Thoughts, ramblings

[annie24]

oh well...................

[penelope13]

but you will agree that there is nothing left for us to talk about really.

 

I've deleted his number. I don't call him or text him.

Yesterday was the first time when he called, I gave brief answers and the call was over within 10 minutes. He said he will call today, he never called. I didn't call him either. I saw him online today on the site we met, I didn't bother to initiate contact.

 

As you know yourself, in this kind of approach, the guys are talking to multiple women at the same time to figure out who is the most suitable/most attractive personality to them.

 

If someone would tell me that after one month 'there is nothing left to talk about' - this would immediately disqualify that person for me and I wouldn't even bother to meet.

 

There is a very good reason why you shouldn't/couldn't meet earlier - because you have to focus on your exams - so in the meantime I would do anything to remain attractive to the other person, i.e. talk to them and enjoy it.

 

Since you want to become the wife, i.e. the future support system, I would use the time that I have to show that I can and want to be that person, i.e. talk to them when they are down from work and show that I am able to give them some positive energy.

 

Why would he choose you, if you are saying - I don't want to invest anything into you until we meet - when in the meantime there is someone else who is willing to get to know him and become a friend and support without any conditions?

 

L, I know you are very afraid of getting emotionally attached without having any guarantees, but even in the arranged system I don't think it works without taking some risks.

 

There is something very wrong how you approach this whole business (I don't think it's the system itself, because I know many people who did find partners that way). Your main motivation and driving force is fear and anxiety at every step of the way which as you experience is a very bad advice giver and decision maker.

 

Finally, there is a guy who you seem to like. And this guy is very understanding and supportive about your exam situation. In response to his understanding you are deciding to pull back, you delete his number, and go 'oh I don't want to be your buddy'. If this is really someone who you like and can imagine a future with, it shouldn't matter if the future starts today or in 2 months. You would be happy to be a part of each others lives, no matter in which form.

 

You should both be eager to talk to each other and to learn about all the trivial things about each others every day. You would want to be the person he turns to when he is tired after a long day.

 

If you don't want to talk to him anymore. Fine. But then follow through with this decision and don't even bother to meet him. Because then it will just be a meeting out of duty to the system and maybe pushing parents, but not because you both are eager to get to each other better. A meeting under those circumstances most likely will only end negatively and by him disappearing out of your life afterward, since already before the meeting he will have decided that you are not the one.

 

 

About guys pulling back in frequency of talking: how are those conversations going? Are you 50% proactive about the conversations or are you expecting the guy to take the main lead on what you talk about? Do you have a positive attitude when you talk to them and give them the opportunity to learn about your different qualities and interests? Is there a lot of laughter or are you mainly focusing on going up and down your internal check list?

[LAYAAN]

Since you want to become the wife, i.e. the future support system, I would use the time that I have to show that I can and want to be that person, i.e. talk to them when they are down from work and show that I am able to give them some positive energy.

Why would he choose you, if you are saying - I don't want to invest anything into you until we meet - when in the meantime there is someone else who is willing to get to know him and become a friend and support without any conditions?

Penny, I appreciate your reply, but its not what I expected you would write. Okay... let me explain myself. Men talk to me... endlessly. Those that sitting with a checklist and asking business-related Qs won't even get this far. So those that made it this far are talking about everything else and mostly the talks are enjoyable.

What you wrote makes me think of a business that gives out free samples hoping to attract a customer that would buy the product. They won't if you keep feeding them samples. That is what these men are doing. Something that I've learned the hard way. I used to be of similar opinion as you are "if not you, someone else might provide that support and he will go that way" There is a man who keeps calling me, has been calling me for about 8 months now. I told him firmly "I want to meet. If you don't want to, that's fine, but stop calling me." If someone wants to call me and finds it comfortable to talk to me after a long, hard day at work, sure... I appreciate it. I hope to provide that comfort as a wife as well, but these men are calling me, keeping me hanging while still going out to look for a "better" candidate. Then my simple answer is: go seek emotional support from them. Why should I give you time of the day and listen to you if you dont' want to take the next step? Sure, I will provide sample. I have been providing samples. I will not provide dinner.

Getting to know someone and marrying them is like going from one stone to the next one and finally crossing a river. It is a process and sure... you discuss light, fun topics etc. before you meet, but you can't cross the river unless you jump onto the next stone. There is only so much to study about each other at this level (i.e. stone). I hope this makes sense.

