LAYAAN Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 I don't know about your university, but i know for mine, I went to the graduate school webpage, and then went to the guidelines and deadlines for the dissertation. In there you should find everything you need, including cap and gown rental. Ya, I didn't know about this. I will look into this today. Thanks again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Congrats Tinu! - I'd suggest to attend the graduation. You worked so hard to get there and it was a long walk with a lot of negativity, it's good to replace those memories with a positive one! Hello Penny, I missed your posting in my journal. I hope you are doing fine. Thank you for your response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 congrats!!!!! Thank you Ellie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Yay Tinu!!!!!! I'm so happy for you! thank you marsh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pkittie Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 WOWWWW Tinu...Heartiest congrats!! That is great news, I'm sure you are feeling on top of the world. This new year will bring all the wonderful things your way PhD, great job & a wonderful man by your side...Just wait & watch how things fall into place... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pkittie Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Graduation ceremony is not to be missed... once you get there, you will forget all your trials & tribulations. That feeling of victory is well deserved. Tinu, I read your journal often. We all have our good & bad days, I relate to your day to day struggles and now knowing that you are graduating is making me feel so happy. Good going gal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marshmlofluff Posted January 5, 2011 Share Posted January 5, 2011 Thank you Annie. I feel much much relieved now. Yes, about graduation, I will be talking to the secretary today and I have to complete certain forms by a certain time. I have no desire to attend graduation ceremony though. I just don't want to. My friends are pushing me to attend. We will see. Its not that important. If it's not important, then you may as well do it; you have nothing to lose, it's only a few hours, you get some nice pictures for link removed out of it, and it only comes once. Tinu, I'm so overjoyed for you!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Thank you Poochie for your message. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 If it's not important, then you may as well do it; you have nothing to lose, it's only a few hours, you get some nice pictures for link removed out of it, and it only comes once. Tinu, I'm so overjoyed for you!!! Ya, looks like I'll have to participate in graduation ceremony. I'll be writing more about it in my journal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 So, I gathered up courage to look at the loong email the secretary sent all students who are due for graduation this year. So, the school orders regalia. Its ours to keep. The school doesn't charge us a dime for that. There is a deadline to meet for submitting 1 out of 3 forms for graduation. I went to the secretary after reading the email. I got 2 forms. I went and talked to the boss to see if he was willing to sign the form. He actually signed it. I still can't believe that, but great. Now that has started the process. I have to collect a few more signatures tomorrow. There is a small box on the form: "will you be participating in graduation ceremony?" I did not want to check that box but since I'm already here, I will have to attend the hooding ceremony. Do I care for all this after going through a mad struggle for 7 years? Absolutely not. Honestly, the only reason why I'm attending these events is because I dont' want to look like an odd man out. Then my committee knows about it and they ask me why I'm not attending. I just checked the box. Like Marsh says, if its not that important, might as well just attend it. I hope all the graduation forms get turned in before the deadline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 i don't know how your defense works, but for me, i felt like my defense date was my real graduation date. i had my family there. i gave a public talk, after my committee meeting, we all went out for dinner (my lab and family). so, that was more of a celebration. i went to the official graduation as well, but that was just me and my advisor, almost 2 hours, and then i went back home. here, a lot of people don't go to commencement, for whatever reason. don't feel self-conscious with whatever decision you make. if you do decide to walk, maybe go with a few of your friends to lunch afterwards? I paid $59 to rent my apparel. and i look like i weigh 300 lbs in the photos due to the awkward gowns. blah!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Yes, our defense is public too. I'm not sure that my mom would be attending. I talked to her today. She is not sure. She will have to appoint someone to look after my dad. Its not comfortable for her. I would rather not have her come here for my defense. Somehow I'm not used to having anyone with me since last 7 years for any exams: major or minor ones. But it would be nice if she could attend my graduation. She said "Whats there to attend?" I honestly do not want to attend my graduation. There is noone there to cheer for me. If I'm attending graduation, then I'll have to invite some friends to cheer me when I march. I'll go to hooding ceremony because its more personal than graduation. I guess, at this age and after having gone through so much. I just want my diploma and I want out. Yes, even in my school a couple of kids from graduate program didn't attend their graduation. They already had jobs and had started working somewhere. It just wasn't worth it (or so they thought) to travel all the way from east coast to west coast for a few hours of graduation. They ordered their diploma by mail instead. I'm here so I'm going, otherwise I would not bother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 I really really need to buckle up and finish studying for my boards. I don't know I thought I would be overjoyed to know that my PhD journey is finally over. This turn has come quite as a surprise to me. I thought that I was supposed to work on my 3rd aim. Suddenly my boss told me not to. Now with the paper getting accepted, they really want me to hasten up and graduate. I'm not happy, I'm not sad, I'm relieved that the paper is accepted and crazy editing and back-and-forth is over. I'm definitely more anxious about future now than ever before. Now the real visa battle would start. I don't have a post-doc lined up. I was hoping to have a license by this time. I don't. I just do not feel like studying. I really really want to take a break and relax. I know its not possible until after June. I told myself today not to worry, start looking for work, study hard for exam. Worse comes to worst, I plan on packing my bags and simply returning to India. I do not want to worry anymore. All these years of my life, I lived under tension, anxiety. Taking classing, getting good grades, then research, experiments, papers, seminars. On top of it pharmacy internship and exams, then my accident. This all needs to end. I need a brake from all this. Not