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Ladies: If your partner is too nice, does that turn you off sexually?

Double J

By Double J
in Sex and Romance

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Double J Experienced

Double J

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I've heard some girls say that if their boyfriends are pushovers, they lose sexual attraction to their partners.

 

If your b/f is very clingy, affectionate, or flat-out caters to your every whim, does that turn off the arousal switch in you?

 

Also, what do you make of makeup sex?

 

If a guy holds his ground and shows some backbone, does that make you more inclined to get intimate with him?

 

I'm curious as to what you ladies think.

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agent1607307371 Experienced

agent1607307371

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If your b/f is very clingy, or flat-out caters to your every whim, does that turn off the arousal switch in you?

 

Yes. There is nothing more likely to put me off someone than thinking they are pathetic.

 

I have struck affectionate out as I don't think it belongs on the list.

 

Just be normal. It's not about holding too soft or "butch" as the default position, it's about just being a normal person.

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ohemgee Contributor

ohemgee

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He catered to my every whim, let me do whatever I wanted, including hanging with other guys, he just lost his manliness to me.

 

I dont get it...

 

Being controlling means not allowing your partner to do things...Yet being a doormat is allowing your partner to do things? How do you be compromising and trusting without looking like a doormat?

 

In that case we need to be controlling in-order to remain sexually appealing?

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Catdancer Collaborator

Catdancer

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I dont get it...

 

Being controlling means not allowing your partner to do things...Yet being a doormat is allowing your partner to do things? How do you be compromising and trusting without looking like a doormat?

 

In that case we need to be controlling in-order to remain sexually appealing?

 

Not controlling, just able to express your opinions, your likes, your dislikes. You have to be able to set boundaries and express what you are comfortable with and you are not comfortable with.

 

For me, personally, I need a man who is strong willed and aggressive in life. As I am strong willed, highly opinionated and very aggresive in life and I tend to steam roll over the men who are more docile. I need a man who is my equal and who will stand up to me if I get all crazy on him..lol.

 

Again, for me, personally, men who are doormats lack self confidence and self esteem. And they cling to me like crazy and make me the only friend that they have. This is not healthy and will push me away very quickly.

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ghostdog Apprentice

ghostdog

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I dont get it...

 

Being controlling means not allowing your partner to do things...Yet being a doormat is allowing your partner to do things? How do you be compromising and trusting without looking like a doormat?

 

In that case we need to be controlling in-order to remain sexually appealing?

 

 

 

its not a black and white thing...

 

deal is - a girl is going to test the boundaries with her new boyfriend...see what he's made of...see how he will be with her...

 

once she realizes that everything she asks for, demands, requests, pushes for or whatever is given to her...she realizes that man has no backbone...

 

girls seemingly 'act' like they want everything...and of course they do...but they are always really confused when they actually get those things they want...

 

there is no challenge.

there is no thrill...

 

guys like this are boring for women in their world of confusion, etc...

 

why do you think relationships filled with drama are so exciting? because they are exciting and unpredictable...

 

 

a man does not have to be controlling- however women conciously or subconciously look for the man to be the leader of the relationship...a strong man has his own ideas and beliefs and what he expects in his woman.

 

and if he says YES to everything she "wants" then she sees that she is leading the relationship not him...

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ses Newbie

ses

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I've heard some girls say that if their boyfriends are pushovers, they lose sexual attraction to their partners.

 

If your b/f is very clingy, affectionate, or flat-out caters to your every whim, does that turn off the arousal switch in you?

 

Also, what do you make of makeup sex?

 

If a guy holds his ground and shows some backbone, does that make you more inclined to get intimate with him?

 

I'm curious as to what you ladies think.

 

I've never been in a relationship with a pushover. So, I don't know what that would feel like. Honestly, I wouldn't 'pushover' someone, I wouldn't ever take advantage of someone despite their nature.

 

My Ex was generally controlling, selfish and mean. Eventually, I didn't want him to touch me. I would literally scrunch my face up when we had sex and look away. - I couldn't really even kiss him.

 

I felt more passionate about him when he was more affectionate, thoughtful, perhaps "clingy" in the sense of showing he wanted to be with me emotionally and catered to me. But my being more attracted to him when he is this way was probably just a reaction in contrast to his usual jerky behavior.

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Joshb Explorer

Joshb

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This thread is very much indicative of the endless and silly games which abound in the modern 'dating scene'. Our generation is truly damned. People just liking each other and enjoying each other's company is far too simple I suppose...

 

 

i agree! You just cant win!! Maybe woman just have to high of expectations they want something, get it, then they dont like it. Enjoy what you got, if you got a good man dont complain.

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Lecturer Newbie

Lecturer

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Another thread where many of the women's responses only make me more interested in joining hex's team.

 

Boundary testing, power games... what ever happened to actual, real love and caring? If I'm not feeling good about my woman's involvement with other men, I'm damn well going to speak up about it. If I'm feeling strong emotions of wanting to be with her or missing her, I think it's best that I tell her - I would expect most people would appreciate knowing their presence is missed and desired.

 

I don't know of any greater joy in this life than when 2 people are so crazy in love that they can't stand being apart. Call it clingy if you'd like - but I will always view it as a good thing.

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EternalSingle Explorer

EternalSingle

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Another thread where many of the women's responses only make me more interested in joining hex's team.

 

Boundary testing, power games... what ever happened to actual, real love and caring? If I'm not feeling good about my woman's involvement with other men, I'm damn well going to speak up about it. If I'm feeling strong emotions of wanting to be with her or missing her, I think it's best that I tell her - I would expect most people would appreciate knowing their presence is missed and desired.

