Life before, now and after

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I have always been one to keep a written diary, also known to have online journals. But after coming accross other peoples threads here, I found it to be an interesting way to post. More like an online diary different from any other journals I have used.

 

I guess I am gonna use it about most aspects of my life, as I would a normal diary. Although mostly I will write about my long distance relationship with my hubby M.

 

M and I have been together for more than 2 years always been long distance, I love him with all my heart. We were friends before we were lovers so he has been in my life for say 5 years.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

Okay so tonight M is going back to the military barracks, we have talked loads since he came back home on wednesday (night). Last night I went to the cinema with my aunt to watch the twiglight saga, it was an awesome movie. I haven't saw the first one but quickly got into it, and can't wait to see if there will be a sequal. Saying that when I went home to bed last night I felt kinda bad because that was our last night together, and I was out and came home when he was already in bed. Not that he minds so he says he has been out plenty with his friends but still made time for us.

 

As I wrote in my first post our relationship is long distance so when I say we spend time together obviously it is through the phone or internet. Today he was online and I got to see his shaven hair/not completely bald, he really suits it.In fact all the styles I have saw him with over the years he has suited, what is it about the military that makes them cut all their hair off?

 

Shame he has to go back, but at the same time it was a complete and happy surprise that he was going to be coming home in the first place. His basic training lasts 2 months on average 60 days, and it was only (although did seem like forever) the 10th November that he first left for basic. So it was smiles all round when his mum said on tuesday M will be home tomorrow for 4 or 5 days.

 

Now that time is up and he will go to the terminal at 10pm (his time) which is 6.30pm here. I know I am going to be so sad tonight and will struggle the next few days, you have no idea how much hearing his voice since he has been back has meant to me. I unitentionally took it for granted before since we would talk multiple times a day. Then when he left it was a shock to the system so I know for sure what I am in for.

 

He was lovely before he went, he had sent me little letters to read each day he was gone, which really cheered me up. This time as well as the letters he has left me a voice mail on my mobile, which I will listen to time and time again, I know to some extent that will soothe me.

 

No matter how I feel about him being in the military, we knew he had to go since where he lives it's not a choice but a must otherwise he will not be granted a passport and this is what we need to get him here. After the 2 months basic he will work for the remaining 16 months, it will be easier for both of us since we will have regular contact again, and if we/he is lucky he will work in his own city. I can't wait for the next 18 months to pass. I know we have been waiting for 28 months already, and we are more than half way but being with him everyday is what I long for it can't come quick enough.

 

I miss him a lot I visited in june till july which now seems like an eternity ago. I got my visa granted recently to go back again, which I plan to do in march for a month another reason we hope he will be working in his own city so we can live at home with his family.

 

He is out now so I will wait him to come home so we can say our goodbyes before he travels.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

He is gone ):

 

I badly miss him already! Even before he went home to change and pack etc I had this overwhelming flood of emotions. I called him and he was in the car driving home, and I just burst out crying I could hardly talk through the tears. He was trying to soothe and calm me then he said "why you crying, you weren't like this the last time I left" I told him "the last time you left I didn't know what to expect this time I know exactly how it feels and I don't want to face the lonliness again and the painful missing"

 

I know he will miss me too, as he says it is as hard for him as it is for me. He hopes he will get a pass to get out of base to go into the city at some point/s to either email me or call me. Saying that he doesn't get to choose all he can do is request a pass and hope for the best.

 

His step father drove him to the bus terminal for 10pm, it takes around 4 hours to get back to the city he is based at. He has been given till 6am to return but he should arrive around 2am.

 

I know it will be theraputic to write down my feelings, while I try to maintain my normal life. I just hope the days and weeks go by fast, it is sad that I won't get to spend the holidays with him but at least I will have an e-card to wake up to on christmas day and new years day.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I didn't go to bed till late last night I felt a little unsettled with him going. By the time I did sleep it was around 2am, and then I ended up sleeping in for college..not good. I have missed too much college recently and I have a project to hand in on thursday it's a big one and I'm not sure I will have it finished on time.