 

L, I know you are very afraid of getting emotionally attached without having any guarantees, but even in the arranged system I don't think it works without taking some risks.

sure... I understand what you are saying. I'm taking risk at every step of the way, I'm taking risk when I'm putting my profile up. I'm vulnerable at every step of the way, but I'm not stupid. If a man is talking to me for more than a couple of months and not deciding when to meet me, yes, then I think continuing to talk at that time without meeting is being stupid. This is not about phone friendship, this is about marriage. The reason why I say this is because I've had experiences. Horoscopes were matched, the guys talked to me at least x2/week for hours together, they saw me on webcam, they seemed to like me, this went on for months together. When we finally met, they treated me disrespectfully, got angry, were rude, were not interested in even seeing me the next day. What happened? I don't know. I can only think of their not liking me physically, not feeling in-person chemistry. So, if ultimately it comes down to his choosing someone that he feels in-person chemistry with (and I'm not saying that he shouldn't. He should go with whatever he wants), why bother wasting time talking more than what is necessary? Sure, I will talk to these men for a couple of months, but after that its time to meet and see if it makes sense to continue. I am not asking them to meet me in person after 2 conversations on phone (like in western dating system). I hope you realize that I'm giving them hours and hours of my time on phone for a couple of months before we even meet in person just to get treated with utmost disrespect. Anyone will be cautious after that.

 

There is something very wrong how you approach this whole business (I don't think it's the system itself, because I know many people who did find partners that way). Your main motivation and driving force is fear and anxiety at every step of the way which as you experience is a very bad advice giver and decision maker.

I personally know women and men that got married in the same system after talking to each other on phone for a couple of months. I know people who got married in the same system after "meeting" each other on webcam a couple of times. Here I'm, talking to these men for hours, seeing them on webcam more than a couple of times, so its perfectly alright for me to ask "hey, if you are not interested in meeting me, I'm not giving you my time."

 

Finally, there is a guy who you seem to like. And this guy is very understanding and supportive about your exam situation. In response to his understanding you are deciding to pull back, you delete his number, and go 'oh I don't want to be your buddy'. If this is really someone who you like and can imagine a future with, it shouldn't matter if the future starts today or in 2 months. You would be happy to be a part of each others lives, no matter in which form.

I don't think that this guy is being understanding and supportive (I'm not saying that he is not, we don't know each other fully to say that). His excuses may come accross as that, but that's not the complete story. What these men do is that they use something that you can't fight them on ("you have exams coming up"). So, he told me late August that he wanted to meet me late Sept. Since late August, suddenly he has decided to pull away (my pulling away is only a reaction to that). We don't talk often. He is online looking for a better deal now since he knows that I'm interested.

 

You should both be eager to talk to each other and to learn about all the trivial things about each others every day. You would want to be the person he turns to when he is tired after a long day.

That comes after meeting once the initial interest is confirmed, not before. Sure, I talk to everyone a couple of months before we meet and I don't have any problem with that. But I have a problem in talking any longer than that. That's all that I'm saying.

 

If you don't want to talk to him anymore. Fine. But then follow through with this decision and don't even bother to meet him. Because then it will just be a meeting out of duty to the system and maybe pushing parents, but not because you both are eager to get to each other better. A meeting under those circumstances most likely will only end negatively and by him disappearing out of your life afterward, since already before the meeting he will have decided that you are not the one.

I'm eager to meet and get to know this person. He is not. He is pulling away. "You shape the metal while its hot". So, while we really are interested in meeting each other, our conversations are pleasant, enjoyable, fun, lets meet up. I agree with you. I personally do not like to tell these men "okay, lets not talk until we meet". Because with this hot and cold behavior even I'm not interested in meeting, even I'm like "what's the point in meeting?" just like he might be thinking so.

 

 

About guys pulling back in frequency of talking: how are those conversations going? Are you 50% proactive about the conversations or are you expecting the guy to take the main lead on what you talk about? Do you have a positive attitude when you talk to them and give them the opportunity to learn about your different qualities and interests? Is there a lot of laughter or are you mainly focusing on going up and down your internal check list?

sure, I get the internal check list out of my way very quickly in initial 1-2 conversations. They won't come this far (couple of months of conversations) unless that is out of my way. I keep the conversations fun, light. We talk about food, gadgets, sometimes social issues, events that we attend, what are we wearing for halloween, what others are wearing, pets, one day a guy was asking me about make up and we had such a fun conversation... so really anything. I enjoy talking about such topics with anyone.

