I just wrote this. Tell me what you think?

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Anxiety

A shiver strikes my arms and chest as my body fills with an unearthly chill.

My gaze darting, jerking, frantic. No focus. There can be none as my mind dance from one thought to the next.

 

Huddled in the corner I was, as the only light in the room slowly creeps accross the floor shining from the window. It too was frosty in the fall evening air. The mist of my breath escaping my body as I try to hold on to any grasp of warmth I may have left. The temperature drops slowly as the light reaches my feet, I can see the darkness creeping closer, almost hear it. See it's crocked grin and it's panting breath in the shallows of the room, creaking the boards bellow beneath its deathly feet, see the boards succumb to it's weight and yet make not a sound.

 

"It's all in your head" I tell myself as I scrunch in to the tightest ball I can. "Why is it so cold?" I ask myself aloud as I can feel that familiar tingle beneath my skin. As if my organs were being microwaved and my outer skin were being dipped in the deathly cold of liquid nitrogen. The itching that never stops no matter how much you scratch...scratching so hard you draw blood but can't stop. Terrified and yet of what? I don't even know.

 

The room as all,everything and what is, it all fades to black as I close my eyes to shut out this frightening world. Shivering now, uncontrollably I cannot bring myself to stand as they stare. Those voices that laugh. I must be insane right? Of course there is no one there. It's all in your head silly. But I don't know that. I hear them and yet I don't. I see them yet they are not there. Do I? I know they are not there and I continue my mantra "It's not real, calm down! 1..2..3...inhale....3..2..1. exhale" repeatedly trying to gain my wits.

 

I know it will soon be over. Like a nightmare. But I'm awake and I shall not revive from that wishful slumber to realize all is well. Instead I sit and stare as the thoughts of my past echo endlessly in my head. What horror they bring. MY stomach churns and I feel as if ill. I remember them laughing. "NO! I swear it isn't true!" I scream to myself yet the laughter breeds louder in the silence. The ever deafening silence that I hate so much.

 

I grasp my head and bury it betwixt my knees hoping this madness will fade and yet I know the truth. It will not. Until death do I part for I am married to this hell that I have brought upon myself. Guilty? Not guilty? In the end it matters not what I plead as my sentence has been judged. Alone I sit. In this fragile corner awaiting that which I may be damned. For this is my punishment. Deserving or not. This is my anxiety

[DadaJones]

Its not a bad start...the metaphors and franctic rythym of it kind of captures it...I would like more specific details...if you stay too general for too long then it gets a little exhausting...i'm not saying you need to explain why the narrator has anxiety, that is irrelvevant as the writing is about the anxiety...but a little room where? In Ohio? I need more immediate specific details about the character, you mention the past but instead of telling me the past how about showing me the past with details...the drama is just too generl to sustain it to the end...there is something to work with there though.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Its not a bad start...the metaphors and franctic rythym of it kind of captures it...I would like more specific details...if you stay too general for too long then it gets a little exhausting...i'm not saying you need to explain why the narrator has anxiety, that is irrelvevant as the writing is about the anxiety...but a little room where? In Ohio? I need more immediate specific details about the character, you mention the past but instead of telling me the past how about showing me the past with details...the drama is just too generl to sustain it to the end...there is something to work with there though.

 

 

Ah ... thanks. I kind of left the room's whereabouts unknown to sort of add to the mystery. But then again... it is a true story. About 30 minutes ago actually.... and the past would take far more time then I have to write in a short story... that would be a novel haha. maybe I should write one.

[DadaJones]

Be careful about too much ambiguity, don't be afraid to just show whats going on...but you certainly captured the intensity of it...welcome back from it.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Be careful about too much ambiguity, don't be afraid to just show whats going on...but you certainly captured the intensity of it...welcome back from it.

 

 

Thanks. Well I basically wrote this as therapy...I wrote out exactly what went through my mind during the anxiety attack. They last about 10 minutes...sometimes longer. Therapy has helped me with this though. They don't happen as often but I've always looked to art forms to quell inner turmoil.

[DadaJones]

Being an artist and inner turmoil go hand in hand...some would say you can't be an artist without it...i was just commenting on it as prose cause thats the section its in...sounds like you got some form of PTSD...good luck.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Being an artist and inner turmoil go hand in hand...some would say you can't be an artist without it...i was just commenting on it as prose cause thats the section its in...sounds like you got some form of PTSD...good luck.

 

I'm not familiar with the term PTSD? Please explain?

[DadaJones]

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...you suffered a psychological trauma of some form at some point and never got treatment for it.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Well several moments actually spanning my life and I'm in therapy. The problem I find is that I have a lot of people that pop up and like to tell me how much they hate me for the ways I've acted out as a result. I've lost many friends because of this. there is a thread on here I wrote about it a good while back.

 

I'm curious what others may think of the above short story.

[DadaJones]

Well i skimmed thru some of your old threads and you've definitley had some trauma and have some issues that are going to be a life long struggle to some extent.

 

I'd say the biggest emotion killer for you is guilt.

 

I can kind of relate...I can get alittle crazy myself and l've lost friends along the way...but friendships die sometimes, and people who act out always have a chance at charisma depending on how you act out...

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Well I'm proud of myself. I've gotten over my fathers neglect and abuse upon me, I've broken the addiction to lolicon. I've been free of it completely for almost 8 months now. I've graduated High school finally. I've turned my life around and I am proud of myself. But all of these great feelings come crashing down with just one mean spirited judgmental comment. I hate how cruel some people can be when they are to ignorant to even attempt to understand. Not all of us that have wrogned people are evil. Some of us do have hearts. They can bleed too. I just want acceptance.

[DadaJones]

Your definitley on the right path...once you accept yourself alittle more you'll find others will be more accepting of you...also my friends are more or less freaks...thats just who will understand me.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

HA HA yeah I tend to hang out with the more eccentric types myself. I know I'll be okay and this struggle is far from over but still....sigh. I just wish people would get a grip. Why does the fact that I am trying to right these wrongs mean nothing to them they only see the action and not what toll its consequence brings.

[DadaJones]

Sometimes you can't right the wrongs...and bizzarrely enough i find sometimes, after looking back from many years of hindsight...I wasn't wrong! Instead of making amends and apologizing to those you've harmed jsut move on and forgive yourself...its not like you murdered someone...be careful about making amends too much cause then you are just a constant guilt ridden victim...and people would rather hang with an offender than a perpetual apologist. The guilt has got to be your focus or rather your dealing with it.

[Tetsuo_Shima]

Sometimes you can't right the wrongs...and bizzarrely enough i find sometimes, after looking back from many years of hindsight...I wasn't wrong! Instead of making amends and apologizing to those you've harmed jsut move on and forgive yourself...its not like you murdered someone...be careful about making amends too much cause then you are just a constant guilt ridden victim...and people would rather hang with an offender than a perpetual apologist. The guilt has got to be your focus or rather your dealing with it.

 

 

Yeah...I guess I somewhat agree. Still I wish those people would just piss off and leave me the hell alone.