 

I have been listening to his voicemail, I asked him to leave it so I could hear his voice once he was gone but I started listening to it even before he left. It is a sweet message and I am glad I have it. I kept telling everyone when he left a month ago "I just wanna hear his voice and know he misses and loves me" so now I have what I wished for.

 

I checked my countdown today, it is 101 days till I fly to see my baby, nearly in the double digits. I am so looking forward to this trip, it will be the third time that I been to see him. I will take the kids with me, they are really missing him too. They came with me the first time I went, which was in August 08 for a month. But when I went in June this year my friend kept them, she thought I deserved to spend some alone time with him which was nice of her.

 

I went to my grans at lunch time she had asked me to pick up some perfume for her, she wanted to treat herself and why not she deserves it, she is such a wonderful person. But what I done was I bought the perfume for her and told her it was my treat just call it her christmas present. She was chuffed.

Everytime I am shopping I keep seeing a gorgeous pair of shoes in the window of one of the stores, I went in and tried them on today. I really really want to buy them they are only 35 pounds but right now I really can't afford them. I am so tempted though they are damn cute.

 

I am off to sleep now. I have classes all day tomorrow, and I need to attend. I am gonna set my alarm and then dream about my babyboy!

[Dusk Till Dawn]

1: OUR SONGS.

 

Avant - I wanna Be Close To You

Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine

Bon Jovi - (You Wanna) Make A Memory

Cranberries - Close To You

Enrique - Ring My Bells

Jordin Sparks Ft Chris Brown - No Air

Kanye West - Touch The Sky

Mandy Moore - I Wanna Be With You

Metallica - Nothing Else Matters

Natasha Bedingfield - Say It Again

Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate

Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah

Shayne Ward - No You Hang Up

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

Sugababes - Too Lost In You

The Calling - For You

The * * * * * cat Dolls - Stick Wit U

 

Songs dedicated to M.

 

Alexandra Burke - Bad Boys

Alicia Keys - Distance And Time

Alicia Keys - Wreckless Love

Angry Anderson - Suddenly

Beyonce - Broken Hearted Girl

Beyonce - Halo

Beyonce - Sweet Dreams

Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway

Cheryl Cole - Fight For This Love

Colbie Coillat - Bubbly

Enrique - Addicted

Glen Medeiros - Love Always Finds A Reason

Glen Medeiros - Nothing's Gonna Change

Jason Derulo - In My Head

Jls - Everybody In Love

Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire

Kylie Minogue - Wow

Lady Gaga - Bad Romance

Leona Lewis - Better In Time

Ne-Yo - Mad

Owl City - Vanilla Twilight

Rob Thomas & Carlos Santana - Smooth

Shania Twain - You've Got A Way

Simply Red - Stars

Snow Patrol - Run

Soulja Boy - Kiss Me Thru The Phone

Take That - Rule The World

The * * * * * cat Dolls - Jai Ho

The Script - I'm Yours

The Script - Man Who Can't Be Moved

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I am so behind with everything, I wanted to be at least half way though the project, hasn't happened. I imagine I will be up all night with it. I don't have classes tomorrow so I can sleep late.

 

It has only been 2 days, but earlier I couldn't hold back the tears. I sobbed the way I did to M on sunday. Little reminders just set me off, like reading the beautiful messages he wrote me online and looking at his new picture, (a pic I took of him on the web cam on sunday). I thought if I listened to his voicemail it would help, it didn't just made me cry more.

I know after the holidays he will be back but right now it seems like forever away!

 

 

Song for today - Alesha dixon - Breathe slow

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I gave in to temptation, and bought the shoes. They are are gorgeous, but as soon as I had paid for them, they didn't seem as desirable haha.

I showed them to my little girl C and she was like wow, she is such a girlie girl.