[penelope13]

So are you saying that you don't believe him that he wanted to postpone the meeting due to your exams?

 

I thought after some thought you even concluded that it was better for you to wait to meet him until afterward?

[LAYAAN]

Penny, I forgot to add this. Its a little technical, but you being international can understand this. (I'm trying not to use certain terms to keep the message more general)

The guy is on a certain visa. Because of that he can only marry those girls that are already in the US on their own and have a visa of their own. To get married to him a girl needs to have 2 qualifications 1) she should be able to find a job offer in his town 2) she should be able to trasfer her current visa/get a work visa to work that job.

 

I told him that I currently don't have that type of visa. When I pass my exams I will be able to transfer scores and all and definitely can find a job near him (if not in his town itself), but that will take time. In the mean time, I'm looking for work as well.

 

Yes, here is the deal. Do I want to meet ASAP? Yes, but I know that is not possible now. Had he booked his ticket as he said in late August, we could meet late Sept or early October. Now, even if he books his ticket, we won't meet before late October. That is when my pre-tests start. I am still open to meeting him in late October, but no later and that is why I came accross as I'm rushing him.

 

Because of his visa constraints, he is looking for a girl that can quickly find a job in/around his town. A girl who already holds that type of visa, has work experience is likely to get a job in his town more readily than me. So, his search is on for that kinda girl. Under best possible circumstances (i.e. I pass both exams in 1st attempt, and can find work within 3 months in his state) we are still talking May/June until I get something there. So, I think he is putting me on back burner and continuing to look for someone who can get work there quicker.

 

Sure, I would like to meet ASAP, but since that is not a possibility and because we have already talked so much (since July mid), I would rather just not talk any more and meet when he is finally ready to meet. But I don't want to continue talking, because really its not just about interest, its about these visa technicalities that dictates whom he can marry.

[annie24]

I think if a guy is truly interested, he'll be patient and wait longer to marry the woman he wants, visa issues or not.

[penelope13]

And you are making a comment about me treating this as business ;-)?

 

The more you are telling us about this process, the more I think it would be in your interest not to approach someone until you are through with your exams and you know exactly what you can and cannot offer. Making your marriage options dependent on when you obtain your degree, a visa, finding a job only increases the pressure you are under and takes all the joy out of getting to know someone.

[LAYAAN]

And you are making a comment about me treating this as business ;-)?

no no... I hope you take that comment in the right way. It was not that *You* are making it sound like business. I said (or I wanted to say) that giving someone time is like a vendor (sorry to use the word business) giving out samples.

I know that you don't treat this process as a business deal. I know that well.

 

Making your marriage options dependent on when you obtain your degree, a visa, finding a job only increases the pressure you are under and takes all the joy out of getting to know someone.

Yes, I told him something similar. I said to him "The chances of my getting a job around your place are much higher once I pass atleast 1 of these exams. But I can't guarantee anything."

 

Penny, I'm not making my marriage options dependent on these factors. These men are. They are asking these Qs upfront. Even this man asked me if I will find something in his town. I told him "certainly yes, but not now, only after I pass exams." Yes, certainly. You got it right... it takes the joy out of the process. It makes it look and feel more like negotiating a business deal. That is the reason why I stopped talking to him (and other men in similar situation) because I know what my competition looks like.

This man is same age as I'm. I'm not being hard on myself but being brutally honest here. My PhD doesn't count in marriage market. What this (and most other) man is looking for is if I can get a job in his home town and how quickly that can happen. Say there is a girl, age 27, finished her MS in computer engineering at age 24. She already is working somewhere in the US, has a certain visa, if this girl and this man like each other, she will find work based on her experience... her company may even transfer her to the same town. You see how this process goes? That is why I don't want to get emotionally involved with him and continue talking to him.

 

The more you are telling us about this process, the more I think it would be in your interest not to approach someone until you are through with your exams and you know exactly what you can and cannot offer.

Amen sister! To be honest... I have been thinking about this. Whats the point in talking endlessly to men and I can't answer their basic requirement Q? Stop all interaction until I pass my boards. Only then I'll be able to tell if I can go and settle there or not. That makes sense because I simply can't answer the Q "will you be able to find work in my town?" until then.

