Is sex really all what it is cracked up to be?

[MD Geist]

Sex is BS.

[Panther_Dude]

is it just me, or is this insanely creepy. i mean, why should your friends care so much about what goes on in your bedroom? are they not able to experience sex as fully because you aren't doing it as well???? do they want an orgy with you or something?

 

tell your friends to mind their own business. you can take care of your own sex life and choose to do it when you wish, with whom you wish.

 

They just know that he is a virgin still and want him to fill what he is missing out on. That's all.

[Capricorn3]

Sex is BS.

You only say that because you haven't had it yet.

[jonny15]

Sex is BS.

 

How would you know?

 

You know it would be bs about as much as I would.

 

Which is not at all.

[sns256]

Sorry guys I went out to my hockey game last night, and then my friend invited me to her house to play video games, and then a house party broke out. lol She got me really drunk and I had to sleep over at her house. Ended up going out for lunch with her, and I was a wreck for the rest of the day. lol Now back on topic.

 

I think it's a guy thing. They're afraid that, if you wait, your chances of having sex at all will shrink dramatically...which is probably true. Whereas women can wait and still have many opportunities available, generally speaking.

 

Yeah I could see this being true for what they are thinking. I don't know if I would agree in my experience though. I have never had a legitimate opportunity ever really. Maybe if I had the social skills necessary I could increase those opportunities. So I am trying to learn such skills. I'm not resorting to desperate measures for a long while.

 

Now, your friends aren't doing you any favors. Why haven't you hooked up with anyone? I'm not sure, but putting pressure on you isn't helping matters.

 

If they're really good friends, you need to sit down with them and tell them that you'd rather just take your time or just not worry about it and let it happen on your own terms.

 

I haven't hooked up with anyone yet because I was pretty anti social up to when I got a job when I was 17. Everyone told me I have plenty of time and I would eventually meet someone. So I didn't really care to try much and figured a girl would eventually find me attractive for who I was. Which didn't happen. I did have one girl notice me back when I was 19, but I was so nervous I messed it up badly. So just over a year ago I took it upon myself to start improving myself with women in the hopes that I would be able to find someone eventually. I got my first date just over 7-8 months ago, and have been on several since. I always seem to mess things up and haven't got a second date yet, despite trying. I am still pretty socially awkward around women and I am putting myself in situations to improve those social skills. Which is an excruciatingly slow process. But I make progress every week, so I am sure soon I will get see some actual physical results. I am still pretty stupid/ clueless with a lot of this stuff.

 

To put this in perspective to show you how far I have come. When I started on my long trek in September 2008 I had only 5-6 conversations with women my age total over my lifetime. Which I easily do everyday now. So I have come a long way, and I might be seeing a light at the end of the tunnel soon. I am actually getting pretty good at light teasing girls too.

 

I am not someone who caves to peer pressure.. ever. I never do, and never have. External pressure on me doesn't really bother me, really. I have sat down with them sometimes and told them I will go at my own pace. Some things just come out when people are drunk, and need reminders.

 

Case in point, my friend from last night. She was discussing with me how these guys pick her up with methods in so and so book, and how much it works. (I had already read the book, but I didn't tell her She was telling me that my one friend who hasn't gotten much action for a while and should read it. She is trying to pick up one of the guys at the party. I was making fun of her because he was using these 'methods' on her and it was working and she knew it too. hehe We must have talked about this stuff for a couple hours drunk, and at lunch today. This social stuff is very complicated.

 

Well being a horny (virgin) guy I think it's silly to brush sex off as "good". Some people have thought my disinterest in talking about girls/sex means I'm not interested in them in general which is hardly the case, just that I don't exactly have anything to talk about, being a relationship/kissless as well (hello, same club sns lol).

 

Assuming I stay to my principles of having it all meaningful and stuff, I do put sex as something maybe not lifechanging but a big milestone. I say assuming my principles stay because as time goes I probably won't care about them anymore. Anyway, I still have it as a big thing, because the pre-requisite for me would've been that I've been with this mystical-yet-to-come girl long enough to care about, yada yada yada. Whereas for sure if it was some ONS then ofcourse nothing in my life would change. haha but again I'm sure I'd still have fun with "bad sex".

 

btw good luck on your goals sns. Hoping to get a first kiss this year!

