kevinm Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I swear my ex knows when I'm thinking about her. Just the other night I was out with a friend and we were having coffee after a nice dinner. We spoke about the best coffee we've ever had and I immediately thought of my ex. We both acknowledged that we had the best coffee together on a trip we had when we were together. Anyway, I get home and what do I see? I have an email from my ex... the one I was thinking about. We've always had a neat connection that way (in the spiritual/energy sense). The email basically says that she's having problems with her current man. She told me she was having a rough patch with this guy because he "wasn't sure" about marrying her and adopting her child as his own. He's got 3 kids of his own, and apparently issues with his ex. She tells me that she's got reservations about where their relationship is going and how she's not sure if she wants to stay with someone who isn't sure about her. Beyond this... she then tells me that she always (and yes she used the word "always") thinks about how great my situation is because I have a good job, no kid complications and no nasty ex making things difficult and how I was open to being with a woman who has kids. Now here's my question... does she really miss ME or the possibility of a guy like myself? Is she looking for me to "butter her up" and boost her self-confidence a little bit? I can't imagine that I can offer her any keen insightful advice that a close girlfriend couldn't offer or that she hasn't already thought about. Is she really looking for advice? It's difficult for me because we were at one time so deeply in love with each other. In all honesty, I'd start over with her again in a heartbeat. Clearly, I still have strong feelings for her, but I'm just confused. I don't ever want to be "back burner guy" in the sense that she KNOWS she can just have me any time she wants. I don't play second fiddle. If I were to place myself in that position I'm sure I'd be less attractive because she would feel that I'm just in her pocket, a back-up. So what gives? -Kevin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Doesn't sound very inspiring. Just as when someone tells an ex s/he misses their family (rather than their marriage), it's not exactly an endorsement of the relationship, only the comfort and convenience of the circumstances. It wouldn't get my vote for pursuit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cj91481 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I find that the only time I text or email an ex is when I truly start thinking of them and possibly missing them. Now after a few chats and what not the reality of it starts to set in and well I realize that I wasn't happy in that relationship and that is why we aren't together. I'm not saying she is going to realize that but I do have to say she could be missing you. Be there for a friend and friend only and see where she takes it. You just never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 In my opinion, you would ask a dear friend for advice, not a guy that you dumped! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevinm Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 Well, let me be clear in saying that we do still love each other. At one time we were engaged to be married. Though it's been years and we've both been in a couple other relationships, we've kept in touch and remain close. When we quit it wasn't bad, just other life circumstances kept us from moving forward. Things didn't end badly between us. I don't have any doubt that she doesn't love me, that's not the issue. The issue is whether she misses me, and if I'm wrong in thinking that she's thinking about starting things up with me again. Maybe this is my own ego talking. She's just never really sought any advice on relationships with me, and nor have I sought such advice from her. So is this just a new chapter in our on-going friendship? Or does she miss me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 If you've been that close over time, it sounds like the perfect question to ask her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dako Posted February 8, 2010 Share Posted February 8, 2010 She might simply trust you and you may have that "impossible" situation of a friendship if you can handle it. If it's too confusing or painful to deal with you can opt out. She might not be missing your former relationship but values your opinion. It's your call. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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