MizzTasha Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 so here's a brief overview of the "dating/man/fling" life I've had. First kiss was at age 19. Lost my virginity 2 years ago and since that point I've been with 17 guys sexually ... over 1/2 are one night stands.. last one made an "impressive" 4 nights hooking up and going out on a couple of dates. Anyhow. I am not good with relationships it seems. I don't know what is wrong with me or why it is that the guys I am having flings with don't want me for serious relationships. The last guy is about 6 years older... I would assume age reflects maturity and countless times I told him I was looking for a long term relationship. Anyhow for the last 2-3 months our thing has been going on he'll either be incredibly sweet "how was your day" to the blowing me off on the weekends. I called him last Friday night .. he didn't pick up... called him on a diff number and he picked up and I could hear a chic in the background. Idk what it is with me.. but they don't seem to stick. I hate being alone.. but realized last night when I was on the phone with my best friend that i haven't been single in 2 years. SINGLE in the sense of NOT having a guy that I am teasing/flirt texting... I don't know if this counts. What is single? Usually when I look back at it .. as in 2 days ago back to 2 years ago I'm always going out with a guy, hooking up with another, texting/flirting another. usually 1-9 at a time. which is disturbing. My friend suggested I just take a break from the whole thing. Said that this current fling was just allowing me to be vulnerable and it seems I'm always the chic in the pocket, the one that can call even after blowing her off for weeks at a time bc she'll come back. So I blocked his number and 2 others. HOping that will help If any of you are any how or used to be like me I'd like your advice. Obviously I'm getting this attention because I'm the one encouraging it. Women have power in terms of allowing a man to violate her. but my first experience was horrible and maybe I'm making up for it by sleeping around. It's never good but I still do it hoping that one day the guy will stay. Hasn't happened so far. Just curious what you all think of single - is SINGLE like Not talking to people? not flirting with guys? thanks! Tash Link to comment
Shudder Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 in my opinion you were single all that time. when i think of someone who is not single they have a steady bf/gf hooking up all the time doesn't = taken imo Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Why not try a different approach, and instead of having sex right away, wait and see if they if they treat you as someone they want to date? In other words if you show that you respect yourself, they'll want to get to know you as a person instead of someone to just have a fling with. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 in my opinion you were single all that time. when i think of someone who is not single they have a steady bf/gf hooking up all the time doesn't = taken imo She may have been single...but technically even having a boyfriend still means you are single according to any forms that get filled out showing your status (single, married, divorced). What she has never been is "unattached" in other words, completely alone without having the "comfort" of a man around....while the relationships have all been flings, she has sought the comfort of having a guy pay attention to her even if it was only just for sex..she has not lived life without feeling the need to seek male romantic attention. To the OP, many men know which women are easy for the taking so they take..the signals you give out are attracting the men who just want flings and that is what you are giving them. If you don't just want flings then you have to tone down the sexual signals and not sleep with the men so quickly. Then you might get men who are looking for more than just a casual fling. Sure you may reduce the number of men looking in our direction, but then you will be selecting for quality rather than quantity. Link to comment
MizzTasha Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 Crazyaboutdogs- I like that. Unattached. I want to be unattached. Maybe this way instead of always pursuing things they could come to me instead. I put the sexual signals out right away and then physically act on them because isn't that what men want? seems logical that if they get it, they'll stick around... or not =) thanks for the response tho. I never thought of it that way. Link to comment
Mr.Mister Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 ... I would assume age reflects maturity and countless times I told him I was looking for a long term relationship. ... First of all, age is just a number. I know people that are in high school and are very mature, and I know people that are in their 60's, that are at a middle school level of maturity. At the same time, typically, men mature slower than women, and, in general, a man a few years older will be right around the same maturity level as you. Secondly, if you are looking for a long-term relationship, you need to stop having sex with these guys. haha. Go on dates with guys but don't do anything physical, not even kissing. A marriage counselor I knew used to say that a couple had to go 6 months without sex to really know each other. A lot of people get involved passionately