She shows al this emotion. Why?

[baker53]

Ok my ex and I who dated for a little over 3 years have been broken up for 1 month. Over this past month we talked a little and in the past week she has been coming to my place to get her stuff out. Two days ago she showed up unannounced to get her last piece of furniture and I was not at my apartment. She called me and started cussing me out saying that I was stealing her stuff and that if I didn't come right now that she was going to call the cops.

 

At first I told her too bad that I was busy and that I was with someone. She then flipped out even more because she has been expecting that I have been seeing other girls, when I really haven't. So I give in and go over there because she said that there is no way that I was going to marry her if I am already with another girl.

 

When I get to my place she sees that I have new furniture at my apartment, and she is very cold and short with me at first. We then sit down and talk and ended up talking for over an hour about everything. She tells me that she has not been out with any other guys but some guys are hitting on her. I tell her that I have been out with a couple of girls but it was nothing.

 

She then doesn't believe that I was really going to propose to her so she wants me to tell her how I was going to do it. I tell her everything from how I was going to do it, to the ring that I was going to get her. At the end she says that she believes me. However this whole conversation ended with her saying that she is happier now that she was with me.

 

My questions are:

 

1. Why did she show all that emotion before I came over? Was it because she was jealous? Is it a good thing?

 

2. Why would she want to know how I was going to propose to her, and is it good that now that she believes me?

 

3. She then says that she has been happier without me. She has told me this before in a past breakup but we ended getting back together. Was she just trying to hurt me or get a reaction out of me?

 

4. What do I do now?

[ghostdog]

did you dump her or she dump you?

 

Sounds to me like this woman is still in love with you.

 

She's throwing ultimatums out there "you will never marry me if you've been with other women"

 

She also says she's not been with anyone but hints at her attractiveness and availability to put in your mind that other men will be with her soon if you do not get her back.

 

She also says after you tease her about how you were gonna propose to her and such- she says "i'm so much better now than when i was with you" which means "i'm not better off now- i want you with me...but i will not say it flat out- you have to make the move to get back with me"

 

She seems very hurt right now- but seems to be saying things that from your post seem to point that she still wants you.

 

Do you want her?

[OptomisticGirl]

Hadn't seen you on in here in a while baker.

 

From what she says, it sounds like she still wants you. You could be confused.

 

I don't want to get false hope advice because I know first hand that sucks. The best thing you can do is hope for the best, expect the worst.

 

She could be lying about being happy now but she could also be telling the truth. You know your ex the best.

[baker53]

She was the one that broke up with me. Her reasons for the breakup were that she feels that we are better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend and she does not feel that romantic spark anymore.

 

She also kept saying that since I was allegedly seeing other girls that there was no way to that I was going to propose to her because I moved on to the next girl to soon. That I just wanted a girl in my life, and not a "certain" girl.

 

I just don't understand any of her actions. She went from being furious at me, then after I told her about the whole proposal thing she tells me that she feels nothing, she is happier without me, and there is pretty much no chance for us. She also said that I neglected her in our relationship, and I did, and that I never showed any signs of wanting to marry her. I did this because I didn't want to tip her off to anything. She had a laundry list of things that I didn't do ranging from not touching her to not telling her she looked pretty everyday.

 

I told her that I loved her and that she broke my heart. She responded by saying that I broke her heart everyday for 3 years. Is she just trying to hurt me now?

 

Oh and yes I do want her back, I am crazy about this girl.

 

She is going home for Christmas and won't be back till next week. What does all this mean and what should I do next?

[RobD70]

Don't do anything, there's nothing you can do.

 

She needs a couple of months to sort out her thoughts and you need to be out of the picture while she does this. She's seems a bit flaky right now so don't take anything she says to heart. People forget that their feelings will change over time.

 

It sounds like she just wanted you to feed her ego and be reassured that you are still wanting her so she can feel comfortable shooting you down again. Had you said you were over her and no longer had feeling for her and would not have proposed she may have opened her heart to you in order to make you want her again. She will not want you as long as she thinks you will be there for her.

