Extreme depression--can't get out of bed or see the sunshine through the clouds

[Lady Rashomon]

I'm going through some major life transitions right now around my marriage, career, spirituality, and sense of self. There are some days when I feel I'm making progress and other days when I feel like nothing will ever change and there will always be this hollow feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach. For the most part, I've always been a sad/lonely person who's gone through cycles of depression (that I think can be traced back to my family and the way individual family members dealt with depression). I'm 30 years old, recently unemployed, and I feel like I have no drive to do anything except lie in bed all day. I feel so tired and empty and honestly just have little will to go on. I know from past experiences that things are always in flux and that circumstances change, but looking back at my life, it has always seemed as if the bad times have outweighed the good. I've tried to change my attitude by exploring my spirituality, helping others through volunteer work, working on my marriage rather than walking away (which up until recently, I really wanted to)...but nothing I've done seems to have given me any real sense of satisfaction or happiness. It's not as if I expect to walk through life feeling happy all the time, but the sense of alienation, loneliness, and grief is sometimes too much to bear. I feel like I'm shutting myself off further and further. Like there is nothing new left for me to experience. Like this numbness is going to be what defines my life forever.

[waveseer]

Maybe it's time for the medical approach. If it works then I assure you that everything else will become much easier to deal with.

[Jetta]

Medicine does sometimes help, it has helped me. Don't walk away from your marriage, it's you stability right now and you need it.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I suffer too from depression, are you or would you consider taking anti-depressents for your condition? Have you spoke to your doctor?

 

Don't suffer alone, does you husband support you?

[Lady Rashomon]

I've always resisted the idea of getting on meds because I've thought this was something I can handle through things like meditation, adopting a positive attitude, being with friends, etc. It's been a long time since I've experienced this level of rock-bottom depression, however, so that could be something to consider. I feel like so many areas of my life have been collapsing around me (job, relationship, career goals, etc.) that it feels overwhelming at times to muster the strength to get up and face another day. I feel like I've lost my sense of wonder and my faith that things will improve, so my attitude has been a major hindrance throughout all of this. It really does feel like there is absolutely nothing left to look forward to.

 

And yes, my husband has been very wonderful, very supportive of me throughout all of this. But he's also going through a rough time and I just end up feeling inexpressibly guilty for having to put him through all of this and for forcing him to be the "strong" one. He's also on a business trip now and will be gone for a few days, so I'm pretty much alone in our apartment on a rainy day, feeling totally worthless.

[erase this face]

Have you tried or thought of counseling? It's impossible to gain satisfaction or to find a source of happiness in the midst of depression. Sometimes a bit trickles in, but when a person is feeling that bad, there seems to be no way out.

 

Even if the counseling is geared toward having someone to talk with as opposed to going in it with a set goal may help.

[Lady Rashomon]

Have you tried or thought of counseling? It's impossible to gain satisfaction or to find a source of happiness in the midst of depression. Sometimes a bit trickles in, but when a person is feeling that bad, there seems to be no way out.

 

Even if the counseling is geared toward having someone to talk with as opposed to going in it with a set goal may help.

 

Yes, I'm in therapy right now and it does help me to get perspective. There are days that are quite good, but more than anything else, I just feel like I'm trudging through darkness alone. I've tried to turn to my spirituality as a source of comfort, do some journaling, and just accept that it's a dark time in which I can learn a lot about myself but not without dealing with the grief. I'm just concerned that my lethargy and lack of motivation are getting in the way of those efforts and I'm not sure what I can do, practically, that will help to keep me healthy and positive.