 

I may have written about this in my journal somewhere. After about 5 months of interaction with a man finally I decided to stop interacting with him after he told me that he doesnt' want to marry me until I show him that I have a job in his town.

[LAYAAN]

I think if a guy is truly interested, he'll be patient and wait longer to marry the woman he wants, visa issues or not.

I would like to think so, but my experience has been different. Please remember this is not about love.

[penelope13]

Amen sister! To be honest... I have been thinking about this. Whats the point in talking endlessly to men and I can't answer their basic requirement Q? Stop all interaction until I pass my boards. Only then I'll be able to tell if I can go and settle there or not. That makes sense because I simply can't answer the Q "will you be able to find work in my town?" until then.

 

That's exactly why I have suggested numerous times that it would be more beneficial for you to take a break from finding a husband

a) you can fully focus on your exams

b) you are not increasing the number of negative experiences, because you simply are not in a situation where you have the answers available that this process requires.

[LAYAAN]

Flashback

 

This happened a few weeks back, but since my brain is sometimes slow, I just had an aha moment.

 

So, a few weeks ago I talked to the guy (I was interested in meeting) and he sat down and explained to me his visa constraints and what it meant for me if we were to move forward. I took it all in. Didn't react. I thanked him for providing the information. I'm really thankful that he spelled it out for me. He told me exactly what he is looking for.

I was jumping all over my place with the prospects of meeting this new man. After he explained what visa he has and the constraints and what is expected of me, it still didn't sink in at that time. Its only a couple days back it really made sense for me to calm down and not get my hopes up. It is God's mercy that He made this new guy open his mouth and really explain a few things to me.

 

I realized a few things (I am unable to write more specifically). For me to marry anyone with that visa status, 1) I need to get a job in his town 2) I need to have a visa of my own and maintain it.

 

It didn't click to me then, but it did yesterday. Why the hell did I go to see Chicago guy? and not just him... I have personally gone to see 2 other men (that I can recollect at the moment) who have the exact same visa (that means exact same constraints) as this guy. Why did I not do my homework? Why did I feel dejected, depressed when things didn't work out with these men? Why on this earth did I put myself in a situation like that? Why did I not bother to think my decision through? Why did I burn at least $800, going to see men when clearly things were not going to work out in near future even if the guy wanted to marry me. It is my responsibility to know what I'm getting into. I really feel bad about my decision to go meet at least 3 men: 1) chicago 2) another in LA, 3) in northern CA. If I'm still going to school and don't even have a diploma, much less experience to find a job at his place, I had no business to even go see these men. But hey ... I went anyways because I was anxious and I thought that if these men would agree to marry me, they will rescue me from my miserable PhD. Even if they would agree to marry me, that would not rescue me from my PhD. I was expected to find a job on my own and the economy was really bad in those days (2009 & 2010). They never said it out, I never asked what was expected of me.

I hope that I never repeat this again... ever... ever. Its sad why I don't think about obvious things before I jump. I hope I have learned my lesson here. It makes me feel sad to look myself in the mirror today and to see how foolishly I behaved.

[annie24]

so, my question is - do you want to stay in the us and try to obtain a job and a visa here? i don't think it was a mistake, exactly, to meet these men. i mean, if it's a match, people are willing to do what it takes to iron out the visa situation. or try to move together back to india or wherever. i think it's good that this guy told you flat out. if you pass your exams in november, when do you find out and when can you start applying for jobs?

[LAYAAN]

Tentatively,

I take 1st exam Nov mid-Nov end.

Dec end - get my results

Jan end - give 2nd exam

Feb end - get my results

March, April, and May - 3 months (staying conservative) to find a job

 

So under best possible circumstances (that I pass both exams in first attempt and there is no delay from any state in receiving and processing) I'm still looking at June.

[LAYAAN]

so, my question is - do you want to stay in the us and try to obtain a job and a visa here? i don't think it was a mistake, exactly, to meet these men. i mean, if it's a match, people are willing to do what it takes to iron out the visa situation. or try to move together back home or wherever.

Yes, I want to try my best to pass exams and get a job here.

It may not appear as a mistake right away, but it was. Why? because this is arranged marriage where people take quick decisions and will normally not bend their rules. Remember what I wrote in my recent posts? These men are looking, they are already in big cities where there are a lot of girls available. In addition, if they find someone who is already working in the US, she already has a job and a visa. If this girl n boy like each other, the girl can transfer her job (within same company) or change employers and move to where the man is. Sure its not super quick, but its way quicker and easier than it would be for someone like me. I was in school then. I did not even have my diploma. Moving back home is not an option for these men (again visa constraints).