 

I haven't tackled the project so far today, I am not holding hopes that it will be completed by tonight. I know it is my fault I have had it since september and just ignored it..Big mistake.

I was talking to my special friend R online about it, and she was wanting to help me, which I thought was sweet. It's a big one it is for my body electrical class and it has 46 questions in total. Yuk.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I am happy, I got the project completed on time. I handed it to my lecturer this morning, I was up till 2am completing it. Only got 6 hours sleep and was shattered this morning, practically falling asleep on the bus. But it was well worth it.

Thursdays in college have always been half days, but cycle/block 2 started last week. Now we have an afternoon class for business management. I was off last thursday and didn't have it at mind till my friend R told me we have class this afternoon. What? lol and here was me planning what I would do the rest of the day.

We were only in class 5 minutes and the fire alarm sounded, so we all trailed outside and watched as 2 fire engines approached. It couldn't have been anything serious because not long after we all went back inside. Someone probably just burnt toast haha.

 

I phoned M's mom tonight, she said he is fine which is good. (He can call home). M likes me to call so he knows I am keeping in touch and to find out how I am doing while he is gone. Plus I need to know how my baby is getting on too.

I also spoke to his step father, he had previously asked me to buy him a couple of t-shirts in certain colours to take to him when I go. I was telling him I had got him the white one in an x-large size, when he said "do you remember my size? you should get xx-large in case it is too small" lol. So I will go change it at the weekend.

 

Today it is officially 1 month since M became a soldier.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

Had classes all day, morning and afternoon. This afternoon we had artifical nails so I practiced gel on my friend R. After using arcrylic nails for so long, I didn't realise gel were so easy to perform. Due to my absences from class recently, I haven't yet to tackle sculptured nails, which I believe is an art.

 

Had a conversation with one of my class mates about the movie twilight new moon. I happened to mention that I saw it at the weekend and it was one of the best movies I have saw for a long time, but haven't watched the first one yet. She told me the first one is worth watching because you see how they met etc and it is just as good. Then she told me she is reading the third book. I told her I guessed there will be a 3rd movie, because of how it ended. She said yea, well there is 4 books in total, so that will be 4 movies to watch. Yay! I can't wait till these movies are out. I am gonna go buy the first one and watch it next week and who knows maybe I will buy the books too. I love reading I am a bit of a bookworm haha. Anything to keep busy while M is away.

 

I hope this month will go quick, especially with having the holidays. I want normality back with M. Next week we are only in class Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday is always an off day and Thursday, Friday the beauty lecturers have given us it off. Gives me a chance to catch up on any work, I am behind with.

 

I suspect it is going be a quiet weeked. All my money is getting used for xmas presents for the kids and saved for going to Iran. So anything I do has to be free lol.

I was thinking today about this journal and how long I want to have it for? I am going to keep it, till at least M is in the uk with me. So lets say probably in the next 2 years.

If I keep blogging everyday that's going to be millions of pages lol. It will be interesting to see how my life develops and changes over time!

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I had such a lazy day today, watched lots of tv and stayed in my pj's.

Just finished watching xfactor, I am glad Joe is in the final 2. I really had wanted Daniel to win, but he got kicked out in the semi finals so now my favourite to win is joe. Let's see tomorrow the result.

 

Recently I have been making the conscious effort to drink more water. I started at 1 litre a day, then 2 and I will work towards 3. I notice when I increase my water intake, I drink less soda and I eat less rubbish. But right now I am badly craving some chocolate, and it's too cold to go out.

 

Song for today - Snow Patrol - Run

[Dusk Till Dawn]

Brrrr what a cold day it has been and tonight is even worse. Is it just typical scottish weather!

I was at the mall today and I couldn't help be tempted to buy twilight on dvd, and then I saw the books and I wanted to buy them too. BUT I didn't I had to resist, I really can't afford to right now. So I will compromise, with myself and watch it online.

Katie price has a style book out, another thing I wanted to buy today. Oh well.

