seren Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 can you be attracted to someone but not have chemistry? A guy i went on a couple of dates with told me he was super attracted to me but there was no chemistry. we are old friends and while this doesnt really bother me it does hurt my ego a little as shallow n as silly as that is. Its even sillier because i feel the same way, while im attracted to him i know we wouldnt work as a couple so i dont have any real feelings but it kinda hurt my ego to think he doesnt feel chemistry. He said whiile he is attracted to me we wouldnt work as couple to which i agreed.... is this something i should be upset about? does it say much about me? Link to comment
ProtestTheHero Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 No, it's not a reflection on you. All it means is that you guys have personalities that don't really click or go well together for a LTR. He'll run into it again and so will you, while at some point some random dude will feel as if you're everything he's looking for and some random girl will mesh well with your friend. It's just how it works. It's not positive or negative. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Not a reflection on you and also simple - from your perspective - for whatever reason, he's not interested in a relationship with you and the details of "attraction but no chemsitry are basically irrelevant and a waste of time for you to think about because it will bother your ego a bit and not let you move on as easily to meet other people. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 It may not be about "chemistry" as such. Perhaps you are looking at it wrong. You obviously get on as you are friends but that may also be why neither of you can imagine it going to the next level. Perhaps if you hadn't started out as friends things may have been different. I wouldn't get upset about it. As the other posters have said, its by no means a reflection on you ... just be chuffed that one of your friends fancies you!! Link to comment
catfeeder Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Think of your two most favorite foods that would not go well together in a meal. Neither is less attractive or exciting on its own, they just don't create the right taste together in the same recipe. This guy is only telling you something you already know; it's just tangible enough for both of you to see. He IS friendship material because of his honesty. In your corner. Link to comment
bulletproof Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 If you're not feeling it either, and you know it's nothing personal about him, then why would it be personal towards you coming from him? Sometimes two people can look great on paper but biology didn't give them the chemistry they need. It works both ways- sometimes we have chemistry with someone we might know is not good for us, but nature is a pretty powerful force. Nothing to take personally. Link to comment
lady00 Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I've definitely felt that way about a few guys--attraction but no chemistry. It's hard to explain. But it happens from time to time. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Think of your two most favorite foods that would not go well together in a meal. Neither is less attractive or exciting on its own, they just don't create the right taste together in the same recipe. This guy is only telling you something you already know; it's just tangible enough for both of you to see. He IS friendship material because of his honesty. In your corner. Great way of putting it, catfeeder. Link to comment
lucasky Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 Whew! I'm glad you posted about this Seren! I went on a few dates with a long-term acquaintance in the last couple weeks - we actually had a one night stand back in July. We hooked up last weekend (Sat. night) and the sex is great, the attraction is definitely there, but we just don't seem to connect on a deeper level. We had a lunch date planned yesterday, but he didnt show - he did call me 30min late, however, to tell me he had slept in, but wasn't interested in a relationship. I think he expected me to be hurt - and I was a little, but it was mostly just hurt pride. I admitted we didn't really have a connection, so I couldn't begrudge him for not wanting anything, though I was pretty annoyed he stood me up. Anyways, its nice seeing I'm not the only one who has gone through an "I'm attracted but not feeling a connection" sort of thing. I think in part, I was hoping for a relationship just because I wanted that attraction to become something - but if the connection isn't there, I guess there isn't much you can do. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted November 28, 2009 Share Posted November 28, 2009 I've been in that situation before. Dated a guy for a couple months, were physically attracted to each other, but we had nothing in common. It didn't last because conversations were contrived, and we would later end up doing something physical, but nothing meaningful. It's not a reflection on you at all. If anything, you should be glad he brought it up because it will reinforce why it wouldn't have worked out in the first place. Link to comment
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