was debating if I wanted to take a car load of boxes to the new house but I decided against it and just wanted to rest a bit so we went to Toys R Us and Sears. He wanted to get some stuff for his grandson and of course he always gets something for my youngest grandson whom he adores. He loves all my grandchildren but he has a special connection to the youngest one. I saw a lot of good housewares stuff on clearance at Sears so I will head back this week and see if there is anything left. I did pick up a couple of things the other day for the new house. The move is coming along okay I guess except my mother is not exactly cooperating and she is going to give me a headache. The other day when I was moving stuff, I told her to start clearing off the balcony and she started bringing out trash bags and then I found out that it was actual trash and not belongings. I was fuming, I asked her what the deal is. She says "sorry I'm not perfect" in a sarcastic tone. I said "it's not about being perfect, it's about you hoarding trash on the balcony". Ugh.... these are the hoarding issues that I didn't want to deal with. I told her that there are no balconies or areas to hoard anything at the new place so she needs to get a handle on her problem. Her behavior too recently is just bizarre. I don't think it's an age thing, she's 70. Maybe a mental illness thing, likely a mental illness thing because she will talk to herself at times. Example of really weird behavior.... My daughter and I went to have lunch together. The kids were at the house with my son, they were playing xbox and some of the other kids were outside riding their scooters and a couple were doing arts and crafts. Everything was under control but my mother comes downstairs and says "oh you're leaving?" She replied that she was having lunch with me and would return shortly. My mother said "what am I supposed to do with the dog"? The puppy was in her crate downstairs with the family so she was fine. She had already eaten and been walked. My mother started yelling "well am I supposed to just carry the crate up the street to where you are to feed the dog"? Just completely out of left field bizarre talk. Then a few days ago she called me and said she didn't have any money left, the cats had no food and would I lend her some money. So I get the cash for her and immediately she started asking my daughter and son for money. My son likes to recycle bottles and cans and he uses the money for games and such and so yesterday he got a little money and my mother right away was telling him that she was hungry, the cats were hungry and she needed his money but would pay him when she gets her disability check. Sigh..... I told him it's not his responsibility to support her and I know where her money is going. She eats out everyday, smokes a lot probably smokes more now than she did before because she's not happy about the new living arrangements either but whatever. These are the times that I envy those that had a normal upbringing with loving parents who were responsible and didn't expect or demand that their children care for them in their later years because they couldn't be bothered to take care of themselves. I told Jesse last night that I'm going to seek out a therapist. He said it's probably a good idea because he sees my daily struggles. I'm not even sure what exactly is bothering me, if it's just one thing or a whole host of things or if it's other stuff that I don't even know about that may be surfacing. I want to be proactive and do something now before I spiral out of control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted March 26, 2014 Share Posted March 26, 2014 Maybe she has the beginnings of some kind of dementia? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 Maybe she has the beginnings of some kind of dementia? Perhaps.... I was trying to think back to my grandmother and if she experienced any issues like that but I honestly can't recall. I would think 70 is a little early for something like that but then again she has abused her body for years and years with smoking so I suppose that could play a role in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 There is a new thrift shop near my house called Savers. It's huge, just opened up recently so I went the other day and found a couple of neat things. Went back yesterday and found a cool little tv table for the garage. It was only 13 dollars. Too big for my car so my son is going to get it today for me. Jesse bought this table lamp thing, think lava lamp but instead of the lava it has a gel like substance with glittery confetti like stuff in there. He calls it his 'disco light'. He is just too happy about his little light. They were having a green tag sale yesterday too, so everything that had a green tag was half price. I picked up some swimming trunks for the two youngest grandbabies for a 1.00 each, good condition too. We are planning a trip to the local water park this summer and the kids needed new swimsuits. I jumped at the chance to get their shorts for a buck. lol I bought a tv for ten dollars which will go in my grandsons room for his video game system. Can't wait to see what other bargains I can find. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 I wish we lived closer, I just got rid of a whole bedroom and lounge set, I wish you were here I'd just give it to you for free. Grrr stupid distance. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 I wish we lived closer, I just got rid of a whole bedroom and lounge set, I wish you were here I'd just give it to you for free. Grrr stupid distance. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk You are so kind.....yes the distance sucks because I sure would enjoy a cup of tea with you one day. Perhaps one day when Jesse and I start traveling the world, I will make it out there to meet you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