 

I did buy some casual shoes from primark, they were pretty cheap but they are damn comfy. I had a pair before, but spilled paint on them, and it didn't come out.

I also bought some baubles for the christmas tree, some of last years are broken so needed replacements. I am late putting it up this year. I will get the kids to help me with it, either tomorrow or the next day.

 

YAY!!! THE WINNER OF THE XFACTOR 2009 ~ JOE MCELDERY!!! He deserved it so much, what a fantastic voice. Hope he does really well.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I got some great news tonight. I was talking with M's mom, and she told me in 10 days M is coming home for 4 days. I thought yay, then it clicked HE WILL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS! I am estatic he should get home on christmas eve. It is a BIG surprise, I really didn't expect him home till beginning-mid January.

In his country, they don't celebrate christmas. So I know that's not the reason he is getting off. But I am sure he knows how much this will mean to me. I can't think of any better christmas present I could get, than to have him home.

 

Last night I was online to my friend R from overseas, I told her I had wanted to buy those twilight books. I didn't know but she has the 4 of them. She is a sweetheart, because as soon as I had said I wanted them. She got her brother to find them online, download them and then she sent the 4 of them to me. So now I have them too. She is so thoughtful, I love her to bits.

 

College was full of drama today, This time because of a gas leak. The building was evacuated (again) and the sirens were blaring as the fire engines approached. The whole college was outside. Eventually we were allowed back in, but the lecturer told us to have a break and when we came back we were told to go home. No work got done, still I am not complaining.

 

I went shopping with my friend R, we got lunch and I ended up buying Katie price's style book, standing out...came home and read most of it.

 

Have classes all day tomorrow, I have part of a project to hand in for facial electrical. This time I have had it done for ages so I am organised. I will have lots of homework to do over the holidays though. Lets hope I don't get too distracted ; )

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I AM SO HAPPY! I went online after college to check my email as I do everyday (in the hope of having a message from M) and there was a beautiful email from M. I thought I was seeing things, he was still online. I was SO happy to talk to him. He was so happy I came online while he was still there. He told me that yes he will be home for christmas : )

We chatted for a while, it felt amazing and good to know he is doing fine. We caught up with each others news. I love him so much, I have never felt this kind of deep unconditional love, as I do and have for him.

 

My aunt gave me a cream leather, 3 seater sofa today. It is so comfy, I really needed a new/er one. Fits in really well with the colour scheme, and other furniture. I'm going to buy some new cushions to match it.

 

Today was pretty much the last day of college, till after the holidays. We are back in next Tuesday for Biology. Other than that from tomorrow my time is my own.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

Had a really quiet day stayed home, and caught up with some housework. I miss M, wish he was here (in uk) with me. This time of year is always lonely without him. I feel so lucky to have him in my life, yet sad that we have to wait for our life together, to properly start. He is the best, most sweetest thing that has ever happened to me. I love him more than life itself and thank God everyday, that he brought this special man into my life.

 

I have started reading Eclipse, so I am going to go to bed early and enjoy my e-book.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

We had our first glimpse of snow today. I say glimpse because it lightly fell, and didn't really land. It look beautiful though, I hope we have a white christmas. Strange I am feeling that because usually I hate when it snows.

I can't believe this time next week will be christmas eve and santa will be on his way ; ).

It really has been a quick year. I am looking forward to 2010.

 

C had her nativity in school today. The children looked so cute and when they sang it was adorable. C is in primary 3, and as they are older, they read the story. Where as the younger ones will be dressed up. K hasn't been in the nativity for the last 2 years and C won't be in it next year. My babies are getting all grown up.

 

Took them to one of their christmas partys tonight and santa came, yup they still believe in santa. I will be devastated when they stop believing. I think it makes it more magical.

