Is sex really all what it is cracked up to be?

[sns256]

Recently my friends have begun to have sex on a regular basis and they all seem to want me to experience it very badly, very soon. Once a week someone will tell me I should have sex with so and so girl as soon as possible. I just can't figure out why they think it will be a huge life changing event for me.

 

Granted after my friends lost their virginity their confidence in themselves and around women skyrocketed. I just don't think loosing my virginity by sleeping with someone I hardly know, could ever live up to the hype, or help me find a girlfriend. Yes I have wanted to have sex in a bad why for some time now. But I wanted to do it for the right reasons. Not just to use a random girl to 'relieve' this 'burden' as they describe. I am not waiting for any person in particular. I would like my first time to have a little bit of significance and not a regret sometime down the road.

 

Even most of my female friends tell me I need to find someone soon. Regardless if they know my situation or not.

 

I am sure once I find someone to do it with my sexual confidence will increase a lot, and maybe that's what my friends are wanting for me. Its not like I moop around depressed or anything. I am actually pretty laid back about it, and don't bring it up very often. I am just a quiet guy, who is socially awkward around most women. But I am improving! Frankly I would be ecstatic to get my first kiss this year. Which I could easily do if I keep improving myself socially.

 

I am a little confused why my friends put sex on such a pedestal. Was sex a huge life changing event for you? Would you do it for the first time to get it over with and on with your life and find that special someone later? Did you become great at attracting women/men after doing it?

[annie24]

hey all seem to want me to experience it very badly, very soon.

 

is it just me, or is this insanely creepy. i mean, why should your friends care so much about what goes on in your bedroom? are they not able to experience sex as fully because you aren't doing it as well???? do they want an orgy with you or something?

 

tell your friends to mind their own business. you can take care of your own sex life and choose to do it when you wish, with whom you wish.

[_Asti_]

I think males and females may experience it differently..who knows.

But for me, sex with a loving committed partner is amazing. For me, it is all its cracked up to be...but yet I wouldn't be the type to go around doing it with random people..thats not for me.

 

Stick to your guns and your beliefs. I did, and am quite happy with my choice because otherwise you may have regrets and may place sex itself on a pedestal only to realize it isn't what its cracked up to be..especially if you view it and want it done in a certain way [something with significance..]

[easyguy]

I am 23 as well, and am in serious relationship with my girlfriend of 3 1/2 months. It is not my intention to dodge your question, but if you had to choose, would you rather learn to pleasure a woman or just to have sex? I have yet to have sex, but I finger/rub my girlfriend (often to an orgasm) on a regular basis. Intimacy is not just sex, it's also physical intimacy, foreplay, et cetera.

 

Last night was my first time receiving a blowjob. It wasn't all it's cracked up to be (though it was stimulating). Which, if any indication of the response from sex, it's not life-changing. I sense that she and I will be having sex in the days to come. We love each other very much, and she knows that I have not had any sexual partners/girlfriends up until her, so it means a lot to make it special.

 

Sex, from standing on the fringes of actually having sex, seems not so different than other forms of sexual gestures, but takes the most amount of trust because of the risks involve. Think about it, you're turning a fundamental act of the birth catalyst into recreation. To be honest, I am glad she and I haven't had sex yet, because I am learning how she responds to different movements of the hand/fingers and what pleasures her the most, so that intercourse will not be an isolated act, but part of a triple threat (kissing, fingering/rubbing, intercourse) that brings us closer. The more intimate you are with your girl/woman, the more you don't need to ask what it feels like.

[YabbaDabba]

is it just me, or is this insanely creepy. i mean, why should your friends care so much about what goes on in your bedroom? are they not able to experience sex as fully because you aren't doing it as well???? do they want an orgy with you or something?

 

tell your friends to mind their own business. you can take care of your own sex life and choose to do it when you wish, with whom you wish.

 

I totally agree with Annie. Given, I'm a 24-year-old female, and almost all of my friends (guys and girls) are sexually active, and yes, we do sometimes talk about sex lives, but it's not like my friends are coming up to me going, "So, have you gotten any lately?" I'd find it incredibly weird if they did that, actually.

