New To The Game

[Cetan]

Hello everyone,

 

This is about, you guessed it, the girl. But before I go on, here's a little something about myself. I'm a 21 year old guy who's never really played the game before. In high school I wasn't really bothered, and after that I suffered from depression and anxiety related problems. Three years on I'm much better, but I've been out of the socialising game for a while now, even though I'm a University student.

 

So, once I managed to get back together with my old friends, I made some new ones too- people they knew. So, I'll skip a bit, and talk about this girl. I've only met her three times, each at the local club. The first time I was taking a girl out (as friends), and the second, as I was saying bye to everyone, I gave her a drunken hug. I guess she liked it, because she added me as a friend on Facebook and started talking to me and commenting on my statuses. Once she pointed out that she knew where I lived, due to some of her friends living nearby, meaning that she’s probably mentioned me at some time. It seemed pretty obvious she liked me.

 

Anyway, she came down to the club with me and our mutual friends last time we went, and... I didn’t really know what to do. When she sat down, she looked at me- I wasn’t looking at her at the time, but I saw it. I didn’t ignore her- I talked to her, even bought her a drink and so on, but... let’s face it, I don’t really know how to make my next move. Anyway, it just seems a bit weird to me to just go right up to her next time and ask if she’d like to go to the movies, or something. There needs to be some sort of build-up, but it needs to happen soon, as in next time, so I don’t get friendzoned, as after last time I think she may have cooled off a bit.

 

So my good people, what do you think I should do?

 

Thanks all.

[alli]

I'd probably start chatting with her on facebook messages, asking her about herself & her interests & figure out something that she might like to do sometime, & suggest it on there.

 

Also, try not to consider it "a game", because it's not. A game implies that someone is getting played, imo. And sets you up to figure out what the "right" move is, rather than what works for you & her. It's just getting to know someone you might like.

[imsuperman]

It's much better to talk to her at a quieter place if you can. A movie's not such a good idea early on because you won't be talking to her very much.

 

Alli's idea about getting to know her a little better is good.

[Cetan]

Hi guys,

 

Thanks for the comments so far.

 

When I say 'the game', I mean it in a sort of sarcastic, ironic sort of way. I don't mean to imply that I'm playing someone, or that that's what I want to do- if I came off that way then I apologise. It just had a sort of grandiose sound to it which I liked =P Regardless, I won't call it that again on here.

 

The Facebook idea is good, I can do that. I can get to know her better then, and maybe if the opportunity arises we could arrange something. But let's say, for instance, I get to know her a bit better over the next week (with nothing arranged or implied), and we meet in person at the club at the end of the week. What do you suppose I should do then? The same sort of thing? It would be easier to 'ask her out', so to speak, over Facebook, but I read somewhere that doing it in person shows confidence and has more class- do you think this is so?

 

What do you guys think about all this?

 

(Oh, and I agree with the movie idea- when I think about it, a first thing should be pretty casual and have talking involved, as I see it).

 

Once again, thanks guys.

[alli]

No, no. You dont have to apologize; I knew you didn't mean anything negative by it. I was just saying that thinking of it as a game is not going to set yourself up for success.

 

I think either can work. Talking on facebook would give you an easy way of suggesting a get-together. And it's also much easier on you if they turn you down!! You could meet in person & hang out. If it goes well, at the end I'd say something like "we should do something again sometime". Then the next time something comes up, call her & ask. Generally it goes better for both people if you say something like "Hey, I'm doing xyz this weekend, wanna come?" rather than asking all formal for a date.

 

Playing pool & drinking beer can be fun for a first date. Depends on if she's a pool & beer girl, though!

[Cetan]

Well, she does come down to the club with us on occasion. Next time I'll suggest a game of pool. I don't know how successful I'll be at moving the lads, since they seem to mostly like sitting, drinking and talking, but I'll try for sure. I've not seen her drink before either, since she tends to drive herself around (the drink I mentioned buying last time was a lemonade), but it doesn't have to be alcohol.

 

Anyways, my rambling done, thanks for the help! I appreciate it a lot. I know where I'm going now.