[penelope13]

How can you explain to yourself that you haven't thought of these things before? Even though you/we even discussed this on your thread previously?

 

I'm not criticizing you, but I think it's important for you to realize and understand how anxiety and fear are eradicating any rational thought process and that you start to learn how to not let your decision be influenced anymore.

[LAYAAN]

How can you explain to yourself that you haven't thought of these things before? Even though you/we even discussed this on your thread previously?

 

No, I wrote this specifically w.r.t. those 3 guys I went to see in year 2009 and 2010. I knew what their visa was before I met them in person. I just didn't know and didn't care to find out what exactly was in store if I married someone with that visa.

 

The recent guy (that I wanted to meet) talked in detail about what visa he holds (these 3 men I went to see have same visa as this guy) and what are the pre-requisites to marry someone with that visa. That really opened my eyes. So, I'm reflecting on that and asking myself why did I put myself in those situations and got turned down, was asked all job-related Qs. Why did I bother? Why did I not think? Why did I not do my homework?

 

I'm not criticizing you, but I think it's important for you to realize and understand how anxiety and fear are eradicating any rational thought process and that you start to learn how to not let your decision be influenced anymore.

Yes, you have been telling me this all along.

[LAYAAN]

How do you overcome wanting to know why?

 

Currently there are at least 4 men that have kept me hanging. All these years the excuse for a lack of interest in me was "you are still going to school". Now it is "we are not sure you can get a job in our town". But my problem is that these men give *me* this excuse. Then one fine day they just get on the plane, go back home, get a girl from there. That girl comes here and sits home atleast for 6 months. Do they ask her if she can find a job in their place immediately? What does immediately mean for them? 6 months? 1 year? Why am I held to a different standard than these girls? What are they bringing to the table that I'm not?

 

All this time I'm going based on my guess. I really want to ask these 4 men what is it in me that has turned them off? I really want some honest answers. It would at least give me a clue to something that I'm doing wrong. I can understand one person leaving me hanging, but there is something in my profile or me that is making them wait.

 

My mom called me and said to me "This man says that he will marry even a physical therapist, but he will not marry a pharmacist."

I tried to stay calm and told her "Mom, I can't rationalize why he would say something like that, but since he obviously has strong preferences, why don't you just leave him alone? Something that you need to understand is that you can't please them all. Some will turn you down, you will turn some down. Its a process of selecting a better fit. We just have to keep looking. What else can we do?"

She responded "No, I just want to let you know (once again) that you have made a bad career move."

I repeated "It is what it is mom. Its too late to change any of those decisions."

 

I feel a serious lack of loving, caring person in my life. I may get married, but marriage won't necessarily bring that person. Mom is super desperate for my marriage. I told her yesterday "I have had a flavor of the marriage system there. I have seen how women are treated in marriage and before marriage. I really don't think I can go through with that mom. I see no point in rushing in a marriage like that hoping for solace. You see what happened to you? Same thing will happen to me too."

 

Meanwhile, my cousin sister's husband bought a new house.

She said "You can add my name too."

He flatly refused "I don't see any connection here. I work 12-hour day shift to build money for the down payment. What did you do? I will not add your name to this house."

Reminds me of a recent incidence with me. A few months ago a man said to me "I want to have an iron-clad prenup. I will see to it that if we marry, you will not get even an inch of my house. You didn't contribute to it, you will not reap the benefits."

[annie24]

honestly, i think your mother is very rude and i think that the alzheimer's is making her mean.

 

link removed

 

Personally, i think that pharmacy is a very good field to go into because EVERY city/town/village needs pharmacists. whether at a big store like Walmart or a little town clinic - you can find a job ANYWHERE. or you can work for a pharmaceutical company. it is not like someone who studied political science who pretty much must live in a capitol city.

 

i don't think that you can or should ask those men to give you specific reasons. they won't tell you the truth anyway.

[annie24]

Currently there are at least 4 men that have kept me hanging. All these years the excuse for a lack of interest in me was "you are still going to school". Now it is "we are not sure you can get a job in our town".

