said i didnt want a shag buddy

[seren]

did I do the right thing? So, I met this guy at a party, we hit it off....he came and hung out with me a few days later, seen each other a few times, i believe both of us didnt really want anything serious, just some fun which it was!

 

he did tho at one point say how glad he was he stayed a second night at my place (we didnt have sex that night) and how he was thinking 'what if he started to really like me?' he also said he had a dream last night about me and was thinking about me all morning, he said in the dream he was next door to my house and could see my door was open so he knew i was home but was too scared to come ove cos he thought i would think he was stalking me, but then i came to the door and saw him next door...and he was really worried about me seeing him there....so i dunno if that meant anything. he also asked me tonight what i was doing for new years..

 

anyways some time has passed and I am learning a lot more about myself..you see, i broke up with a guy i was engaged to back in april and since then i havent wanted a rship but miss intimacy, so since then until now i have been ok with just shag buddies but in past month I have come to see that i am a lot happier and more content and confident and actually wanting to offically date....not necessarily him but in general

 

so.....this guy i met at the party i assume was just looking for some fun also..and he came online tonight and asked me what i was doing on the weekend and that he was 'looking for some action' im pretty sure he was being funny, like joking but at the same time i thought i better fill him in on the whole not wanting just a shag buddy thing anymores....(btw i havent seen this guy in like 2 weeks and havent slept with him in about a month n half) he said maybe we could still be friends and i said of course.

 

now, i wouldnt mind dating him, i mean i would give it a shot, hes a really nice guy and maybe there is potential, i dunno, alll i know is i would give it a go but what i am sure of is that im not interested in just a shag buddy, as it was never really like me in the beginning to do such a thing but more just something i did for first time in my life cos of phase i went thru after break up.

 

im definetly not one of those girls though who continues to sleep with them in hope the guy will see her more as shag buddy so thats another reason i put a stop to it before i did begin to devellop feelings for him now im feeling ready to date someone....

 

i also told him this.

 

did i do the right thing?

 

should i have asked if he was interested in dating or is it pretty obvious he doesnt want to cos surely he would have said so tonight if he was interested in more than just shag buddy...

 

i feel proud of myself, like i know what i want and am being smart about it cos it is tempting to still sleep with him but i know its not healthy to and im proud of myself for telling him so.

[Tanzi]

Well its how you really feel, its the truth and you feel far more comfortable with yourself for having done it so it can't be wrong. You would have done yourself more harm than good if you had started to develop feelings for him that may not have been reciprocated. However, it wouldn't have done any harm to perhaps hint a little that you wouldn't mind dating him and then leave the ball in his court. Has he ever discussed with you his views on dating in general? And when did he have this dream?

[seren]

He has never told me his views on dating, but he never really chased me either like guys have in past when they were interested so it told me he wasnt all that keen on dating me.

 

he had this dream monday night so 3 nights ago.

 

i worry about asking him about dating now though cos i dont want to seem like one of those girls who all sudden became attached.

 

it honestly isnt like that, its just now im ready whereas i wasnt before, n if he asked i would say yes....i would maybe even ask him out myself as could be some potential BUT i dont want to seem like what i described above n surely if he wanted to give dating a go he would have said

[happylady]

I think what you did was good cause it was how you felt and you went with it. I think this guy may be more interested in you that you think, that dream to me makes me think he wants more but is scared you dont. I wouldnt ask him out on a date though. Let him make the first move and if he asks you to further elaborate on why you dont want to be shag buddies anymore then you can tell him that you broke up with your ex went through something and now you are looking for something more meaning full. Be straight forward but vague and let him take it from there

 

Let it go with the flow.

[Tanzi]

He has never told me his views on dating, but he never really chased me either like guys have in past when they were interested so it told me he wasnt all that keen on dating me.

 

he had this dream monday night so 3 nights ago.

 

i worry about asking him about dating now though cos i dont want to seem like one of those girls who all sudden became attached.

 

it honestly isnt like that, its just now im ready whereas i wasnt before, n if he asked i would say yes....i would maybe even ask him out myself as could be some potential BUT i dont want to seem like what i described above n surely if he wanted to give dating a go he would have said

 

So if the dream was only 3 nights ago then maybe he is beginning to feel more for you than you realised. Our dreams are usually made up of our subconscious thoughts after all. Perhaps he was afraid to take things further or to come accross as chasing you because of how you felt. If you don't want to make the first move (and I can fully appreciate why you don't want to) then all you can do is stay in touch, suggest meeting up and see where things go from there.