 

Just because they break up with you doesn't mean they want you to stop loving them. They always underestimate how they feel once they realized we've moved on which on seeing your new stuff might have worried her (thus her reaction).

[baker53]

Ok so don't take what she said seriously? The reason I told her about the whole proposal thing was because when we were together all she wanted was to get married. I wondered if one of the reasons she broke up with me was because she thought it was not going to happen. So I told her the whole story of how I was going to propose to convince her that I was serious. Did I make a mistake in doing this?

 

I do agree with you that nothing is probably the best thing to do but sometimes I'm not sure. The whole month we were broke up I was pretty much NC except for one time that I called her, but she called me a few time during that month only to talk about school or what not. One of the reasons we broke up was because she felt neglected and I am afraid that by doing nothing it will make her feel like I have not changed and cannot give her the love she wants. How should I handle this?

 

Also we have a class together next semester so I am going to have to see her regardless in a month.

 

Should I continue to make her think that I am dating other girls and moving on? All this seemed to accomplish was to make her really angry at me and doubt my feelings toward her. Is there still a chance for us or should I give up hope?

[baker53]

I forgot to mention this. She wants to go study abroad next year and may be gone for a year or two. In our conversation a few days ago she said:

 

"I had a dream a few nights ago. I was coming back to America and you were waiting for me at the airport. When I saw you, you knelt down on one knee and proposed to me."

 

She also said:

 

"I hope years down the road we run into each other and can have a relationship again."

 

I told her those chances are slim to none and she said "I know."

 

I just don't understand why she would act like this and say all that stuff. What could be going through her head and what should I do?

 

What's also weird is that her parents sent me a Christmas card with a $60 girt card on the inside. Does this mean anything?

 

Oh and Merry Christmas everyone.

[baker53]

Update. She texted me "Merry Christmas" last night pretty late. I waited a little and replied saying the same thing.

 

Does this mean that she was thinking about me in a good way?

[ghostdog]

Update. She texted me "Merry Christmas" last night pretty late. I waited a little and replied saying the same thing.

 

Does this mean that she was thinking about me in a good way?

 

not the right move...

 

even if she is- likely she will NOT say she is since she dumped you...

[baker53]

not the right move...

 

even if she is- likely she will NOT say she is since she dumped you...

 

Are you saying that I made a mistake by texting her back "Merry Christmas?" Could you elaborate more.

 

I just don't understand, I have never seen her this mad in the 3 years that we were together. What does that emotion mean, is she jealous cause she thought I was with another girls? Then she wants to know how and when I was going to propose to her. Then she tells me what kind of ring she really wanted and all that stuff. She then tells me of a dream she had of me proposing to her, but the conversation ended with her saying she did not want to get back together.

 

I know she does not know what she wants to do with her life right now and is confused because she has told me. Could this be part of the reason she acted like this. Is it possible that she still loves me?

 

Any opinions are greatly appreciated.

 

Thanks

[ghostdog]

my bad- i thought you sent her a text that said "Merry Christmas- does this mean you're thinking about me in a good way"

 

you just replied Merry Christmas right?

 

if so...not too bad..from what you put earlier in this post...if this is TRULY her actions, not actions/words that you've projected onto her...then i say it is fine that you replied Merry Xmas.

[baker53]

Ok thanks. What should I make of everything else that happened though? I still love this girl and I want her back. What should I do next?

[ghostdog]

i'm struggling to take my own advice here but...you gotta wait for her to be at the point where she wants you back as well...

 

its just like when you see a perfect 10...and you're a 6...you have a friendship of sorts and all you want is for her to be YOUR girl...you obsess about it.

 

she flirts with you...talks to you about her life, etc...whatever...

 

BUT she only thinks of you as a friend...

 

until she sees you as a potential mate- you can really do NOTHING necessarily to make her "want" you.

[DaveTrump]

she'll only want what she can't have. i.e. if you're dating someone new or just enjoying yourself more in general. moving on is always the best way to get an ex thinking about you.

 

sounds to me as though the spark left the relationship. sure there's still attachment left but that's not enough. She might find you attractive again if you work on yourself and get a really nice new girl.

 

it's up to you!