just a temporary one, but a permanent brake. I need attitude change. I will do my best and leave the rest to God. I will not feel anxious. If I'm destined to stay here, I will find something, if not, I'll go home. I will find something to do there or I'll simply stay home and have fun for a while. Something will happen. Something will workout. But I can't keep torturing myself with this anxiety about future... .constantly worrying what's going to happen, when will it happen. Not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Tinu, I can understand the new fears that surface with knowing that your PhD is really coming to a positive end. Especially because it was such an ordeal, you should attend all the ceremonies regardless if there is someone to cheer you on or not, just for your own benefit. It is a positive event, it will take away some of the negative associations that you have with this period in your life. It will also very significantly mark the end of this period. It is up to you to decide if you want to use this accomplishment as a positive catalyst to give you energy to go through the final requirements or if you want to use this as yet another reason to be anxious about the future and life. You should experience that perseverance does pay off in the end, regardless of how dark times seem to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 6, 2011 Share Posted January 6, 2011 Well, your Aim 3 can go into your "future directions" chapter and you can write about what experiments you would do, what outcomes, etc.... I understand what you are saying, i have gone through something kind of similar - graduating without a concrete next step, i am working on assembling that right now. take things one day at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Yes, Penny, I hear you. I'm trying to see all this in positive light. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 6, 2011 Author Share Posted January 6, 2011 Thanks Annie. Yes, thats a good idea. I will do that. Yes, you are right. A senior MD/PhD student that just graduated said the same thing. "Its very common among PhD students to not have a clear idea about what they want to do with their future. I guess, PhD itself takes away so much that you are mostly in the survival mode almost until it ends." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mya Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Dear Tinu, Congratulations! I have been silently reading your journal during the last couple of weeks and have kept coming back to read your updates. I am also of South Asian descent and am in graduate school pursuing my PhD so I can totally relate to your struggles. I wish you all the best in the future! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 Dear Tinu, Congratulations! I have been silently reading your journal during the last couple of weeks and have kept coming back to read your updates. I am also of South Asian descent and am in graduate school pursuing my PhD so I can totally relate to your struggles. I wish you all the best in the future! Hello mya, thank you for posting in my journal. You don't need to be a silent reader. You can post as well. So nice to know that you my south asian sister online hug! what are you getting your PhD in? How far along are you? Best wishes to you! Thanks for your wishes. I appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 7, 2011 Author Share Posted January 7, 2011 When I should be seriously focused on graduating and passing my exams, I have again found myself wanting a relationship... very bad. I can't stop berating myself for how I'm still single n how all men are going to be married off by the time I graduate. What the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I just focus on the task at hand instead of worrying about idiotic marriage? I tell you I'm going to be badly disappointed once I'm married. I will be like "What? This is what I was crying for all these years?" That's what happened to me with intimacy. Everyone was like "whoa!... sex is the fun part of a relationship!". I almost did it with the UK guy and I was like "what the heck? What is the fuss about? this nonsense? is this it? seriously?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I think you will be in a better place to look for a relationship in a few months once you have the degree. right now, you have many things to do. as you know, it's not over, now you have to write your dissertation, finish up projects in lab, and you only have a few months to do it (may graduation??) when the marriage thoughts enter your head, push them away! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 I think your intense wish for a partner is just a reflex to distract yourself from the anxiety that you feel because your PhD is truly nearing its end, an event that can be truly scary, because it requires you to make some difficult choices. However you cannot run away from making these choices, least by getting involved with someone else. It's time to face the music head on and taking charge of all the necessary steps, regardless of how scary they might seem at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mya Posted January 7, 2011 Share Posted January 7, 2011 Hi Tinu! I am presently in PhD 3 (which is really in the second year of my PhD but because I am part of a combined masters PhD program they call it PhD3). Can't wait to be closer to the ending stages. I am getting my PhD in psychology. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 Yes, Penny and Annie, I realize that I must stay focused completely on fulfilling the requirements towards graduation and graduate by May. Yes, I agree that I'm reacting to this anxiety by wanting to take refuge in a relationship. I know its wrong. I should not be doing it. Yet, I seem to continue wanting it so bad that I even thought of started thinking about the fireman. I thought "hmm, may be he wasn't that bad afterall. I should give him a 2nd chance. I should call him." Thank God I didn't act on it. Sometimes I don't get why I act like a foolish teenager? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted January 8, 2011 Author Share Posted January 8, 2011 - Stay focused, stay focused, stay focused. - Don't call the fireman. - Don't worry about a relationship at this time. That time will come. Its okay. You are not going to lose anything in 5 more months. - This is too important for you to sidetrack. - Consider what your professors would think if you can't meet the deadline. "What is wrong with this chick? Is she really PhD material? We have given her clear deadlines, all she needs to do is freaking write and submit the work. She can't even do that? Does she really want a PhD?" - Please please please dont' call your ex. Dont' register on the website. DO NOT THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT MARRIAGE. - Knit/clean/jog/Pray/cook/do dishes/clean house when you feel like you are going to run away with anyone. - Hang in there. You are almost there. Finish it. Please don't ruin it for yourself. Hang in there. The battle is almost over. You will thank yourself for sticking it out. All decisions will be much easier from this point on. But you have to reach the other side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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