 

Hehe well I know exactly where you are coming from dr_styles! I like how you put it as a big milestone. It will be for sure. I agree with your principles theory as well. The longer the wait, the easier it is to let those principles shrink. Because if you go so long without ANY opportunity. You might want to jump at the first chance, because you never know how long its going to be before your next opportunity will be. Could be several years to never. Like I said previously. It is going to be many years before I start lowering my principles.

 

Thanks for the good luck! I wish you good luck as well! I hope you are taking some steps to improve yourself too. My goals when I started was 2009: First date, 2010: First kiss, and 2011: First girlfriend, and other things > So far I am well on my way to accomplishing my goals. I am excited to the upcoming year! 2009 was simply awesome, 2010 will be even better! Lets try to get out of this 'club', as you put it, this year.

 

*****

 

Thanks for the advice StrangeMagic! It will be definitely useful in the future (hopefully). I just wanted to know if people thought if having sex for the first time was so life changing that I should just do it as quickly as possible with nearly anyone who would offer. I am really glad that most people are saying that waiting is the better option.

 

Sex is BS.

 

Ahh MD Geist! I have tried so hard to help you out in the past and it saddens me that you are still fairly bitter about everything. I think once you improve your attitude to the situation you will have great success! I have told you this before. Ever hear of the term 'love shy'? You might have it. Read up on it. People who have it often get very bitter with relationships. This is all about viscous cycles and only you can get yourself out of them.

 

They just know that he is a virgin still and want him to fill what he is missing out on. That's all.

 

That's exactly how I thought my friends are coming from. I didn't think anyone else would think otherwise actually. Especially my female friends. But they are more like 'you need a girl', and the guys are like 'you need to get laid'. Either way its something everyone wants me to experience. Everyone tries helps out in their own way.

[Asmokraemer]

Was sex a huge life changing event for you?

 

It wasn't as big as I thought it was going to see. I waited a really long time-I was almost 23-and expected a veil to be lifted from my eyes and that suddenly I would see the world differently. I expected my first time to be fireworks and rainbows and everything else out of this world.

 

It wasn't.

 

There was no veil or fireworks. I was really disappointed. My bf was also a virgin and didn't really know what he was doing. It was great for him but not so much for me. I was really let down for some time. We kept at it and sex is great now! We're still learning, especially almost 2 years later when the novelty of it all has worn off and simply sleeping together doesn't always cut it.

 

I'd say to wait until you find the right girl. You're a little old for a male virgin, I have to say, but that doesn't mean you can't find the right girl. You'll know it when you do...don't second guess yourself. Your gut will tell you when you're ready.

[sns256]

That's awesome Asmokraemer! I am so happy that you and your bf worked through the difficulties together. One thing I find is that someone with no experience believes that if one little thing goes wrong she is going to bolt very quickly. From personal experience that seems to be the case. But its nice to know that isn't always the case.

 

Thanks for the advice! I think I will know when the time is right too. Yeah I am a little old but it's probably still going to take me several months before I get the chance to make the decision. As I have never had to make the choice before. But she's out there! "Until you find the right girl" is such a true statement. She doesn't necessarily have to be 'the one' that I will marry and spend the rest of my life with. But someone that I am compatible with, and not some random girl that isn't right for me.

 

Now after reading a post on ENA tonight I think I might have figured out why my friends want to have sex so badly.

 

Basically from my friends perspective, if I sleep with some girl asap I will gain some of this 'esteem' that DanDee describes and maybe become better at finding the right girl later on. Perhaps expediting my search. I am not sure if would give me that big of an esteem boost to be honest. But probably would help. What do you guys think about that? (I am still not considering doing it though)

[dr_styles]

Depends how you ending up getting the girl. It basically has to be repeatable and a permanent gain on your part.

If you get it by picking up a girl who's so drunk she can't see clearly then that's hardly repeatable. If you hire a hooker that's hardly going to change much with everyday girls too.

[Night Pumpkin]

If it is with someone who you are committed to loving for the rest of your life, then it is something truly amazing, like nothing else.

[Perfect Dark]

Sex is amazing, the risk of having sex on one night stand is a lot of fun but it's even better with some one you love. That's my resolution for 2010, no more one night stands!

[LightbulbSun]

I don't remember if I posted in this thread...guess not.

 

Anyways, I'm a 27 year old male virgin, and I probably will be disappointed when I finally lose it. I've heard a lot of stories about people who are disappointed with their first time, so it probably won't be skyrockets for me, either.