 

I better get my tree up or santa won't have any where to put the presents.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

12/18/2009

 

I phoned A M's mom, earlier than usual. She told me M called 1 hour before (we must be telepathic it happens a lot one calls not longer after the other). He had a message for me...Ich Liebe Dich..which in german means I love you. I told her tell him I said, Ich Liebe Dich Mehr (mehr means more). apparently M will be home either thursday late night, or early hours of friday morning.

 

I bought myself gray ugg boots and a silver/gray sequinced bag. I love a little bit of retail therapy. I used to hate ugg's, thought they looked pretty ugly. I love them now especially the comfort of them. The bag I had my eye on for ages. It is money I shouldn't be spending but oh well.

 

Me and C had a bit of a pamper night. She is only 6 (7 in Jan) but she loves doing girly things. I had a chocolate mud masque, and let her try it. Then we painted our nails.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I wrote these poems for M, at different stages of our relationship. I thought to copy them here.

 

MY ROCK!

 

As I stand and wait I watch my life pass me by. I think what do you wait for. Then I answer my rock.

My rock is my survivor, my rock is my guide and my support. As I look at it I see that it has always been there. I just couldn't see it before.

Can something be as strong as this rock that I lay my trust in. Can it hold me up when times are tough.

Does it see in me what I see in it. The rock is reliable, can I be the same for it. Who holds the rock up when it starts to sink. Do I have the power to pull it back up.

Does the love strengthen the weakness, can the love survive. Will my rock always be there for me, does it let me be there for it.

I am here, my rock is there, yet I lean on it everyday. I want to be as strong as my rock. Soon I will see it the stability, the reliability that comes within it.

But can my rock see me, does it see all I have to give. Does it reach out for me the way I reach out for it.

Where am I in the rocks life, am I deep inside it. Where do I keep it, when I can't reach out to touch it. I hold it deep inside my heart. My rock, my life, my Miad.

 

 

With All...

 

With all the pain of being apart, with all the aching in my heart.

With all the thinking in my head, with all the tears that I have shed.

I know one day this will all be over and the waiting will have made us closer.

I know one thing our LOVE is true and forever I will stand beside you...

 

 

Just With...

 

Just with a look, it was my heart you took. Just with a smile, you made life worthwhile. Just with a kiss, we can handle this. Just with your LOVE, it's more than enough. Just with our life, I wanna be your wife. Just with you here, I'v got nothing to fear. Just for tonight, let me hold him tight. Just for forever, I will leave you never....

 

 

My Persian Prince

 

My persian prince, from a far away land, how I wish to greet you and hold your hand. Come soon the day we are brought together, hopelessly in love now and forever.

As I sit and wait for you to come my way, I can't help but fantasise of that special day. You are the sunshine and my ray of light. How I wish to look in your eyes and hold you tight.

Where ever I am, it always feels wrong, as being in your arms, is where I belong. Day after day, we are one step closer, to fulfilling our dream and this waiting is over.

We are half way there, then our wish will come true, as my place in this world, is standing beside you. My persian prince, I want to say how I love you more and more ,with each and every passing day.

 

 

When You...

 

When you lie there in your empty bed, when thoughts of me run through your head.

When you hate the fact that we're apart, always remember I'm right here in your heart.

When you seek for me, but you can't find, just close your eyes & I'm there in your mind.

When it's hard knowing, that we're not together, just always remember that we are forever.

 

 

Finally not a poem. I wrote this on lovingyou 2 years ago.

My Iranian dream

by His Goddess

 

I met M online 2 years ago. We met through faceparty & I remember the first time we chatted on msn, there was something that drew me to him, apart from being handsome he was mentally stimulating. I always looked forward to when I'd next see him & would always look to see if he was on or not. He didn't come online often, but when he did my face always lit up. As I was in a relationship at the time, we were only ever friends but even then I valued him a lot. You get guys who only want to flirt or talk about sex & I don't have time for that but with M not once did he talk in a disrespectful way and never did he flirt. I respected him immensely. Over time my relationship ended & one night M came to me and said the usual hi how are you, my reply wasn't great & I remember feeling awful about it when I went offline. The next time I saw him I went straight to talk to him. We chatted like normal, only that night we talked till the sun came up. He knew from the previous chat I was single & I remember asking for his mobile no so we could text. To my joy he gave me it & we have been inseparable ever since. We may be over 3000 miles apart in distance, but by heart we are stuck to each other. He makes me feel in a way no one else has done before, He is the most beautiful man inside & out. Every day I wake up & thank God for bringing him into my life. I believe in fate & I believe we were destined to be together. I dream about the day we finally meet in person. He is my world. Without him there would be no me.

