annie24 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 this may? so that means if you want to graduate May 2011, you need to defend your dissertation beginning of May, which means that you need to have your dissertation written by Mid-April. that's 6 weeks. can you do it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted February 28, 2011 Author Share Posted February 28, 2011 Yes this May. May 2011. Let me share with you what my boss told me and also the policies of the university. He said "I would feel much more confident if your 2nd paper gets accepted. Your proposal and thesis is just a formality. Stick your 2 papers in as chapter 2 and 3. Write chapter 1 as introduction, and chapter 4 as discussion." I have my proposal defense coming up. I'm working feverishly, putting final touches on my proposal so I can submit it and get that form signed and get it out of the way. I'm simultaneously working on 2nd paper. Its more than half way there. I have to start writing my 1st and 4th chapter of thesis starting March so my thesis will be ready for submission in right time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 So, you have 6 weeks to write 2.5 chapters. You should have portions of chapter 1 written here and there (maybe from your original proposal?) Chapter 4 is just future directions. How is your bibliography? have you been doing it in endnote all along? so... 2 weeks to finish chapter 3, 2 weeks to do chapter 1, 1 week to write chapter 4, 1 week to revise. can you do this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Sounds like an ambitious plan, but you will manage if you focus. I'm not sure if I told you, but when I was writing my thesis, I completely (literally) emptied my room, only left the bed, build a desk along 3 walls and burried myself into the writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 1, 2011 Author Share Posted March 1, 2011 I have so much work to do and entire day today I was thinking about the fireman guy... wondering if I did the right thing or not. Why do I tend to go back in history and dig out graves? Who does that?... But writing "why I'm breaking up with this guy" really helped me understand why I broke up with him in first place. I told myself that I have to trust myself that I took the right decision at that time. It wasn't a rash move. I went out with him for 4 months. I watch things fall apart the last entire month. I called it quits. I dont know if its a good/bad thing that he never came back. I will choose to see it in the positive light and say that it is a good thing. Something that I've been sensing in my tummy is that I'm so freaking focused on marriage, getting married that I really am not paying attention to the quality of men. I sense that I'm in a hurry. I sense that I'm rushing things, getting impatient. Why? I shouldn't be doing this. This is exactly what I did when I got into 1st relationship. Thank God I didn't repeat the mistakes from 1st relationship into the 2nd relationship. But I need to stop doing this. How do you approach the whole meeting, dating thing from a sense of calm confidence when everyone around you is married and you are alone? How do you stay confident that you will meet the right person at right time when all you have gotten is rejection and you feel like you are standing into a pit of quicksand? How do you stop asking "why me"? How do you trust God in these difficult times? How do you trust that you are worthy of having a relationship with even when men look through you to someone else? ..... staying positive is so difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 If you are going to finish your dissertation in 6 weeks, you need to stay focused on the goal, and not let your mind wander off thinking about ex-bfs or what color to paint your toenails. you have 6 weeks. 7 weeks from now, go ahead and think about whatever you want. actually, then you should be working on your powerpoint presentation for your committee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 do not allow yourself to procrastinate anymore. whenever you feel anxious or overwhelmed about all the things that you need to accomplish in the next few weeks and you start to get stressed about where to start, instead of escaping into daydreaming just pick randomly one task, doesn't matter which one, just any and force yourself to do it. Very quickly the anxiety will lesson as soon as you are realizing that you are doing something productive in order to lesson the cause of the anxiety. IT doesn't matter if it is the most important task, or the most pressing, or the least difficult - all that matters is doing something that will lesson the work load one way or another. Worrying about how much you have to do will not help you to make it easier, while even working on the smallest task certainly will. If you have trouble even picking one task, make sure you have a printed list with all the tasks at hand and just do the one at the top of the list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks Annie and Penny. So finally today I sent the proposal out to my committee. Have taken a proposal defense date. It is 2 weeks from now. So, got that out of my way. Now I have to work on the 2nd paper and thesis alongside. Paper is quickly getting there. Thesis... wow... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Weekend I relaxed. Why? I dont know. Did not cook, clean. Why? Why? Now I have no cooked food to eat. Frozen food tastes so bad I feel like crying. I have been trying to not eat junk food. Its so cold outside. Also, I have been trying to use up whatever I have in my pantry and save money on groceries by cooking and not eating out. I dont want to drive at this time. Now I have nothing to eat. Why did I do that? Its like if I let one weekend slip away, get lazy I have to pay the consequences. Even chopping vegetables is a task. I dont want to cook on weekdays because I have to go to common kitchen to cook (Yes, I have cheap housing). But I guess I'll be staying up tonight, cooking for the rest of the week. Hate cooking during workweek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 can't stop thinking about marriage.... can't stop feeling alone... can't stop worrying about what future holds... while driving my eyes started to well up, I pulled over, wept, got back on the road. Thats what life is about. Getting back on the road. I want this pain to stop. Whats the remedy for it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Focus on your PhD and finish it. I can only repeat it: life will look so much brighter after it! Don't allow yourself to think of anything else right now. It's only a very short time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpies Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Hey Tinu - listen to what the others are saying. They've been there and come out the other side. The reason you're obsessing over marriage is AVOIDANCE - it's a diversion from the important task that you have to do but which you don't want to face... you don't have time for this behaviour now. I know it's really hard but please try and focus on your work! