miami Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I bought my 6-year old little girl a puppy a few weeks ago, and she played with it for a couple days before my wife insisted we get rid of it. I gave it to her grandparents so it would be near and she visited the pup another 2 times before it got sick. It eventually died, but we have not wanted to break the bad news to her since it would break her heart. This all happened within the course of 10-days, and the pup has been dead for 2-weeks now. My daughter STILL asks about the pup and wants to visit grandma, and even started crying because she misses visiting him. I know that learning about death through a pet is a valuable lessons, but my grandmother died a few months ago and she still cries over that. I've been thinking about telling her the puppy ran off with the circus and lived happily ever after, but don't want to lie to her either. Any suggestions? I don't want her to feel unnecessary pain and don't quite know how to proceed. Link to comment
avman Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Tell her the truth. Kids need to learn these lessons and telling them fairy tales isn't the way to do it. She will find out eventually and wonder why you lied. Spare her the details of the death but give it to her straight. The puppy got sick and died. Let her grieve about it. That's a normal human emotion and she deserves to be able to express it. Link to comment
EQD Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Just tell her the puppy got sick and died. eventually she's going to have to learn about it. i think its much more harmful to build up fantastic lies about real life events than to actually break it to them straight. Link to comment
Greedy Toad Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I agree with EQD and avman. It's hard, however, it is also part of life that children need to learn about. Link to comment
Nidania Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I remember having to do this with my kids, they were 10 and 8. I took one of our cats to the veternarian to see why he wasn't eating. I came home without the cat and crying a river. I told the kids straight up that our cat had gotten very very sick, and there wasn't anything that could be done to make him all better, and he had to be put down. Kids are remarkably strong, miami. Yes, my kids cried up a storm, but only for a couple of days. Within a week, they were wanting to get a new kitten, not to replace the old one, but because they felt that our other two cats would be lonely. This is a very good opportunity to teach your daughter about grief and loss, and it's a good starting point. Having a pet pass away can teach that no one lives forever, and we can remember all the happy times with them and cherish those memories, even if their time on earth was a short one. When bigger losses come along later in life, such as when people they love pass on, she has at least a little groundwork laid on how to deal with grief. Link to comment
journeynow Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I agree, you should tell her. Let her talk about her memories of the puppy and of your grandmother, or draw pictures, if she wants to. There are children's books that might help. "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" and "The Fall of Freddy the Leaf" are picture books I remember from when my kids were small, and there are others. Might make it easier on you to have something like this to help with the topic. Link to comment
gsxr104 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I agree with Greedy Toad. Link to comment
Unknown1607307972 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I remember as a kid one of my cats had to be put to sleep as he was very sick. I cried a lot, and I was an especially sensitive kid, but I know that I'd be more upset to figure out later instead. Link to comment
Sunny1607307996 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Tell her the truth. She'll found out eventually anyway. Maybe you can help her make a momento to help remember the puppy by? (It's probably too late to bury it with a funeral). When our 13 year old dog got really sick, we bought a little stepping stone kit. It's the kind where you mix the cement and decorate with stones or a handprint and place in your garden. We bought it at a craft store, and put her dog tags in it and instead of a handprint we put in her pawprint. It's a great little momento of our greatly missed dog. I think that would be great for your daughter, as a way to remember and say goodbye to the puppy. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I would tell her the truth. People have to know about life and death. You can not escape death. You do not have to go into huge detail. My son was 4 when his great grandmother died. I had him visit her at the hospital. She had had a stroke and was in a coma. He gave her kisses and told her good bye. He went to her funeral which was open casket and he was not afraid. He was not scared in any way. He remembers his memories of her life, not her death. Link to comment
miami Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Seems like we have a unanimous decision here. I suppose the truth is the best way to go after all. My concocted story about how the puppy joined the doggy circus and lived happily ever after may not hold up to scrutiny- even that of a 6-year old. Thanks everyone. Link to comment
sidehop Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 That's a hard one considering she lost her grandmother but it could be taken as both good & bad in a long run. But seeing that she's six years old I don't see why it won't hurt to explain why the puppy won't be with you guys any more. Ugh I feel terrible for her but in a long run she'll understand death is part of life. Link to comment
miami Posted October 22, 2009 Author Share Posted October 22, 2009 Done! She cried for a couple of days and her voice still cracks sometimes when she mentions the dog, but I'm sure she will be fine. Thanks everyone. Link to comment
EQD Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 Done! She cried for a couple of days and her voice still cracks sometimes when she mentions the dog, but I'm sure she will be fine. Thanks everyone. she'll get over it. just dont run out and buy her another puppy Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 she'll get over it. just dont run out and buy her another puppy I was going to suggest getting her another pet, just so she doesn't feel the loss of her puppy so much. If you don't want to get another dog because of the responsibility, you can get her something that requires less care & maintenance, like a hamster, fish, turtle...something small that she can still take care of & call her "pet", but doesn't involve too much work. I got my 7 year old cousin a fish a week ago, & he's named it, & he feeds it everyday, & he even claims that he's trained him to follow his finger lol I think it's essential for a child to have some sort of pet growing up. It gives them a sense of responsibility and teaches them how to take care of something besides themselves. Link to comment
EQD Posted October 22, 2009 Share Posted October 22, 2009 yeah... but replacing the animal right away is uncalled for. there isnt much reason in it. wait until she gets used to the idea that her dog died and then later on let her choose another pet. she's only 6 anyway. Link to comment
miami Posted October 23, 2009 Author Share Posted October 23, 2009 she'll get over it. just dont run out and buy her another puppy I almost did. The real mistake I made was to buy it from a guy with no references or scruples for that matter. The pup was sick with parvo, and I spent well more than twice the cost of the purchase in vet bills before having to put it down. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 23, 2009 Share Posted October 23, 2009 Let the child grieve. People have to know how to grieve not smother feelings by getting another pet. Link to comment
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