 

That being said, I've held off this long, I can hold off a little longer. I also haven't kissed or had a girlfriend yet, so I want to get those two out of the way before I even start worrying about sex. I don't believe in casual sex - not because I'm religious, but because I believe it's meaningless.

 

OP, you're not the oldest virgin. There are real life 40 and 50 year old virgins out there, just getting into relationships for the first time. There's no rush, everything happens at it's own pace.

 

Oh, and your friends are douches. If someone told me I had to go have sex, I would say, "You offering?" That would probably close the conversation, lol.

[jonny15]

Anyways, I'm a 27 year old male virgin, and I probably will be disappointed when I finally lose it. I've heard a lot of stories about people who are disappointed with their first time, so it probably won't be skyrockets for me, either.

 

It would suck if it were dissapointing. But there is always the chance it will be.

 

I'd like to think it will be short and sweet.

 

Even tho it will most likely be short and akward.

 

That being said, I've held off this long, I can hold off a little longer. I also haven't kissed or had a girlfriend yet, so I want to get those two out of the way before I even start worrying about sex. I don't believe in casual sex - not because I'm religious, but because I believe it's meaningless.

 

I don't see it as meaningless.

 

The meaning is to have a good time.

 

OP, you're not the oldest virgin. There are real life 40 and 50 year old virgins out there, just getting into relationships for the first time. There's no rush, everything happens at it's own pace.

 

If I get to that age without sex, that might make me want to play in traffic.

[Asmokraemer]

Lightbulbsun-my bf said it was great for him, I think. He was pleased and I wasn't, but I expected more and had done more with other guys I'd casually dated. Maybe there will be fireworks for you, but I honestly think that firework sex takes time and effort. You have to learn what works and what doesn't for both you and the other person. My bf says that it's best for him when I'm really into it, but then he focuses too much on me and that doesn't work for either one of us. Heh, we still have a lot of learning to do.

 

SNS256-Yes, the "right girl" isn't necessarily the one you'll marry but it has to be the right moment. I waited so long because I didn't want to regret any of my choices and even though we slept together very early in the relationship, I knew he was the right guy. It was scary for me at first because I didn't know what to expect. Currently, I would like to marry him but if in the future things don't work out, I know I still wont regret my decision and ultimately, that's what was most important to me.

[DaisyDaisy]

anything is always 1000x more exciting when you wait

[sns256]

Depends how you ending up getting the girl. It basically has to be repeatable and a permanent gain on your part. If you get it by picking up a girl who's so drunk she can't see clearly then that's hardly repeatable. If you hire a hooker that's hardly going to change much with everyday girls too.

 

I agree wholeheartedly! I have always thought that ending up getting a girl to have repeated experiences with would be where the big confidence boost would come from.

 

Sex is amazing, the risk of having sex on one night stand is a lot of fun but it's even better with some one you love. That's my resolution for 2010, no more one night stands!

 

Hehe, good luck on your new years resolution! Mine is to get my first kiss. Anyway, I don't think I could ever do a one night stand but you never know. Can't say I have ever turned one down. I'll let you know in a few years. haha

 

I don't remember if I posted in this thread...guess not.

 

Anyways, I'm a 27 year old male virgin, and I probably will be disappointed when I finally lose it. I've heard a lot of stories about people who are disappointed with their first time, so it probably won't be skyrockets for me, either.

 

That being said, I've held off this long, I can hold off a little longer. I also haven't kissed or had a girlfriend yet, so I want to get those two out of the way before I even start worrying about sex. I don't believe in casual sex - not because I'm religious, but because I believe it's meaningless.

 

OP, you're not the oldest virgin. There are real life 40 and 50 year old virgins out there, just getting into relationships for the first time. There's no rush, everything happens at it's own pace.

 

Oh, and your friends are douches. If someone told me I had to go have sex, I would say, "You offering?" That would probably close the conversation, lol.

 

If I play devils advocate here. The argument for this is why not get the disappointing, boring, awkward sex out of the way with someone who you don't care 120% for? So that you won't have to deal with it when the time comes with someone truly special.

 

But I agree I want to get the kiss and gf out of the way before I deal with sex . I just wanted to know other peoples opinion. I know I am not the oldest virgin out there, not by a long shot. I just sort of want to have some fun before I get too old. If you know what I mean. I don't really want to get to 30,40,50, ect and say dam I wish I would have tried harder and experienced the whole 20's thing, have a good time, ect. But whatever happens happens, I'll keep putting in the effort. That's all I can do. And you can too! Just keep plugging away and it will happen at some point. That's at least what I'll believe will happen.