too early in the relationship and don't realize they aren't right for each other until later on. Thirdly, I consider being single to mean not being in an exclusive relationship with one person. If you are dating, that's single, but if you are someone's girlfriend, then you are not single. But, I think you should try to date one guy at a time. This whole flirting with numerous guys would make a guy feel bad if he found out he wasn't someone you were actively looking to be with. It makes it seem like you are really just looking for a good time and not something long term. ... I put the sexual signals out right away and then physically act on them because isn't that what men want? seems logical that if they get it, they'll stick around... or not ... No! This is not logical at all! If you understand how men work, they are very simple. If a man gets everything he wants, he'll get bored and start looking elsewhere. You have to NOT give him what he wants, so that it'll leave him wanting more! Maybe later down the line he'll have more of an emotional connection to you, and then you can give him what he wants, but there will be more in it than just sex and he will stick around. I hope that makes sense. Link to comment
Crista Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 I have a lot of male friends and if a girl sleeps with them right away the girl is put into the "booty call" category. I'm sorry if I'm being brutally honest. Most guys that are looking for a serious relationship won't want one with a girl that is someone else's booty call. I think you should get to know a guy before you decide to have a physical relationship. Sex is usually better when there are emotions involved. Link to comment
MizzTasha Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 yea I think I've been dubbed that... in certain groups of guys. trying to get away from it. but I always run into someone that thinks of me as that.. and not sure how to show that I've changed. I suppose actions speak louder than words for me. and maybe if it takes 1 year or more to prove myself... guess I gotta do it or maybe I'm doomed to be the one night fling. Answer me this though.... I've grown out of this in the last 6 months. but before I'd usually flip out on the guys for lying/cheating.. which wasn't completely true because we weren't going out. Anyhow they completely blew me off.. and they always seem to come back 6 months down the road they come back... so is this normal of men? and also.. is it possible to stop sleeping with a guy that used to be a booty call and then hope he'll start going for a relationship approach? or are all previous booty calls always going to be booty calls and nothing more?? Link to comment
Mr.Mister Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 ... 6 months down the road they come back... so is this normal of men? and also.. is it possible to stop sleeping with a guy that used to be a booty call and then hope he'll start going for a relationship approach? ... It's perfectly normal for guys that think they can get some. That's all they are wanting you for. And, it's highly unlikely that a man that wants you for just sex and thinks you are a "booty call" would want to be more. If he's just looking for sex, and you stop giving, he'll look elsewhere. I'd suggest finding a new guy and trying to just focus on that relationship. Forget the other guys. If you really want to turn over a new leaf, don't communicate with those that you used to sleep with/date. Link to comment
MizzTasha Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 all right. Is it too drastic to completely block them? I've managed to change my number 6 months ago and avoid most the guys from back then.. Just don't know if blocking the number is really going to help >> If I didn't I'd most like respond to them. If I block I won't. but then it looks like I have no self control. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Answer me this though.... I've grown out of this in the last 6 months. but before I'd usually flip out on the guys for lying/cheating.. which wasn't completely true because we weren't going out. Anyhow they completely blew me off.. and they always seem to come back 6 months down the road they come back... so is this normal of men? and also.. is it possible to stop sleeping with a guy that used to be a booty call and then hope he'll start going for a relationship approach? or are all previous booty calls always going to be booty calls and nothing more?? If there was no relationship to begin with, the main reason they come back is because they're in need of a booty call, I'm not saying this is in every case, but it is for the majority...IMO. Why not just start a clean slate? Also, are you afraid that the only way to be in a relationship is to start off having sex right away, and basing it on that? Link to comment
MizzTasha Posted January 31, 2010 Author Share Posted January 31, 2010 well that's just how I thought it would work. Usually when I say no they get all upset and whine about it so I figure it I just sleep with them they'll stay? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 31, 2010 Share Posted January 31, 2010 Then let them whine and get upset, why should that concern you? You've already seen that they run when you sleep with them right away, so why not make a change with in yourself? Link to comment
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