 

Personally, I think it's great that you're not willing to just have sex for the sake of it. There's this big stereotype that losing your virginity isn't as important to guys as it is to girls, but once you do meet someone special, you'll more than likely regret giving it up to some random girl. So, I say keep holding out.

 

Meanwhile, I think part of the issue with your guy friends is that: 1) they're just preoccupied with sex and are using your lack of a sex life as an excuse to talk about sex (kinda gives them a reason to harp on it, if that makes sense); 2) they're playing into that whole, "If you're a guy over the age of 18 and you're a virgin, you're weird" stereotype.

 

No matter what their motivations are, though, just ignore them. You don't have to be mean or create drama over it, but just let them know that you're not worried about your sexual status, so they shouldn't be either.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

is it just me, or is this insanely creepy. i mean, why should your friends care so much about what goes on in your bedroom? are they not able to experience sex as fully because you aren't doing it as well???? do they want an orgy with you or something?

 

tell your friends to mind their own business. you can take care of your own sex life and choose to do it when you wish, with whom you wish.

 

 

I completely agree. The only thing sex has given these guys aside from a swelled penis is a swelled head (the one on the shoulders)...and swelled heads (on the shoulders) are very unattractive and obnoxious. Your sex life is none of their business...and if they were mature they would realize that THEIR OWN sex life is nobody's business as well.

[SilentSnow]

I think Sex is wonderful Maybe it's because me and BF just started to have sex but I don't know I love it.

 

Before I met him, I thought sex was disgusting and over ratted. I thought guys were just jerks who wanted to simply bang women and move on to the women. And the way my college friends would talk about it was like drinking water. And actually they had a "just do it" attitude with me and sex. It was annoying that i wanted to be a virgin for the rest of my life...until I met the man I'm with now

 

So All I can say is don't let you friends pressure you to have sex. Wait until you meet somebody you like and trust and get to know them for a while before you do anything forward.

[Creative]

Would you do it for the first time to get it over with and on with your life and find that special someone later?

 

I realized the answer to this question really depends on the country you're grown up in. Different continent have different perspective on this, and this forum is very North America. But general rule is to do what you feel is right and not care about what others want you to do.

[sns256]

Wow this grew quicker than I could reply! Thanks everyone. Wow

 

is it just me, or is this insanely creepy.

 

Hehe thanks Annie. I don't take it as creepy really. I don't think they are thinking about themselves at all, or their own interests. I think its more they want me to experience it because they were really late bloomers themselves, and I am on the extreme end. They just got lucky and found someone who liked them. I didn't mean for the post to about my friends really.

 

tell your friends to mind their own business. you can take care of your own sex life and choose to do it when you wish, with whom you wish.

 

That's what I do! Plus my feelings on the matter. I am not afraid to speak my mind.

 

Stick to your guns and your beliefs. I did, and am quite happy with my choice because otherwise you may have regrets and may place sex itself on a pedestal only to realize it isn't what its cracked up to be..especially if you view it and want it done in a certain way [something with significance..]

 

Thanks, I will. That's what I want to avoid is thinking that sex isn't what its cracked up to be. I want it to be something worth pursuing and have no regrets.

 

I know that everyone is going to be all over the map for this question. I am just curious other peoples thoughts.

 

I am 23 as well, and am in serious relationship with my girlfriend of 3 1/2 months. It is not my intention to dodge your question, but if you had to choose, would you rather learn to pleasure a woman or just to have sex? I have yet to have sex, but I finger/rub my girlfriend (often to an orgasm) on a regular basis. Intimacy is not just sex, it's also physical intimacy, foreplay, et cetera.

 

Last night was my first time receiving a blowjob. It wasn't all it's cracked up to be (though it was stimulating). Which, if any indication of the response from sex, it's not life-changing. I sense that she and I will be having sex in the days to come. We love each other very much, and she knows that I have not had any sexual partners/girlfriends up until her, so it means a lot to make it special.

 

Sex, from standing on the fringes of actually having sex, seems not so different than other forms of sexual gestures, but takes the most amount of trust because of the risks involve. Think about it, you're turning a fundamental act of the birth catalyst into recreation. To be honest, I am glad she and I haven't had sex yet, because I am learning how she responds to different movements of the hand/fingers and what pleasures her the most, so that intercourse will not be an isolated act, but part of a triple threat (kissing, fingering/rubbing, intercourse) that brings us closer. The more intimate you are with your girl/woman, the more you don't need to ask what it feels like.