 

I don't know of any greater joy in this life than when 2 people are so crazy in love that they can't stand being apart. Call it clingy if you'd like - but I will always view it as a good thing.

 

Welcome to the Revelation...

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Joshb Explorer

Joshb

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yeah its funny how people really try to insult you with a "clingy" remark. Yes i think there are extremes of everything including being "clingy." Problem is most likely your only Clingy if your partners personality is not on par with yours, or your partner is a "distant" "aloof" type. So if your clingy because your affectionate and enjoy being around your partner, she complains yours clingy...well what is she? Aloof!! So maybe clingy can be a good thing and aloof is the new villain!

 

What it comes down to is finding someone your compatiable with and maybe none of these things discussed in this topic truly matter.

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EternalSingle Explorer

EternalSingle

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yeah its funny how people really try to insult you with a "clingy" remark. Yes i think there are extremes of everything including being "clingy." Problem is most likely your only Clingy if your partners personality is not on par with yours, or your partner is a "distant" "aloof" type. So if your clingy because your affectionate and enjoy being around your partner, she complains yours clingy...well what is she? Aloof!! So maybe clingy can be a good thing and aloof is the new villain!

 

What it comes down to is finding someone your compatiable with and maybe none of these things discussed in this topic truly matter.

 

Your words ring with truth, sir. I salute you.

 

By nature I am warm, affectionate and 'clingy'. I also appreciate that being reciprocated. I guess, I am strange....

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hexaemeron Collaborator

hexaemeron

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See, I'd like to counterpoint this. I honestly think it takes more backbone, if that's what we're calling it, to be caring enough to accommodate a partner for most, or all of what they feel they need.

 

All too often, people are riddled with insecurity and jealousy and possessiveness, and those are supposed to be bad things. But, when you put them into a relationship setting, people seem to talk out of both sides of their mouths about these ideas:

 

"Yes, they are bad, BUT YOU BETTER FEEL THOSE THINGS ABOUT ME SO I KNOW YOU CARE!"

 

...?! - My goal in my life is to be as happy and fulfilled as I can be. My goal in my relationships remains the same. I want my partner and I both to be as happy and fulfilled as we can be.

 

If my partner needs something, I want him to have it. Whether that's a computer, or a tattoo, or sex with a really cute guy he saw on the way to getting the tattoo.

 

To most people in this discussion, that clearly means I have no backbone or "self-respect" since I'm not "standing up for myself" and requiring monogamy. When really, it's just a case of "I want you to be as happy and contented as you possibly can be"

 

My love for someone doesn't falter because he needs what he needs, or wants what he wants. My love is in fact so strong, so deep, so logical that I want my partner to have everything he wants, whether it comes from me or not.

 

Can you say the same about your love?

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NightLily Collaborator

NightLily

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To bet back on the subject,

 

It has been said that their is no black and white. Most people are going to fall inbetween with being too clingy vs. not clingy at all. But there is still such a thing as too clingy. ..

 

If you are worried that a woman will think you are too clingy.. here is the line for me:

 

-I dated a guy who literally never wanted me to go anywhere alone. Not to the grocery store, not to see a friend, not to do things with my family. That is TOO clingy. My reaction while living with him was eventually to get lost in the sims and then realize I had to end things.

 

What is not too clingy:

 

-wanting to spend time together, calling on a daily basis, talking about everything, showering with love.

 

Everybody has their own tolerance for affection though and some people can handle less than others. They may not be playing mind games with you at all.

 

On the issue of being a push over..

 

What is too much:

 

Never expressing individual opinion. Always just agreeing with everything. Letting other men walk all over them and saying nothing. Letting other men hit on their girlfriends with groping or over the top sexual gestures (in an insulting way) and standing back doing nothing. I'm sure you guys can think of others.

 

What is not too much:

 

Giving them what they want. Trying to give them space when they ask for it. Trying to listen to their opinions and understand them (but still contributing your own). Not being the type of person to scream or get aggressive.

 

 

 

You can't really believe what everybody says. If someone comes on ENA suggesting that all women play mind games or that is what "dating war" is all about, then ask yourself if YOU play mind games. If you don't, then there are bound to be many others who do not as well. Women are no exception to this.

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StrawberryYogurt Explorer

StrawberryYogurt

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This thread is very much indicative of the endless and silly games which abound in the modern 'dating scene'. Our generation is truly damned. People just liking each other and enjoying each other's company is far too simple I suppose...

 

How so? I don't see anything wrong with anything the ladies in this thread have stated. If you're being clingy, you're being selfish, think about it as it makes a lot of sense. And if a guy caters to a girl's every whim, he's just weak, that is obvious. From a guy's perspective, I wouldn't want a girl who's clingy and caters to my every whim. I want a girl who speaks her mind when she disagrees with me.

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StrawberryYogurt Explorer

StrawberryYogurt

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Women in states like CA have become way too picky. Take a trip to Asia, South America, Russia etc and see just how better your results will be. Women here play these games and then wonder why they are alone at age 40+. link removed

 

link removed

 

86% of women will marry by age 40 so not too many are alone at age 40+.

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CBG Newbie

CBG

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link removed

 

86% of women will marry by age 40 so not too many are alone at age 40+.

 

How many of those are still married when they reach 40? Getting married prior to being 40 does not prohibit one from being alone when they reach 40.

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