Does the Dumper ever miss the attention

[Anon333]

Okay, so begging and pleading and telling someone you love them may be annoying if you are over them, but in some way it has to boost their ego a bit? Is there ever an instance where the dumpee begs and pleads and the dumper thinks they are so over them, and then when they stop with the calls maybe they miss that ego boost or feeling so desperately loved? WOuld it make a difference in them rethinking the break up?

[Leighton]

I would say no, they'd probably just go find the attention from someone else *shrug*

[Anon333]

oh..thats kinda sad, but i guess it could be true...ugh... probably is my situation actually

[Chris Knows]

Begging and pleading does not and will not work .... period.

 

If it does work, they only accept it so you shut up and leave them alone. Their accepting of it is out of pity.

 

Do not beg or plead.

[Anon333]

I meant if you did it at first and then jsut stopped and left them alone for good.....guess they would be relieved and not wonder down the road if you still feel strongly about them?

[Chris Knows]

I meant if you did it at first and then jsut stopped and left them alone for good.....guess they would be relieved and not wonder down the road if you still feel strongly about them?

 

Of course they miss the stroke of the ego. That is why most ex's come back a few months down to road with a simple phone call or a text asking how you are doing. They miss the ego stroke.

 

But in no way shape or form would they begging help them want you back. They want you back because they miss what they once had and realize you treated them well.

[Keeden]

I think the Dumper would feel guilty if they got a begging/pleading person trying to keep them, but that's all. They wouldn't miss the attention, because the attention is coming from the person they don't want to be with.

[Anon333]

from my personal experience when someone pushes and begs and pleads its caused all my emotions to shut down and not feel anything. want them to go away. but then once they do my deffence mechanism that shut off my feelings is gone and i start to realize i do still have feelings and wonder if they've moved on.

[thejigsup]

I only had a couple of guys do the begging, pleading, thing. It totally turned me off. If I had been thinking of going back to them, ever just a little, that killed it completely. As far as attention goes, I always had plenty of that from other people. When I was younger, and to some degree even now, I was pretty and popular. So.....begging annoyed me no end.

[nomad0792]

I just think it depends on how much groveling you did...and how deep and long your relationship was. What happens in many relationships is there ends up being a push-pull syndrome during the break-up...I actually like to call it the see-saw affect. One person begs and the other is turned off by it. Then the beggar backs off and closes themselves off...thus causing the once partner who was on top, to begin the begging. So, it just depends on many things, but I would contend that it is very possible they could miss you and not just because they only want their ego stroked.

 

It is possible they could miss you, but don't rely on it. I just don't think it's as dire as the previous posters have stated.

[Tanzi]

I don't think begging and pleading does much for their ego at this stage. They want out of the relationship and they no doubt want to walk away as quickly and easily as possible. I personally don't think ego comes into it ... not at this stage anyway. Maybe later when they have had time to think and maybe start to wonder why we were able to walk away so easily. But, for now, begging and pleading will just prove to be an annoyance and a hindrance ... they are trying to tell us something and we are refusing to listening. They want to move on and we are making ourselves an obstacle. We will do ourselves far more good by removing ourselves with dignity and pride than by making ourselves look like the desperate ex that can't let go. They will just want to remove us from their lives all the more.

[Brigadoon]

To be honest I think that at the time of the breakup although it's not ideal you can be excused for showing you're upset and reluctant to let things go; It won't get a great response but with everything that's going on if you calm down and back off then not too much harm done.

 

This is assuming that your ex is the understanding type.

I also think that if you go away, calm down and don't initiate contact and when it happens be polite and act like you're doing what you need to do to move on they

 

A. respect you for having the balls to get on with it, and

 

B. cast their mind back and remember how strongly you cared about the relationship ending.

 

In my own personal experience it's only when exes CONTINUE to beg, plead and generally refuse to respect your decision to stay separate that feeling really start to turn cold.