Will NC work for me?

[baker53]

My girlfriend and I of 3 years and 2 months broke up last Sunday. We have broken up and gotten back together before about 2 years ago. This time when we broke up it was a conversation not an argument. I did not want to break up but I listened and told her my point of view, but she said that it was over. Her reason for ending i was she feels we are better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend, that she does not feel loved anymore due to me taking her for granted, that she does not get the butterflies when I touch her anymore, she does not feel that spark, and that the little important things in our relationship have stopped. After the break up conversation I tried to talk her into not doing this, and for a split second I thought she was going to agree with me but she did not. She said that I have said that I was going to change many times but it never lasts.

 

Then something that boggles my mind happened. She did not make me leave, instead we watched a movie, cuddled on the couch, ate dinner, watched another movie while cuddling, and then I stayed the night but in another bed. Before I left the next morning I went in her room, put my arm around her, and told her that I was not going to give up on us this easy. She responded by saying that it is more of how she feels, not the way that I act. I don't understand why did she let me cuddle her, does she still care for me and want to get back together?

 

I saw her last Tues in class and she sat next to me and we talked but that was about it.

 

We have not talked or anything since last Tues, which is the longest that we have ever gone without talking, and I am trying to figure out if it is best to remain NC. The last time we broke up it was the complete opposite of this. It was yelling and arguing, she would not let me get near her and I really thought it was over. I showered her with cards and flowers, and cried and begged for her back which did not work at first, but when I went on a date with someone else she slowly began to change. Through this whole thing we remained in some type of contact and talked at least every other day.

 

What do I do? I love this girl with all my heart and I want her back. I did take her for granted in the relationship and I hate myself for that. Is NC the best way to go about getting her back? I'm afraid that by going NC she will think that I really don't care and she will just move on. She lives by herself in a place that is in the middle of no where, so I think she is lonely.

 

I know that every situation is different and it is hard to say but could you please give me you opinion on if we will get back together and what I should do?

 

Thank you very much

[17aircav]

Who did the breaking up?

 

It sounds to me like she still feels a connection but is confused "by the way she feels". My feeling is that the spark was lost in her mind. When you stop making a woman feel special and appreciated (taking them for granted) , she is bound to leave.

 

So, you ask if NC will work for you? If you use it properly, it will definitely work for you, however, NC isn't for getting her come back to you; sometimes her return is a great by product of the process. It will help you get over the pain, recenter your life and show yourself that you can be confident and sucessful as a single man...the things that most women are naturally attracted to.

[baker53]

Who did the breaking up?

 

It sounds to me like she still feels a connection but is confused "by the way she feels". My feeling is that the spark was lost in her mind. When you stop making a woman feel special and appreciated (taking them for granted) , she is bound to leave.

 

So, you ask if NC will work for you? If you use it properly, it will definitely work for you, however, NC isn't for getting her come back to you; sometimes her return is a great by product of the process. It will help you get over the pain, recenter your life and show yourself that you can be confident and sucessful as a single man...the things that most women are naturally attracted to.

 

I would say she did the breaking up. I went to her house that day to work things out between us, not to break up. Like I said the break up was just a conversation with no crying or anything. It almost did not feel like a real breakup because both of us were so calm. I did try to make her change her mind but I did not break down or anything, I just told her how I felt. I just don't understand why she let me cuddle her, why she let me stay the night, and why she did not get angry when I said that I loved her. Last time we broke up it was not like this. So why is she acting like this now?

 

You say that NC isn't for getting her to come back to me. Then how do I get her to come back to? I will see her in class this week, is there anything I should do?

[OptomisticGirl]

I'm kind of in the same boat. My ex and I dated for 4 years, we had broken up many times and each previous time I had cried and shown him how hurt I was but this time feels different to me. I don't know how to explain it.

 

Like you, I'm wondering if NC will work. He isn't calling except to talk about the stuff we still have to iron out about our apartment and he knows we have to exchange stuff (I have a few things of his, he has a few things of mine) but he won't call and set a date for it.

 

I hope you find an answer as do I!!

[17aircav]

Baker, she clearly feels for you, but possibly your taking her for granted has made her feel less than special, and this is KEY for a women. It's not that she doesn't feel or care, it's that she feels unappreciated and most likely this is making her emotions jumbled.

NC is a tool for you to get over the irrationality of emotion and discover the grounded truth of the matter. Now, the space often causes the other to rethink their feeling for you and they usually get amplified in your absence. Your absence will cause curiosity in her mind as well, but this is only a secondary byproduct of NC.

 

So,what can you do when you see her again? Be friendly and cordial, but don't bring up the breakup and keep conversation to a minimum. This is about you know. I know this hurts like hell...I'm just emerging from that stage, but still mss her from time to time, but you need this for YOU. Time and patience, my friend. You aren't alone in this journey.

[OptomisticGirl]

What's LC?

[baker53]

idk maybe little contact

[OptomisticGirl]

didn't think of that one!

[17aircav]

Yes, LC=limited contact, such as in we talk on the phone every couple of weeks and catch up.

[baker53]

So would you'll say there is a good chance that she will come around or not? How long should I keep us this NC, cause I really don't want to do it. I'm only doing it because of what she said. I just want to get her back, what should I do?

[OptomisticGirl]

We can tell you what we think but at the end of the day hun, it's going to be your decision. I'm like you, I just want to wade in there and fix the problems and win my ex back. That's how its worked out every other time.

 

But my advice to you would be do the NC. I don't want to do NC. I want to show him that I do care and WIN him back, show him how sorry I am for the way I treated him toward the end. But in my heart I know that will drive him further away.

 

My ex didn't ask for space but I'm giving it to him. She asked for it so I would give it to her. She may realize the great guy she lost. But just because you do NC doesn't mean you stop trying to win her back. I'm doing NC but I'm also going out and having a good time, to build myself back up. People aren't attracted to depressed people, it's happy people.

 

It's hard, I know. But you can do it baker!