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 3, 2011 Author Share Posted March 3, 2011 Hanging in there Penny... taking your word for it... telling myself that it will all be okay once I graduate.... pulling the load while hurting inside. Magpie... no its not avoidance anymore dear. It was, 2-3 years ago. Its not that anymore. I yearn for companionship, friendship. I'm afraid of ending up alone. There are times when I wonder if I will die alone. I'm trying to make peace with God if he wants me to end up alone.... I accept that. I want Him to take this yearning away and fill it with peace. It is this yearning and desperation that's making me give chances to those men that I would have never considered before (and still should not consider). I desperately want this search for a man to be over. It hurts to not be chosen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocio Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 aw, that's so sad. I can really feel your pain. We all just want to fall in love with someone spectacular who makes us feel like gold. I'm sorry he hasn't found you yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Tinu - this really is avoidance. I know that you are hurting, but if you want to graduate in May, you need to stay on schedule and have your thesis written in 6 weeks, or whatever it is your department requests. you sort of have to put your emotions on hold and just focus on the prize. i had the stomach flu, i was throwing up and had to get right back to writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Tinu, this is the worst possible way of avoidance, since finishing your PhD will actually get you closer to your goal of finding a husband. If the Phd is not reward enough for you to get motivated, then use your urning for marriage as the motivator: the sooner you have succeeded with your PhD, the sooner you'll be free to fully focus on finding someone. There will be no more uncertainty about when you will be finished. I can tell you one thing: a partner would not be useful either in your current situation. You should be working around the clock without hardly a break for food and a shower. - Currently I am busy finishing up some things at work with some deadlines and I don't find a quiet minute to talk to my boyfriend. Even when I am on the phone with him, my head is fully focused and emerged in the subject at hand and I hardly register what he says. Any distraction at the moment is too much - you should be in a similar frame of mind in the next few weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magpies Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 Magpie... no its not avoidance anymore dear. It was, 2-3 years ago. Its not that anymore. I yearn for companionship, friendship. I'm afraid of ending up alone. There are times when I wonder if I will die alone. I'm trying to make peace with God if he wants me to end up alone.... I accept that. I want Him to take this yearning away and fill it with peace. It is this yearning and desperation that's making me give chances to those men that I would have never considered before (and still should not consider). I desperately want this search for a man to be over. It hurts to not be chosen. I believe you when you say that you really want and desire companionship, but right now, at this time, what you are doing is diverting your energy from where it needs to be. That is classic avoidance. I know because I have been there and done that. You don't have time for this - you MUST be strict with yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 3, 2011 Share Posted March 3, 2011 since finishing your PhD will actually get you closer to your goal of finding a husband. agreed. once you are done, then you will have more options, will be able to move, etc.... right now, you can't leave, you can't stay, etc.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Thank you ladies. Got the message. Will do my best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 4, 2011 Author Share Posted March 4, 2011 Yesterday all day I was in San Diego attending a career fair/networking event. It was my first biotech career fair experience. I wasn't sure initially if I wanted to attend the event, but I did anyways. I went in prepared. Did my research about the exhibiting companies (which were not many, only 6, but 4 were from my field). I wanted career advice, wanted to meet people, network, meet recruiters and have them critique my resume (if they felt like it). Was a long and hard drive both ways. The good part is that my car didn't give any trouble. It was a small event, but I got to meet some senior professionals and got some career advice which is really what I went there for. Its difficult to get to meet these people otherwise. I realized that I forgot to note in my journal about a speed networking event that I attended on July 21st, 2010 at San Diego. It was my first time attending a speed networking event, but it was worth it. Some people there surprised how far I drove from. Sure, its hard to drive for 4 hours on freeways in traffic, on a workday, but once in 6 months, its definitely doable. I will be going again in May. Not looking forward to the drive, but will do my best to broaden my network while I'm still in the area. Met a senior professional yesterday. Introduced myself