 

Awesome post man! That's exactly how ideally it would happen for me, whenever it happens. If I could write a book about it, that would be the fairytale story. Especially her knowing your level of experience. Thanks for letting me know that it is possible to experience it that way. I hope you and your gf have a very special night together when it happens! Enjoy yourself.

 

I totally agree with Annie. Given, I'm a 24-year-old female, and almost all of my friends (guys and girls) are sexually active, and yes, we do sometimes talk about sex lives, but it's not like my friends are coming up to me going, "So, have you gotten any lately?" I'd find it incredibly weird if they did that, actually.

 

Personally, I think it's great that you're not willing to just have sex for the sake of it. There's this big stereotype that losing your virginity isn't as important to guys as it is to girls, but once you do meet someone special, you'll more than likely regret giving it up to some random girl. So, I say keep holding out.

 

Meanwhile, I think part of the issue with your guy friends is that: 1) they're just preoccupied with sex and are using your lack of a sex life as an excuse to talk about sex (kinda gives them a reason to harp on it, if that makes sense); 2) they're playing into that whole, "If you're a guy over the age of 18 and you're a virgin, you're weird" stereotype.

 

No matter what their motivations are, though, just ignore them. You don't have to be mean or create drama over it, but just let them know that you're not worried about your sexual status, so they shouldn't be either.

 

Alright I guess I have creepy friends then. lol I never knew. When sex conversations come up I am usually extremely quiet because I have no idea what I am talking about, and nothing to contribute. So maybe they just ask any question to get me participating. I really never thought it was creepy until you guys brought it up. lol

 

I will keep holding out. Its not like its going to be hard. I don't get many opportunities. When/If I do I'll keep your advice in mind.

 

It makes sense that people harp on lack of sexual experience. But they definitely do think the whole if you are over a certain age and a virgin you are odd. Though they were all in their early 20's when they lost theirs. lol

 

Again I think they have the best intentions for giving advice. It's the wrong advice though. I don't create drama over it, but I don't have a problem speaking my mind. I do just that, I tell them I am not worried, and it will happen when the time is right. Thanks a ton!

 

I completely agree. The only thing sex has given these guys aside from a swelled penis is a swelled head (the one on the shoulders)...and swelled heads (on the shoulders) are very unattractive and obnoxious. Your sex life is none of their business...and if they were mature they would realize that THEIR OWN sex life is nobody's business as well.

 

Alright really creepy friends. lol Maybe I should have stated in my first post that I do tell them off when they talk to me like that. I maybe shy and socially not skilled but I don't have a problem standing up for myself. When I speak, people will listen.

[pinkelephant]

DUDE.

 

I'm a girl who already had sex and YET people still constantly tell me "Oh, Lil, you really need to get laid." ... or "Why don't you just go out and.. you know, sleep with someone?? Maybe a friend? I could hook you up with a guy......." =.=

 

I don't understand the sex obsession. Sure it's good, but I can really take it or leave it (leave it) if it's from a random. Sure it's great when it's with someone you really love, but most things feel really really good when it's with someone you love because you love them! Hell, for some, the idea of suicide is great when it's with someone you love -- Mark Anathony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, etcetcetc..

[Capricorn3]

is it just me, or is this insanely creepy. i mean, why should your friends care so much about what goes on in your bedroom? are they not able to experience sex as fully because you aren't doing it as well???? do they want an orgy with you or something?

 

tell your friends to mind their own business. you can take care of your own sex life and choose to do it when you wish, with whom you wish.

^^ THIS post says it all! lol.

 

I'm actually surprised that so many people actually sit around and discuss their sex lives with their friends (which has obviously happened here). Doesn't anyone view their sex lives as personal anymore, or am I just behind the times here? It's NONE of their business and the sooner they keep out of your business the better.

[sns256]

I think Sex is wonderful Maybe it's because me and BF just started to have sex but I don't know I love it.

