Double J Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 When you're with your partner, how is it that you convey to him or her that you're "in the mood"? Ladies: Do you get close and snuggle with your guy, or do you do something more overt (e.g. grab his member)? Guys: Do you do things like kiss her neck, massage her, etc., and, if that doesn't work, do you ask directly? The reason why I raise this question is because I feel my g/f and I sometimes have communication issues when it comes to the bedroom. There are times when she gets close and asks me to massage her all over. That gets me in the mood, but much to my chagrin, it later turns out that she just wanted to "relax." On the flip side, there are other times when she's in the mood and expects me to pick up on it. She doesn't come out and say she's in the mood, and if I don't somehow guess what she's thinking, we miss out on the opportunity. Sometimes I feel as if I have to ask her directly if she's in the mood so as not to stay unsatisfied, but I know that really takes the excitement out of it. Again, I feel the lines of communication become crossed in this department far too often. Have any of you guys experienced this in your relationships? How have you dealt with it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guynextdoor Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 From my experience from my ex's I can tell if they are in the mood by their kisses. If its deep passionate kisses then you know its time to strap on the vest for the Jimmy. Massages doesn't always lead to mattress mambo unfortunately Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ponyboy Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 From my experience from my ex's I can tell if they are in the mood by their kisses. If its deep passionate kisses then you know its time to strap on the vest for the Jimmy. Massages doesn't always lead to mattress mambo unfortunately I was about to say the same thing with the kissing, it usually always starts from there. But my ex and i would sometimes just be watchin tv and id say "uhh...you wanna do it? and bam clothes are flying off as well lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alli Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 I snuggle up with him when I feel like relaxing close to him & watching tv, not when I feel like doing it. And receiving a massage (while awesome!!) doesn't put me in the mood, either. It just feels really good & makes me feel like going to sleep. If either of us is in the mood, we say something like "you know we haven't done it in a while!" or "we should do it tonight" and doing something rather overt... pretty much eliminates any confusion as to whether we are both up to it or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Depends on my mood. Sometimes when I'm feeling "frisky" I'll just come up from behind and get handsy. Other times I want him to come onto me and just "suggest" that we watch tv while laying in the bed. Just laying next to each other usually causes him to make a move. It's really a spectrum of signs. Other times I'll blow in his ear or kiss his neck all over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 I agree with both guys who mentioned kissing. When my g/f is in the mood, she tends to enjoy making out. When she isn't, she gives me little pop kisses and subtly turns away, as if saying "I don't want to do more than that." Keep the replies coming... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mr.mac Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 To me this is life's biggest mystery. My girl says that she wants sex to be spontaneous, so I try to be spontaneous, but then she's not in the mood. So, the next time I just come out and say that I'm in the mood and then she'll say she isn't. And yet another time I'm just minding my own business not at all thinking about sex and suddenly she's all over me and clearly wants to have the sex, so now, I guess, I want to have the sex too! Mostly I just try to follow her lead because no matter what she tells me the end result is that we'll have sex when she wants to and if she doesn't want to...oh well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidania Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 I've always been fairly direct with a guy. If I'm frisky, I'll draw in close, and start moving my hands over his chest, his back... working my way down fairly quickly to his groin and they'll stay there. I've also whispered in his ear "We really have too many clothes on..." or something to that effect. I try not to leave any question as to whether I'm in the mood or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 The reason why I raise this question is because I feel my g/f and I sometimes have communication issues when it comes to the bedroom. There are times when she gets close and asks me to massage her all over. That gets me in the mood, but much to my chagrin, it later turns out that she just wanted to "relax." Sorry, this is no communication issue, you are being manipulated. She is completely aware of what she is doing, and gets a feeling of power in the relationship from controlling you in this way. People who want to relax don't "get close" and ask their SO for a full body massage, and if they do, they generally also consider sex to be relaxing and stress relieving. If she were just asking for you to rub her shoulders or neck some, would be a different matter. Is there more detail? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidania Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 People who want to relax don't "get close" and ask their SO for a full body massage, and if they do, they generally also consider sex to be relaxing and stress relieving. If she were just asking for you to rub her shoulders or neck some, would be a different matter. Is there more detail? I do. Just because I want to share some physical closeness and intimacy by receiving a full body massage, and relaxing with my partner, does not mean I want to have sex. For me at least, a massage is a beautiful way to foster intimacy without sex coming into play. I don't see how a massage has to equal sex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Hmmm. I only ask my partner to give me a massage if I have a pinched nerve or sore muscle. It's never a just because thing. But, I don't think about asking that often. However, I give him massages all the time that don't lead to sex. It's just intimacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Just because I want to share some physical closeness and intimacy by receiving a full body massage, and relaxing with my partner, does not mean I want to have sex. For me at least, a massage is a beautiful way to foster intimacy without sex coming into play. I don't see how a massage has to equal sex. What about what -he- might want based on rubbing his hands all over his lover's body and watching her react in pleasure to it? Is that any part of your "does not mean I want to have sex" equation? Would you accommodate him out of thoughtfulness and consideration, or merely focus on your immediate desires or lack thereof? After he gives you pleasure and relaxation, do you feel like giving back to him? Sure, sex needn't come into play, no disagreement there at all, but if it does, are you as accommodating of him as he was of you by giving the massage? OP didn't say a "neck massage," or a "therapeutic massage," he said she "get's close" and asks for an "all over" massage, then when it turns him on, she doesn't accommodate -his- desires. Since he took the time to post here and ask about it, it may be safe to assume this is a pattern in her behavior, and not an isolated incident. No one said massage has to equal sex, OP didn't, I didn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catdancer Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 When you're with your partner, how is it that you convey to him or her that you're "in the mood"? He pokes me with his boner. I figure that's a pretty good sign. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Bunny Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 When you're with your partner, how is it that you convey to him or her that you're "in the mood"? Just tell him, "I want you NOW." And seduce him. Works every time. Push him down and rip his clothes off for a change. I guarantee he'll love it. But snuggling up close to him works too if you're in a romantic mood. When I was married, I had a perfume that I'd wear ONLY when I was in the mood. That got him going without me having to do anything because he associated that particular scent with sex--by the time I did either #1 or #2, he was rarin' to go. Being direct and honest about wanting sex is nothing to be ashamed of. I think a lot of women sell themselves short and expect the man to initiate all the time. IMO, that takes a lot of the fun out of it. Just my two cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KG Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 "You ready?" "Me too." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anggrace Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 I make a move. It's pretty clear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted November 18, 2009 Author Share Posted November 18, 2009 Ladies, If you unintentionally got your partner in the mood, would you feel compelled to give him a helping hand, go down on him, or whatever else so that he wouldn't stay stuck? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cognitive_Canine Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Ladies, If you unintentionally got your partner in the mood, would you feel compelled to give him a helping hand, go down on him, or whatever else so that he wouldn't stay stuck? My partner being in the mood is all I need for me to be in the mood. Sometimes I need less than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waveseer Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 No words or actions required, just "The Look". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nidania Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 For one, I wouldn't ask for a massage and let him think it would lead to sex. I like to be open in my communications with my partner. If I were asking for an all-over body massage, but didn't want to have sex, I would tell him exactly that. Then it is up to him if he would like to proceed. If he still wants to, then great. If not, then fine. If he wanted something in return, of course I would be accommodating. Any decent relationship is based on a give-take dynamic. If he gives me pleasure, yes I want to give him pleasure in return. Even if he doesn't do something for me right then and there, I still want to give to him, because of how I feel about him, and it makes me happy to be a giving person. I guess I fail to see how having sex when I'm in no mood for it is me being thoughtful and considerate. That's not giving to someone. He would know I was doing it out of obligation instead of desire. If I have made it clear that a massage is all I want, it's up to him whether to give that massage, or not. If something changes during that massage, and *poof* I'm in the mood, I will let him know. He may not be at that point, in which case it's then up to me to be understanding. Open communication is the KEY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohdammm Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 My boyfriend and I will usually talk about it all day. Send little text messages saying "wanna play" and then as the day continues be very cute and make comments like, are you ready to go to bed yet.. or come get me etc. Usually after being together for a while you can tell when your partner is or isnt in the mood. But sometimes there is a conflict in signs that one another give off. There have been plenty of times when we have hinted all day that we want to have sex and then something will change that. If the hints arent given thru out the day and im feeling frisky, when we are watching TV i will just attack him or visa versa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohdammm Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 Ladies, If you unintentionally got your partner in the mood, would you feel compelled to give him a helping hand, go down on him, or whatever else so that he wouldn't stay stuck? Anytime my partner is in the mood and i am "out of commission" for the day i will always lend a helping hand or mouth persay lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Celestialagape54 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 No words or actions required, just "The Look". I agree my boyfriend says that he knows when I am in the mood because I give him a certain "look"...I didn't even know I did this. He also says that I cuddle/hold and kiss him with more intensity and passion. When it comes to him I know he is in the modd because he kisses me more passionately and with more force and then of course I feel his pop up and say hello. I don't know I guess we are weird! We just know its like were on the same wave of thought or something... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashley1640 Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 If I feel like being aggressive, I'll just grab him. If i want him to take control but I "start" it, I'll be more passive but show passion. We've never really said, "Hey let's have sex!" May be little things like, "Mmm come to bed with me.." etc Oh. If he wants me though, he'll come and "hug" me. Before he's even touched me though it's already up and ready to blast off! lol. Incoming the passionate 'hold' on me and kisses.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohdammm Posted November 18, 2009 Share Posted November 18, 2009 I agree my boyfriend says that he knows when I am in the mood because I give him a certain "look"...I didn't even know I did this. He also says that I cuddle/hold and kiss him with more intensity and passion. When it comes to him I know he is in the modd because he kisses me more passionately and with more force and then of course I feel his pop up and say hello. I don't know I guess we are weird! We just know its like were on the same wave of thought or something... I think that is true with a lot of people. You can always tell how a person is feeling by their kiss. A kiss tells a lot. My boyfriend and I are the same way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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