 

Notes From The Author:

You may e-mail me with any comments about my story.

 

M, Doset daram kheyli ziad. My Adonis I Can't wait till we are finally together forever. We will conquer the distance & fight till we are in each others arms, where we belong. You are my eternal light. I will never let you, or our love go. I give you the promise of love & a life full of happiness. I love you baby. Always yours, A.J

[Dusk Till Dawn]

It is beautiful outside a big blanket of snow. I hope I wake up to a similar scene on christmas morning.

I have found the last couple of days hard. I really miss M, to the point where it hurts. I don't know if it is the whole time of year thing, but I feel so lonely without him. I could really do with a warm hug. March can't come fast enough.

Saying that neither can thursday, I can't wait to be able to sit up late chatting with him. I miss our talks. I am so proud of my sexy soldier.

 

I lost touch years ago with family I have in Australia. I did have their contact details, but lost my address book. I really have been wanting to get back in touch with them. Yesterday I thought I would try good old facebook, and found 4 of my cousins. I messaged them all and am just waiting to hear something back. I am excited to talk to them. I have missed them a lot. When I was 9, my father took me to Australia, one day I would love to go back. I saw there pictures on their profiles, the last time I saw them I was 10. : )

[Dusk Till Dawn]

The last couple of days have been hectic. Running around and trying to get the last of the christmas stuff I need. I hate the whole rush of christmas, wish people could be more relaxed about it. Including me though I have tried this year. It's the whole build up, and then it's gone after one day. People clear out the shops, like they are going to be closed for a month. When in reality it is only for what, a day.

It has snowed non stop, the last couple of days here. I love to watch it fall, I hope it stays till at least christmas day, so the kids can wake up to it.

 

My cousin M in Australia emailed me yesterday, with some news about life there. I hope she keeps in touch I definitely will. It is a really nice time of year, to be back in touch.

 

M is supposed to come home tomorrow. But his mom thinks it will be friday, so we will have to wait and see. Regardless it will be great to be in touch over christmas. I deeply miss him. Can't wait for this part of the military to be over.

[Dusk Till Dawn]

The last couple of days have been hell for me. You would think M coming home on christmas eve would have made everything wonderful, as I thought it would, but all we done was fight and bch at each other, right up until he left last night.

I know my insecurity caused most of it, but not all of it. I am not gonna write the details here, but I really think he is hiding something from me. This is causing me to withdraw from him, and be really horrible. I said things is I don't even know are justified, or if it is my illness causing it. I know I hurt him with a lot of things that I said, but again I don't know if they were justified. I don't even have mood to write about the last few days, it just brings up the feelings more and makes me feel worse.

He is gone now and is probably feeling sh!t too, I feel a pang of guilt. Yet if he was here (at his home) I would still think the same way.

 

Other than the drama with us christmas was pretty hectic. The kids went to the father on christmas day, and I went to my mom's for dinner. Boxing day some of the family went to my grans. On sunday I went to my aunt's and the kids came back. Yesterday me C, K and my step dad went to the Imax to watch "The christmas carol" in 3D. It was a great chrismas movie, the graphics were amazing. Jim carrey was brilliant you would never guess he was scrooges voice over.

 

I woke up this morning and it felt good knowing I didn't have to do anything or go anywhere and could lie in as long as I wanted. I have some homework to do for college. We don't go back till 7th January, but I should start it soon and not leave it till the last minute.