 

another thing - remember to reply logically to these comments, not emotionally. for example, tell them what is left for you (in your case, exams, and that you will know the results and be able to apply for jobs starting in xxxxx). you can also mention what percentage of people pass the exam, or your predicted performance, etc... i think they just want to be reassured that you have a plan.

 

when can you move? there is no need to sit in your apartment until you get the test results, right? say you meet a guy who lives in - wherever, minnesota. you can tell him you'd move there, and once you have your passing result in hand, you can start looking for jobs. and let's say, that you didn't pass the exam, you can try to find work as a (whatever) and retake the exam in 2012. (that is, assuming you two have decided to marry). i guess what i'm saying is that these guys are voicing concerns, and you just have to address them.

[LAYAAN]

when can you move? there is no need to sit in your apartment until you get the test results, right? say you meet a guy who lives in - wherever, minnesota. you can tell him you'd move there, and once you have your passing result in hand, you can start looking for jobs. and let's say, that you didn't pass the exam, you can try to find work as a (whatever) and retake the exam in 2012. (that is, assuming you two have decided to marry). i guess what i'm saying is that these guys are voicing concerns, and you just have to address them.

Absolutely agree. That is what I do with these men and have done the same before as well.

I have told them before as well... I *will* move if you want us to get married. That is not a problem now (it was before since I was still at school).

The thing that you don't know is the visa status and the constraints it poses on me and the guy. So, the answer is different based on what visa the guy has.

I unfortunately can't write a lot here since I don't want to reveal some information.

 

I do share my plan with them. I'm very honest and upfront about where I'm, what am I doing, what is left for me to do, what steps am I taking to go where I want to go, and what it means for them. I'm not even mad at guys. They have constraints as well. They want to get married as well. They are doing their best and I understand that.

 

My only Q is - why are you giving me a different set of reasons for not wanting to get together with me and then you go home and bring home a girl that doesn't have a job either. Why different standards?

[LAYAAN]

i guess what i'm saying is that these guys are voicing concerns, and you just have to address them.

Is it okay to ask what concerns do these men pose women back home who have no choice but to come here on a dependent visa? What plan can you have in a country on a dependent and heavily restricting visa? Why is it more attractive option than what I'm bringing to the table?

 

My problem is not that these men are asking me for something. That is fine with me, but why are rules of the game different for me than these women? That is my Q really.

[annie24]

Meanwhile, my cousin sister's husband bought a new house.

She said "You can add my name too."

He flatly refused "I don't see any connection here. I work 12-hour day shift to build money for the down payment. What did you do? I will not add your name to this house."

Reminds me of a recent incidence with me. A few months ago a man said to me "I want to have an iron-clad prenup. I will see to it that if we marry, you will not get even an inch of my house. You didn't contribute to it, you will not reap the benefits."

 

Well, if she is at home, cooking, cleaning for him, so he has a nice home to come back to, providing emotional support for him, etc...the court system recognizes these things as contributions to his success. even iron clad prenups can be thrown out in court given the right circumstances.

[annie24]

My problem is not that these men are asking me for something. That is fine with me, but why are rules of the game different for me than these women? That is my Q really.

 

I don't know - depends on the guy, depends on the woman. depends on how interested in her they are. dating isn't logical. even in your case where it is 'supposed' to be logical, people still can be ruled by emotions. women aren't like comparing 2 apartments - and even in apartment or house shopping, emotions prevail!

[LAYAAN]

Yes, I think thats the "logical" reason "I like her better than you, but to escape your Qs safely, I'm going to tell you something that you can't provide me at this time which is a job at my place."

That makes sense now.

 

I need to stop trying to make sense of these things. I need to stop asking "why". That will liberate me and make me happy once again.

[LAYAAN]

Well, if she is at home, cooking, cleaning for him, so he has a nice home to come back to, providing emotional support for him, etc...the court system recognizes these things as contributions to his success. even iron clad prenups can be thrown out in court given the right circumstances.

Is there a way to prove to the court that you were really cooking and cleaning?

I didn't know that court recognized this as contribution. I really didn't know that.

 

On a side note, I want to share something. You have seen how hard I worked to get my license. I don't have it yet, I hope I get it, but someone told me try to get your education, license out of your way before wedding date because if there is a divorce and if your husband can prove to the court that he provided you money to get exams, etc. then he can ask for a share in that income you make using that license or degree... because he supported you to get that license or degree (and that is fair, ofcourse).