 

Before I met him, I thought sex was disgusting and over ratted. I thought guys were just jerks who wanted to simply bang women and move on to the women. And the way my college friends would talk about it was like drinking water. And actually they had a "just do it" attitude with me and sex. It was annoying that i wanted to be a virgin for the rest of my life...until I met the man I'm with now

 

So All I can say is don't let you friends pressure you to have sex. Wait until you meet somebody you like and trust and get to know them for a while before you do anything forward.

 

Thanks for the advice SilentSnow! I have friends all over the map. Ones who think its like water, and others who think it is more special. I am glad that it worked out for you! Ideally it will happen like yourself. It sounds like it will be a fun, and interesting whenever/ if ever I meet someone like that.

 

I just wanted other people's opinion if they would wait or not. And if they didn't, did it change them. It sort of turned out to be a, "wow you friends are creepy" type of thread. lol

 

I realized the answer to this question really depends on the country you're grown up in. Different continent have different perspective on this, and this forum is very North America. But general rule is to do what you feel is right and not care about what others want you to do.

 

I agree it would be different opinions all over the world.

 

I now see I didn't ask my question correctly, or clearly enough. I have made my decision and will wait it out as long as I can really. I just wanted to know if having sex for the first time was such a life altering event to change their fortunes in the future. As some people would want you to believe.

 

Thanks all!

[pinkelephant]

^^ THIS post says it all! lol.

 

I'm actually surprised that so many people actually sit around and discuss their sex lives with their friends (which has obviously happened here). Doesn't anyone view their sex lives as personal anymore, or am I just behind the times here? It's NONE of their business and the sooner they keep out of your business the better.

 

Does that depends on how close you are..? I don't know about the OP, but this is strictly from a group of friends that are quite close and we've known each other since... high school. We talk about almost everything, but generally are quite private anyway.

[Capricorn3]

I just wanted other people's opinion if they would wait or not.!

I would definitely say yes, it is better to wait until you find someone who you really like/care for. Sure, it's very easy to simply pick up anyone just for the sake of having sex and being able to say: "Yeah! I've had sex!!" Wellm woopie do! lol. I can assure you, the random sex act may feel good, but it's a temporary feeling and soon disappears, leaving you feeling more empty than before.

 

Save it for when you find a decent person you actually like and care about. The experience will be a thousand times better and last a lot longer.

[_Asti_]

^^ THIS post says it all! lol.

 

I'm actually surprised that so many people actually sit around and discuss their sex lives with their friends (which has obviously happened here). Doesn't anyone view their sex lives as personal anymore, or am I just behind the times here? It's NONE of their business and the sooner they keep out of your business the better.

 

I find people who are dating and not long term committed very open about their sexual escapes, versus people in long term relationships who respect the boundaries and what they put out there..plus may just don't feel the need to brag.

[sns256]

DUDE.

 

I'm a girl who already had sex and YET people still constantly tell me "Oh, Lil, you really need to get laid." ... or "Why don't you just go out and.. you know, sleep with someone?? Maybe a friend? I could hook you up with a guy......." =.=.

 

Here we go! That's the type of post I was going for. I always hear 'Dude you need to get laid'. I still have no idea what that means. Its like once you get laid everything changes and everything becomes more clear, and life falls into place.

 

I don't know what people are thinking when they say that. It's like it will help me in some profound way. I just wanted to know how sleeping with.... someone would change me.

 

I'm actually surprised that so many people actually sit around and discuss their sex lives with their friends (which has obviously happened here). Doesn't anyone view their sex lives as personal anymore, or am I just behind the times here? It's NONE of their business and the sooner they keep out of your business the better.

 

Talking about your sex life seems to be common. It happens more than you think. I actually like listening. Like I said earlier I can't really participate. But listening to what people do kind of makes me excited to think what it will be like when I find someone to do it with. You don't need to reveal yourself if you don't want to. Just being quiet during a conversation like that. Tells people something. lol

 

Does that depends on how close you are..? I don't know about the OP, but this is strictly from a group of friends that are quite close and we've known each other since... high school. We talk about almost everything, but generally are quite private anyway.

 

I have a 3-4 separate groups of friends. But the guys in question I have known since Kindergarten, Grade 4, and Grade 10. So everyone knows most things about each other. But 90% of my friends have known me since I was 18, so they are aware of me never being with a girl just by deduction.