My resolution for the new year is to be more organised with all parts of my life!

[Dusk Till Dawn]

I feel really depressed today and last night I was overwhelmed with guilt. Although my thoughts are the same, the way I talked to him haunts me. I just can't help myself sometimes. Who knows maybe I would still have the same bad attitude, if he was home tonight. But because he isn't here, I feel rotten, that he is away with all the sh!t in his mind, that came out of my mouth. No matter what is going on, I should be able to control myself better.

So I am left here with me and my thoughts and night time feels worse.

What is more I have no patience with the kids and want to be left alone. Not fair on them. : (

[Dusk Till Dawn]

Reflection on the past year!

 

2009 has been a quick but pretty quiet year for me. In January I knew come August I was going back to college to finish level 3. Which I did, well I went back I will finish in May/June 10.

 

I had the pleasure to go to Iran in June, to see M and his family/friends. My friend J offered to keep the kids for me. I accepted but was apprehensive since I had never travelled without them. I enjoyed the time alone with him though and on July 2nd I became his siegh/wife.

 

August 10th was our 2 year Anniversary together. M was 22 on the 29th.

I turned 28 in October another 2 years and I will be the big 30 yikes.

My wee man turned 9 in November. He is getting so big and tall.

 

I hope 2010 will be a better year in the emotional department, but I am not so sure. I truley believe until the distance ends with me and M my heart won't be satisfied...which should be 2011.

 

Song For Today - Beyonce - Broken Hearted Girl

[Dusk Till Dawn]

1st January 2010, They say new year, new start?

 

I wonder how life will unfold for me over the course of this new year? Well I will continue to blog here and we will see!

 

Talked to A today she said M might come home next week friday. I know he is in the nature with the soldiers on some sort of mission for 5 days. Well that is what he told me.....this time when he comes back his basic training will have finished. I am curious to find out where he will be working/based for the remainder of the 18 months. I hope and I am sure his mom does to that it will be isfahan. The decision doesn't lie with him though which is just as well because I think he would rather work in Tehran.

 

I still have this bitter after taste of how we left things, everytime I read one of his messages or look at his pictures I feel worse. My mind still can't decide what it thinks but my gut feeling is the same : (

 

I want to be more organised this year especially when it comes to my studies/college and the house. I know it will be good for me if I can fullfill this.

Since I plan to go to Iran in march, I need to make sure I attend college everyday so I don't fall further behind.

 

On an ending note, I really miss M. I miss just being with him in a physical sense having him in the same room as me. Where when we talk there is no misunderstandings and if there is we can solve them quickly. I am jealous of everyone who has there man beside them now.....76 days to go for me......

[Dusk Till Dawn]

Another quiet day, it is freezing outside, and unless I have too I'm not going out. The snow that fell 2 weeks ago is still lying on the ground. Making parts of the street icy, which isn't good.

 

I have started using the flylady forum to encourage myself to keep flying. There is a section for flybaby students, which will help with my studies.

 

I want to take the decorations and tree down but I don't think the kids will let me yet. I need to find a home for all there new toys, they were spoiled as always.

My christmas present was having M home and look what happened with that, sigh. I would like to spend xmas 10 over there with him. His family don't celebrate it, but he will learn too ; )...Regardless it would be nice.

 

I have a craving for fresh salmon and prawns mmmmm.

 

Song for today - Angry Anderson - Suddenly

[Dusk Till Dawn]

Managed to get two parts of my college work done and I hope to complete two more assignments tonight. I have been up to all hours the last couple days, with studying or just hanging around online. I should make the most of it since college and school starts on thursday.

 

I spoke to R on the phone today, she is such a good friend. It is a shame she lives so far away. She was trying to give me reassurance and me and M's situation. I say try because it didn't really work. I still believe what I believe, sad thing is I love him to pieces, and if I find out in the end it is true, I will be completely broken hearted. Time will tell I hope, I hope when I look in his eyes, I can see the truth.