petite Posted March 27, 2014 Share Posted March 27, 2014 When that time comes know that you can stay with us! we have plenty of room for you guys!I'll have visited you before then anyway! I'll be in your neck of the woods in the next year hopefully visiting friends and my sister in LV, so we can catch up then and you can meet my baby girl, too! Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 27, 2014 Author Share Posted March 27, 2014 I'm a 3 hour drive from Vegas which everyone here knows, I make frequently so that would indeed be lovely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 29, 2014 Author Share Posted March 29, 2014 Got a lot done yesterday, I was completely exhausted and we finished the evening with a 5.1 earthquake. I was on my way home, stopped at a stop light and the car started rocking back and forth. I knew instantly and then the texts started coming in. My daughter said it was pretty strong. It was actually centered probably 20 miles from me and felt in five counties. No serious injuries but water main breaks and gas line leaks were reported close to the epicenter. That's life living out here. We've had several small ones all over southern California recently, it's really only a matter of time before the big one hits. God help us all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 The earth still hasn't stopped shaking although I haven't felt any of the aftershocks, thankfully. A lot of peoples nerves are frazzled down here. I told my family that once we get settled in the new place next week, I will begin putting together our earthquake kit. The Red Cross has this really good list, a 21 week checklist and at the end of the 21 weeks your kit should be complete. Naturally because I have a bigger family, I will need to add more things to it but I like how easy it is to go off the weekly list. Some of the items of course are first aid supplies and I was laughing because I won't have to buy any of those. Jesse has boxes and boxes and first aid supplies from when he was on dialysis. I have enough first aid stuff to serve my family and a few others. lol We made one trip to the new house yesterday with a car load of stuff. I was checking the house for any kind of damage from the earthquake since it isn't terribly far from the epicenter but thankfully there wasn't any structure damage. Just a few things fell inside the house, nothing broken though. I have a brand new microwave sitting on top of my stove and I thought for sure I would find it smashed on the floor but it was still sitting there. I'm going to clean out my back patio today at the old house. There is a heap of stuff back there that I want to go through, more than likely though most of it will be tossed in the trash. We got a lot done yesterday though so I feel a little more relieved. Hard to believe that in just one more week, we will be in the new place. As I was working in the old house yesterday, there was a lot of banging on the walls from the neighbor. It's a couple of families that live in the townhouse adjacent to mine. One of them has mental retardation and when he is angered, he throws himself down the stairs and then will proceed to kick the walls. (Told to me by his brother). Well I guess he was having a rough day yesterday and I just kept hearing banging and more banging. He must have thrown himself down the stairs a few times. I could hear his mother talking/yelling at him but it was no use. I'm really glad I won't have to endure that anymore. It's a quiet Sunday at work. I have a couple of weeks worth of paperwork on my desk that I am working on. Hoping to get it done so I can get back to coupon clipping and sorting. I took a long break from the coupons, I need to start over. So much to do and yet I'm easily distracted by ENA or Facebook. HA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redrose85 Posted March 30, 2014 Share Posted March 30, 2014 Earthquakes are so nerve-rattling! Definitely a good call to put together a kit. I should probably do that myself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 30, 2014 Author Share Posted March 30, 2014 Earthquakes are so nerve-rattling! Definitely a good call to put together a kit. I should probably do that myself... You guys get them too on occasion don't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metrogirl Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 Ugh, I did nothing yesterday. I was going to go to the house to clean out the back patio but my daughter took care of that for me. She got rid of pretty much anything and everything I didn't want so the only stuff left back there are my son's tools and fishing gear. So yesterday I just went with Jesse to the market and to the pharmacy to pick up his meds and then back to his place where I stayed in bed because my back is still hurting. I kept getting this anxiety like I needed to be at one of the houses doing something but there was really nothing for me to do at that moment but I couldn't shake the anxiety. Ugly feeling for sure. I will swing over there today and see what is left for me to do besides the big items that will go towards the end of the week in a rented truck. I'm so exhausted, I just can't wait for all of this to be over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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