whitetiger7654 Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Would you rather date the person you love even if he had feelings for another person or would you rather break up? Another side of the story is would you rather he tell you or not? I can't forsee any good coming from telling her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SexyAimz Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Re-phrase your question, i don't understand what your tryin to say. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crazyaboutdogs Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Are you dating someone but in love with someone else? Let me ask you this question...if you are in love with a woman, would you like it if, while she is having sex with you, she is imagining that she is making love with her ex boyfriend who dumped her but with whom she is still madly in love and is only dating you because she doesn't want to be alone and she wants to try to get over her ex? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alli Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Would you rather date the person you love even if he had feelings for another person or would you rather break up? Another side of the story is would you rather he tell you or not? I can't forsee any good coming from telling her. Depends on how strong these feelings are for this other person and if they will be acted on. Many people, even in committed relationships, can be attracted to others. If you keep yourself in check and minimize contact with this other person, fine. If you see them all the time, flirt with them, get all touchy, fantasize about them. Not cool. I consider that to be bordering cheating, and I don't stay with cheaters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitetiger7654 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Share Posted November 11, 2009 No I would never cheat nor do I fantasize about the other person. Thank you both for those points of view. I'm just in a tough situation and I think it would be best for me to get back with the ex and ignore the feelings for the other person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy1 Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 I agree. Feelings are always around us. The love you have for your ex will never change. I say, give it another try. Edit: I too, have read your previous posts. It sounds like you were scared. You say you have been in a long term relationship. I think you developed these feelings because you have only been with her. Everyone gets these feelings about being with another person when their in a long term relationship, they think of the what if's, and it seems that you really do love your ex. Time has passed to where both of you can reconcile and make your relationship better. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alli Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Ahh so you kind of like someone but you are in a position where you might get back together with your ex? It's kind of hard to give advice without knowing what type of predicament you are in. Edit: I read your previous posts. Sounds like you were relieved about the breakup but now that your friend is going on a date with her, you want her back? That doesn't sound like a good reason to continue on with a relationship, because you don't want anyone else to have her. What made you decide to break up with her in the first place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitetiger7654 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Share Posted November 11, 2009 The ex hasn't been on any dates, just the girl I have feelings for. I am up in the air about the ex because I know she loves and cares about me. She would be a great wife and we do know everything about each other. But then I think about how she treated me sometimes, she could be rude and generally unpleasant to be around for no reason. Plus our sex life was pretty much nonexistant no matter what I tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy1 Posted November 11, 2009 Share Posted November 11, 2009 Maybe with this break, she has had time to reflect on what went wrong. People can change and I think since she loves/cares for you she will realize that she can be a better person and lover. Sometimes people let the little things take priority in their life and not the things or person in their life a priority. It seems this has happened, but it can be fixed, it just takes time and effort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blinx Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I have been in a relationship in which I felt I loved the guy more than he loved me. He did love me, but I never felt that he loved/respected me as much as he did his ex (who had died, so it wasn't like they were going to get back together). After 7 years, I decided to break up (divorce actually, we had been married a couple years). After enduring years of not being totally happy and feeling like he didn't care to change things, I ended it. It hurt. I thought about him a lot. But I decided that it's not fair for me to be with someone who doesn't love me completely. So to answer your question: Even if I loved that person, I would rather break up because if they have feelings for someone else, then they are not completely yours. And they might not be completely happy. My personal philosophy: I have a right to be happy and be with the one I love, and so does my significant other. So if either of us feel we are not completely happy with the other (that is, things you can't work out, such as if you had feelings for someone else), then don't waste your time and your partner's time. At least have enough respect in that sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy1 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Blinx, I think your situation is alittle different. He clearly still loves her but afraid bc of things that happened in the relationship. Your bf wasn't willing to change, whose to say that his gf isn't willing to change? If a person loves another person wholeheartedly, they will change to make it work. I don't think its fair to say that just bc one person didn't change another person can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blinx Posted November 13, 2009 Share Posted November 13, 2009 Blinx, I think your situation is alittle different. He clearly still loves her but afraid bc of things that happened in the relationship. Your bf wasn't willing to change, whose to say that his gf isn't willing to change? If a person loves another person wholeheartedly, they will change to make it work. I don't think its fair to say that just bc one person didn't change another person can't. Actually, I was just answering his originally posted question, which was, I believe, Would you date someone you love even though that person has feelings for someone else, or would you break up? My answer is break up. If they have feelings for someone else, you shouldn't try to hang on to them, let them go. Second part of his question was, would you tell her? So I'm just looking at it from the perspective of the ex. Put yourself in her shoes. She loves this guy, but he's got feelings for the roomie. Do you think she should try to keep seeing this guy or break up? Well, they're already broken up. I think the guy should let his ex go while he figures out what he wants. If he figures he really loves her and wants her back, then he can go tell her and be with her again. But don't date her if you have feelings for someone else. It really isn't fair. Or if you date her, then focus on her and your relationship. Try to let go of the feelings for others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitetiger7654 Posted November 13, 2009 Author Share Posted November 13, 2009 Well the ex and I hooked up last night. So I guess that solves that problem. Time will tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kumatora Posted November 14, 2009 Share Posted November 14, 2009 No I would never cheat nor do I fantasize about the other person. Thank you both for those points of view. I'm just in a tough situation and I think it would be best for me to get back with the ex and ignore the feelings for the other person. I don't think what you're doing is fair game to EITHER person. I suggest backing off on dating until you have your feelings sorted out. If you just broke up with an ex, then it's wrong to treat someone else as a rebound. Just think how it would feel if the person you were first dating did that to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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