etc. He said,"You seem to be motivated. (I guess my medicine is working). You are doing the right thing. You have to start somewhere and not be too focused on the result... whether you are getting a job or not. Build your network. Keep working at it. Something will turn up." Gave me some useful tips. Saw some familiar faces at the event. So overall I'm thankful for the experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 I hate my dad... I called my mom was talking to her. She told me the recent incidence. My dad refuses to call cell phone. Even if you load it and hand it to him and ask him to freaking take your call, he won't. Why? He thinks its unnecessary. He didn't show up until 6:30 pm. My mom had no way of knowing where he was. She started crying. I talked to him and said if there is a reason why he doesnt even want to take a call? He has no answer. What kinda people has God put in my life? I would rather just die than continuing to care for a man like this. I hate him. I'm not sorry to say this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 I think I'm just irritated today because of my body pain and more. More nonsense like whats going on 20/20 right now. People with gators as pets. This lady thinks that the gator is her baby. Switched channels and there is more nonsense going on. 2 idiots took off in 2 cars and have set police on high speed chase. 1 idiot was caught. He stopped suddenly in a lane on a freeway. Got out of his car, left his car there in the middle of the freeway. Jumped over on the overcoming traffic on the other side. Everyone on the other side, scaring the S of out them, making them slam on their brakes. Come on people... what the hell are the thinking? Now the 2nd one is driving at crazy high speeds on a freeway with his lights off hoping that police wont see him. Give me a break! Idiot man! The chopper sees you, you bonehead! Thats all you need to know. These people have no idea how they are putting everyone's life at risk. Everyone wastes their time, gasoline (not to mention, the prices are at the highest today) and this guy is flying on freeways in construction zones with his lights off? I just switched off the TV. I hate this madness. These people have no other work to do. Idiots! what do they achieve? by driving a few miles? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 glad you went to the career fair - i hope you made some good connections. as for your dad - be careful. if you marry a guy out of loneliness/desperation, you could wind up in a situation like this as well. married to a guy who has no real regard for your feelings. then you will be miserable and married. learn from your mother's mistakes. and now get back to work!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Yes, Annie. I hear you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted March 5, 2011 Author Share Posted March 5, 2011 Going to career fair gave me an opportunity to force myself out of the shell and put on a smile and meet with other professionals. I tend to be shy, introvert, don't proactively introduce myself to people etc. Thats no good if I want to succeed and build my network. Also, it made me aware how tough the job market is out there. The main reasons are - 1) In last 2 years a lot of small scale, startups etc shut down, of course not to mention the big giants are also laying people off steadily, so there are a lot of people with experience available in job market. The recruiters can really have their pick at whoever they want. That makes things difficult for newbies trying to start their careers. 2) Not to mention my visa issues. I need sponsorship to work. 3) Marriage/spouse, kids, house/mortgage makes people ineligible to move. So, a large number of applicants are competing for small number of jobs in the same saturated market like San Diego, or San Fran. The farthest they are willing to travel is between south and north CA. I met a few professionals, we got talking. He said that initially he wasn't considering opportunities on East coast. Now he is. He talked to his wife and she said that she will stay in SD with kids and she also has a job, but if he gets a job wherever, he should take it. Its tough out there, no matter at what professional level you are. I realized, I have my own challenges in terms of fresh graduate, visa, etc. But I'm flexible to move anywhere for the right opportunity. I have no salary expectations either. So, I have some pluses, some minuses. Other professionals have their pluses and minuses. The mantra for me now is - stay positive/fake positive, stay persistent don't give up, stay open to change, meet professionals, build my network, be proactive, finally trust God. I told myself that all I can do is do my best and if this is meant for me, the door will open up. I can't get frustrated, I can't give up, I can't blame anyone including God. I have to use everything in my power to push my life in the direction I want it to go. The man in front of me in the long line and I got talking. After some introduction etc, he said "You are doing good. You seem motivated. Don't give up. You have to look for opportunities. You have to push your way into the door. Keep trying. Something will work out. In the mean time, build your network." I did my homework before going to the career fair. Something that I learned during that is employers are looking for positive, go-getter type of personalities. If you are not feeling positive, fake it. Its okay to fake it. But dont show your gloomy face and talk negative to anyone in career fair. Don't discuss your troubles. Everyone has their own. You never know the person next to you may know someone who might be able to help you. So, you dont want to tick anyone off by your negativity. The weather was really good in SD, the hotel was great. I told myself "Hey, hang in there. It will be all fine. Be thankful for the opportunity. You are not in an isolated place. Be thankful that you can at least meet people. Something will work out and if it doesn't then I will go back to India and look for something there. In the mean time, I WILL do my best to improve my life." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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