 

I would definitely say yes, it is better to wait until you find someone who you really like/care for. Sure, it's very easy to simply pick up anyone just for the sake of having sex and being able to say: "Yeah! I've had sex!!" Wellm woopie do! lol. I can assure you, the random sex act may feel good, but it's a temporary feeling and soon disappears, leaving you feeling more empty than before.

 

Save it for when you find a decent person you actually like and care about. The experience will be a thousand times better and last a lot longer.

 

Thanks Capricorn! I will wait as long as possible (which will be several years). It hasn't been hard up till now because I have never been able to get myself the opportunity yet. Nor a kiss for that matter, so its going to be a while yet.

 

I was just curious how, or if it mythically changes you like some people say. But like you said, it doesn't. Or even makes you feel worse. Just as I thought.

[Capricorn3]

Does that depends on how close you are..? I don't know about the OP, but this is strictly from a group of friends that are quite close and we've known each other since... high school. We talk about almost everything, but generally are quite private anyway.

Like I said, I'm probably behind the times, lol. We have very very close friends for over 20 years and none of us have ever discussed with each other what goes on in our bedrooms. Maybe it's a young people thing? I'm showing my age here, LOL.

[sns256]

Like I said, I'm probably behind the times, lol. We have very very close friends for over 20 years and none of us have ever discussed with each other what goes on in our bedrooms. Maybe it's a young people thing? I'm showing my age here, LOL.

 

Its probably a young person thing. It happens all the time actually. No worries Capricorn!

[annie24]

my friends and i discuss sex from time to time, but none of us pressures the others to have sex or to try a certain position or toy.... i mean, that's just weird.

[pinkelephant]

maybe it's a younger generation thing.

[Blue Spiral]

I think it's a guy thing. They're afraid that, if you wait, your chances of having sex at all will shrink dramatically...which is probably true. Whereas women can wait and still have many opportunities available, generally speaking.

[regular joe]

It is when you are with the right person.

[Organs]

Sex is fantastic. It can be good, mediocre, terrible, and so on, but it's like augmented masturbation.

 

Now, your friends aren't doing you any favors. Why haven't you hooked up with anyone? I'm not sure, but putting pressure on you isn't helping matters.

 

If they're really good friends, you need to sit down with them and tell them that you'd rather just take your time or just not worry about it and let it happen on your own terms.

[dr_styles]

Well being a horny (virgin) guy I think it's silly to brush sex off as "good". Some people have thought my disinterest in talking about girls/sex means I'm not interested in them in general which is hardly the case, just that I don't exactly have anything to talk about, being a relationship/kissless as well (hello, same club sns lol).

 

Assuming I stay to my principles of having it all meaningful and stuff, I do put sex as something maybe not lifechanging but a big milestone. I say assuming my principles stay because as time goes I probably won't care about them anymore. Anyway, I still have it as a big thing, because the pre-requisite for me would've been that I've been with this mystical-yet-to-come girl long enough to care about, yada yada yada. Whereas for sure if it was some ONS then ofcourse nothing in my life would change. haha but again I'm sure I'd still have fun with "bad sex".

 

btw good luck on your goals sns. Hoping to get a first kiss this year!

[JusticeLaw9]

Sex is beautiful, absolutely. But if you're not careful with who you do it with or how you do it, you can end up adding elements to your life that weren't there before. That doesn't mean that you can't enjoy it, though. But you need to really be careful who you do it with. My biggest fear about sex is that people aren't honest about their bodies, not to mention, everybody is not that savvy about protection these days and the risks of unprotected sex.

 

Please don't let me discourage you from doing it, because it is great. However, be smart about it. Get yourself tested, ask your partner to get herself tested too. If she refuses it's for either 1 out of 3 reasons. 1) She has something. 2) She's not sure if she has something and is afraid to go because she might get bad news. Which means she might have something or 3) She doesn't care about to want to protect herself or protect you. Which isn't all that great either.

 

To be honest, most people are going to turn down going and getting tested because to them it's "not that big of a deal" and it's just sex. But in a society we live in with a lot of diseases floating around out there, be as safe as you can and be smart about it.