 

Haha I guess a couple of my friends are really weird. I knew they were a bit, but not this much. I am going to use that one if one of my female friends ever say I need to get laid.

 

SNS256-Yes, the "right girl" isn't necessarily the one you'll marry but it has to be the right moment. I waited so long because I didn't want to regret any of my choices and even though we slept together very early in the relationship, I knew he was the right guy. It was scary for me at first because I didn't know what to expect. Currently, I would like to marry him but if in the future things don't work out, I know I still wont regret my decision and ultimately, that's what was most important to me.

 

I agree with every little thing you said there. You took the words right out of my mouth. Like you said, I will know when I am with the right girl. I won't regret my decision, and that is what is most important to me for my first time. I was curious if other people shared my opinion. I am glad a lot do.

 

anything is always 1000x more exciting when you wait

 

Yeah you are right about that. I am probably going to appreciate it much more for the first time than someone having sex when they are 14, 15, 16. I would like to not have the feeling after doing it that I should have done it much sooner and had more fun earlier. Being with the right girl will hopefully avoid that.

[Organs]

anything is always 1000x more exciting when you wait

 

I hope I'm not poisoning anyone's minds here, but even long after I finally had it myself, all I could think about was all the years when I didn't have sex and people my age were dating, having one night stands, having relationships, breaking up, cheating, being cheated on, getting caught by parents, getting caught by siblings, getting caught by the authorities....and even though I was finally experienced, all I could think about was how old I was and how much life I missed out on.

[dr_styles]

Well that's how I feel already about something as simple as kiss (which I have still yet to get). It's not supposed to be such a massive "victory" in the first place ... it's just a kiss. Similarly with sex too because I'm not religious. I'm past school, past Uni. Having a good relationship with sex is a norm by now.

[LightbulbSun]

I also can't help thinking of all the years wasted. I know I'm still young, but to have never even had a first kiss...well, that sucks.

[DaisyDaisy]

you guys shouldnt think like that. everything happens for a reason. you haven't lost anything by waiting, its just experiencing life in a different order, and in a different sequence of events.

im not in a big rush to do anything to conform. i dont see any point in being a conformist. just do what feels right for you, and dont waste your time having regrets, live the rest of your life.

[dog stevens]

For me it's not so much the actual sex that appeals to me, but the idea of being able to get sex easily (not prostitution). I envy the guys who can just woo women into one night stands, the guys who can walk into a place and take a girl home within a few hours, the guys who can turn a girl on with just a few sentences. It's not so much the sex I want, it's wanting to be that kind of guy. I really want those great social skills with women.

[diabolik]

Once you become educated about STDs, sex is NOT all that it's cracked up to be. Condoms aren't highly effective against HPV and HSV, both of which are very widespread and incurable. So even with condoms, you're worried about contracting it (if you don't have it) or spreading it (if you do).

 

Nearly everyone who is sexually active either has been, or will be, infected with HPV. The good news is that your body can usually fight it off, and for women, if they get regular screenings, they can detect problems before cervical cancer develops. The bad news is that they don't test for it in guys unless there are visible warts (which is caused by different strains than the ones that cause cancer), so even if you STD test your male partner, you'll never know for sure. Though I have no symptoms, given the number of partners I've had, I have to assume that I've been exposed to it. I know a girl that got it her first time - she traded her virginity for HPV.

 

And HSV, between the two types, is so widespread, that finding someone without either type is a challenge. And even if you have one type, you are still susceptible to contracting the the other type. And if you have one or both, it is impossible to guarantee that you will never pass it to a partner even if you avoid contact between outbreaks and take antivirals on a daily basis (though this does reduce transmission risk quite a lot) - but this is almost a moot point because most of the people who have herpes are unaware they have it. Heck, even in 2010, many people are unaware that cold sores are herpes and that they can be transmitted to a partner's genitals via oral sex, which is partly why half the new genital herpes cases are HSV1 infections. And most STD screens in the US don't include HSV testing - you have to ask for it. And outside the US, HSV antibody testing is often difficult to find, leaving you in the same limbo as HPV - i.e., you can't find out if your partner has it or not, so even if you are responsible and educated, you are still left rolling the dice when you have sex.

 

OP, I'm sure reading this will turn you off sex. Every time I think about this, my balls retract up into my body.

[Organs]

Doesn't affect my sex drive...