How to answer? 'How many 'serious' relationships have you been in?'

[sns256]

I've been e-mailing this really sweet girl for a couple of weeks. We have a lot in common, flirt and joke around all the time. In her last e-mail she asked me (among 10 other personal questions, all normal questions eg. Favorite color). "How many 'serious' relationships have you been in?" Now she said I didn't need to answer every single one. But omitting that particular one is going to seem fishy I think.

 

The thing is the answer to that question is zero. I don't know, but I don't think she would like that answer at this point. How should I go about answering this question? "We can talk about that later"/"Less than 3. you like to know? have to get to know me better to find out. ect. Those are just examples I can think of. Any better ones?

 

She has told me about her ex (why do people do this?), and I don't think I can say nothing to that particular one.

 

I am going to write her in the morning. So any help is appreciated. I am out to a friends party tonight, so I might not be able to respond quickly.

 

Thanks!

[JusticeLaw9]

For me, maybe two or three. One went on for three years, but things just didn't workout between us.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I would simply answer with "you will have to get to know me better to find out". It is very presumptuous of her to ask when you have only been emailing each other and haven't even met yet. Even if you have met, it really is not her business to ask.

[Jetta]

I like we can talk about it later, or you'll have to get to know me better.

[rikka]

I like we can talk about it later, or you'll have to get to know me better.

 

agreed!

 

Like crazyaboutdogs said, it is really none of her business at this point. And does she REALLY want to be talking about past relationships already?

[90_hour_sleep]

i don't think it matters.

 

it doesn't matter where you've been. it's where you are right now. a part of who you are is a person who hasn't been in a serious relationship. but it's only a part. who you really are goes so much deeper than that. you can add things, or take things away, but really, you'll never change that core essence.

 

go with what you have.

[luminousone]

I think it is better to be honest and not evasive about this. You could simply say that while you have been close to a few, you have not been blessed with a serious relationship at this point in your life.

 

I think I read some advice for online daters to ask questions like this, so I do not think it was so presumptuous (sp?) of her to ask. She is probably just trying to weed out those who are just out for sex or a fling.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think it is better to be honest and not evasive about this. You could simply say that while you have been close to a few, you have not been blessed with a serious relationship at this point in your life.

 

I think I read some advice for online daters to ask questions like this, so I do not think it was so presumptuous (sp?) of her to ask. She is probably just trying to weed out those who are just out for sex or a fling.

 

This kind of question gives no indication at all if the person is a player..usually you can tell by how they talk and what they say if the guy just wants sex. Asking about past relationships tells nothing about the intention of the person regarding sexual fling or something more.

[sns256]

Thanks everyone! I went with "you'll have to get to know me better". It went over well. I am 100% sure that my lack of previous relationships will come up at some point if we ever get serious. Until then I don't need to tell her. Got her phone number number tonight.

 

I agree that it shouldn't matter. I am who I am, but people read into things too much these days. I am sure it won't matter because I am such an awesome guy regardless.

 

Everybody has to start somewhere. I am just a bit later than most. No worries on my end. I just don't want to freak anybody out.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Thanks everyone! I went with "you'll have to get to know me better". It went over well. I am 100% sure that my lack of previous relationships will come up at some point if we ever get serious. Until then I don't need to tell her. Got her phone number number tonight.

 

I agree that it shouldn't matter. I am who I am, but people read into things too much these days. I am sure it won't matter because I am such an awesome guy regardless.

 

Everybody has to start somewhere. I am just a bit later than most. No worries on my end. I just don't want to freak anybody out.

 

Unfortunately you are very right about that...I have seen on this forum the erroneous assumptions and judgements people make of those who are inexperienced by X age. I have seen people assume the person would not be good in a relationship because they haven't experienced one (never mind the fact that so many experienced people are horrible in relationships and keep repeating the same destructive behaviours each time!). I have seen assumptions made that if someone has never experienced a previous sexual partner they may be more prone to cheat or to want to find out what else is out there sexually (never mind the fact that many of the cheaters and people who dump their partner for someone else have already had plenty of prior sexual and relationship experience!). I have seen assumptions being made about social ineptitude (never mind the fact that there are plenty of sexually and relationship experienced people who have emotional issues and just know how fake their way to get sex or a relationship but then their issues become loud and clear once the other person is hooked!). The list goes on. Quite sad, really.

[sns256]

Well after talking to her for around 5-6 hours last night she was really interested in my past experience and why I had been dodging the question. So I thought it would be ok to tell her. For the most part she was thrilled! She really admired that I could be honest with her while being 23 with no experience. She said that it must have been hard for me. (I was trembling the entire time. I thought I was leading myself to the slaughterhouse). But she also said that it was really cute, really happy I told her, and that she is a very patient person. So after all I guess I should have told her off the bat, but whatever. It worked out ok! I get my first Valentines date ever! I am excited. Thanks everyone!